Discussions
How much personal blogging is too much?
Posted by ThriftShopRomantic • 5/22/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Tags: blogging, family, friends, Personal, Privacy, relationship
A friend just sent me this New York Times article about a blogger for Gawker who was willing to share virtually everything about her personal life, and relationships blogging.
It's an interesting if expectedly self-involved read from the author. But I thought you folks might have some opinions about it:
www.nytimes.com/2008/05/25/magazine/25internet-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp
So do you talk about friends and family on your blogs? Do you use their real names? Do you consider their feelings when you write, or do you feel it's all freedom of speech?
User Comments
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I change names of people that I am friends with. Some people that I dislike I have used their real name and buried them. Although I wrote it under the guise that it was fake name.
I don't consider their feelings because really the only people that would know what I am talking about is them and their names have been changed. Plus I don't say anything bad about them. -
I'm not telling anyone what my gynecologist said. I don't share secrets except the ones that are therapy ie child abuse. I mostly talk about things going on in my life. Not the lives of others. I try real hard not to be mean.-
I think its very brave of you to talk about child abuse in the way that you do and I am sure that it has touched more than one person.
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As I said if I think it can help someone that's one thing but it is a whole other thin when it ends up being cruel.
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I change names, too-- have given my friends nicknames and keep them consistent. But I wouldn't say anything bad about them, or anything really personal either.
In my humor blog, i figure the only one really fair game for being made fun of is me... and I give myself enough fodder for that anyway.
The girl in the NYT article, she seemed to be blogging personally so often, she was revealing details of everything-- every part of every relationship and appeared blind to realizing that might have consequences.-
I have read her before over at Gawker she is an exhibitionist at the highest form. Some of the people on there go to a point that is so perverse that it is what sells them.
As far as names I don't keep them consistent for old stories because I don't want people connecting the dots on who is who just in case they do know me. -
Your sense of her is consistent with what I picked up from the story. I don't think any of her lessons learned sunk in-- but then, hey, it got her a New York Times spot. /end sarcasm
My friends know which friend they are on the blog, but they're cool with that. I've also asked them before whether they minded being included. -
From my barely professional opinion some venting is great for you to do, some can be damaging. She seems to have no concept of how or why it upset her friend.
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I mean I write some pretty vulgar stuff and share too much information occasionally but she goes so far. It is a violation of trust more than anything and her craving for attention and validation is so overwhelming that it overrides simple logic.
Plus her tattoos are ugly. -
I think the "violation of trust" is exactly it.
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wow I am way to hyper this afternoon
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The only really personal stuff I have put on my blog is about myself, I mention my family quite a bit, but my mum is cleverly disguised as the cupboard monster. The sisters have no problem being mentioned and use the blog as a way to keep up with what I have been up to in regards to travels,hiking, doodling etc.
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you have never written about our torrid affair
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I think most people know about it.
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I forgot about the video
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i've seen several folks do that
and self destruct
in some ways it is inviting disaster
we have walls in our house for a reason-
Sometimes when you are too open about yourself you go back and read it and don't like what you are seeing.
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It's interesting when you consider a writer who talks entirely about their life, yet doesn't seem to reflect on the deeper symbols, psychology themes behind it.
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well also you have to question what is totally real and what isn't... sure she says she has upset people and throws everything out there but how much is inflated, a character, or her version of herself?
there was this girl that had a HUGE audience on myspace at one point and wrote very frank about her "life", she had her pictures up, it was raw and emotional. This lead everyone to believe that it was just a pure diary... she lived a town over from me in California and I knew some people that knew her. Basically she had created an online persona of herself. Different name, lead a very mundane existance, and all she talked about was how many people were reading her. She was taking ounces of truth and bending them to feed her ego and her audience.
"it is raw and real"
well is it? or is it what is painted? -
I'm overinflated.
But that could have been from the pizza I ate last night -
cheese does it to you every time
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Interesting story, Kevin. True-- could be someone who has blurred even their own lines of what's real and what isn't.
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the best is she cracked under the pressure and attention... deleted her account... started it up again.. got big again and then left myspace and has a blog that like nobody reads now
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I don't usually mention names. I've learned to ask my family if its okay to mention them before doing so. Good idea with the pseudonyms, though in my case I think I would also ask.-
for some reason I imagine you having a permission of use document that you have people sign before you mention them.... then you file it in a massive file cabinet... you need a ladder to get to the top of it and stuff... next to huge bookshelves.
Yes... I imagine you live in the Library of Congress. -
Ha! That is spot on
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we have you now Mark... oh yes we have you now...
(Kevin sips his tea and gives an evil laugh) -
Errr. Not. But I have this thing about domestic tranquility.
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Haha now all I can do is imagine a very smart little red dog racing up and down a ladder in the Library of Congress
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and swearing in german on occasion
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LMAO!
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What a visual.
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Merciless crowd here.
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Sorry Mark
(it is a little funny)
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We love you anyway...
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I don't mention names usually. I have - not under good circumstances, however.
I keep my posts fairly on topic, but sometimes I divulge more personal stories. I try to only share information about me - unless I am unable to do so because the other information is pertinent.
It's usually not, though -
like that time you lit a car on fire at a G8 conference?
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shhhh
Damn gossip.
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Since my blog was originally intended to be a "newsletter" to help friends and family keep up with our goings on, my original intended audience already knows how to "fill in the blanks" with the correct names and locations, so I don't need to name drop. However, I have made it a point to *think" before I post. That's why there is usually a one day "cooling off" period in draft mode before I actually send. This gives me a chance to remove any overtly personal information. - Nards-
Yeah that's tough - how do you balance a family personal blog with privacy for your family members?
I would imagine that anyone could read your blog, so you still can't make it very personal....hmm... -
cooling off... I might need to look into that
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I do the same Nards. Thanks for sharing because it makes me feel more confident now.
Whenever I receive an irate email, bitchy comment or I'm dealing with a disturbing situation in my private life I have a 2 day "cooling off" period before I post to my personal blog.
However, I do also have (and IMO every blogger ought to consider having one too) a private blog where I rant and rave to myself. There is where I sort out my stuff before I blog on my personal, public blog. -
Nards, that's a smart technique-- and thanks to you for sharing.
TimeThief- that's a wise idea for comments, too.
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I am extremely cautious when it comes to revealing any information about my friends and family in my personal blog. I was stalked in 2006. I never violate their privacy - ever by posting identifiable images, citing locations or naming names. I also find it discomforting that other bloggers do.
All this stuff will live in the waybackmachine. I believe bloggers ought to consider that. They also ought to consider how what they write today may be perceived by their kids, grandkids and possibly even future partners in the future.-
wow... I am so not running for office
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If you did - I might vote for you.
How's that for an endorsement?! -
you are my jeremiah wright?
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Yup, I think that as much as we wish to share with each other, we need to also think of it from a big picture perspective.
What will folks who don't know me at all learn by reading this?
What details are too specific?
How will this affect myself and others in the future?
Always good questions to try to remember. -
@romantic
You produce such excellent points that I frequently feel like blogging them. Thanks -
Blog away, lady. I'm sure you'll do a nice job of it.
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I mention first names, but only after I have asked the person for permission. I always offer to use a substitute pseudonym, and let the person pick one for themselves. I never mention which names are real and which are the pseudonyms.
On The Right Blue there are quite a few pics of people (usually in dive gear!) but if a person is recognizable I send them the pic first and ask if it's okay to post it. (No one has turned me down yet.)
I mention that I live on "the Kohala Coast of Hawaii's Big Island," but I never get more specific than that. In my photo blog are some pics from my garden, but never of my house, street, car etc. --nor do I post pics of anyone else's house or mention specific streets or addresses.
I stay away entirely from discussing personal relationships and family business.-
@bnsullivan
w00t! we are of the same mind. This is so good to know. I strongly feel that it's inappropriate to blog about a personal relationship without the permission and input of the other party or parties to do so. I have had people tell me that my personal blog is not "personal" enough. I have read their blogs and I have not been moved to follow their "reveal al" examples. -
On your blog, Bobbie, I can see where folks would feel very comfortable being included. Your stories are positive, adventurous ones.
(And one's not involving airing out people's dirty laundry... or in the case of your theme, their previously worn wet-suits. -
Yeah, I leave out the truly unsavory details -- like which one of my diver friends always used to pee in his wetsuit (even though it was legend amongst a certain circle of friends).
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Heh- and to think I'd only been KIDDING about the wet suits.... serves me right.
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See Jenn? Your comment was more accurate than you imagined!
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I demand more peeing in wetsuits stories!
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Darned imagination... g-ah!
Tell that fellow that wet suits are supposed to be wet on the OUTSIDE not the INSIDE... -
Truth be known, I could tell lots of stories on the diver/peeing theme: like the diver who selected a certain style of wetsuit with a zipper positioned so that he could unzip the suit and pee underwater; like the diver who walked out onto the deck of a liveaboard dive boat early one morning and peed over the side -- right into the big boat's tender that was tied up alongside. Actually there are lots more -- but I think I'll keep those tales "among friends."
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Jenn, do I feel a guest post coming on on the BlogCatalog blog? Can't wait to read it.
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I second that
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Do YOU, or do I? I think YOU do.
Me, I need to write me some more posts for my OWN blogs, RedDog. -
I hear ya Jenn, -- and that's what I should be doing right now instead of adding to these discussion threads.
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@Jenn: Just sayin you have stuff to say about blogging, but, like me, you don't generally blog about blogging. Course maybe there's some comedy potential here I'm overlooking, but that doesn't preclude offering sane advice elsewhere.
Anyway, just a thought. -
Well, I'll think on it a bit.
There's ALWAYS humor potential, but the tricky bit is figuring out where it lurks. -
I think you should do a humorous BC post about this topic.
It would be bloggerific.
yeah, I said bloggerific. -
Heh. Given the "bloggerifics" from the Ninja-American community (and the fact that she could beat me up), I'll consider it.
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LOL!
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This is a very interesting discussion.
Respect and discretion are valid measurements to use when writing about another, or about your own personal experiences.
I read a sign once, upon which was written:
"Speak softly ... just in case you have to eat your words."-
Good to keep in mind when you're caught up in the moment wanting to express yourself.
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No, I don't talk about the real family & friends in my blog and do not drop their addresses here and there. -
I don't have this problem, but I would be VERY concerned if I were in college and blogging a lot of personal stuff, or looking to move up the career ladder even.
Many employers will do informal "background checks" online and it could seriously affect your ability to get a good job if they find out that you blogged about your drunken escapades and such.
I cringe when I see what some people put out there. I mean, at least use an alias or something!! -
Good practical reasons you've cited, Chelle. Gracias!!
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This is a very hot topic recently, after Heather from dooce.com visited the Today show recently. I don't use my daughters' names, don't say where in So Cal we live. I feel like people at the grocery store are more of a danger to me, in that they could just follow my car home, than the masses on the Interweb. Probably naive, I know.-
you mean the most overrated blogger on the planet?
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I read her the other day, Kevin, after you mentioned that and I was wondering:
How many of her early fans initially came to her site for humor and now are unable to relate to her anymore, since she seems largely to be blogging about being on things like Good Morning America?
Off-topic for this thread, I know-- but I'll take it up with the thread starter. -
I am sure most of her fans are attached to the personality of it all.
The thing is a couple of powers are at work here.
1) She was an early person in and wrote good content. Like tucker max, maddox, and other people that were doing this they had the ability to grow an audience before the pool got diluted.
2) The fact that she got so big and built a name her reputation can just do the work now and it builds upon itself. I hate to refer back to myspace but when I was doing well in their blogger rankings I didn't even have to write anything good and I would have a top ranked blog. Having a top ranked blog just kept bringing in traffic and an audience.
For her it is the same thing. She could write crap over half of the time but with all the links, the reputation, and additional media coverage it doesn't matter if people that use to read her don't feel connected. She has moved past needing to rely on a core audience. -
I am a huge fan of Heather. I think she is an amazing writer. Things can be ho hum there for awhile and then she catches you by surprise. But I really do think she's on par with Ernest Hemingway, Anais Nin or even Henry Miller in their autobiographical stage. She is really talented. As for exposing her daughter on the web, I really enjoy reading her newsletter to her daughter; it's really heartfelt but I do wonder if its safe to expose your child like that.
I have posted pictures of my daughter on my personal blog (not many but I have) and I also wrote some letters to my daughter. To me, it's like a biography of her life she can read later. I am not the type of mother who will remember things like day she first smiled or make a scrapbook for her, but I do want to have some kind of memory to look back on.
My personal blog is very self confessional and I do put myself out there. It has gotten some backlash and it amazes me that people will make a snap judgement about who you are based on a blog entry. I try to protect the people I blog about. For instance. I only use EC for my boyfriend (his initials) and use decriptions rather than names. However if someone pisses me off and leaves me a nasty comment. I put their email for everyone to see. I have no qualms about that.
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Well said Kevin
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I read may blogs and there are times when it's a case of TMI, however many are so brave to put there stories out "There", but it does depend on who's reading it. I read a blog entry not that long ago about childhood abuse it was icredibly moving and well written, I was the agahst to read one of the comments which simply read"Enjoy the rest of your Sunday", so it does make me wonder if people really do read blogs or just skim over them.-
It depends on audience, sure-- and it depends on what or whom the personal revelations can effect.... family, friends, employers, potential employers.
Some people aren't in positions where what they share will hinder them going forward. And some folks may be willing to simply accept the consequences-- the communication may feel more valuable than the potential ramifications.
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nope. i don't get too personal and i don't mention family by name. i might say brother, sister, mother, father, but not much. don't blog about my friends either. i would be so dead...i probably wouldnt have any friends or family left if i really put it out there. -
One thing occurs to me: here is an example of a blogger who managed to turn it into a writing career. In other words, she made money from her blogs, and she never monetized them. One of them is even on the same free platform that I use.
Take that all you self-hosted evangelizing experts on blogging professionalism. -
I"m open about the struggles I've encountered and my dark periods in life....I hope it can inspire others -
How much personal blogging is too much?
When the blog starts making posts to you, it may be too much. This is when you have become the blog and the blog has become you. Don't let your blog drive you, you drive your blog.-
"Don't let your blog drive you, you drive your blog."
I think this a good point in terms of a number of aspects of blogging. Like determining how many times to post, topic choices, etc.
If you're blogging solely to the perceived expectations of an audience, then you may head down path where you feel more pressure, but are less true to yourself.
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