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If adopted would you want to find your parents
Posted by amybyrd21 • 10/28/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: adopted, find parents or not, questions
Ok I am adopted and wanted to look for my parents. (Not for a happy reunion but medical questions) My parents will not give me any info. I got some from the home I was adopted from but it is the vague kind of info. I am still working on it.
My questions is if you were adopted would you look for your parents? Why or why not?
User Comments
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I think I would, both for medical reasons and for the sake of knowing where I came from and why they gave for adoption. I would probably thank them for the latter though
I hope you find answers Amy
Isn't your file available now because of the time since your adoption? couldn't you petition a judge to give it to you or something like that?-
I am working towards getting info. My BC states my parents that rised me as my parents and all. We think they know but are not telling. There are some things on my dad's side not adding up. He has another daughter and he cant see her because of my mom. I think that has something to do with it. I talked to her for a few minuets once and my mom went nuts.
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You bet. I am convinced I am convinced I am George Burn's illegitimate child. Although Cookingasshole more closely resembles him... -
I don't think that's a question anyone can answer unless they're in that position. None of us knows how we'd feel in a life situation we've never experienced. -
Having been sold on the black market, I'd love to find either of my biological parents for numerous reasons. In some cases (in the same time & place as my own sale,) children were taken from unwed teen mothers against their will & without consent & sold. I'd also love to have some information on my heritage, as well as the medical info. It'd also be nice to see someone who actually looks like me. I've seen enough of it in other families. I feel completely rootless in this world. Like an unfitting entity, floating aimlessly & alone.-
You are not alone. You have us ... if we are your consolation prize, that is. -
I appreciate that, but that doesn't really change the rootlessness. It's hard to explain the feeling, but only meeting actual, biological family will change it.
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If I were adopted I would want to know who my birth parents were--all the who, where and why of it. There would be a gene connection there that couldn't be denied. I'd also be curious about any unknown siblings.
Sounds like your mom has put up a wall on the subject, one that you're going to have to climb over if you want to pursue your story. I have heard of a case recently where someone contacted the charity involved with the home where she was born and that's how her birth was finally traced. -
Amy, I assume your adoptive parents won't give you the information you need because either
a] they fear you will abandon them for your birth family or
b] because your birth parents were derelicts and they don't want to see you hurt.
In either case, I would sit them down and assure them that you will love them exactly as you always have, but that you have a right to the information you are seeking. You would really appreciate their cooperation, but if not, you will go ahead on your search anyhow.
Good luck. It is an emotional minefield, but one you and your adoptive parents CAN negotiate. -
I think it depends on how different I was. I think that some traits are inborn and when those traits are as dominant as they are in me, I think there would be need to figure out where it came from. Medical would be a good reason too. I mean my brother and I were not raised together but we are like 90% alike. Raised in different social classes, different states, etc but our "quirks" are apparently genetic. If I never knew where they came from I can imagine I'd feel pretty awkward. I am a firm believer in nature over nurture. -
I'm not adopted...but sometimes I'd like to find some adoptive parents. -
Trust me from experience -- biological parents are overrated (and no, I'm not adopted myself). I wouldn't place too much importance upon finding them. But you have to follow your heart, regardless. -
If you find them, are you going to do it at their house? -
I can't say really because I've never experienced this first hand, although knowing my personality I would say Yes. I have a need to know personality, I am very curious and feel strongly about wanting to know the full story.
I wish you all the best on your journey, take care of yourself. You sound brave. -
It would depend on what type of household I was raised in because many people that are adopted they find a nice family and move on with there life. Then you have those people that are just curious to find there real parents just to ask why where they adopted.
For myself eventually I would just want to know who was my parents and if I had any other siblings. -
Of course I would. Just to find out if my mum did it with the postman.-
Mum having sex? Noooooooo... tell me it wasn't so
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Sorry, I dont want to scare you, but even your mum had sex and maybe even together with your dad.
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yeah I would! -
Yes, because I am so curious. I would not let it rest until I had found what I wanted.
Now, on the other hand, if people are being evasive, perhaps there was emotional pain and the fact you want to know; plus the trauma this could cause ... even answers you might not like to find out. You should weigh these things carefully first and then make your decision.
My late Mother was adopted. She had the best adoptive parents and her siblings found her when she was ten years old. Long story, good ending.
Do what feels right, Amy. -
I'm adopted and no I wouldn't wish to find my biological parents. The parents I have now are my only parents relatively speaking. They invested 32 years of their lives into raising me (I was 2.5 when they adopted me).
I do know some things about my bio parents because I had an inside track with FACS and was able to see the adoption papers when I was 16 however what I read didn't instill any desire in me to find them.
I also signed the paperwork in Canada that prevents them from finding me. They passed a law recently that opened up adoption papers for parents or children to find their parents or children unless you specifically signed paperwork stating that you wished to remain private/confidential.
Some folks feel the burning desire to know. I already know, everything that I need to. -
Amy, as an adopted person myself, I can tell you that there are times when no medical history is even given. I was born in 73 and at that time it was not even required to do so. I knew very little medical info until 1998 when a genetic disorder in my family surfaced and I was found through a private investigator and then contacted by the adoption agency nearest me.
On another note, once over the age of 18, you have the right to apply for any and all info on file about your birth, adoption, medical records and anything else available.
Just two years ago I decided to put my name in a database "just for kicks" and within 24 hours, there was a match. It seemed one of my aunt's had been looking for me for 4 years! My birth mum passed and her sister promised her on her death bed, that she would do everything she could to find me ...
I, unlike some other adoptee's was very lucky as my birth family are just an awesome bunch of folks. We are meeting next summer for the first time!
Best of luck to you in your search!
Bettie
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