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How to Deal With 30-Somethings
Posted by lotusb • 10/09/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: communication
Let me make sure I explain this correctly, so my BC'ers don't take this wrong.
I'm 25 years old. Now that I'm in my "mid-twenties" I have enough confidence in my own intelligence and enough smarts to know that NO ONE knows it all. In the working industry that I am in, I tend to be in corporate environments. I won't say EVERY time, but most jobs I'm at I run into a certain kind of 30-something co-worker. She's bossy, blunt, a little loud, usually single and seemingly bitter about it. She cuts me off when I talk, dismisses my opinions and ends every sentence with "you'll learn".
I have never felt intimidated by that until currently. The main reason I feel intimidated is because I know my own temper. I don't have a "middle" switch. I have silence, or full blast. This particular woman wears down everyone in the office but has specifically set her claws into me.
I'm not sure how to deal with this. Taking a queue from Holly...I'm asking BC'ers for advice.
Thanks guys... 
User Comments
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Start your own business and build your blogs up as fast as you can and hope Google likes them. Whenever you have to work for a boss, you will never be happy.-
This has nothing to do with a boss. She is not my boss, she is a co-worker. Although I appriciate the advice, this isn't really a "work" question. I have that in pretty good order.
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Ah, sounds like a Gen-Xer who's been burnt in the workplace from the get-go. (I sorta know the sense of Occupational Existential Angst.
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Is she doing this in front of other people as well?
Given you indicated she seems to be wearing everyone down, I'm guessing folks have seen how she behaves with you. I almost think if you can treat her condescension in a way so you've taken the high-road and it only make her look worse, that might be the way to go.-
Yep, in front of select others as well. She kind of belittiles opinions, and monopolizes conversations...
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Okay-- then it might help to think of this, not as YOUR problem, but as EVERYBODY'S problem.
Clearly the woman is very insecure, and thinks she can get ahead by minimizing others.
If everybody knows about it and how she is, then see if you can keep in mind that what she says isn't reflecting on YOU, it's reflecting on her.
And minimize contact with her, if you can.
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Being a thirty-something myself (30 to be exact), I'll offer this: You deal with the b!tch as you would any other.
You pull her to the side and tell her to knock it off. If she doesn't, you exlax her coffee every morning. She'll be too busy in the bathroom to mess with you.-
Bloody hell, you don't mess with Suzie! -
Oh, Suzy...this is why I love you so very much.
The exlax is priceless!! Lol...
But yes I am very much considering a quick talk.
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Tehehe,this is what I say....watch Nancy Grace a few times. I have learned from her how to be rude and not rude to someone at the same time. It is almost an art. When the girl start tellin u something say.....uh hmm...right right uh hmmm uh hmmm then cut into what she is saying with your "better" opinion or statement before she finishes her thought....
Like I said watch Nancy Gracy very good coach,haha-
Nancy Grace, huh? I'll have to give it a try, never watched her before. I am pretty good and the passive aggressive coolness us women tend to serve like hot piercing bullets....lol
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EXACTLY!!!
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I love the ExLax in her coffee =) Seriously though, it's a tough one, especially if it's a company where you want to expand your career/stay put for awhile. A tricky balance between saying "F*^T off" and "I understand your perspective, but I don't think I'm as naive as you think."
Bitter women are annoying regardless of their age - pour some sugar down her throat (or better yet, find her a man! LOL)-
A man would be AWESOME for her...my goodness.
Actually, good point about the company...I'm actually leaving in January to go back to New York, so....
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She's just a co-worker. Quite harmless. Just sit and enjoy the show - what happens to her eventually -
well then just have fun with it...if you know ur leaving definately pull a Nancy Grace and yall will prolly end up being friends after u stand ur ground
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"I won't say EVERY time, but most jobs I'm at I run into a certain kind of 30-something co-worker. She's bossy, blunt, a little loud, usually single and seemingly bitter about it. She cuts me off when I talk, dismisses my opinions and ends every sentence with "you'll learn".
I'm a thirty something and I have been accused of being above. I have had to work with twenty somethings with far less experience and education than me. I tried to listen to what they have to say and be a fair leader; but, it didn't change their perception of me being bossy because I am confident and blunt.
I get really impatient with the idea that every idea has the same merit. It doesn't. Some things work and some things don't. Does that mean I discriminate against younger women? Absolutely not. If I feel you are doing a good job and have good ideas, I absolutely will stand behind you and utilize your ideas and work.
I believe that women are at such a disadvantage in the workplace because men are allowed to be blunt, assertive and confident while women are expected to be negotiators and diplomats. At some point, some one has to take the lead and I find it quite offensive that female leaders are called "bitches" and "bossy" rather than "assertive" and "aggressive". I was nice to all my co-workers, but I have to say, I VASTLY preferred working with men to women because of issues like this.-
I can appriciate your perspective. I have NEVER had a problem with construtctive critique. I give credit and admiration where due and this complaint is not stemming from work related issues. I don't work directly for her. I work directly for her boss. However, on a personal level (group happy hours, after work get togethers) I tend to bump heads with her. It is not her professional abilities but her social skills that I am offended by. Being older should never lend one cause to be a blatent ass hole.
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Oh, that's different. I never treated anyone badly at work. Bad feelings make bad teams.
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Exactly.
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I don't think it has anything to do with her age. Maybe she's jealous? I'm in my 30's and have many friends that are in their twenties. In fact, I find a lot of people in their 30's to be dull and too serious. This is the time when many of them get married and start families. I'm not there yet.-
Well I can understand that. She's dull without the family/husband though.
Confusing.
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A shot to the liver.-
Lol...oh how I wish that were legal.
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Firstly, those types are every where and in every age group. With my first child I let him crawl on a playground. Some kid spit right in front of him. At first I ignored it and moved him else where. The kid spit in front of him again. I asked politely "Could you please not spit right in front of my baby?" Apparently, the mother didn't like that I was teaching her kid manners, began to scream at me, told me "You'll learn." I asked if she meant I would learn to teach my kids to be dumb hillbillies and not smart, polite ones. I ticked her off to say the least.
Let it be known my kids do not spit in front of anybody. My kids say please, thank you, No sir/ mam, and yes sir/ mam. There is a doofus in every bunch who thinks they know it all and fact of the matter no one does. -
Too many Starbucks' Vientes? -
Initially, before you'd mentioned this woman mainly did this in after-work social situations, I was wondering whether it was just a case of the woman having encountered too many newbie coworkers with NGS--
y'know, New Guy Syndrome-- the need some newbies have to show what up-and-comers they are by trying to change things at the business before they even know how and why they're done.
After a while, not listening to the new folks' advice-- no matter how good-- ends up being a knee-jerk reaction.
But now it sounds like this woman is just wanting attention.-
Yea, we don't work directly together, and are on two different teams so there is no need for her to show me anything. She can't do my job and I can't do hers.
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My first thought is she's got the HOTS for YOU! My second is that she sees in YOU how she wishes she was - you represent missed opportunities, youth, freedom - many things that she may be missing -You need to invite her to a reality check party-
I agree with you, Mandy. She is just an envious woman having her own pity party. Unfortunately, Lotus, people like that never change, misery loves company. Just ignore her, she is not worth your time and effort.
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