Discussions
House Wife vs. Working Mother
Posted by lotusb • 8/15/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
I was raised by a stay-at-home mother until the age of 13 when my parents divorced. Then my mother became a working mother. I've seen both sides and personally belive that motherhood is more effective and enjoyable when it's the main priority.
What do you think?
User Comments
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My mom always had to work so can't really voice an opinion.
Myself when I had kids I had to work as well.
I enjoyed my kids and not sure how they felt about it. -
I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately, it's not always possible. But when my daughter was very young, I considered that important enough that my husband and I gave up more than 2/3 of our income so that I could focus on raising her. -
It really depends on the family, economics, location and support system, etc. My mum worked outside of the home for pay and I don't feel like I was deprived of her love or her time. I was very proud of her and enjoyed hearing about her work. It would not have been to our benefit as a family economically or emotionally/intellectually for her to stay home full time.
I chose to work at home for no pay, (not as a housewife, but as a full time mum) and it was well suited to our families needs and my needs.
So I don't presume based on either circumstance to determine what is best for other women and their family.-
Your opinion is very well rounded. I think it's cool that you chose a different route than the one you were raised with. Very open-minded.
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I had a similar childhood, and also chose to stay at home, after working for a while. I can't remember ever feeling disadvantaged because my mum went out to work, I knew I was loved. And as I got older I became quite proud of her because I realised that she was unusual (at the time), a bit of a trailblazer.
I don't think there can be any hard and fast rules, families have to make decisions based on their own personalities and circumstances.
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Could be just me, but I couldn't handle both. I found each, career and kids, both need and deserves unlimited attention. When I work, my home, children and family start to fall apart. I got lucky in a way, the decision I had agonized for years over, to work or not to work, was decided for me and I now have medical conditions that do not allow me to work and I am thankful. -
I was a working Mom for my first two for 7 years, and pretty much full-time Mom with the third, although I worked part-time in the nursery of a local health club when she was very young and got to keep her with me.
Working full-time as a mother basically beat me ... I was stressed and tired most of the time. Fortunately the two oldest turned into fine young men. I had no choice economically at the time, but life was so much better balanced when I got to stay home. It took moving away from So California's high cost of living in order to keep me at home.
This is a deeply personal decision each family has to make on their own. If Mom has to work, she needs a strong support system. I had none since we settled far away from both families. -
It's my opinion that a child benefits from having at least one parent in the home for the first five years (or until school aged) and then, have at least one parent at home when the kid gets home from school.
There have been a few studies that indicate children who have (constant) access to a parent from birth to age 5 tend to become more independent and develop cognitively faster than kids who do not. (No, I no longer have th links to those studies, although I'm sure I could find them - it's been a while since I've had to roll those statistics and studies out for anyone).
To me, it doesn't matter which parent, so long as the parent deciding to stay at home is happy and well adjusted to child and home care. If they are not, the end results could end up detrimental, instead of beneficial.
After the kid is old enough to go to school, I see no reason why a parent shouldn't re enter the workforce, but with longer hours being the norm in current employment climates, I think it's prudent for said parent to get home, and be home, shortly after, or right before school lets out for the day.-
I agree. And I find the terms used odd ... Housewife? Haven't heard that for years. Not all parents are married either. But I do think that when it's possible having one parent home full-time during the pre-school years is beneficial. My mom was a stay-at-home mom until I was about 11, then she started working part-time because she really enjoyed it ... and then full-time. Knowing my mom as I do, she would have been pretty bored being home all day on her own, even tho she had a variety of interestst ... working was a pleasure for her. -
I agree - it has to benefit the parents too...if you have two parents who loathe the idea of staying at home, even part time, then the benefit for the child will be gone. (Unless they fake it well
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Loads of women who stay at home also work part time, from the home, which can not only bolster the income, but also their self esteem - after being bashed by other feminists (Seriously, it can get to you after a while, trust me on that one!!).
There was a quote from a female comedian, I forget who, but it went something like "I never liked the term "housewife" it made it seem like there might be other wives somewhere else..."
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I was raised by June Cleaver (the stay at home mom of the 60s). When we had kids my husband and I both decided our kids would not end up being "daycare" kids. I made more than my hubby, but we decided I would stay home with them. I started my own business to help with the decrease in income. It gets a bit rough sometimes trying to focus on running a business with kids underfoot, but it's way better than the alternative (at least for us).
Families have to do what works best for their own family, not what other families are doing. -
I think it depends. My mom stayed at home until I was 15 and went back to work full time. I missed the extra things she used to do but she was happier working and enjoying adult company. I am pretty hyper and completely type A so working will probably be a good thing for me. I just need control of my time so I doubt I will be holding down a corporate 9-5. -
Do you mean outside the home work? If so, I believe in staying home to raise kids if at all possible. For some there's no way to stay home and survive, so I understand that completely.
Hubby and I were separated for 18 months and I worked outside the home then. That was really hard on everyone involved and, if I can keep it from having to be that way ever again, I will.
I like working from home since my schedule is flexible and I'm here for the older kids before and after school and all day for the little ones. It's also comforting to my college-aged daughter to know that I'm home during the day. -
Do you mean outside the home work? If so, I believe in staying home to raise kids if at all possible. For some there's no way to stay home and survive, so I understand that completely.
Hubby and I were separated for 18 months and I worked outside the home then. That was really hard on everyone involved and, if I can keep it from having to be that way ever again, I will.
I like working from home since my schedule is flexible and I'm here for the older kids before and after school and all day for the little ones. It's also comforting to my college-aged daughter to know that I'm home during the day. -
I was a stay at home mom until a divorce as well. I worked in management and had to be gone many more hours than I liked to make a living.When I came home I was wiped out and had very little time or energy for the two boys I was doing it all for;and still had to make a way to do food, cleaning, and the dreaded laundry!!I hated it.
I started a home daycare so that I could stay home and make life as normal as possible and became everybody's mom.The kids loved it, I found a way to keep things done,we had much more free time, today, I am still doing it.
Recently one of my daycare children sat next to me and asked "How come you don't have to work Miss Pam?" " This IS my job" I answered. The child laughed and asked my not to go to work like Mom and Dad. I won't say that I have been doing this for a long time, but the children that I keep now are the children of some of my first daycare children!!!!
Now that I am becoming a Computer Geek on the side, some of the children who are grown have contacted me online and I have had the joy of knowing what became of them.
My out of the house job was more glamorous, but my stay at home job has been much more rewarding -
I didn't grow up with a mom, I grew up with "Dads girlfriends and their awful kids".
However, we did discuss this in class for a few weeks. More women have college degrees than men do, or are actively in college than men. You get the drift. God bless em too, they're all just tired of being treated like chopped liver and are doing something about it. As a result, More women are supporting the family by working as opposed to the man of house.-
I have a college degree and an advanced degree and my husband had neither, but I stayed home with my daughter. I can't say I ever flt like "chopped liver" while teaching and tending to the most important person in my world.
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There's obviously exceptions, and by 'Chopped Liver' I meant that women got tired of being the stay at home mom with no degree or job or anything..Which means if the husband left, she would be on her own with nothing. My grandmother is a victim of this.
Nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, I'm just making the point that women have more college education then men do these days.
One example, and I'll keep it short. My english class, it started with about 40 people. By mid-term, the number was 20. By the end, we had a little more then 10, I was one of three males in the class who finished. It was a very tough class and she gave out low grades whenever possible, I made it a point to avoid getting them but she still managed from time to time
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I originally decided to stay home with my daughter, but a great opportunity arose for me to work part time. I love it. I think it's the best of both worlds. -
It depends on the person. My mom didn't work till I started school. I like working. I don't like 24-hour homemaking. I stayed at home for three years and hated it. Then I got a job even though I didn't need to money-
Elaine, I didn't realize that you had kids.
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My mother worked full-time and I worked full-time until recently. I really do see how children benefit from having a mother at home however it places a woman in extreme jeopardy. What happens if the marriage fails or God forbid the husband dies? It is placing a lot of trust in faith to make that decision.-
Well, then you get out there and do what you have to do, Ginger. More than one woman just in this thread has mentioned facing that situation and going back to work when she had to.
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I agree with Tiffany. That said, I've always kind of wondered when people have made the statement "It is placing a lot of trust in faith to make that decision." when referencing the trust of one spouse by the other.
I mean, if you've married, and purposefully started a family, hopefully you have some trust in your spouse, otherwise it's all a bit of sham, isn't it?
Of course, a healthy dose of reality and knowing the odds of divorce and such not withstanding - it still strikes me as odd. -
I agree, Anok. If you're hedging your bets, it's not really marriage.
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My stay-at-home mom was a mean drunk who REALLY hated me, so I guess it's all relative.-
That doesn't sound like a stay-at-home mom. Sounds like an unemployed drunk who happens to have kids in the house.
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Unfortunately that's all some "moms" (or "dads") are...
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Unfortunately, not all parents are cut out to be parents, stay at home or otherwise.
ABusive parents will abuse the children regardless of their work status. -
Anok; Of course, but if they had to at least leave the house once in a while at least the kids could get a break.
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I do understand that...I just wanted to make it clear that it wasn't the work status or the children that caused the abuse (no matter what the parent tries to tell the kids).
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My mother always said the greatest time in her life was staying home with us kids. She truly enjoyed it.
My wife was certainly a career woman and when we had children, she wanted to stay home and she loved it.
Certainly a lot of big decisions have to be made, such as: Who is making the most money, will money be an issue, and over all, what is best for the children.
I thank my wife a lot for the hard work she has done with our children. I realize it isn't easy and I appreciate what she has done.
timesobserver.blogspot.com -
@Madame the point is that when a woman returns to the workforce after an extended period of being unemployed (read:working for a wage) she is never able to return at the rate at which she left. There is also a reduction in old age benefits at the time of retirement and since women live longer than men this is extremely problematic.
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Not always, and, it depends on how long is a "long time".
A woman trying to re enter the work force after 15-18 years, well, yeah that's going to be problematic. A woman going back to work after 1, 2, or 5 years? Not so much. -
That's true, Ginger--there are trade-offs. When I left work to raise my daughter, I fully expected to make those sacrifices and considered her worth it. However, "never" is too strong a word, because after ten years of working part-time, freelancing, and not working at all during some periods, I re-entered the workforce in a considerably higher income bracket than the one I'd left.
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It's nice to hear the appreciation of stay at home mothers and fathers in this thread. It's too often that in other places, all you hear is bashing - but it is reassuring to hear that people still appreciate it, and respect the work that goes into it.
Thanks guys and gals. -
There are some challenges with staying home I am working on a series about it now.Staying creative, staying healthy, considering your choice a career and acting like it, continuing personal growth, and managing chaos.
If you feel like you are stuck at home, everything is blah!! If you feel you get to stay at home, it can be fun and you will find more ways to make it that way.
For those who can not find a way to stay home , may you be blessed with a great care provider -
I believe in supporting sahm and sahd. I believe that we should do more to support that so those that chose that option can do so without financial penalty, but that of course would mean valuing domestic labor, women and children and in a society based on commodity production that is not liable to happen anytime soon.
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Every time we make a trade-off in life to do something besides work, there's a "financial penalty". Why do you think that choices in life shouldn't mean trade-offs and natural consequences and the balancing of priorities?
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There is a HUGE trade-off. A little money for a secure childhood for your child.
I think the mother who stays home gets the better end of that deal.
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