Discussions
Is honesty the best policy?
Posted by onetime • 3/02/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: relatioships
So I slipped up. Nothing major. Should I keep the little skeleton in the closet or be honest?
pepperspray.me/2009/03/the-other-side-of-the-bar
User Comments
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I am a strong believer of tell the truth and if something is supposed to happen let it happen. However, you are in total control of your destiny so you choose what you should do based on how you want your life to turn out and no one else. -
Well, then, by pure mathematics, dishonesty is the second best policy.
- George Carlin-
I like that saying. Can i steal it for personal use that is?
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You can steal it, I'll allow it.
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You owe it to yourself to be honest. I ALWAYS find that when I "slip up" and don't correct my statements (usually because the conversation changes, and then it seems pointless and awkward), my concience bothers me forever. If I apologize immediately, I can forget it. I've developed a reputation for honesty. It feels good. -
I have always believed that honesty is the best policy. In my line of work integrity is a desirable trait for promotion. I would hate to jeopardize my career by doing something as easy to avoid as to tell a lie. -
If you are honest there is less to remember and slip on when you talk with someone. You can not please every one. -
I personally never lye and don’t believe in doing so.
Sometimes im brutally honest.
That being said i find it best to omit certain facts when it will only cause hurt feelings or harm, or serve no purpose.
The best of both worlds LOL -
Total honesty sounds good -- ends badly. Do you need to divulge every mistake? Is it really going to help your relationship? Really? -
I'm with Kieffer and captianobvious.
You should be honest - with yourself and others...but if the mistake, slip up or feeling or opinion serves no purpose but to hurt someone - it might be best to let it be.
That doesn't mean you should lie - but perhaps just keep it to yourself.
On the other hand - if the mistake opinion or issue has a direct consequence, and it affects another person (or could) then 100% honesty should be used.
For example:
Does this make me look fat? Erm - only answer honestly if your friend is willing to accept an honest answer.
You cheated on your significant other - be honest right away. STD's and emotional distress from finding out from someone else is fa worse than breaking up from an honest admission.-
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Those are soo freaking funny
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I cracked up reading your story. I'm going to go ahead and say it "DO NOT TELL YOUR GF" about taking the number or how happy you were about seeing the little tramp, or about the kiss. She doesn't need to know if you value your relationship.
Just don't do it again. -
Honesty is always the best policy (no matter how big or little the incident is). If you lie or keep it secret and it's later found out about, you lose trust. Once you've lost trust, it is extremely hard to regain.-
I think telling her about it is just as likely to destroy trust.
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I'd rather be told, get mad for a minute, and move on. Not telling her and she finds out later just leads to "wonder what else he's hiding?" Honesty is always the better route to take (just not often the easiest).
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I agree with Fruitcake. I'd much rather hear an upfront explanation and apology from the horse's mouth than find out later through the rumor mill.
'Coz then my trust would be totally destroyed.
Doing something bad is something that can be forgiven. Doing something bad and then lying about it cannot. -
You wouldn't get mad for a minute and move on, would you? I would get furious and probably get into in huge screaming fight and possibly break up over it.
What is he gaining by telling her about this incident? His conscience is relieved, but now he has damaged the relationship and hurt her.
He didn't cheat. He didn't call her. As long as this behavior isn't a repeating pattern, I don't see what good it will do to tell her.
Of course, now he's written about it on his blog and discussed it in a thread. She may find out all on her own. -
@stillthinking: People make mistakes. I would be upset for a while, but I can forgive mistakes (unless they are repeated rather often)...what I can't forgive is downright dishonesty. He messed up, he should fess up. By not telling, he is only saving his own butt. If she finds out later, the relationship will suffer major trust issues.
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I've been on both ends of that scenario. (Done the confessing, and been confessed to - I've also been the catcher of a non confessor)
The anger was short lived in the cases where honest was used immediately. It lasted - oh, a couple of days. Then trust actually went *up* because they (I) knew that I (they) would be honest about whatever happens.
In the latter case though....the anger, pain, and paranoia lasted a very long time causing built up resentment, and a total lack of trust. -
Well said Anok!
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I am not saying anything different than what Anok and CaptObvious were saying before. Sometimes holding back on the truth when it serves no purpose is the best way to go. Do you think he's going to confess because he's genuinely contrite, sorry or feels guilty. No. He is just debating whether or not to tell her because he is afraid getting caught.
I guess I just think it's better to change your future behavior rather than fess up to something you're not really sorry for. -
And all I'm saying is that holding back the truth is not healthy for a relationship. I think we've both managed to make our points.
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Well, if you're not sorry about what you did then you need to be honest with yourself. If you agreed to a monogamous relationship, and don't want to be in one, and don't feel sorry for breaking that promise, it's best to be honest, and move on.
There were times when I didn't want to be monogamous. So I was honest from the word go about it. *shrug*
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i would say yes...but that would be a lie.
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all kidding aside...i apparently have no filter between my brain and my mouth. If i think it or etc...it just seems to get said. (sometimes gets me in trouble also but oh well)
If you lie..then you have to remember what you said in that lie and it leads to other lies to cover up that lie..and i just don't have time to keep up with all that, the truth is much easier to remember.
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In 99% of cases yes. The only situation I would say telling a lie would be okay is to protect the life of another person. The greater good is served in that situation. Telling a lie to protect your honor or to hide cheating is never a good idea. In almost every case telling one lie leads to a bigger one to cover the former one and it keeps getting bigger and bigger.-
I agree, lnclark1950. When you have people to protect, I'd say a lie would outweigh the greater good of protecting someone. Still, it's possible to be honest and discreet at the same time. They're not mutually exclusive.
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Yes. It will set you free! -
Emotional feedback on the comments page:
pepperspray.me/2009/03/the-other-side-of-the-bar#comments
Thanks for the input y'all. I think I'm going to keep the episode "hush hush" for now.
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