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Got some funny stories, humor and jokes?
Posted by 4Freedoms • 3/11/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: comedy, fun, funny, humor, jokes, stories
If you have some funny stories, humor and jokes to share..well post it here.. Here' mine
No thanks
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out our air hole at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon, however, the whales realized the sailors were swimming to the safety of the shore. The male whale became enraged that they were going to getaway and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
"Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
More on our blog..www(.)askaboutloveandsex(.)com
User Comments
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LOL -
I'm not touching that with a 10-foot harpoon! -
Not touching that I think you'll like this mythoughtsalways.blogspot.com/2008/11/my-thoughts-always-last-hair-standing...
Click on the pic to view it. -
Mwahahahaha! -
Stepping on ducks
Three guys, Mark, Pete, and Steve died and found themselves at the gates of paradise. The angel said, "I'll let you three inside, but on one condition. You must never step on a duck."
The three guys accepted this strange condition and went on in.
While walking on a grassy field, mark took time to look at the blue cloudless sky. Suddenly, "Quack!"
The angel appeared beside him. "You have stepped on a duck. You are liable for exile, but if you still desire to remain, you will have to marry the ugliest woman alive."
Mark had no choice but to agree.
Pete was walking in the middle of paradise. While he stopped to smell the flowers, "Quack Quack!"
The angel promptly appeared and said the same thing, and soon Mark and Pete were talking to each other about how unfortunate they were to have married the two ugliest women alive.
One day the two downcast friends met Steve, who was obviously very happy and had no idea what had happened to the other two. Mark and Pete were so surprised when they saw who Steve was with, a gorgeous supermodel. He introduced her as his wife. They asked him how he came to be so lucky. To which Steve replied: "Well, she wouldn't tell me anything. She just said that she stepped on a duck." -
I used to take my grandfather out for haircuts. One day his barber shop was closed so I took him to a hairstylist. After he had cut his hair, the stylist asked gramps if he would like his hair dried with a blow-dryer. My grandfather had never had his hair blow-dried before. I gather he was pleased because when I returned to the hair salon, there was this 90 year old man standing outside and happily yelling for all to hear, "Look! He gave me a blow job! He gave me a blow job!"-
LOL.. Good One!
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Cheers. A true story.
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I was telling my blonde foreign girlfriend when I was younger we used to have big snowball fights. There were 20 of my cousins, (breeding crazy back then) 10 a side it was, but the younger ones used to pre-make the snowballs and put them into a sledge for the elders to throw at each.
My blonde g-f said "That's advanced and forward thinking".
"That's how we won the war" I replyed.
"What by throwing snowballs" she said quizzically.
"No, you silly sally, Forward thinking". -
More More more...
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blah blah blah hahahh anyways im here at work and i want to go home but i have 30 more minutes i swear... time is just standing still.. and i want to go home but i have to wait.. agghhh mann haha butyeah i wantt o go home and take a shower.. even tho i took one this morning i weant to take another shower.. -
One day the little boy walked up to the little girl and said
We just got a new TV
The little girl replied we have 3 new TVs
The little boy said well we have a new car
The little girl said we have 2 new cars
Now the little boy is getting upset trying to out do the little girl
So he drops his pants and says I have one of these
The little girl laughs at him and lifts her skirt and says
I have one of these and I can get as many of those as I want-
Ahaha..not bad..
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This is an oldie, but a goodie....enjoy!
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually, she slept through the class. One day the nun called on her while she was sleeping, "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?" When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.
The nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching the class. A little later the nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and savior?" But she didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, little Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary Margaret and the teacher once again said "very good and Mary Margaret fell back to sleep.
The nun asked her a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her tenth child?" Again, Johnny to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "if you stick me with that damn thing one more time - I'll break it in half!" The nun fainted.-
Hah! New to me!
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LOL.. I love to read more funny stories.. Keep it coming..
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Hey all ,
If you want to enjoy some funny marathi jokes and messages , you can visit some of posts on my blog.
jokes-adda.blogspot.com/2009/03/marathi-jokes-in-english-wording-very.html
English jokes
jokes-adda.blogspot.com/2009/03/wanna-borrow-dog-join-queue-very-funny.html
have fun...... -
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Please Post the joke please. Not All the jokes URL in your blog. Thanks
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Tickling Indifference
Even though he couldn’t see well, he didn’t care about blind subjects in a recent Portugal study which seemed to experience as much visual stimulation as sighted subjects.
It never occurred to him also, the stage which says when two loves come together; their brains begin to “fall in love.”
That before November 2004, many people outside the US were prepared to accept film-maker Michael Moore’s view of the Bush presidency: that the White House had temporarily been stolen by a Texan numb skull, he couldn’t say anything.
What he cared about was his mother to breastfeed him!
More about tickling writings join me here
man2tickle.blogspot.com/2009/05/tickling-indifference.html -
The Replacement
A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him, "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They'll go to heaven and you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."
The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman.
"I choose this room!" the man says.
"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.
"You can go now. I've found you're replacement."
www.askaboutloveandsex.com/156-the-replacement/ -
what tiny thing is green and blue?
... a pea wearing jeans! -
Blonde who married a Catholic
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent."
In tears, she sobbed, "well that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it and for how long? -
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes Sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No Sir, I didn't, but my wife did." -
How the Fight Started
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
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My wife walked into the den and asked, "What's on the TV?"
I replied, "Dust".
And that's how the fight started.....
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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ''I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.''
The husband replies, ''Your eyesight's damn near perfect.''
And that's how the fight started.....
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ''I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.''
I bought her a scale.
And that's how the fight started.....
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I asked my wife, ''Where do you want to go for our anniversary?''
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
''Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!'' she said.
So I suggested, ''How about the kitchen?''
And that's how the fight started....
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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while in bed.
I turned to her and said, ''Do you want to have sex?''
''No,'' she answered.
I then said, ''Is that your final answer?''
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, ''Yes.''
So I said, ''Then I'd like to phone a friend.''
And that's how the fight started....
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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's how the fight started.....
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.''
He said, ''Aren't you worried about the mad cow?''
''Nah, she can order for herself.''
And that's how the fight started... -
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thanks
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