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Forgiveness....Have you ever forgiven someone for a words or deeds that deeply saddened you?
Posted by lordiwanttobewhole • 1/20/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: forgiveness
I just wrote a blog entry about forgiveness and was curious if anyone had stories about forgiveness...
Have you ever forgiven someone for 'the unforgiveable' or been forgiven for 'the unforgivable'?
User Comments
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Sometimes the hardest thing to do is forgive yourself for allowing someone to wrong you.-
That's so true. -
you're perfectly right about this.
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I agree...it is harder to forgive ourselves than it is others, I believe.
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Forgiveness is an act of kindness we give ourselves.
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That's exactly what I believe too. The greatest beneficiary of forgiveness is the person who does the forgiving.
I blogged on this saying:
"Truth be told it takes just as much energy to offend as it does to choose to be offended. And I believe that the greatest beneficiary of forgiveness is the party who does the granting of forgiveness.
By choosing to forgive anyone who you chose to give the power to offend you in the first place, this removes you from the role of being a victim and releases the control and power that you gave to the offending person and situation and that manifest in your life.
Choosing forgiveness means agreeing not to yield to actions driven by bitterness. When you let go of bitterness and grudges, you no longer define your life by how you have been hurt, and you are able to find compassion and understanding for the person who you chose to allow to offend you.
I can now say that I am not choosing to be bitter and to hold a grudge. I am on the path of the peaceful warrior, who has recommitted to not giving her power away.
Come, come, whoever you are
Even though you have broken your vows a thousand times
Come, come and choose to love again."
thistimethisspace.com/2008/09/26/breaking-through/ -
You are very wise Timethief you have learned much on this journey called life!
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And ultimately, there's nobody else who can be certain to give it, at least humanly speaking.
Look at me. I transitioned from "male" to female. Many consider my having done so to be "the unpardonable sin." Many others consider my having ever been intersexed being inherently an "unpardonable sin." And these are among those who talk the most about forgiving. I am, and always have been, an abomination to much of the world, even to most among my own relatives.
People really forgive so rarely that it's a miracle when it happens at all. -
Oh, you must have endured pain because of your personal journey. I wish for you to have strength. YOU are a miracle! Be gentle to yourself, you deserve it!
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Please, Lordi, don't talk about my needing to have strength above others or presume I am not gentile to myself. This is the simple fact of my life. Like it or not, this is what people have pushed on me for many years. It has caused me to believe for a long time that forgiveness does not exist among human beings. The miracle was for me to learn the truth.
And I am convinced that religions generally do not represent forgiveness who say they do.
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I choose to be better not bitter. I want to pain to propel me to a peaceful place. By not forgiving you stay in the pain and are unable to move to the future to a place of hope.
I can feel more empathy and compassion towards others by learning to forgive. I realize we are all just human and act based on being hurt and scared.
I can't ask others to forgive me unless I can forgive others.-
I agree wholeheartedly.
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In my opinion, these are some of the greatest remarks on forgiveness ever recorded. You don't have to be a Mormon to appreciate this. Check it out:
www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,49-1-559-26,00.html
This was given by one of the former presidents.-
@financialnut
I'm sorry but I chose not to read it. FWIW I escaped the shackles of fear based and guilt driven Christianity years ago. I skimmed it and immediately noticed the bulk of it was based on scripture and seemed to be aimed lecturing, so I chose not to read it. However, I hasten to add that I believe many others will feel quite differently about it. -
@timetheif: Yeah- there is a lot of religious quotation. It's the story told at the end that is really rather touching.
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Here it is:
A time back, I clipped a column from the Deseret Morning News, written by Jay Evensen. With his permission, I quote from a part of it. Wrote he:
"How would you feel toward a teenager who decided to toss a 20-pound frozen turkey from a speeding car headlong into the windshield of the car you were driving? How would you feel after enduring six hours of surgery using metal plates and other hardware to piece your face together, and after learning you still face years of therapy before returning to normal—and that you ought to feel lucky you didn't die or suffer permanent brain damage?
"And how would you feel after learning that your assailant and his buddies had the turkey in the first place because they had stolen a credit card and gone on a senseless shopping spree, just for kicks? . . .
"This is the kind of hideous crime that propels politicians to office on promises of getting tough on crime. It's the kind of thing that prompts legislators to climb all over each other in a struggle to be the first to introduce a bill that would add enhanced penalties for the use of frozen fowl in the commission of a crime.
"The New York Times quoted the district attorney as saying this is the sort of crime for which victims feel no punishment is harsh enough. 'Death doesn't even satisfy them,' he said.
"Which is what makes what really happened so unusual. The victim, Victoria Ruvolo, a 44-year-old former manager of a collections agency, was more interested in salvaging the life of her 19-year-old assailant, Ryan Cushing, than in exacting any sort of revenge. She pestered prosecutors for information about him, his life, how he was raised, etc. Then she insisted on offering him a plea deal. Cushing could serve six months in the county jail and be on probation for 5 years if he pleaded guilty to second-degree assault.
"Had he been convicted of first-degree assault—the charge most fitting for the crime—he could have served 25 years in prison, finally thrown back into society as a middle-aged man with no skills or prospects.
"But this is only half the story. The rest of it, what happened the day this all played out in court, is the truly remarkable part.
"According to an account in the New York Post, Cushing carefully and tentatively made his way to where Ruvolo sat in the courtroom and tearfully whispered an apology. 'I'm so sorry for what I did to you.'
"Ruvolo then stood, and the victim and her assailant embraced, weeping. She stroked his head and patted his back as he sobbed, and witnesses, including a Times reporter, heard her say, 'It's OK. I just want you to make your life the best it can be.' According to accounts, hardened prosecutors, and even reporters, were choking back tears" ("Forgiveness Has Power to Change Future," Deseret Morning News, Aug. 21, 2005, p. AA3).
What a great story that is, greater because it actually happened, and that it happened in tough old New York. Who can feel anything but admiration for this woman who forgave the young man who might have taken her life?
I know this is a delicate and sensitive thing of which I am speaking. There are hardened criminals who may have to be locked up. There are unspeakable crimes, such as deliberate murder and rape, that justify harsh penalties. But there are some who could be saved from long, stultifying years in prison because of an unthoughtful, foolish act. Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way. -
Yup. Last month I even had a ceremony for the sacrifice of Mnizourin. In it I came face to face with the daemons connected with the issues of forgiving. I had some biggies too.
Mnizourin is a stone, a bulla of clay that may be sacrificed in a very cathartic rite. Whether one finds the others ready to reconcile or not, one has made one's own resolution. And the quietness that follows is such a hush, one feels entirely rung out for a long while, finding it hard to remember what had begun the whole issue to begin with.
Because the stone is actually representative of the stone in the heart that blocks the flow of tears. Lordi is right. It's an act of kindness we give to ourselves. It has to be approached that way because we will never know all the dastardly things that others will accuse us of having committed.
And there are enough who simply do not forgive and never will.-
That must have been a very healing experience
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The catharsis is unbelievable because we are talking about those things that are dearest to the Ego. And when those monsters approach, one must say, "Is THIS what you want? Is THIS what you want?"
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Its about choice....I strongly believe that. We choose our feelings and attitude in life.
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Indeed. We also know how much our minds are jaded that we don't see the threat of the stone in the heart as being a serious thing...or even recognize its existence.
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The ego is similar to a toddler who is stomping its feet and howling in protest!
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I'm working on forgiving someone for the unforgivable but until then it makes for excellent song writing, a place to reach for emotion during a role and a few other things -
I agree with this "the party who does the granting of forgiveness" spoke by timethief - it takes great strength to forgive - forgetting is another thing though!-
It does take great strength doesn't it? When we forgive we break free from the chains of pain that bind us to the person. I want to be bound by love, compassion and empathy.
We can't control everything in our lives....some things are out of our control but we have control of our attitude. I choose an attitude of forgiveness -
By "forgetting" it doesn't mean one should be a fool. Some will be determined to harm you. Releasing doesn't mean one should necessarily be connected with that party again.
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No, we should not allow others to continue to hurt us or allow ourselves to be a doormat. We should become wiser by life's experiences and learn from the past
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I have been forgiven also for hurting someone else and it is such a feeling of gratitude and relief........It feels wonderful to be forgiven.
I find it a real struggle to forgive myself
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One day, Lordi, you will.
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Years ago I read a book called The Life and Teachings of The Masters of the Far East - Baird T Spalding, it had a wonderful section on forgiveness. -
Yes...and was surprised at how good it felt.
“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies" ~ Nelson Mandela-
I love that quote! I used that when I wrote my blog entry about Forgiveness
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@drjay
Great quote. Thanks for posting it. -
Very smart quote.
Forgiveness frees you from the pain that others have inflicted as well as the power they have over you.
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Yes Rich and you are bound to that person by pain. Releasing from the ties of anger and pain allow you to move forward in life. Its very freeing to forgive.
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I often find that my ego gets in the way of forgiving others. Putting my need for restitution aside is a wrench, but ultimately worth it. It's like placing the hurt somewhere else away from me and saying, "Well, that's that then." It's a crazy and beautiful thing. -
Now where the hell do you start on that one?
Look through history - see where forgiveness begins and where it can end. Look inside yourself and with that you can forgive if it is inside you - if not, don't even try.
Empty forgiveness is worse than not forgiving at all. -
Wonderful thread on such an important subject!
Choosing forgiveness is one of the most empowering things we can do. There is never satisfaction in revenge. Learning to forgive does not mean accepting offensive or destructive behavior. We must acknowledge the suffering that comes from ill deeds perpetrated by both by ourselves and others before we can truly move on.
"Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past". -Jack Kornfield-
theconservativebuddhist.blogspot.com/-
Forgiveness is empowering....isn't it! Suffering is part of life and unavoidable. It is our choice how we are effected by the suffering. Nice observations buddhistconservat! You have a wonderful blog by the way!
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When I am ready to forgive, it comes easy and not as a burden.
My moods can change over night and I can forgive 1st thing in the morning,
it can happen instantly and spontaneously for me and it does many times.-
aww...sounds like a healthy outlook
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impressive!
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Bled my heart at first. Flaming anger to the second. Years passed, everything has been forgotten and forgiven. But I don't have any feeling for that one particular person anymore. It's all sour. -
it's hard to forgive someone but we have to do for the sake of all.. -
I have learned to forgive after reading many philosophical books. You may find this interesting:
vijayanths.blogspot.com/2009/01/forgiving-is-best-giving.html-
I'll check that out, thanks
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I don't offend or hurt easily, so I seldom am put in a position to forgive.
When I am, I usually don't agonize over it, since in most cases, I have had a part in the transgression...sometimes actively, sometimes passively.
But I never, EVER forget. -
Forgiveness doesn't mean you condone the behavior of the offender. The transformation and healing from forgiveness is all about your heart. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself to break from from the chains of anger and hurt.
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I agree with satijournal and timethief
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"Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past". -Jack Kornfield-
One of my favorite sayings. I'm not sure Jack Kornfield originated it, though. -
Forgiveness is very important to me. It is a gift to myself.
Some things take me a little more time for me to forgive than others. I have to go through all of my emotions about it first to be able to truly release it in a way that lets me permanently heal from it.
First comes pain or hurt...sometimes denial. Then anger sets in for a period. After that, a period of almost numbness. After that...acceptance...acceptance of what has happened....and acceptance is not the same as condonation. Once I've experienced my own personal set of emotions, I can then reflect and step outside of the box. I can then forgive myself and all involved for being in the situation.
As a child of sexual and violent abuse, I have truly found strength in forgiveness.-
ToniTMTaylor
I'm sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered as a child. No child should have to experience what you did. When you chose to forgive you chose to set yourself free from the demand of your ego that you have been wronged, and that you need to be seen by others as being a victim forevermore. Above all, I salute your choice to reclaim your personal power through forgiveness. Thank you for sharing your courageous process with us and bless you.
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Yeah I'm glad I can forgive & forget easily.
Now it depends on them.. It is how they perceive it.
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