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If a faithful reader inadvertantly scares off other commentors.....
Posted by EndlesslySheSaid • 1/09/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: comment wars
what is the best way to handle that? I have a reader who has read my blog since before it was officially a blog. Back in the day when it was just text on a web page, he was reading (like 2000 forward). The issue with him is that he is a dear dear friend, but like me is very outspoken and sometimes when he leaves a comment I will get emails from a few people saying what they would normally comment but they don't want X to respond.
What do you do there?
Is it a loyalty vs newbie scenario?
Lol is there even a way out of that?
User Comments
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I respond by doing one thing and one thing only
Removing them from my friendship. I am sick of these people.
They should be aware of what they are doing and in most cases I believe they do know
but they continue to drive everyone off the page.
I won't tolerate it period. A discussion or a commentor should know that other people will voice their comments and opinions and they are not there to continue to act holier than thou, driving all off the page by continuing to correct everyone else with their unwanted and unnecessary comments.
Just leave your friggin comment an move on and realize that other people have their opinions too and they are entitled to voice them, whether you agree with them or not. These are the same people who kill the growth of a community because sooner or later people will stop commenting and these people kill a community, discussion or blog this way. I have noticed it in a few networks and I do what is necessary to help put an end to it.-
that's what I was thinking. He is such a friggin debater that it is driving me insane! I routinely have to edit his comments removing x,y,&personal attacks on others. Ugh!
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EndlesslySheSaid...I am glad you brought up this discussion because I was thinking
about it myself and if I did some would take it as a personal attack.
However yes if this person is acting in a way where it is killing growth, speech
and freedom of ideas in a community, network, forum, blog and comments then yes by all means do what is necessary, even if it means hurting this persons feelings because this person obviously cares nothing about the feeling of others.
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You might be able to leave the comment, but then temper it a bit with a cautioning response message of your own.
Readers may feel his vocal views are synonymous with yours. If they found out otherwise, and knew you would support their views as well, that might do the trick.-
that is a pretty good idea, I didn't even think of that one. thanks
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See what happens. If it doesn't help, then I would agree with Jeunelle and it might be better to ask the person to not leave comments (or to block them from leaving comments)-- depending on how close your friendship is, and whether it would survive something like this.
If it's going to affect your blog growth, and you want to continue blogging, then it might be for the best. -
ThriftShopRomantic
You might be able to leave the comment, but then temper it a bit with a cautioning response message of your own.
Excellent advice...One that I didn't think of but I certainly can see where it would work
and be quiet helpful in solving this problem.
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Oye decisions decisions. I dated him for 3 years and have known him for 11 so this is going to be "interesting" either way
Grrr stupid grumpy people suck-
EndlesslySheSaid...this may another reason why he thinks it's ok to continue to do this.
Some people, friends in particular take advantage of your good nature and show up to ruin
what you worked so hard to attain.
Friendship should have nothing to do with it. As far as I'm concerned, THIS IS WAR. -
Agreed. I think I have figured out what to do! I have 2 blogs right now with the same content, one with a no robots thing and the other that is primary. I am thinking that I forward him to the unfindable one that looks exactly the same, right down to the widgets, and automattically posts what I post to the other one. I did that initially to test out content and how it looks with various themes and such without disrupting the regular one. Seems to me he can post his little heart out on the blocked one, while allowing the primary to grow and be happy
Lol
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Juenelle is absolutely correct.
When I first started blogging I was blogging on a service offered by my South African ISP. There were quite a few bloggers in this service and it became a sort of social network. We got along well as a group (I met several of my personal friends there).
And then a new guy came in. He was rude, bombastic, attacked people right and left, was foul-mouthed and insulting...and the admins kept their hands off. Pretty soon, the bloggers became polarized: those who wanted the guy to be roped in and either forced to be civil or be banned vs those who said his "freedom of speech" included the ability to insult everyone he wanted with impunity. Anyone who objected or defended one of his victims became the next victim, subject to nasty comments on their blog. His little warriors actually sat down and spammed victims with nasty comments. It was awful.
People stopped making comments in the public arena but went offline to personal emails or IMs to make honest comments...they were afraid of the new guy and his supporters. Within a year the entire cadre of original bloggers was gone and this guy and his supporters pretty much ran the blogs. I drop in from time to time and he is now gone, but his legacy lives on: it is now a polarized community of various factions: the bullies, the victims, and the fence-sitters. Flamewars erupt regularly, and the cooperative, cohesive community is permanently destroyed.
If you allow it, you condone it...and that makes you part of the problem when you, as the blog owner, should be the solution. -
if he is a dear friend, then you should be able to talk to him separately about the issue. it's not that you don't enjoy his exuberance. your just asking that he tone down the comments or simply stop commenting. explain that some readers are offended and may not understand him like you do. a good friend will hear you loud and clear and will understand your request. if not, you really might want to consider just how good a friend he is.
anyway, that's one suggestion. -
Even though he is a loyal visitor, and unless you want your blog to be something for just the two of you I would tell him to back off.
Know one likes the know it all type who just love confrontational arguments.
People like that scare off others, I am speaking from experience.
I would love to comment on many of the discussions her in BC but usually avoid commenting because there are few of those types here too.
I can't tell you how many times I've typed in comment and then just deleted it to avoid being criticized.-
@Sylvia and I can only imagine how terrified a Newbie must feel when they post a comment
for the 1st time here in a bc discussion only to get ripped apart by a bunch of hyenas.
Today I get the same people commenting in my discussions and seldom sees a Newbie commenting to that discussion and though I love you all dearly, I am also here to get Newbies to visit my blogs.
I'm sure I'm not the only one here at BC who has noticed a reduction in Newbies on the general forum. We should be working to change this problem by encouraging more Newbie participation without scaring them off and overly criticizing them.
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The following has been extracted from my post called How to handle negative comments onecoolsite.wordpress.com/2008/06/04/how-to-handle-negative-comments/
It seems that many bloggers fear that if they restrict commenters, they’ll lose readership. Well, I would prefer to lose the the bad actors and preserve as safe and comfortable environment for all.
Elise Bauer, Publisher of Simply Recipes and Editor-in-Chief of Learning Movable Type states in her Problogger guest article:
Providing a quality environment for the readers of our blogs is more important than giving a platform for a few people who don’t know how to play well with others. … Most of us do not want to chance being ridiculed by others if we make a comment on a site. We will steer to where we feel comfortable and safe participating, and stay away from places where we don’t.
How you choose to moderate the comments on your site will affect who feels comfortable to participate on your site, and who will want to come back again and again. If you let rude, obnoxious, spiteful comments persist on your blog, you are basically telling all of your commenters that it’s okay with you to behave badly on your site. This covert permission can act like a magnet, drawing in hooligans and bullies, making the reading of and participating in your comment section uncomfortable for many. I learned long ago that people will give you as much crap as you are willing to put up with. If you tolerate abusive commenters, they’ll just keep coming back.
www.problogger.net/archives/2007/11/29/how-does-your-comment-policy-affect-... -
unless he's threatening people i say let it go,
if people are scared away by differing opinions then they probably arent going to be very loyal readers anyway. -
awww I feel bad for you and hope I never get one of those!!! -
Those people complaining are just whimps. I comment frequently on a blog where I always get a comments in response disagreeing with me either in a respectful or mean spirited way, I either respond or don't respond back, theres nothing to be scared of. I say stick with the loyal reader. Depending on how ridiculous the comments are I recommend installing a comment policy. At the same time I would tell those commentors who are scared that they should engage in conversations as thats what the comment section is all about debating with others and sharing points of views, its not like they have to respond to everyone that responds to them....you know what I mean?
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There is a difference between disagreements and clearly showing signs of preventing others
from participating in a discussion. It's called BULLYING.
It is clearly seen in discussions where the creator of that discussion isn't grown or matured enough
to let any one register his/her views in that thread without some form of confrontation and harrassment and it is disruptive and annoying. -
I think it helps, too, if you think of it in terms of your blog having a brand.
If off-the-wall and disrespectful comments are a part of what you want your blog to say about you-- part of an edgy and controversial brand image, for example-- then it's a non-issue.
But if you're pulling together a blog you'd like to have a certain tone and comfort-level, then it would be worth re-examining so it doesn't affect your brand. -
With him, I let it go for the longest time because he said it was his culture (he is not from the US) and I know that he has always been like that. He is always agreeing with me but the way he does it is like whoa!
Example: a post about why I have so many names
he said: I'll always remember you as little Casandra
someone said: I think stage names are good because they give you the freedom to experiment with different genres
he said: you're retarded, she has a beautiful name and there is no point in changing it. You should be called idiot blogger
I said: now now play nice
same someone's email: I really enjoyed your entry however I will not be returning. you should not allow name calling
so i unapproved all of the comments on that post and apologized for his actions
To me, it really didn't seem that bad, I've seen worse here on the forums. If that was the first time I received such an email, I'd have been like aww how sensitive and let it stand, but it's a pretty regular thing-
From your entries there, it sounds to me as if he's very defensive of you and wishes to keep you all to himself.
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yeah, he has a slight infatuation... putting it mildly. I have redirected him to a copy cat site. Hopefully that will allow him to post freely, while allowing others to do the same on the real one
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Oh brother, these are the worst types.
I sure hope the redirect works.
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Effen Effen Effen Effen Fudge! In my efforts to redirect him, I screwed up my databases lol so blog is now offline till I figure out how to separate this merging of databases. No, I am indeed not cool enough to have backed it up first. Gosh, next time I'll just cuss him out and not worry about upsetting him and screwing up the whole thing. Grr...
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