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F$ck F%ck Fu@k....

Posted by Shuttercraft • 10/20/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
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Most say good photographer has the ability to capture the emotions held within the deepest part a subject. Something happened today, the subject has captured the photographer. Her mystery took hold of me and I feel as if I will never break loose...

The 68 minuets and 23 seconds spent with her on location will stick with me like the funk on the bottom of your shoes that you can't seem to lose.

I thought I knew what love was from the relationship that I have committed my self to for the last 4 years.

I was wrong...

I now know the feeling I feel for Jessica are feelings of attachment, friendship, and lust.

I now know what it is like to love someone.

During the shoot no more then 10 words where spoken, she felt it. She knew how I felt the second she saw the fear in my eyes.

I was trying as hard as I could to keep it together and I was doing good. There are rules and I was not about to break them.

-And then out of the blue she kissed me-

We sat silent for a wile then finished the shoot. I swear not one word was spoken between us on the ride dropping her off except "I am sorry" from her.

She is 4 1/2 years older then me.

And now there are complications....

Not only was this Unprofessional but this will also hurt Jessica.

I care about Jessica so much!

What now?

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..
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User Comments

10/20/09

dbowles1017

Stick it in

[reply]
1. 10/20/09
  
  Shuttercraft
  
  I guess I just needed somewhere to say this. All my friends will just say "you monster, what about Jessica"...
  
  Online I get "Stick it in"...
  
  Thank you for your wonderful wisdom db!
2. 10/20/09
  
  dbowles1017
  
  your young dude. go out and f**k when/what you can.
3. 10/20/09
  
  LolitaV
  
  I agree, like the grandpa in Little Miss Sunshine said "You are what? 17? Don't make the same mistake I did F*ck a lot a girls."
10/20/09

MissSuzie

"I now know the feeling I feel for Jessica are feelings of attachment, friendship, and lust."

I suggest you tell her you feel that way and see what she does.

[reply]
1. 10/20/09
  
  Friday13
  
  And make sure to keep a safe distance, just in case.
10/20/09

environmentalbooty

Chillax and just be honest with yourself and everyone else...best way to go!

[reply]
10/20/09

LolitaV

Seriously though I know exactly how you feel. Maybe you are convincing yourself you didn't love Jessica. Give it a few days and see if it wasn't ear talking. If you really want this girl, break up with Jess and pursue this. But don't commit, you are too young.

[reply]
10/20/09

crpitt

What now:

A: Ignore it happened
B: Confess all and tell Jess you don't actually love her, you love some woman you have known for ten seconds.
C: Have an affair
D: Cry
E: None of the above

[reply]
1. 10/20/09
  
  Shuttercraft
  
  I lived on my own with Jessica since the age of 14...
  
  My mom is bipolar and my dad is dead, I did it because I could not live with my mother.
  
  I hooked up with a photographer in Seattle and ever since then I have done photography.
  
  I have lived with her wile she was in school taking care of her working hard.
  
  I got my GED and started teaching photography workshops at Rouge Community Collage (www.mwworkshops.com)
  
  She has depended on me for some time and still does. I do not want to hurt her, but I will tell her what happened and try to work it out with her.
2. 10/20/09
  
  crpitt
  
  It is not for me to tell you what to do, but sometimes people do stupid things to change something else in their life.
10/20/09

trailofpen

Hmmm... most people will say that love after 60 minutes is actually lust. I don't know, is it worth it to throw it all away? But then again you are young. Perhaps you should experience other things before you commit to one.

I say, if this is the way you feel, then pursue it for whatever life lessons it will bring you. Life's a buffet, you have to eat before you know what you like.

[reply]
10/20/09

LolitaV

how old was jess when you moved in with her? i in your heart you don't love her, leave her. make yourself happy!!!

[reply]
1. 10/20/09
  
  Shuttercraft
  
  she was a year older them me. And she moved in with me.
10/20/09

legbamel

I'd suggest you slow down and take a few days to think about this. Running home to let Jess down easy after one meeting with someone, regardless of how strong your emotions, it a complete overreaction. Take your time. If there's really something with this new woman, then it'll keep. If there isn't and you and Jess have built a good relationship then you've thrown it away for nothing.

I completely agree that you can't plan the rest of your life, just yet. But you also should resist the urge to go off half-cocked because you've found some new emotion. That's why you have a brain - to help those other organs figure out what's going on around you. Give it some time to process.

[reply]
1. 10/20/09
  
  MadameX
  
  Yeah, that.
2. 10/21/09
  
  Theresa111
  
  Triple Ditto that!
10/20/09

nothingprofound

If you don't really love Jessica or want to live with her, she ought to know. But it's something you need to sit down and really think about. Maybe you do need to be free at this point in your life, to explore other possibilities.

[reply]
10/20/09

cooper

Honestly good photography is not that at all good photography is merely lighting, planning and sometime chance.

It's pheromones get a grip....

[reply]
1. 10/20/09
  
  Shuttercraft
  
  "It's pheromones get a grip...."
  
  I have done Nude shoots with absolutely beautiful women, I have always kept it professional and I have never felt this way about any of them! I would never want to hurt Jessica, There is something more going on here.
  
  Another big problem is I am not 18 until NOV 21, this could get her in trouble. (Her being 22).
  
  Even if she is the one who kissed me I feel like it was my fault, and Jessica needs to know what happened. I want to keep no secrets between us!
  I will just give things time and see how it go's.
10/20/09

melindaville

Be honest with everyone.

None of us can tell you what you should do because none of us know all the people involved. YOU know yourself, Jessica--and to some extent, this other person.

One thing I do recommend is that you really look at the relationships that are involved here. I often actually write things down--I make lists, regarding the 'pros' and 'cons' of each decision. Seeing it all in black and white often helps clarify the things that are most important.

Don't make any quick decisions--and make sure that any decisions you make are made with your heart and mind and not with your cock (sorry for the vulgarity--but it's the truth).

[reply]
10/20/09

kdawg68

Dude - you aren't married with kids (at least as far as I can tell from your story). Relax - you've got zero problems and all parties involved will be fine if there's a breakup. Just go with whatever makes you happy and (trust me on this) skip any unnecessary drama (unless you have a flair for the dramatic), as there will be plenty of drama filled moments down the road. Hope that helps.

[reply]
1. 10/21/09
  
  Theresa111
  
  Yo, Kdawg. Good sound advice.
10/20/09

FredSr2009

Wise men flee from temptation; we all are human with animal instincts.

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10/20/09

Agit8r

go for it. then when it blows up in your face, blame it on sleeping medication.

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10/20/09

PetLvr

"4-1/2 years older than me.."

she's 26.47% older than you.

[reply]
1. 10/21/09
  
  Theresa111
  
  Actually, it is "older than I."
10/20/09

cookingasshole

you should totally hit that!

[reply]
10/21/09

crazyTsu

Use your right hand, take a few days break!

[reply]
10/21/09

singaporecaddy

There's a movie called CLOSER with Jude Law, Natalie Portman and Julia Roberts.

Julia Roberts is the photographer
Jude Law is the subject
Natalie Portman is the girlfriend of Jude Law

Julia and Jude- exactly as in your scenario, fall in love within the hour they are having the photoshoot and they kiss just as Natalie is about to come and pick up Jude.

Go watch the movie- IF you're old enough, not sure if you are ...

[reply]
10/21/09

wagerwitch

Hey - I'm just poking my nose in during the ride - we're in Washington.

Mike - I can tell you already that when you CHOSE to take that long walk - and were willing to walk away from Jessica that you were needing to get away from her. Otherwise you would have waited until she could have gone with you.

Personally - I'll bet you ten to one - that you feel like Jessica is almost family - and you're tired of being her father type figure - and while it's nice and all - you're ready to move on - and you're tired of being the responsible one.

NOW - love isn't that drop down butterfly feelings you get when you first meet someone.

It is something way deeper than that.

Those incredible emotions and butterfly feelings you get when you first meet someone that you are physically and sexually AND CHEMICALLY attracted to... well - those are only neurons firing off... Chemicals in your body.

It's called attraction... And it was put in to place to bring creatures together - to keep them interested long enough so they could procreate - and create children to populate the land or further the species.

Anyhow that chemical and physical attraction - those neurons firing in your body that make you feel like you've met your magnetic true love in the first 3 months... Well... Those fade a LOT after time - WITH ANYONE and EVERYONE.

What you have left over..

Those feelings of trust, comfort - ability to share - ability to communicate - ability to enjoy --- those things are "love".

What you are doing or feeling with this model - well - let's just say - it's the initial stages of attraction and is purely chemical.

I would suggest strongly that you sit down and think about if you can see yourself with Jessica far far in the future - someone you wake up to --- someone you think you can be with... for many many years in the future... If you think you would miss her and you would totally not enjoy life without her --- then that my dear, might be love.

You really have to just sit down and analyze it all.

Personally - if you continued the shoot - AFTER --- the model --- kissed you. And you maintained a professional demeanor - then you did NOTHING wrong.

However - if you really want to try dating this other girl - and you think there might be some sparks between you... You need to tell Jessica - and probably have Jessica move out.

My suggestion is to make sure she can go someplace else. Because if she has been totally dependent upon you - then she will need to manage to have a place to live - and you are responsible for making sure she is comfortable - since you have been taking care of her - and just out of the blue you are changing her world.

This means - (A) you will need to give her time to adjust to the idea.... (B) you may need to help her find a job/apartment/move/get to a friend's/family member's residence/etc.

You are in a situation that is NOT unique.

HOW YOU handle it - will make up a LARGE percentage of WHO --- YOU --- really are.

Don't feel bad tho... within a couple of weeks - if you let them - those feelings about another person DO pass...

If you don't act on them...

If you really thought you were in love with Jessica - before this extreme feeling came over you - then you MIGHT just be in love with Jessica.

And hey - don't ride yourself too hard.

Almost EVERY human being has been put in this situation before. TRUST ME.

How you respond to it - may change many people's lives - and that's something you will have to live with.

I wish you the BEST of the BEST Kiddo.

Hugs!

Now - back out on the road.

Stay out of trouble!

[reply]
10/21/09

chrissymarie321

Let me get this, you fell in love after 68 and a half minutes?

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