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How strict were you parents when you were growing up?
Posted by calais50 • 1/15/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: parenting
How strict were they and about what things? What sort of punishment did you get-spankings, time outs, groundings, etc? If you have kids, how does your parenting style compare with your parents' (or if you plan to have kids in the future, how will it compare?)
User Comments
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it fluctuated between a near prison environment to "wait we have kids, oh crap where are they" attitude, depending on the season and/or year.
Nothing really specific to report, just in general-
That really sucks.
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it worked out pretty well though. They say kids rebel against their parents ways, well if you look at me I do not look like a good Irish Catholic girl, tattoos & whatnot, but here's the kicker my mom was a die hard liberal and thus I am a die hard republican. Lol. In having that variety I think it allowed me to come into my own, more so than some of my friends. If they were too strict I'd be off the wall, if they were too free I'd be a shut in
Score one crappy parenting haha
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My parents were very strict. They had unrealistic expectations that I would be a good little girl forever. My mom read my diary, listened in on my phone calls, and searched my room regularly. So much for boundaries.-
I think that's way over the line.
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some people include everyone in their family as within their boundaries, i am familiar with this way of doing things, I don't like it at all. It's really a control issue.
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I was a very good child but my parents were very overprotective so I grew up kind of sheltered. They were unprepared when my brother came along - he was difficult, always testing limits (my parents always gave in), and was constantly grounded but he'd just crawl out his window and go places or run away. There were a few spankings (it was the 1960's) but dad always made it a point to never spank us when he was angry and so we had "appointments" for later that day to receive our spankings.-
My experience was similar. I was very sheltered, but a good kid. My older sister was very wild. Then when my younger sister came along, they were totally lenient on her. As much as I love my lil sis (20 yrs old), she is insanely bratty and spoiled. My parents spanked us, but we knew they were doing it b/c they thought they were doing the right thing. I would never spank my kids. I just use time outs and it works very well. When I dated, my parents had to meet the guy. I was never allowed to call a guy. He had to call me even if we were dating. I thought that was crazy. I'm 30 years old and my mom still tries to tell me how to run my life, but I respectfully tell her it's my life to live. I mean really, you have 18 years to teach your kids what you want them to learn from you. If they don't adopt your views by then, they're never going to.
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i was a very good kid, very well mannered, did well at school when i was young, did chores but still it wasn't good enough
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My parents weren't strict at all until I had my first girlfriend and almost never stayed home for more than a few hours. Than they were on my back 24/7, paging me to come home. It was like boot camp.
I think children do need some sort of discipline, just not the extreme one.
Oh and no spanking, I was at a catholic school were they beat the shit out of me everyday and now look at me with my anger problems:D-
Interesting about the catholic school reference. I wonder if Catholic schools still use corporal punishment these days...
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Not very strict at all. I am the youngest of 7 so my parents had seen it all by the time I came around. I didn't get away with anything and there wasn't much I could do that would come as a surprise to my seasoned parents. -
Not very strict but they had certain expectations which isn't the same thing as being strict. -
I was an only child, so there were no older or younger siblings to wear them down. Yup, quite strict and also perfectionists-- just to make it extra fun.
So I didn't get away with anything! I was a good kid, but I was always grounded, lost TV privileges, phone privileges, etc. -
My parents were quite strict with me. Although I have a lot of siblings I was by far the worst of all of them.
As a child, we received spankings as a very serious punishment, but only until a certain age, then groundings and removal of things from our rooms were used.
I was not allowed to date until I was 16, I couldn't wear makeup or pantyhose until I was 13, couldn't talk on the phone to boys until I was 13, and I had to check in with my mother when I was out with friends after the age of 16 - or she would call the place I was supposed to be. (And if I wasn't there, holy crap!). I had a very early curfew until I was 12 or 13 - I think about 7PM (in bed by 9PM) - and after I turned 16 it was 10PM, midnight on special occasions.
I was not allowed to have my own phone line, a phone in my room, or a TV in my room that was attached to cable (I could play movies and video games...Atari and Nintendo )
I'm fairly strict and protective of Punky, and I do have expectations. I use time outs, and spankings if I need to. I think I'm far stricter than any of the other parents around or that I know, but then again I think they are far too irresponsible with their children, so, I guess it's a matter of opinion. -
I'm the oldest so I copped all the sheltering and restrictions. I wasn't allowed to pretty much do anything and when my mum found out that I had caught a bus into the city to go to the movies with my friend and her older sister (I was in high school mind you) she grounded me for 6 months for going out without an adult present.
Once I learned to drive and got a car my parents suddenly became completely the opposite, they didn't mind me going out here or there as long as I would call and tell them what was going on.
My closest brother and sister in age copped pretty much the same deal. My other brothers who are 12 years younger than me are the most spoiled brats in history. They're allowed to do all the things at a much younger age that we were grounded for doing at a much older age. They get grounded when they do something wrong but it lasts about a day before my mother caves in, whereas us older three always had to stick out the full 6 months. -
i suffered severe physical abuse and am currently in counseling dealing with it. My parents were strict. They wanted me to be successful and sent me to good schools, two had pedophiles oddly enough. They sent me to the church so I'd be a good boy and I was raped by priests at 11, the very environment that was supposed to help me be a good person was dangerous. I was too scared to tell my parents because I thought my father would kill them.
At 13 when my family broke up everything loosened up and I did pretty well what I wanted by 15, and this meant going to the pub, falling in the gutter, ending up lying on peoples doorsteps, overdosing and and ending up at hospital.
And now I am a beautiful human being who is pretty well loved by everyone I meet-
I really hate to hear that. You've really picked yourself up from a dire situation that would have broken a lot of people.
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Thanks, if you get the chance in your life to really get close to a lot of people, you'll be astounded by their stories. Many people from an abusive background are not so horrified by their own stories but when they hear about other peoples, they are really shocked.
The journey of life is a fascinating one, full of things to lead us to our potential and endless compassion
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My parents where strick as one of my punishments I had to copy pages from the bible.-
that is absolutely absurd
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I wouldn't call mine strict. They let us come and go as we pleased and pretty much with whom we pleased, but they... I think kind of cleverly put us into the right crowd of kids. I don't know if it was an accident or purposeful but it worked anyway.
Both of us, my brother and I, were good kids anyway, no need to rebel that much at all. The problems I've had with my parents were really not their upbringing methods but the different values they have to mine, especially my mother.
I was never grounded or anything, but they called the cops on me when I stayed out the whole night for the first time. Then as they found me alive we agreed that if I'd do it again I'd give them a call. (This was pre cell phone era.) When I did, I got an ear full and thought fuck that, and they never got a nightly call from me again. I was 18 already though, so they couldn't exactly ground me.
(Grounding is not really a popular form of punishment in Finland anyway. I don't think I've ever heard any of my friends being grounded. We just get yelled at and that's not fun given that we're such silent and peace loving people. ) -
My parents were very strict I had to ask before I could grow the next inch and sometimes if I looked at stuff without permission they would gouge my eyes out as a punishment and I couldn't have them back until I promised to stop looking at stuff.-
Stop looking at me!!!
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Arrrrggghh don't take my eyes again mommy!!!! I'm sorry for stealing eye pictures!
Ohhhh I had a flashback to my little cellar.
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They were better than most parents
My Grandmother said to everyone in her family around the Thanksgiving dinner table.
"If any of you in my family tree decide to break the law, don't even think about using your last phone call to call me to bail you out. You got yourself into that mess, now get yourself out without ruining my good name". It seemed to work because none of us have a record to this day.-
Good old tough love!
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I was brought up by my father who was an ex-warrant officer in the British Army - I wonder if you can guess if he was strict or not. LOL-
Attention!
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Not that much. They gave us freedom but when we abused their way of making us good, they are ready to spank us. They are just a bit disciplinarian. A bit because we always had the freedom to go and make friends whoever we want, enjoy the life of a children. We all grow disciplined. -
I got grounded occassionally. I got my allowance taken away sometimes. I was expected to do a set of chores around the house and expected to finish my homework before I could play. I wasn't allowed to watch most television. I was expected to do well in school and expected to participate in some physical activity, I took aikido for discipline and tried kung fu but was even worse. -
My parents aren't very strict. They let me bcome a veg at 3!
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I got spankings. There was no such thing as "time out" when I was growing up. My parents and their generation would have laughed at such an idea.
When I was a kid, another punishment was being made to stay inside for the day. Today's kids would think being made to go outside and play is a punishment.-
"Today's kids would think being made to go outside and play is a punishment."
I'm always hearing about how kids don't play outside anymore...I can hardly walk down the street in my neighborhood for tripping over them.
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Spanked, loved, and no dates till I was in my 20's. No social life.
Freedom came late...but it came. Married now and definitely better at parenting . Still keep traditional values of respecting the elders but not commanding any respect from kids... you have to earn it. And one living parent, mum, has also changed her ways towards the grandkids. -
I would definitely not say strict--my parents trusted my judgment from an early age and I don't remember having very many rules. My mom was a worrier, though, so I had to check in with her all the time. I would never have dreamed of being late without calling, but not because I'd get in trouble--just because I knew it would worry her, and there was no reason...if I called and said I was going to be late that would be fine unless there was a reason she needed me home. My sister, who is eight years younger than I, had an entirely differently life.
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Strict is not the right word for my upbringing. My mother was physically and emotionally abusive and my father was mostly absent...they separated frequently and eventually divorced when I was 10.
Discipline was inconsistent and the rules changed daily without notice, and my most fervent childhood wish was to be 18 so I could get out.
I have a blog about this: mudsticksdrieshard.blogspot.com/2008/01/true-confessions.html
It is written as a fiction, but it is autobiographical and not exaggerated...if anything, it is toned down as the reality remains difficult to examine in too bright a light. -
Strict is not the right word for my upbringing. My mother was physically and emotionally abusive and my father was mostly absent...they separated frequently and eventually divorced when I was 10.
Discipline was inconsistent and the rules changed daily without notice, and my most fervent childhood wish was to be 18 so I could get out.
I have a blog about this: mudsticksdrieshard.blogspot.com/2008/01/true-confessions.html
It is written as a fiction, but it is autobiographical and not exaggerated...if anything, it is toned down as the reality remains difficult to examine in too bright a light.-
it's odd isn't it, when we are young, what we consider as normal, other people identify it as abuse, and in some cases it takes years to recognise it
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You are SO right! That is one of the ways abuse gets carried down through the generations: the abused consider that abuse to be normal, and people who don't abuse they view as "soft" or "weak."
My situation was a little different: my mother's parents were not abusive and I was very clear, from an early age, that my mother held some kind of unexplainable animosity towards me. But I recall being very surprised, when I started school, to discover that other little girls didn't get at least one "spanking" (I know now they were beatings, not spankings) every day.
Children are very ego-centric and believe that their lives are the norm, and anyone who has a different life is outside the norm. -
what i realized i have done for years is make excuses for peoples behavior. Even in the case of the main Franciscan brother that abused me and offered me up to his pedophile priest and Friar mates, I'm still having trouble hating this guy and have made some of the most bizarre excuses for it. Recently I received an email from a guy that grew up at the same church, he was an altar boy there and said he had never been abused. But he went on to say that his friends had turned up at school with stories of the Brother showing them a book he had of boys in a various states of undress. A real key to the whole thing for me was when he said something like "look, I really liked the guy, I'm hoping what you are saying isn't true but it has worried me for years". What I realised from this is people aren't completely bad, there are people that we want to love and trust and see only goodness in them, and because if this it makes it very difficult for us to accept it when they do things that are totally insane.
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I had to be home at 9 PM on weekends
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hehehe.. since I'm the only child of the family they don't allow me to go to parties with some of my friends -
very strict. no junkfood on weekdays, curfew at 4pm, no swimming at the beach alone.
the-daily-light.blogspot.com -
They tried their best to discipline us, but we were never spanked. My father was strict, but we were always allowed to bring out friends over. I don't resent their discipline. They did their best. -
We were so poor at that time so my parents were so strict when it comes to money. We don't ride to school because we can't afford the fare. And if you really want something and ask them to buy it for you, you will get a tongue-lashing but at the end of the day, they still won't buy it. There were no gifts to expect, allowances are unheard of, and the only thing that comes in abundance is the reminder of how important money is. It was a difficult childhood for us... -
Grew up in a gulag.-
could you be more specific?
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I think we all start with so many ideals. We all wanna be progressive, good and modern parents. But is it possible? Every child is unique and even we try to be the best parent, we are never really experiend. I often compare the way I raise my sons to the way my parents did. I think it is impossible.
I don't believe in spanking. I have 2 naughty sons and they are often a pain in the ass. So far I never needed to spank, I prefer to talk and discuss. Not always with results. We have to raise them with our heart and support them and listen to them when they need us. I have one very smart son. He was studying at the absolute highest level. He is 16 now and he left school and works 4 days in a supermarket and one day school. I feel like I fail but he feels happy. So what's more important.-
Hey, you kid hasn't failed, he's only young and alive. Help him find his dreams and follow them.
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I thought they were ogres when I was growing up but now I know their rules were created because they love me. Seldom got spanked, it was more psychological. When daughter was small I sent her to her room, did a lot of yellinjg (not proud of that one) and only spanked a couple of times, both times were reactionary. -
My mother was not very strict. I had rules but they were not terrible! My mother was a single mom.. she had a very controlling and strict mother and she didn't want to be that way. We had a very open and respectful relationship though.. she knew she could trust me and I never really did anything that would upset her (or atleast nothing she found out about until years later, lol). .. We are still very close! -
They really didn't seem to be too involved in anything I did...my uncle got mad at me for playing hooky from school than my parents did. Could've been cause he was the one my parents asked to wait for me after school and make sure I went straight home...lol! -
My parents were really strict. My step-dad was a pain and my mom was worse. The first time I got the chance to go out with friends with no supervision was when I was 18. -
My folks were too old to catch me by the time I came along. LOL -
My mom was so strict that my sister and I couldn't go to our friend's slumber party - and this friend lived right next door to us!
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My parents had five children, so they did not have time to discipline. Besides, we were angelic.
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I was always a good kid, but only because I was scared of the consequences if I misbehaved... not that my folks ever beat me or anything. Their potential displeasure alone was enough to keep me in line! Other than that, my parents had the confidence in me to let me think for myself.
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