User Comments

1. 

   10/11/08

   Onchong

   True friends are not easy to find and friendship takes time to build. Frustrations and hardships are parts of the process. It needs a lot of nurturing, patience, and devotion. Friendship is more than just having things in common. You have to be flexible at times. Start by getting out of your comfort zone, join a group, a community, a club. Clear your thoughts of everything that is negative about meeting and interacting with others. Socialize and be part of the in-crowd. True friendship is a way of relating with another.
   
   Ralph Waldo Emerson offered the best advice. He said, "The only way to have a friend is to be one."

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   1. 

      10/11/08

      timethief

      @onchong
      Applause!
2. 

   10/11/08

   zenbae

   Thanks, I'm feeling better now.

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3. 

   10/11/08

   DocNicole

   Best way to have a friend is to be a friend. I know it is trite, but it is true. Take care hun!

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4. 

   10/11/08

   Ecolux

   I agree and disagree. I'm a great friend. But in today's world, many people are not available for friendship, they have no time. Proximity is what makes my friends, elderly neighbors, colleagues at work, people who have extended periods of time together... One of my clients says she pays for a coach (me) and a therapist because she doesn't have time for friends. The one hour a week she may have free for socializing is not always a time other women are available, esp those with children, ailing parents or loved ones... I find I make more friends when I travel, when people are relaxed and have free time, than I do when I'm in my day-to-day life. Maybe that's why I've become an expert at travel, I love the connections...

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5. 

   10/11/08

   ranist22

   I have both friends who think like me and those who don't think like me. It's a learning and giving process, but I don't see where the fear comes in. Try to define what you're scared of.

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6. 

   10/11/08

   Sebastyne

   I make friends quite easily, even though I suppose I am a bit of an introvert... Anyway, the way I go about it, is to be open about myself, try to be nice to people, and not expect too much of others. I mean, other people are rarely exactly what you wish them to be, everyone has some issues to deal with and qualities you don't exactly like. I am quite analytical in nature, so I tend to find these flaws quite quick, but I choose not to let them bother me.
   
   I do demand some things off my friends. I want them to treat me with respect. I want them to treat others and the world we live in with respect. I want them to be more or less balanced in their mental health (as I've wasted so much energy trying to keep depressed friends afloat, and it's just so hard work, and it never really helps as far as I can see). And then I do need some mutual interests to talk about. It just makes creating a routine easier, say you both like dogs and enjoy going to dog shows or walks together. It helps in the start of the friendship, if you have some excuse to be in contact, but becomes a little irrelevant in the long run.

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7. 

   1/19/09

   vivimari

   Good points already. It was much easier to find friends when one was younger, as everyone was open and interested to discover the world and to some extent the people in it. As you get older, it may be that you're the single one and all your old friends have families to attend to. It's not always much fun. Sometimes I think I'm at the worst point (42) and that it will get better once people's kids have grown up. On the other hand people have also become more self-obsessed, or so it seems, and it's harder to find a real working connection with anyone. Not many make you feel as if you're interesting. So while I was shy when I was younger, now I just feel ignored... You also become more demanding when you get older; you don't want to waste your time with people you have little in common with. You also have bad experiences behind you that make you more cautious... life has different phases, that's for sure. There are times when you can't help but be alone because there is no group or activity you can join. Where I live now, there is only one club where I get some social contact, but it took me 2-3 years to feel comfortable about the fact that I am very different from the rest. We only have the knowledge of a language in common... I'm an artist but the artist community here really sucks. Only a couple of people are cool and helpful. Dunno... people just don't really care to stand you by and help you out anymore. Are we all so overwhelmed? or is it the height of the era of narcissism? People sit by the internet a LOT but it's not even close to experiences in the real world. It's just more convenient. Sometimes there is nothing else, so you have to resort to it... but if you ask me, i think we live in a sad society.

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