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How do you tell your child the pet cat died?
Posted by adelpat • 3/25/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: cats, children, death, pets
Our little 8 month old kitty was runover this morning and killed. How do you think the best way is to tell my 13 year old special needs child about the cat?
User Comments
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Go up to the child and say:
"Son/daughter, you're cat has been killed. Here is a new one."-
funny
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That's heartbreaking!
You should be honest. The cat was in a car accident and went to kitty heaven. The cat is not in pain and did not suffer. -
Tell them that cat has gone to heaven if you believe in that, and that he won't be seeing the kitty anymore, but that the kitty will always live in his heart, and wouldn't want him to be sad, but that it is ok to be sad. -
These seem to be some pretty solid responses. I'm sorry that this has happened, but it certainly does.
Bless you all. -
Im sorry to hear about your cat
I would be devastated, and I am a adult !
I personally think honesty is the best policy, but done in a tactful nice way (if possible). I don't have any children, so I am not sure how I would approach it?
My parents used to lie to me about what happened to my childhood pets, so I wouldn't get too upset, but I don't think that's the best way to handle it ...
I think having a small burial service is the way to go, so the child can grieve in their own way, but making it a special memorable time as well..-
I'm sorry your parents lied to you... most of us do without understanding the devestation may be from even the "simplest" white lie. I'm off now to begin a discussion on the subject... Thanks for reminding me.
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Yes, I am sorry to hear about your cat, too. I have 3 myself.
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Perfect time to teach your child that each life is transient.-
Yes...
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Poor kitty
I do agree with the rest, but since you specified that your child is special needs, I would add that you'll need to explain it in terms your child will understand. (I don't know what kind of special needs your child has, but since you brought it up...)
Your child may not understand what "death" is, so I would tread carefully not to equate it to sleeping or something like that - lest your child freak out every time you take a nap. (just sayin')-
So important to think through what children may take from what we say. Last year a special needs child friend of mine found a dead bird. Not wanting to tread on other's beliefs and not wanting to ignore the child either, we buried the bird at the base of a tree, where, I explained to her, the bird could continue to be a part of life. She still goes to the tree and looks up to see that the tree and the birds in it go on living. I have no way of knowing what she knows or understands, but I know it was an honest way to deal with it and seemed to comfort her then and still. As an added benefit, one day she saw the moon in the daytime sky and since then has become the neighborhood moon watch for us all. What amazes me is how many adults insisted the moon wasn't out in the daytime...refused to even look up to see! They know better now. We are all teachers.
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I believe in TOTAL Honesty with raising your child.
This is very difficult... and you could ask your child what he or she could do to help make plans for the burial, etc...
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
WW -
I had an answer set until I realized you'd written "special needs" and that complicates my answer. depending on this you might want to be less honest in your explanation. -
Couple of suggestions from experience. Try and give your child an opportunity to say goodbye to the cat, maybe a burial or a trip to the pet cremotorium.
Make up a scrap book of pictures of the cat so your daughter can talk about the cat and remember it. Looking at the book may make your daughter sad but it is important that she is able to talk about the cat and how she is feeling to help her through the bereavement process. -
You all are wonderful. We followed a lot of your suggestions. We went out and had a funeral. Each of us talked to the cat. And, we talked to our boy about how he can go out and talk to Pepper any time he wants. And, that the cat knew how much we loved him.
What do you think? Did we do it right?-
Well, if your child grieved, but isn't traumatized, then I'd say yes.
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Well done.
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I think you did exceptionally well.
You can consider another animal - or not at this point. Give your child a little while to grieve tho. OK?
And much luck - and a hug for this situation. -
I don't understand why each of you talked "to" the cat. The cat is dead, it can't hear you. Why didn't you just talk "about" the cat? I think talking "to" the cat after it is dead has the potential to mislead the child into believing you can talk to things after they die as though those things are still alive to hear you.
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Sit down with your child and start general, working your way into fact. But don't get too detailed. Tell your child you are very sad b/c something terrible happened. Say kitty is in heaven now b/c she got hit by a car. The injuries were much for a vet to fix. If there is a burial, collect flowers together and put them at the grave spot. Your child doesn't need to see the body, not even wrapped up in a towel. A little stick or something in the ground as a marker is all that is necessary. -
We have cat named Pepper
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"GRAB A SHOVEL, JOHNNY." -
There may be some inspirational stories in our Pet Memorial category
www.petlvr.com/blog/category/pet-memorial/ -
Tell your child that the kitty passed away and if you can hold a service. This got me through most of my losses as a child. For a few weeks after if you are burying the kitty keep an eye on your child. I was so devastated I kept digging up my gerbils because I missed them.-
Oh, Shirley...(heh) What an image. There really is a short story in that one. -
Yes, there is. Maybe I should blog it. I dug 'em up like 3 times before my mom discovered what I was doing. Ummm... pretty discusting now that I think about it.
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It's also kind of funny. Very little kid thinking. I think you should write it up.
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mythoughtsalways.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-thoughts-always-rip.html Ok wrote it up enjoy!
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Similar to "ChildPerson's" story, When my second sons fish died, we buried it outside in our flower garden. I explained that every life comes to an end and that it is natural. I explained to my son that the fish would be recycled back into the earth and even has the potential to fertalize the flowers growning there. So now when my son sees those flowers, he thinks of them as his fish living on through them. Not reincarnation or anything supernatural, just natures way of recyling matter back into the universe. He was comforted, and I felt it was a genuine and honest explanation.
I suppose I would explain this to a special needs child much the same way, in a way that I know they would understand. -
You first present the child a new kitty and after sometime tell him the truth. -
Jeez. -
Mr Cheeseburger gets my vote.
'Go up to the child and say:
"Son/daughter, you're cat has been killed. Here is a new one."-
There is something about replacing the dead cat with a new one so quickly that makes me feel uneasy. What if the kid looks at that and thinks, "oh wow, if and when I die, and mom and dad are still alive, they will just replace me like the cat."
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