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How Have You Changd Over the Last 1/4 of Your Life?
Posted by lotusb • 8/20/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: life changes
I am 25 and about 6 years ago I was engaged to an abusive man. I was living in California, still quite insecure. With men I was overwhelmed...still pretty easily impressed. I was stil very influenced by my friends and family. As a writer I was trying to find my voice. I wasn't sure yet what I wanted to do with my life.
Now I understand that sarcasm and blatent honesty are not things to hide in my writing style...but that it IS my writing style. I am confident, especially around men. I choose healthy relationships in all genres. I am close but not driven by my family. I have since moved away from CA and have established entire networks of friends in both New York and Houston.
Big changes in 6 years...
How have you changed ove the last quarter of your life?
User Comments
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No positive changes. That's what's making me extremely frustrated and unhappy right now. I'm trying, but circumstances are working against me, making it an even more challenging and slow process. I just have to be patient as change doesn't happen overnight.-
Time is reletive...it may seem like nothing is really changing but in REALIZING that...your actually putting change into motion.
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I have changed enormously in the last quarter of my life--although it has not been *quite* a quarter of my life. 15 years ago, as you know, lotus, I was a junkie and a prostitute, and just about dead in every way a person can be.
15 years ago, I entered treatment and completely turned my life around. I went back to school and earned undergraduate and graduate degrees.
Today, I am married to the love of my life, I am a college professor, and I cannot even believe how wonderful life is. If you had told me 15 years ago that my life would be what it is today, I would have never believed you.-
Your story is alway facinating to hear, and makes me wonder how many people out there are not quite yet realizing their potential.
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My academic ambitions have increased substantially in that period. The appetite increased with the eating in that instance. I will be beginning a second Master's in October, and hopefully a second PhD next year.
I have developed a harder edge, I think. My self-discipline is getting more, not less over time.
I used to enjoy my beer; I have one from time to time still, but it's rare now. -
Wow - you have packed in a lot, and you have clearly grown a lot as a person. I'm 33 so I'm thinking over the last 8 years...
Back then, I was totally unhappy with my life so I changed it. All. I left the relationship I was in (for another one - not smart), changed jobs, changed towns, cut my hair. Literally tried to "restart" my life.
The biggest problem though was inside my head. So the changes didn't help! I have always kinda lurched from one relationship to the next and pushed myself for the next job or promotion. I've defined myself according to what relationship I was (or wasn't) in or what I was doing career-wise. I never really figured out who "I" am.
Still haven't. But am trying! I had a breakdown a few months ago and learned also that I am alcoholic. I have been trying to recover in AA since. This is the longest period of my life where I haven't been in a relationship and have been out of work. And so have had no idea who "I" am! I'm trying to figure that out and learn to live with it, a day at a time.
This last 8 years has also brought me 2 beautiful sons. And I am trying to focus on being grateful for the opportunity to spend time with them and raise them in sobriety. Gratitude doesn't come easily or naturally to me. Especially when other aspects of life aren't as I would like - I'm definitely a glass half empty person! But I'm working on it. Whereas 8 years ago, I wouldn't have cared. I just would have bought more wine!-
Wow! I grew up with alcoholism in my family. My father has been in recovery for about 12 years now. I have also struggled with addiction, though not to the extent it could have been. I think coming to a place of "who am i" is the most free we as people will ever really know. Being free of identity is scary, but also a space between chapters for you to totally re-write it. I say embrace it.
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"Never wait for courage. It's an illusion that courage comes before the leap. Courage is what comes after we realize we survived the leap. Step up to the water, let your toes hug the edge, hold your breath, close your eyes and jump while your still scared shitless."
Sounds like very sound advice! -
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10 years ago I worked for a community service organization called City Year. I was single and constantly went to the theater to watch movies. Always wore cute clothes I had lost 70 LBS and looked exactly like my avatar.
Proof marriage makes you fat: Raises hand. I had two kids got married had another kid gained the 70 plus pounds back. Now I almost never see a movie and I hate my clothes (most of them). Still happy though. I know I painted a mundane pic. Love my kids and hubby.-
Fortunately, poundage is never permanant. You can alway loose the weight and hey if you have no time for theatre...Net Flix it!
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i now know what i need and want. I am still scared to leap. I don't know how, when or where but a big change is coming to my life and I am bringing it.
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Good luck! Taking the plunge isn't always easy, but sometimes it's necessary. One of these days I'll have to do the same, but fear of the unknown is paralyzing.
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I got an email from a "fan" of my blog. She asked how I had the courage to "take the plunge" when I moved to NYC. My answer was this, "Never wait for courage. It's an illusion that courage comes before the leap. Courage is what comes after we realize we survived the leap. Step up to the water, let your toes hug the edge, hold your breath, close your eyes and jump while your still scared shitless."
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i have set a timeline so i give it a few months.
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I'm 36, so in the last 9 years I've been through hell and back and heaven and back.
I discovered traveling and writing are my passion, never traveled anywhere before that. Had recently finished college at the age of 27, and had a 6 year old who was the light of my life and could do no wrong. That was the heaven part.
The hell in the last 9 years was the wonderful 6 yr old turned into a teenager and spent the better portion of his teen years addicted to drugs and in jail. I gained 40 lbs from the stress of it all and thought we'd both be better off dead than deal with the pain.
BUT this is now and that was then. Life changes every day.-
Sounds like you've had a tough life. Good luck on your journey.
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You know what? Its been REALLY rough, but when it passes and its in the past its hard to imagine that it really happened. More like a story I read somewhere.
Thank you -
Jam, I know exactly what you mean about things becomming the past. I feel that way about so much in my life, especially my childhood. Looking back I wonder how I survived it all, how I managed to even be who I am today in light of what I've lived through. Its a daily reminder of my strength.
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Amen to that Lotus. I think God puts us through struggles to make us come out the other side stronger and of course much cooler.
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Ive definietly become a more confident person. I like who I am and not everybody has to like me. Ive learned to be a better friend and Ive realized my priority is not climbing any corporate ladder, but spending time with family friends, traveling and enjoying life -
I'm not as shy as I used to be. I guess that's something right?-
Thats AWESOME....shy guys are really annoying (to me).
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I wasn't like super shy or anything, but it took me a bit be 'comfortable' talking to some one.
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I'm someone who lives so utterly in the present that it's actually hard for me to answer that question. It always seems that what I am now is what I've always been. Naturally, I'm getting older but it doesn't seem to affect me very much. I've never really aged in how I perceive myself or the world. My circumstances always seem irrelevant compared to how I feel inside.-
Very cool
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NP must be smoking the best pot there is!!!! please send some my way. i need it BAD!
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Now those are wise words to live by, np. It's just that some people find it easier to live in the moment than others. I actually think it's a personality trait.
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Let's see...1/4 of my life? What's 31 divided by 4? 7.75? Hmmm..so we're talking going back to early 2001?
-I was engaged to my wife
-childless
-still worked at the same place
-had not yet heard of a horse named Curlin
Other than that, not much has changed. Guess I'm just a boring guy.
I'm probably a good 20lbs heavier now. Oh hell, it's more than that.-
LOL ain't that weight gain a bitch!!!! I swear its harder to manage after 30!! Okay 35.
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A horse by any name is far from boring. How lucky you are to have one.
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Well, I'm 62, so we'd be talking about the last 15 years or so.
In that time frame my mother, grandmother, and husband died.
I was laid off from two jobs in two years as the economy shrunk, and because my husband had died, my income was halved.
I nearly lost my house to foreclosure because I couldn't find a job...I was fat and over 50 and heavily skilled (and therefore seeking a high wage) and there was an abundance of fluttery little girls willing to make coffee and screw up the filing systems for half my salary.
A truly horrible woman who had scared off 8 secretaries in 6 months hired me. I am a patient sort and well experienced in dealing with difficult bosses...I put up with her crap for two years until I could quit.
In the middle of this, I met a nice young man from another country. Two years later we married and I moved to his country. I sold my house in Silicon Valley walked out on that old shrew without any notice (literally just cleaned out my cube and walked out without a word), packed up my stuff and moved half way around the world.
I went from driving a 15 year old Mazda truck to a Mercedes; from working 40+ hours plus long commutes to sleeping in; from pinching pennies to survive to having enough to donate generously to my favourite causes; from doing my own housework and yardwork to having household help; from living alone to sharing my life with a sweet, loving, funny, man who is from a completely different culture and is 25 years younger.
My life has changed dramatically, and all for the better.-
****In the middle of this, I met a nice young man from another country. Two years later we married and I moved to his country. I sold my house in Silicon Valley walked out on that old shrew without any notice (literally just cleaned out my cube and walked out without a word), packed up my stuff and moved half way around the world.*****
This sounds like a dream come true. -
You life sounds like a novel.
Like one of those books women read and want to smack their husbands. -
Well, I have a couple of ex husbands I would like to smack...especially after meeting and marrying this one!!
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@JamCan
Yah, looking back on it, it feels like that.
My husband is truly one of the good guys and my life has never been as good as it is today.
But it was a long, tough row to hoe to get here! I was 55 when we married... -
Sh*t does that mean I have to wait til my 50's to get something good? LOL.
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I'm more angry, more outspoken, and more rebellious. -
I'm more cynical & really see how Orwellian Amerika really is. I got married. I got my Novell Certification, which has been a blessing and a curse. I realized that I needed to embrace my anti-social nature rather than keep fighting it. My art has changed hugely. I learned that I had a tendency never to let ANYONE get really close to me & I worked on that. I learned (the hard way,) that the US does NOT have the best healthcare in the world. I fully embraced atheism (if not anti-theism.)-
I truly do not miss living in America. I think you might be someone who understands that...so many do not.
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@ Violet...
I understand and I still live in America. -
SweetViolet; In many ways, I miss living in Canada terribly...
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I raised two sons alone and if I say so myself, they turned out pretty darn good. I'm not ashamed to say that they are what the last quarter of my life was dedicated to. I didn't plan the solo parent gig but poop happens and in a way it changed who I am for the better.
I worked hard, retired a few years back and picked up my furniture restoration as more of a full time venture. It was risky but luckily I also found a decent hardworking partner to share my life with and while we have ups and downs at times, I've matured enough to understand that life is much nicer when you make the occasional compromise instead of always having to win.
I've got a bit more growing up to do but I'm only 45, I've got plenty of time.
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