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Faking death to improve blog visits for Brian
Posted by DaniG • 4 days ago • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: death, dying, fake death story, increasing blog visits, lying
Hey all. Brianomaracroft is struggling getting 10 million visitors a day. I told him to fake his death. If YOU had to create a story about your faked death - what kind of demise would you prefer?
User Comments
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Ill just give you the headline...
"Illegal Brothel Catches Fire"-
Yes, DB dies with a smile that even the coroner cannot remove. There ya go Brian! Probably won't get better than that!
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It can get better... depending on your definition
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How did the brothel catch fire? Oh, wait...never mind. -
D'oh, obviously his sex is on fire...
(Chlamydia) -
Delightful...
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Here's another headline:
"Keystone Skier from Kansas murdered while trying to gain access to a chastity belt on killer's daughter."
or
"Weird horned blogger dies during dehorning by blond goat keeper"-
lol. Good thing I don't ski
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So, you are going to Keystone with a fake cast? And you'll sit around the lodge and tell tall tales about how you almost hit that tree on the double black diamond? No ski? No brandy... Final offer. (DaniG clutches brandy more tightly...huffs off to find dinner.)
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I snowboard... and I havent been to Keystone before so I don't know how good the tree riding is there.
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Snowboard Schmoboard.... (DaniG ponders new headline.)
"Snowboarder sniffles when sniped by snarly snow-princess's mom."
"Snowboarder snatches snowy demise in chastity belt slaying."
(DaniG realizes she needs to stop now. Thinks nightmares involving DB and her daughter can probably be put to rest. Snowboarders are, after all, mostly harmless.) (DaniG particularly ornery tonight.) -
lol. I thought snowboarders were all punks and what not? ;p You can say what you want but Im not the one having the nightmares
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That is genius...
or for me, I could be "extreme renditioned"
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I think it would be better to fake a pregnancy. Then, your blog could read Weird Horned Male Blogger Gives Birth to Child Of Satan (or Sarah Palin).-
I would so do Sarah Palin, or am I thinking of the sarah palin of "Who's Nailin Palin"
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Maybe we should create death scenario headlines for Brian?
"The bunny fought back"-
ROFL!!!!
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I was going to go with:
"The bunny pushes back"
Somehow that sounded kinda wrong... -
Brings new meaning to the hippity-hop of the bunny...Ugh!
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is this referencing the "Sex w/ Animals" thread?
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Well Brian has a thing for rabbit penis, it is time for the bunnies to fight back!
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I don't know that it's entirely accurate to say I have a "thing" for rabbit penis...I'm just hopeful one day to be walking around with what looks like a long tail...in front.
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I think it is slightly accurate that you have a rabbit penis thing
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Well, okay, maybe just a little
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Own it, Brian. Claire's a therapist. She knows. There's a 12-step process involved. First, you have to admit you have a rabbit....
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I think it's my wife that has the rabbit. But it doesn't look like the rabbits I'm talking about.
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No wonder you need to grow a new one....
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Not new...IMPROVED!
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Y, but you could die doing Sarah Palin. She might open her mouth to kiss you and the weird little alien that looks like a tiny Ron Paul will fly out and disembowel you. -
maybe i could fake being the first person buried in a Sam's Choice casket...
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Brian is going to be overwhelmed at the possibilities...
Sam's Choice? Wow. I could never pull off a full casket-fake-funeral. I'd giggle in the middle of the ceremony. I need a good car crash, or bear attack, or chimp attack, or something.
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Someone did that a few years ago on an AOL forum in Europe. At the time Internet forums were the buzz.
His sister, Isabel, announced Secret Worker had been run over at an intersection. Everyone and their dog presentend their heartfelt condoleances, before some started doubting the story. Secrets username reappered the day of JCs resuscitation (forget what holy day that is).-
BRIAN sure could do that. it would be like that Monty Python movie...
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"Learning To Fly Without Wings"
My life was sinking fast, I looked back at all those things that I have not done. I have never been on a plane, or the top of the Empire State building. Even at the height of my wild youth, I never took to heights themselves. So, here on my last day of life, I have decided to end it with an experience I have never witnessed. I signed up for skydiving classes, and rigged my chute not to open. I will be dying while flying without wings, but will be dead as I kiss the ground. -
Relax, relax...neither me nor Miley Cyrus are dead. Hello? Hello?
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BELOVED WRITER/PENISOLOGIST FOUND DEAD BUT HAPPY IN SUBURBAN CHICAGO HOME
CHICAGO (Reuters)--Beloved writer Brian O’Mara-Croft, 42, was found dead in his suburban Chicago home this morning, with one section of his lower body trapped in what investigators have described as “alarming rigor” and with a broad smile-grimace suspended for perpetuity upon his countenance. For reasons not immediately clear, both of his hands were firmly gripping his genital region.
His wife of almost eight years, Patty, shrugged for reporters. “He died as he lived.”
O’Mara-Croft, who gained international renown for his not-so-family-friendly descriptions of rabbit penises, bat penises, monkey penises and anything that might have a penis and/or clitoris and/or vagina, appears to have suffered a violent stroke at what some would consider an inopportune moment.
Tearful, Patty added, “I was tired. He was a little drunk. This was one journey he needed to take on his own.”
O’Mara-Croft is survived by five children who, although they could not be reached for comment, have been observed smiling and cheerful in spite of the news. A friend of Brian’s third child said, “You can’t even begin to imagine the weight off of his shoulders. No son should ever open his Facebook page to a photo of his father dancing in a snowbank in a purple thong…NO son.”
The same friend, who refused to be named, added, “Based on what I saw, I can understand his obsession with penile enhancement. It looked like two raisins and a pinkie finger in a cotton coin purse.”
Funeral arrangements have yet to be disclosed. However, reporters caught up with O’Mara-Croft’s widow as she appeared to be comparison shopping coffin prices at various warehouse stores.
“I came for the pretzels,” was all she’d offer. O’Mara-Croft, it would seem, came (and went) for all of us.-
LMAO God I love your writing! -
Ha, very good
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Yes, yes. If this blog thing doesn't work out, you could do quite well writing obituary pieces that EVERYONE would read!!! LMAO!!!
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The bloggers' obits blog...kinda fun...hmmm...
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Headline!
Like a steam engine his eyes poured out smoke while he roasted in the fire....-
haha
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The death I would PREFER would be to die while having an orgasm.
The death I'll probably have....I'll poison myself to death after being diagnosed with vaginal cancer LOL-
Headline.... "Eaten alive"
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"Northeastern Ohio woman impaled on POA"
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"Woman sentenced to death after severely forking her husband"
Enough said.-
She said faking death... not next weeks headline
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My bad.
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Is this a subtle hint that we need to check out his blog?
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I think it's a less subtle hint that some people want me dead.
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No. No. Of course not. Brian loves the flat lines across his analytics chart.... Geesh! Get over there gnome! You've gone everywhere ELSE on the globe!
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@Brian: We love you, Brian. We don't want you dead. You were just whimpering a little about disappointing blog stats, and I realized that Shakespeare has seen higher ratings since he died than while he was alive. Not being able to bear the thought of living without you - I thought you could fake it. Your obit was QUITE believable, so I think you are on your way to fame and fortune!
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Whew...I had popped the cap on the sleeping pills. Thanks for the nice words, though. I am a bit of a whiner. Excuse me while I go flaggelate.
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No flagellating in front of the gnome! Bad karma if you show the gnome stuff like that!
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Oh, the gnome's seen a lot worse.
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Agit8r, cover your eyes! Brians...flagellating again!
Agit8r? Agit8r??? AAAAGGGGGIIITTTT88888RRRRR?
Don't think the damn gnome can hear me. He's probably bobbing around under water with Crpitt again. Ugh!
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HEADLINE!
Infamous found with ass blown to bits, police suspect possible "arsonist" involved.
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