Discussions
I Am NOT Going To Marry
Posted by hanxiansheng • 2 years ago • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS]
Topics: love, marriage, marry
I don’t like marriage, in other words, I am not going to marriage. I’d like to be a free man, do what I want to do, live a life what I am dreaming of. Marriage means we have to share our ideas with our spouses, and of course included. We have to be happy when they are happy, cry when they cry. But the point is I don’t like to cry, even I live under the very bad condition. So I can’t cry with her.
Alas! There is no inconvenient to be a single man, a free man. I can travel all over the world alone, if I want to travel to Africa, I will go tomorrow, I don’t have to discuss with others. I do what I want to do. This is really a cool thing. Isn’t it?
When I am old, I will stay in my comfortable home and talk with my friends via internet. I will take a walk everyday, and sleep on time. When I am too old to take care of myself, I will consider to kill myself. In my mind, we don’t need to live a long life. But we should live a meaningful life. We should enjoy our life in our youth time.
Forgive me if I happen to hurt your feeling. I don’t mean to do it. What I want to do here is sharing my real ideas with you. My attitude to marriage, you absolutely needn’t to behave like me. You should go your own way.
It’s my great pleasure if you can find your own life, I really hope you can enjoy your life everyday.
User Comments
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Amen lol -
What's that?
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it is a praise to your words.
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it's good that you decided that you don't like marriage before you got married - saved yourself a lot of trouble! more and more people are living happily as singles these days. -
thank you for opinion and kindness. I will do what i want to do. But i am not sure if my parents allow me to do that.
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No disrespects to your parents, but once you have grown to a certain age, they should have no control over your life in any way. Sure you should do your best to honor their name and keep them happy but that doesn't mean you have to follow them like a trained pet.
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Some people do better alone than married. It's a personal choice. No one but you knows if you're likely to become a lonely bachelor. -
what is the male equivalent to a nun?
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Monk
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I won't be a monk, but i will be pleased to be a bachelor. What about you?
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Hry. Try this...go to the mirror and say "I love myself, I'm worth loving and one day someone else will love me dearly"-
rofl, you just made me think of al franken(stuart smalley), and when he used to make celebrities speak to themselves in the mirror.
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when I parted with a girlfriend that I'd been with for 7 years about 20 years ago, I said 'that's it, enough'. I was telling a friend of mine about it and he said "When love hits you it hits you, and there's nothing you can do about it"....it hit me, I've been married 15 years.
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right on!~ you said it! AG~
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thank you for your advice. But i just want to be single all my life. I don't like marriage. It's not free at all.
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single life can get quite lonely at times, but with time you can overcome it as well.
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yeah, i think so. i like think something, so i must keep single life
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It seems that you have a very self-indulgent world view. There's a lot of "I want" and "I don't want" in your assessment of marriage and beyond (when life is no longer a good time, maybe suicide?). If freedom and getting what you want are your primary life goals, then you are probably quite right that marriage is not for you.
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i think freedom can come through marriage because if you want to learn the art of not controlling or not being controlled, the marriage or close partnership relationship is the best place for it. Wandering around the world unattached is not freedom, it could easily be a way of avoiding things that need to be faced.
T think it would be really nice if this guy to falls hopelessly in love -
I bet he'll be married winthin the next 5 years. lol
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Yeah, i live for myself.And my mission is enjoying life and helping others if i can.
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well now that, that is settled. Let's go have some cake.
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You know i am not quite sure if my parents will permit me to be single, how can i tell them the truth? I've no idea.
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different culuture respond differently to things like this. You could say "because this is a very serious life decision, I need to take my time with it". Now, what will happen is as they get older , their aches and pains will take up so much mental energy, it won't be a major priority". Hopefully you've got a brother or sister that will do lots of crazy things, and this will keep the attention on them instead of on you.
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I think he is that brother lol
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Tell them your Gay and they'll leave you alone then you will not have to fear you parents!~
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thank you for your kind suggestion. I will try to explain to them using your advice.
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whatever does it for you :o) -
I am not sure if i will change my mind in the future.
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Why say no to marriage forever? Simply LIVE and ENJOY every second of life - until love finds YOU!
Go to Africa! Live your dreams. This is what you want to do - so go.
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Yeah. i think i will do that. i will go to find my own life. Live a life as i wish. Follow my dream and enjoy my life.
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and love as you go along
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I was married for 22 years and I did ALL the things you did and more. I had my OWN MIND, I didn't have to share anything. I had my own bank account, I had my own cars, We shared a house, We shared our children, ...but most importantly We shared our love.
I didn't just have a husband, I had a best friend...and to me that is the most special thing in the world. Having a partnership. Marriage is a ceremony.
So I respect your decision. No one wants to change it, but understand you didn't create yourself. It took the love of two people. Whether they stayed together or not important, but they gave birth to a wonderful, free thinking son....YOU!!-
nice
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well if he were to run a huge debt or something likewise, and afterwords you got divorced, would he be fully responsible for that debt or would you both be responsible for that debt?
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dear iriegal,
thank you very much for your advice. i will consider that carefully. I wish you have a wonderful life in your whole life -
I used to feel that way...until I met someone. Perhaps someday I will feel that way again...until I meet someone else.
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interesting idea!, you like more freedom life, here same!
But there is another quesion around you, When you old, you will like child around you. If not!how lonely you are!am i right? -
Dear 362172201,
you maybe right. but as to me,i think i can overcome loneliness. I will travel all over the world so i won't feel lonely. what do you say?-
You can have a girlfriend in every country you visit! That would be dope.
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hanx ...would you like us to find you a girlfriend? :-)
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please do
maybe 362172201? -
hey, if he doesnt take her I will dammit.
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Dear jeloroc,
you idea is very interesting, that will be a wonderful experience, but I'd rather let them to be my sisters, not girlfriends. thank you.
Dear acousticguitarist,
thank you very much for your suggestion, i say no thanks. You are really kind. But i will be very pleased if they are to be my sisters. You know i really wish i have some sisters so i can take care of them and miss them as a brother. -
ok, i will do that.
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but sharing happiness will incraese happiness
and sahring worries will decreses ur worries
when u are old no one cared like ur spouses! is not it?!
who loves u when u are alone! -
Dear naren,
I think you are right. But i also think i will find other ways to happiness-
well u can get happiness anywhere but can u get the ture happiness with the person who really loves u?!
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Dear naren,
I think i will get happiness by writing articles,poems in my blog www.handingchao.com. It will be my heart's home. I share my life here, so i can get happiness in the future. It will also be my autobiography i suppose. -
I think it is very possible to be happy without being married, but I'm not sure you understand the depth and complexity of a married relationship yet. Each person gives and takes throughout all the years of the marriage. You give, you get.
Marriage isn't free, but it isn't costly either.
One thing I notice very often in the medical reports that I transcribe is when the doctors say this, and they say it with almost every report: "His wife is here and will be watching him closely." Or, "Her husband is here and will be watching her closely." If you never marry, I hope you try to make sure there is someone there in your life, someone who is "always there," who can take care of you, not just in sickness, but in all things that are important. If you never marry, you likely won't have children to depend on either. Blood is thicker than water, and family is often all you have in life.
But, again, some personalities do well alone, too. -
I understand that you needn't be married to someone to live a happy life. More and more people decide to be in relationships (I mean stable ones)without wearing wedding rings. What really counts for them is just love. I'm not sure whether you are against marriages or any relationships. If you are against both options it can mean that you simply can't love anyone. It would sound sad... -
There's nothing wrong with being single, that's for sure! -
Thank you for all your kind and deep opinion. I really appreciate. But i still think single life is suit for me.
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hanx, if God wants you to get married, you will - pursue your dreams and see what unfolds.
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Do you think that's necessarily true, GG? I think that God lets us thwart his plans for us, and most of us do so on a regular basis.
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yeah you are right, i'd think about it very carefully, Thank you globalgirl.
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You may not want to marry NOW but this can change. Let us know if you end up meeting someone and falling in love.
Of course this is if BC is still around! :0)
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dear MadameX,
thank you for your care, but i am not sure if i will change my mind someday.
dear globalgirl,
i am very glad to tell you if i fall in love someday. But it is not very possible.-
I don't know whether changing your mind would be a good thing or not; it interests me that you have such strong feelings on what seems to me a very abstract issue. Perhaps that is a cultural difference, or just a difference in personality, but marriage seems to me something that can't be understood or contemplated in any meaningful way in the abstract. Thus, this all seems very theoretical and detached from real life to me.
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my philosophy is never to say never You never know what life will bring. I do think that we should all enjoy our singlehood to figure out who we are are and develop our personal identity.. I think you should use that time to be selfish... do what you want.. travel, go places, and expand your horizon.. and hopefully one day you will meet someone to share your life with.. not necessary get married but I do think that in order to grow you need to learn how to love... it doesn't have to be just one person.. it can be group of friends... a community.. or even God..
Marriage is not for everyone... but I think that it could definitely have its rewards. I am finding out that being with someone is more difficult than being single but it's very rewarding too.. I never thought I would marry either but I am finding out that freedom and commitment can coexist. Good luck in your adventures and if you do decide to get married one day.. great! if not... that's great too.. It's your life.. live it the way you want. -
hanxiansheng
I believe you understand your parents better. My parents have higher hopes for their son. They want the male descendants to continue carrying on the family name.
If you are not ready yet, why do you want to tell them "no" instead? If I were you, I would tell them that I take marriage very seriously. I would not simply marry for the sake of marrying. If I marry, I want happiness. If I'm doubtful whether someone is compatible with me, I would not jump into marrying that person and suffer. When I suffer, I'm sure my parents would also suffer indirectly along with me.
I didn't want to be married until I met my husband. We were casual friends with a platonic relationship for 3 years before we decided to marry. We had a premarital couselling of 12 sessions which we discussed in detail what we want our marriage to be like. In my marriage, he and I are both givers by nature so there is alot of love and harmony. We are naturally happy being ourselves. We communicate alot openly with each other. We do not agree on everything and sometimes we just agree to disagree. We have to be realistic that no one can agree with us 100% all the time and it's no point to pretend. We love children. Unfortunately we aren't able to have any.
Some people think that without children, a marriage is meaningless.
See more of the world and do what you need to do now. Seek to settle down when you feel you are ready. When you are not ready, it's simply not the time yet. When you have met someone very compatible, you'll be glad that you waited fot the right person to come along. But when the right person comes along sooner than you expected, don't miss the boat too. Be friends and understand each other first.
I might as well share this with you. I know of a couple who have been married for about 10 years and then separated. The wife wanted a kid. The husband said she wanted to work, go to college and is so bad at time management up to the extent that they didn't have time for each other, how could they ever have time for a kid. He suggested seeking a marriage counsellor. She insisted on having a kid if not, it's a goodbye.
Well, I'm just sharing my experience, observations and opinions. You can disagree with me. I hope you will have a clearer mind and wisdom in dealing with your parents on the subject. -
I have 4 brothers (include me), so i think my parents won't care about the son from me. This is really wonderful, you know, so i can do what i want to do.
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You know i am not quite sure if my parents will permit me to be single, how can i tell them the truth? I've no idea.
Hiya! I am replying to this comment of yours. I think this is a huge comment you made. You are not sure if your parents will permit you to be single? what is your age? I think the issue you have to face is not accepting what your parents "want" you to do and making wise choices for yourself. This is your life - not theirs.
No wonder you post an entry stating I am NOT going to marry. There are plenty of nice people around here who I am sure will give you encouragement to learn courage and exercise faith and be respectful to yourself and be honest with you mum and dad. So you can move ahead and learn courage first.
With respect ... myself -
I am 26 years old, graduated from a university this July. I think my parents will let me live a life as I wish, they won't say "no" to my choice, I think.
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oh my gosh! are you for real? This sounds like a giant joke to me.
Possibly the most selfish and isolating mind frame i can imagine.
"I'm not going to love or care about anyone because then i will have to make sacrifices for them or at least think about someone other than myself"
Wake up. -
Don't u have any feeling to love and to be loved?.. -
Don't u have any feeling to love and to be loved?..
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its you decision not to get married
and if you think that your decision is correct so be it. no one will force you to jump on things you dont like
from www.teebob.blogspot.com
www.doodleztech.blogspot.com -
Dear WanNo,
Thank you for your question, to tell the truth, I do loved someone, but I don't if she loved me too. I've no idea if anyone ever loved me.-
If u love her.. let her know...
World is meaningless without love..
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Dear WanNo,
I hope you are right, well, I will try to love someone. Is it?-
It's up to you..
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Dear WanNo,
I really appreciate for your advice. I am very glad to talk more with in private, My Skype name is handingchao, can we talk via Skype? Thank you very much. -
is love in the air?
hanx, i am making a joke because of your recent request to Skype Wano. -
Hello, bharawork,
Sorry, i am afraid you have misunderstood me. You know, in my sense, when we have a lot in common with someone, we would like to talk with her/him in private, it is very normal. I am sorry that you think like that.
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marriage is fun and responsibility and lot of sacrifice.
but, it teaches you to share, face life in a more balanced way ... -
don't. it's not for everyone. -
Huh...interesting
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That is what I used to say (regarding marriage).... 5 years ago ...
but then I got married on Christmas..
Life can be so unexpected ..even when you say that "Me and marriage ... a totally no..no... it just pops out in the face sometimes.... -
does she sing too?
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She won in a singing competition 5 years ago.... I was runners-up in the same competition .... weird.. totally different musical taste ....she's into sentimental pop and I'm crazed rock-star wannabe
Then later we became husband and wife.... lol-
that's a great story
who owns the hifi remote?
i'm hoping hanx falls in love, it would be real nice for him
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Hifi Remote? well that's good question though....
Normally I give ...she takes ..but sometimes the opposite
Yo hanxiansheng buddy...... don't get me wrong..... but from what I believe... if you say you wouldn't ...don't be surprised that you might actually did it in the future ....
like maybe next time, there'll be a post like " I want to Marry" kinda thing ... anyway all the best ..... bro... Rock Forever...-
she's on her way to see him...she's just exiting the etheric, moving into the astral and any day now he's a goner...loves gonna knock him over
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I hope that your resolution/resentment is not result of any rejection. By the way, 2 nd comment by 'MadameX' what a scrutinisation! -
come down to South Africa i'll hook you up with a very nice wife, who will totally change your peception to marriage. -
Hope you change your mind -
wow this thread got interesting lol. hanx, please update us when you can.
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Marriage isn't for everyone. Its a choice. Who would think someone in
the wedding business would come to your defense? LOL!
What we have here is a cultural difference. In the USA, we are free to
marry who we want when we want or not marry at all. Our parents don't tell us what to do and if they do, we don't listen. We are free to choose our own life path and we do it with their encouragement.
Life is what happens when you aren't looking. I met my husband when I was
happily single and had other plans. My plans didn't change. I just added him to my life. He's my best friend and he completes my life. I don't cry when he's sad. I don't get upset when he's upset. I still have the freedom to do I want and so does he. But we usually do things together because that's what WE want. The biggest life change was to stop dating and come home after work.
I've read your blog and its very insightful. You are a very deep thinker. My advice to you is to enjoy your life because you aren't going to get another chance to do it again. Life happens when you aren't expecting it and everything happens for a reason. And never say never...because you may have to eat your words when you meet someone who rocks your world. And it will happen when and IF you are ready.
Best of life to you. Rose -
Dear Weddingzilla,
Thank you for caring about me. You advice is very useful, I will take it.
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I don't think I will ever get married. I have been proposed to but right now I'm waiting for Angelina Jolie to leave that Brad Pitt Person.... :):) -
It seems that someone is shaking my idea, but i will adhere my promise.
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