Discussions
Have You Ever Lost A Child?
Posted by Offbeatnews • 4/03/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: death of a child, grief, grieving, loss of a child
I lost my son 4 years ago to Juvenile Diabetes. Some told me it would get easier as time goes by...it doesn't.
Do you know someone who has lost a child, and if so, how has it affected you, if at all...
User Comments
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I have lost many people in my life--including a husband--but I never lost a child and can't imagine how painful it would be.
I wish you peace and healing. -
Thank u mtyler77
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I lost my child to religion and hostile relatives.
That's the kind of loss that leaves you altogether vilified. You not only lose the child. You lose your self respect. -
Religion and hostile relatives? Explain please, if you can...
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Offbeat - I am so sorry for your loss. I can feel the pain it must have caused you.
I understand completely what Lynne is trying to say.
Sometimes, when your family is divorcing or you have differing views in life than the mass grouping of your family or ex-family, they can come between you and your child.
When you are divorcing - everything can be used against you to make your child hate you - or to legally take them away from you.
Currently my daughter is VERY angry at me for divorcing her father last year - even though she does not understand why and she is refusing to come to my house during my visitation times. And he is allowing her to make those choices (he is making her co-dependent and is allowing her to manipulate the situation.) She is also angry at my choice for my current significant.
I am holding my breath for her to grow up - but until she does, until she is capable of understanding why I made the choices I did - because I refuse to villify her father to her --- then I know until she is able to understand, I will have lost my daughter.
And that is very painful to me.
But - I do not wish to unqualify your loss. Your loss is so strong and so awful that I can imagine it, actually feeling momentarily the loss inside my own heart and soul.
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@wagerwitch: my heart goes out to you in your struggle. As mothers we protect our young, fight for them, and sometimes fight with them. Do not let the pettiness of your in-laws destroy the bond you have with your daughter. Your daughter is angry at you because she lives with you; if she lived with her father, she would be angry with him. She's just being a typical child caught in the middle. Somehow, you must help her understand the pain she feels for the loss of a family style unit would be greater if you and her father remained together in a marriage that did not continue to grow in love. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Take care,
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So sorry for your loss. How old was he? What was he like? What do you do to keep him alive in your heart?
I lost a niece in a car accident and we had to go on for her children. I lost a cousin when he was 5 and I was 16. The day before he was hit by a car he'd hugged me and told me that when he grew up he was going to marry me. I lost a child in pregnancy but never got to even learn the sex of the baby. Peace I have in knowing that I'll be with them again and then for all of eternity in heaven. -
@pinkmimosa: Thank you for your sympathies...Jr. was 23yrs old, full of life, a practical joker, and he thought he was the sexiest man alive! He was a lot of fun, stingy, a little selfish, but full of love. He cared as much for others as he did himself.
I keep him alive by always speaking about him, sharing stories with others who knew him, as well as those who did not. He is and will always be in my heart.
I am so so sorry for your losses. I am not sure I would still be of a sane mind had I lived through what you have already. God must certainly be holding your hand.
I learned when I lost my son, that I had no courage, no strength, nothing in me that could defeat death. It was then I surrendered to a higher power, to God for the rest of my days.
Thank you for commenting pinkmimosa, I will make sure I pray for your continued strength in your journey through life.
Stay strong, -
Hi,
I am so sorry. Who ever said "time heals all wounds" never lost a child. Time doesn't heal, it just passes.
I'm wondering if you would stop by www.lgpof.org.
There you will see our desperate struggle with hope and despair about our little angel.
Thank you in advance.-
I need to say this and I'm not trying to be uncaring or insensitive. I have kids of my own and I understand the pain you must feel. What you are doing by bringing up all the old posts and putting your link is called spam. There are better ways to promote your blog. Eventually people won't even click on your link because they know what to expect.
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I am so sorry. I can't imagine how I would cope - if at all - if anything happened to either of my boys. I had a miscarriage in between both my sons, and I have not really ever come to terms with even that.
Time doesn't heal everything. You should be proud of yourself for still getting up out of bed and facing the world every day. My hat is off to you xox
Re the spam comment - it seems a bit harsh given the subject-matter. There is only 1 link in the whole thread, and it is related to the OP and is from a member who has only just joined (did you look at their profile before you posted telling them off?). A private message to them asking them to encourage people to click on their blog via their profile page or clicking the report button might have been more appropriate. Not everybody knows all the rules or memorises them before getting into posting. And not every link is spam. I remember not long ago when I joined, I found it very off putting the amount of members who were so quick to jump on me for doing something "wrong" while saying very little else about my posts, but there were others - to whom I am grateful - who were able to point out the rules in a matter-of-fact way which was much more appreciated and effective. And, as I said, it just seems a bit insensitive given the very delicate subject-matter of this one.-
Thank you.
I can't tell you how many times people said to me, "I don't mean to be insensitive but..." even at my dying girls bedside!
Humans capacity for insensitivity never ceases to amaze me. Meanwhile, as a nurse, it's my experience that these are the very people who are screaming for mercy when they get sick. -
If you look at the other threads and there are others that have been missing forever all with the same thing a link drop. What I did was I intercepted someone who is harsh. I did this on purpose. I first looked at the blog to see what was up. I understand the cause I have kids of my own. How could I not understand? If this continued constantly the blog could loose respect from others in this community.
I don't want that to happen. As I said I'm all about causes. If this blog looses credibility then traffic would be lost. I want to bring this blog traffic and what was going on would have harmed it.
I have every intention of using all of my social networking skills to do that for this blog.
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Thanks for the compassion. The title of this discussion is Have you ever lost a child? I have. You clearly haven't. You think I'm here to promote my blog or find connections with others who had their heart ripped out of their chest and left alive with a huge hole where hope used to live. I am trying to do everything in my power to die worthy of going to heaven to be reunited with my little girl, so therefore I wish you nor your still healthy so far children no ill will.
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No I haven't although I felt the fear of it when the war started and I though my son would be sent to Iraq.
I am so sorry you lost your beautiful child. May your heart be soothed/comforted by all the special memories. -
The fact remains of the true topic, "Have you ever lost a child." It doesnt bother me that a person posts a link, you really have no control over that. I just asked the question because some days are better than others for me. And because I'm online so much, its just nice to be able to engage in conversation about my loss, it really helps with the coping aspect of it.
Everytime I read about a parent who has lost a child, it pierces my heart. Its like we belong to this special club that no one willingly becomes a member of... -
I know how it feels due to the death of my brother many years ago. I helped my mother to recover from the loss and keep building happy life anyways. We live to be happy. As well, I am sure my brother would not want my mom to suffer after his leaving.
I wish you to let the suffering go from your heart.-
@GenuineWoman: I have my good days and I have my bad days. Mainly good though, thank God. But in the beginning, I tried to drink myself to death. I also smoked so much weed that it wasn't funny. I was trying to medicate myself so that I could just exist. I didn't want to feel the pain of my loss. I'm sharing my story with the hope that it helps someone else.
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we lost our son a little over a year ago. He was 6 days away from his second birthday.. I am not going to get into the specifics other than to tell you he had a terminal condition .. but we were blessed for every minute of every day that he was in our lives ..
Also, this may sound like I am uncaring, I don't want it to come out that way at all .. but there is no loss of life that can be compared to loosing a child. There just isn't .. Now, that is not to say that loses of other loved ones are not important, they most certainly are .. But you cannot compare the two.
There is something different about losing someone that grew inside you, the kicks you felt, the birth of that child and the bond created by these events...
My sympathies to the parents here that are on this difficult journey .. it is not an easy road to travel. Just never forget and they will always be there, watching over you.
xoxoxo
Bettie-
@Bettie: yes the pain from a loss of a child seems to be greater than any other loss. I've lost a brother, my father, and other relatives, but nothing has been like this pain. Thank you for sharing.
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My heart really goes out to you all xox
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your welcome OffBeat
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sorry - duplication
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I am truly sorry to hear about your loss. I had a miscarriage , I was 4 months pregnant. It was a great loss.-
I had one at 5 months and I agree with you.
But there is something about making loss into a competition that offends my sensibilities.
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My first born son died just after a day he was born. It was terrible my wife and I cried silently because at that time we were employed in the Middle East.
Sometimes my wife and I talk and wonder if our child had survived he would probably be as handsome as his brothers.-
You know, my son was a tekkie, he loved and owned all the latest gadgets, he's been dead for 4 years now, but I often wonder which gadget he would have...probably all of them! Thank you for sharing.
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Yes, ten years ago, but I never see him as lost.
What was important for me was to recognise that not every being needs to live the same amount of time. We are just visitors here and when it was time to let my son go I just had to allow him to move on, not that I love him any less, it was his life and he was just a gift anyway, a teacher for me on the journey to deeper compassion. Where I got into strife originally was when I went into "he was so young, he had all those years ahead of him, it's so sad". When I embraced what was real and what was a dream of what could have been, then things settled. Yes sometimes it hurts like crazy but the hurt is real, not from what could have been.
I wish everyone here beautiful lives and I know my child lives on in my heart, as I know yours does.-
Well said. I have a poem that pretty much says what you have written about being a vistior, et al...the poem says that what if God came to you one day and asked you to keep this child...never mind...here I will copy and paste it...
TO ALL PARENTS
(by Edgar A. Guest)
“I’ll lend you for a little time a child of Mine.” He said,
“For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he’s dead,
It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for Me?
He’ll bring his charms to gladden you, and shall his stay be brief
You’ll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
“I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I’ve looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true
And from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call to take him back again?”
I fancied that I heard them say: “Dear Lord, Thy will be done.”
For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we’ll run.
We’ll shelter him with tenderness, we’ll love him while we may
And for the happiness we’ve known forever grateful stay;
But shall the angels call for him much sooner than we’ve planned.
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.”
From “All In A Lifetime” ©1938 by Edgar A. Guest
Reprinted with permission of the author.
And he said to him, “Truly, I say to you, Today you will be with me in Paradise.”
Luke 23:43
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