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Is a virtual affair real?
Posted by mrwolf • 11/15/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: affair, relationships, second life
Was reading this article where a couple got separated after she found out that her husband was having an affair in Second Life. Is she taking it too far? What do you think?
User Comments
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Is SHE taking it too far? Her husband opted to spend his time carrying on a fictional affair online rather than participating in their actual marriage and she's the one with the problem?-
Why not completely overlook his actions too? Just like you ignore she got separated
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I think it depends on the marriage, and the limitations the spouses put forth prior to, or during that marriage.
Some things to consider:
Did the second life affair allow for private conversations, personal contact information, or the ability to meet in real life?
Was the spouse more concerned with the virtual affair than his own marriage?
Could the willingness for an affair on second life have been an introduction into a physical affair? -
of course it is! -
@madamex-I don't think she is the one with the problem. Honestly I think they both have a problem. I don't think separation or divorce are a solution here. @anok- there were no details regarding your questions. But it did say they met online so maybe there was knowledge based on experience.
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The questions were more or less things to consider when deciding if an online connection with someone is an actual threat to a marriage, or if it's all good and fun.
There are times when online connections are beneficial to people, and times when it actually becomes an "affair" that damages the trust between spouses, and thus very real.
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I'd classify a virtual affair as a real affair. Even if you never met the person in real life; it's still cheating on your spouse. I can't really say if she overreacted or not; perhaps they had underlying issues, but this "Second Life" thing triggered the separation? -
The Second Life incident triggered the separation. I'm not a role-playing-game kind of guy, never done it, so personally don't know how deep one can get while in it.
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oops, sorry wrong spot. -
Damn!
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I don't think it is real personally. Do you use Second Life? Sure there are some animated characters having sex in there, but c'mon... Is watching porn cheating? I don't think so. Can it be harmful to a marriage? Yes, if it interferes with emotions and everyday life, like anything done in excess, like fishing for example.
Second Life is a place where you can actually get emotionally involved with the avatar you are "having an affair" with, in which case it can be considered as real cheating. However, if it just a series of functions that are somehow arousing to the person... Hmph. Naah. I mean, how real can "Click on Sex Bed, Select Position, Doggy Style" to watch characters without genitalia go wild be exactly? (Okay, you can buy genitalia separately, but still.
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I had no idea this went on in second life. Avatar sex - avatars with and without genitalia simulating getting it on. Pardon me for laughing at loud!
I can't help it. -
The only thing I disagree with here is the equivalence with watching porn, or even having phone sex.
Porn stars and phone sex operators are not accessible to the watcher/listener at all. However online contact through forums, chat rooms, and video games are with real people who are accessible, and, if they are spending enough time online interacting with someone else online romantically, they are not only accessible, but available, too.
However - you also have to address the reality of searching out simulated sex with a real person online as a sign that there is something very wrong within the marriage. -
True enough, Anok. Not saying that it isn't a sign of a problem, but I still can't consider it "real". I would treat it as a temporary solution while the real life couple sorts out their problems, but hopefully the "cheating party" won't get too tangled up in the virtual world to seek for that solution. Certainly I wouldn't take it as a grounds for divorce, as the guy COULD HAVE gone out and done it for real, but he had enough respect for the wife not to do that at least. (Or, he was too ugly to get laid in the real life and tried but couldn't, who knows?)
TimeThief, Second Life is a big fat porn game, and the attempts of turning it into a business platform is rather far fetched if you ask me. But you can turn of the adult content, but you'd miss out on the best part of it if you did that. -
I think the problem really lies in the act of initiating an intimate relationship with someone other than your spouse.
For example - GTA games have simulated sex scenes in it - but it's truly a one player game in that regard, and does not facilitate the ability to have an affair.
Compare that to a sex chat room - which doesn't even include animations - just words - and you have two people who are regularly seeking each other out for mutual sexual gratification, personal contact, and intimate conversations. By that time the intimate trust between spouses is broken.
The next logical step after that is to initiate a physical affair, either by meeting up "IRL" or with someone else.
But I dare say that things don't actually have to get physical in order for it to be an "affair". A breach of trust is more than enough to destroy a marriage. -
Sebastyne. You are making me laugh a lot. -
Hopefully in the good way.
I think it also depends on the spouse a lot. I don't think my husband would blink twice if my avatar had a bit of a fling, especially if he wasn't "in world" himself, but yeah, he might question it if it was continuous with one avatar. I can't still constitute it as being "real", in the strictest sense of the word, but certainly it can create a real problem.
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I agree with Sebastyne, people do get emotionally involved there, but its with an avitar. The infatuation is 80% fantasy. So would you divorce someone for having an imagination?-
Exactly. Most of the time you don't even want to know who controls the avatars! (Not that I have had sex with an avatar other than the one controlled by my husband, and it was completely idiotic anyway but we had to try. :D) However I have seen some pictures of the people behind the hottest avatars, and they can be rather disappointing really.
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Oh i can totally agree! 9 times out of 10 if people met in RL from SL then there would be no connection. Honestly, if i were married, I would rather my husband taking out his ideas in Second Life rather than banging his secretary at work.
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Totally. My husband told me once: "I don't care where you get your appetite from as long as you eat at home."
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hahah that is a great way to put it!!
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Yes it is real, cheating starts with the mind. -
If it takes away time from your current marriage and takes away affection from your current marriage it is real enough. -
Any typed of action that is kept secret from your partner is cheating. No she is not taking it too far because if she felt betrayed and didn't want to be with him anymore, then that's how she feels, and she should stay true to that. I'm also glad and relieve to hear so many others on here feel the same way I do. -
Only if she is virtually naked
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Well, doesn't the title of the "game" say it all... -
Completely inappropriate. No question. -
it could become real. it's like a few steps off of long distance relationships. it's all about the mind yo. -
It's cheating.
The crux of the matter is the emotional betrayal. It doesn't matter if it was on line or IRL, the damage is in the emotional betrayal, the going outside the marriage for that which should be found within it.
If someone in a relationship is dissatisfied, the appropriate action is to talk with the spouse and/or seek counselling. At no time is the appropriate response to engage in romantic/sexual liaisons with other parties, on line or IRL. Such behaviour cannot repair the marriage, it can only make matters worse. -
No, she didn't take it too far. An online affair is an emotional one. He already checked out; he just hadn't done so physically yet, which would have been the next step. I also believe there is always more between the lines than what you read on paper... -
I think they both lack of communication. Communication is very important in a relationship. -
doesn't really matter what we think or how we judge another couple. when a relation ends, it's about that unique pairing, each being a complicated entanglement of personalities, needs, histories, etc. i suppose we can have our opinion of what we consider cheating, but in the end who cares. the only important thing is how we carry on in our own relationships and what actions by our partner we can and can't accept and/or work through.
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i'm not married but i recently joined something simillar to this one , anyways .. if i would be married or be with somebody (a girl) and she's involved into something with somebody else on this virtual game .. it's not good , this means that i am not able to make her happy in real life or i am boring and she is looking alternatives, is that simple ?
the game i am talking about is not second life is similar and found it on a clip on youtube .. www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFB6nSc3r8k anyways .. -
It depends on the details actually. If she wants separation it's their call and we shouldn't be poking in our noses
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an affair is an affair she has her rights to stand up to him over it
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