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Friends With Benefits – Is It Worth It?
Posted by DatingAdviceCafe • 4/30/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: Dating, relationships
Hey folks, I was looking to get some insight as to what you think about "friends with benefits".
What's your opinion?
Andre
User Comments
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When I was young and wild (now I'm old and married
) I used to do the friends with benefit thing. My philosophy was -- if you can't screw your friends, who can you screw?
It can work but only for people who aren't in love with each other. If one of the two parties is in love, then it can lead to bad feelings. But if it is done as a joyous event, with two people who care about each other but who are not in love--it can work out great. At least it did for me but then I think I am an unusual woman in many ways.-
"if you can't screw your friends, who can you screw?"
thank you for making me laugh out loud
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This has been so done
www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/friends-with-benefits -
Sex without an emotional connection reduces man and women using each other as masturbatory props.
Nein, danke.-
Agreed
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I actually don't agree with that. I have had several friends who I enjoyed sex with--and it was not emotionless (which I should have qualified above). It was great sex with people that I loved very much.
When I stated above--I meant that in order for friends with benefits to work--neither party should be 'in love' with the other. Because then it can lead to bad feelings. -
@mtyler
I'm trying to put this in such a way that it'll pass a PG-13 rating - but I think I can get away with this: purely on a pragmatic level, if the act doesn't contain the supreme amount of passion, a willingness, a tenderness to go the extra mile...it's likely to be rubbish.
But that's my opinion...your mileage may vary. -
I would have to agree I think it's a waste of time for one reason:
Sooner or later someone will want more than just a booty call. At that point it will get complicated and wierd. -
Well, I guess my perspective is somewhat different. I used to be a call girl so I was able to have sex with people and enjoy it--yet not become emotionally attached to them. Sex is a lot of fun and I don't see that you need to be 'in love' with someone to enjoy it--which is where friends with benefits come in.
I had one particularly good friend who actually was my boyfriend when I was about 18 years old. We broke up but remained really good friends and we had amazing sex together--yet, neither of us expected anything more. We continued until he met his (now) wife (who became a really good friend of mine also). -
@mtyler
I think my idealism is showing, perhaps. However, pardon the pun, "different strokes for different folks". -
@greencurmudgeon. Nothing wrong with idealism--I am quite idealistic myself.
Although I admit to being somewhat jaded by love and sex. Can't help it! -
@mtyler
I think that there is plenty of reason to become jaded - the world provides so much justification for it. But, does that mean that we should accept the world for what it is and allow ourselves to become cynical, or should we stand up for ideals and say it is the world that has to change? -
Oh, I definitely agree with you! In fact, I am trying to change the world and have a tough fight ahead of me.
I am a little jaded when it comes to sex because I have worked in the sex industry and understand sex in a way that most people don't.
Although I will say that today, I am a huge romantic and am madly in love with my husband. With all I have talked about as far as friends with benefits go--I would never do that today. Because I don't believe in cheating and because there's no one I would rather make love to than my own husband.
But I do think that friends with benefits CAN work if two people are good friends, are completely honest with each other, and have no expectations that it will develop into anything more. If I were single, I would rather have friends with benefits than be in a bad relationship with some jerk!
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I'm kind of with mtyler77 when says the *only* way this will work is if both parties don't love one another.
However human emotion is pretty predictable - either the man or women will feel left out wanting more.-
Well, you can do it--but it takes two people who are completely honest about what the relationship is and what it is not. Often, people are not honest when it comes to love. For example, a woman might SAY she is okay with being friends with benefits but secretly want a relationship with the person. If that's the case, then it cannot work--but it did work for me. Quite well too!
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There is an old saying, never shit where you sleep
So make sure you don’t work or live close to your friends with benefits.
Or better yet, skip the friend’s part and go directly to benefits LOL -
I lived through the 60s and everybody did everything with everybody. It's all experience. You find out what you like and don't like and then chart your own course. -
"Or better yet, skip the friend’s part and go directly to benefits LOL"
true, true. only though if both parties mutually agree and have no reservations about it. -
Friends with benefits is not for everyone. You have to be in a place where you are comfortable being single, and comfortable with your sexuality. If those two aspects are in play and the two people are VERY safe and careful...then it usually works out pretty damn well. -
No. The benefits do not outweigh the drama (and after a while, there will be drama).
And I agree with everything greencurmudgeon has said above.
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