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Kids: Have 'em? Want 'em?
Posted by dinsquared • 2/11/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: children, family, future, General, life, love, pets, relationships
Do you have kids? Do you plan to? Why or why not?
I always thought I wanted kids, but more and more I think I just want a husband, a few cats and a dog.
User Comments
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I have a kid - I'm glad that I do, it's been a wonderful experience. We might decide to adopt another, when we're ready. -
yep I do. I got one boy and one girl. They, and homeschooling, are the focus of my blog. -
I have 2 boys, ages 8 & 10. I wouldn't change a thing, I love them more than anything. It is virtually impossible (at least for me) to explain all of the reasons having kids is so amazing. It's one of those things that you just can't fully grasp until you do it. I do remember being afraid that I would miss all of the things that you give up when you become a parent. And especially in the beginning, when they are babies, you do give up a lot. Mostly freedom. Once I had them though, it never crossed my mind again. I cannot imagine life without them and don't miss one single thing about life before them. -
It all depends on your growing up experience and current life. Your psyche is organic, always changing. What's best for you today might be different in another five years.
My mom was "programmed" to want to be a wife and mom and to enjoy doing cooking, laundry and cleaning the house. She was miserable! So I grew up, vowing I would never get married, have kids, or be a stay at home mom. That was part of my motivation to get a college degree.
Over time I eventually wanted kids but "things" weren't working so I quit the corporate world, got another degree (early childhood education) and became a nursery school teacher. I borrowed other people's kids for a few years.
I finally got myself a baby. No more b/c it was a difficult accomplishment and now I can't anyway. I am a stay-at-home mom now. But I am getting the itch to go back to work. I feel guilty not contributing to the finances. Maybe when my munchkin gets older, old enough to be on her own after school, I'll dive back into the world of suits. -
My husband and I are child-free by choice. The reasons why we made this choice are contained in posts on my blog.
The short story:
We are child-free, loving it and celebrating it!
My husband and I were best friends for a very long time before we became intimate. Ours was not a relationship based on being swept off our feet and becoming deeply entangled in romantic love. And, when we decided to become intimate, we lived together for a year and a half before we committed to marriage.
As we were both elder children in very large families with many siblings, adopted children, foster children and cousins to raise, and as we had done a lot of that raising of the younger children, and as we would be continuing to do that and to help them financially as well, we shared the mutual desire not to become parents. This proved to be the fertile soil in which our love grew.
--> read the full article: Love the one you’re with
thistimethisspace.com/2009/02/10/love-the-one-youre-with/
My husband and I frequently make eye contact with one another and fondly say: “I love not having kids with you,” so when I found an article with that phrase in the title, I read it.
I Love (not having kids with) You; Birth Control of Yesteryear… turned out to be filled with some fascinating history. An excerpt follows:
"Here’s a fun fact: the universal symbol of love and affection has its origins in an herb that let the ancients fornicate [like rabbits] free from the worries of pregnancy. Yep, that's right, the heart shaped sign that we all know and love originated as the universal sign for a natural birth control pill."
read the full article --> medgadget.com/archives/2007/05/the_birth_control_of_yesteryear.html -
Kids? Haha, no. Not for me. Ever.
My mom and I are raising my three nieces. That's enough. Prior to this experience, I thought of having kids, but now I know better.-
We resemble that remark ... lol
I suspect that the eldest children in large families, that are part of even larger extended families, and others who are raising nieces and nephews are well aware of what child rearing is all about. Most of our freinds came from suburbia and were raised in "nuclear families" with working mothers - they didn't have a clue, they married, had kids and 6/10 of their marriages ended in divorce. -
True. But I'm actually the youngest (at least age-wise).
As to the last of your comment--that's why I'm grateful that I found out beforehand that I didn't want kids of my own. I love my nieces, but raising them ourselves is not what I had intended to do in my 20s. After they grow up, I'm going to be happy, having a TON of free time without worries -
Interesting ... some of us were born "older" or perhaps more mature than others... lol
We were also country dwellers so sex was no mystery to us kids. By the time we were 5 years old we had witnessed the whole livestock breeding, off-spring delivery process, and parenting. We saw it all before us in the barnyard and also among the wildlife. By the time we were adolescents we understood the threat that uncontrolled human populations present to the planet. -
We didn't learn about sex that way, but my mom was of the mind that it was better to explain the things we asked about, rather than leave it or use euphemisms...so we knew about sex and reproduction at a young age, too.
Her way shocked a lot of people, but it makes better sense to me that way (of course, the answers she gave evolved as we grew older). I think, overall, it is better for kids to know, than to be left trying to fill in the gaps themselves.
And, yes, I think I was forced to act more mature--because I grew up seeing the stress that my sister's behavior caused. -
@sunnyberra
I think your mom sounds like a smart lady. I believe that children deserve to be given correct biological answers about sex from the moment they begin to ask them onward. I believe as they age their education ought to include full and factual information about sexually transmitted diseases and about contraception too. IMO there's only one way individuals can be expected to take full responsibility for maintaining their bodies and reproductive systems in good health for a lifetime, and that's through full access to all the factual information available.
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No and not reaaaaaaally. -
Have kids, yes.
Want kids, yes.
Would like to have the ones who died, yes. -
I've thought about having some and raising them for food....-
You could can it and call your product Soylent Green!
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@timethief - that's fascinating about the silphium herb. Thanks!
I have 1 daughter. Currently trying to figure out if we want to try for a second. We had a lot of fertility problems conceiving our daughter and we have it pretty good right now, with our little family of 3. But I don't want to regret not having a second child later in life. I love having a sibling.-
@annz
You're welcome. I do hope that you end up with another child through either natural conception or adoption. I have extremely strong feelings in opposition to fertility treatments and the production of human litters. -
Zoe is the result of fertility treatments and she isn't a litter
As far as I'm concerned, fertility treatments are like any other medical treatment - you're treating an underlying medical condition. Sadly, like all medical treatments, if they're not delivered or monitored correctly there can be complications (and I consider multiples to be a complication in this case ). The reproductive endocrinologist that we worked with was extremely professional and worked very hard to minimize the chance of multiples (including twins). If we try to conceive, and we need treatment, I would go back to him. -
@annz
I meant no offense to you, your husband and certainly not to Zoe. I'm happy to hear that you are able to work with a doctor to minimize the chance of multiple births. What's been all over the news lately is those who will not consider embryo reduction and who do have multiples. I expect that's where my attitude came from.
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I have two -
Want them? absolutely. A couple at the most but yes -
No, and no.
I prefer men, really. They often behave little kids, but they can dress pee, poop, and eat by themselves.
And I find them a lot more fun to "play" with.
*Getting ready for the comeback...*
OK boys, bring it on! -
Yes I have kids. Want them? I don't know that you really want my kids but ok LOL. 2 girls and I am done, no more can't even have any more. I do love them dearly though -
i suggest you contemplate on having kids for the right reasons. wishing you well
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Nah, I'm just 17 and I plan to have like 3 or 4 someday LOL. I always believed that 25 is the finish line and everybody should be married and at least have one kid. But I think I'll be moving that to 30. -
No. I don't want any. This life thing, tried it? I'm not sure I'm doing anyone any favors by bringing them here. -
Not only do I not want kids, I'm not too keen on the whole marriage thing. -
Hi
We don't have any. I actually did a post yesterday about my life as a childless woman .. The post is called 'From A Childless Woman's (Mine) Perspective'
I would have liked at least one, but we have heaps of pets, so I guess that kind of makes up for not having any -
I have a horse and a snake... trouble enough... -
I've never had kids (or even approached the possibility). I am far more than enough responsibility for myself! There's also no way I would even consider having kids unless I was doing quite well financially and had a very solid career. -
No kids. 2 dogs, 1 bird and 3 fish I would like to have a kid though at some point...SOMEONE has to look after me when I get old -
None for me. I have enough nieces and nephews to last me a life time
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I have three. I was an only child and thought it would be great to have at least two, the third was a surprise, but a nice one. My oldest is 31 next month and she is living in Hawaii w/ her husband who is in the army. My son is 24, He lives in Chicago and he does promotion and marketing. My youngest is 22 and she lives in california and she works in a Game Stop and also is going to school to be a special ed teacher. It was very difficult, and if I was totally honest when asked if I would do it all again, I would really think hard, but I think in the long run I would. They are awesome people who have brought a lot of joy to my life. I am very impressed by the bloggers here who know they don't want children, it's good to know what you want out of life. I am just getting my own life where I want it. -
So happy to have my two. -
Can you trade 'em in if they get messed up? If so, I'll take a dozen. -
We have three two girls and one boy. 10, 6, and 3. We alos homeschool them. love every mint of it. -
No I don't and yes, we do. We've been trying for a year and had one loss and no success yet. I'm the oldest of 6, he's the youngest of 4 and we're both very family oriented.-
Sorry to hear that. I had two losses in between the first and second. It was the worst time of my life. I hope you have success and soon. Take care.
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basically, that is one of my dreams someday. i'm just a little worried to bring them into this world that we live in today as a financially unstable and young couple (but when i think of it, a lot of people are financially unstable when they have kids and somehow make things work, as my parents did). soo some day, me and my fiancee want a bigggg family! -
You can never be prepared for them- but have two and that's perfect! -
Two and they are wild little people, 5 and 2, boys. They teach you a lot, every day. Especially when you don't really want to learn a lot. Emotions and moods run up and down in twenty minute segments. When you are just about to start considering murder, they turn super cute. -
I really wanted them when I was younger. I actually still do but I've waited so long to get married that I don't kow if it will happen. -
I had 3. They are all grown and on their own.
When I get broody, I turn to my doggies. Even if I could have more kids, I don't want anymore...the dogs are easier to deal with. I don't have the stamina or tolerance for nonsense and insolence that I had when I was younger. -
My wife and I have one son. He's in high school now. I can't imagine what the last X years would have been like without all the activities: board games, charades, marbles, puppets, paper airplanes, coloring, reading, etc. Also little league ball games, going to the park, the beach, riding bikes, playing frisbie. We've always had great conversations, too. He's really into the sciences, so lately discussions have centered around genetics, evolutionary biology, etc. I would do it exactly the same if I had to do it over again. -
don't have 'em... I think I probably won't procreate... I just don't thinks kids are for me, but I love them when they belong to other people -
LOL. Yes. I LOVE kids. Just...not mine I don't think.
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nope nope -
Nope. Child Free by Choice here as well. I actually explain a bit in one of my February blog posts some reasonings behind my decisions. My other half has two boys and that's fine by me, but having kids of my own..meh...just not my thing. -
I have two boys and lately I've been getting all teary eyed and giddy over little toddlers.....oh dear, I've got the fever!!! -
Edit: post removed by author
Oops! I didn't notice the date on this post. I've already contributed above.-
do you find Timethief that people assume that you DON'T love kids because you make this choice. I've heard people say this about those who chose to be childless.
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No and I have never wanted to be a mother. It depends on our vision of world and plans for living. I have no regrets.
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I have many friends who decided not to have a family. Looks like we're making up for it though. I have 4 kids and love them dearly.
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I have three young children of my own. I also raised a step child who's 27 now. That's a long story. But I love kids in general! So much fun!
However, the responsibility of raising them on every level can be overwhelming......and terrifying!
Oh yeah, and don't expect to SEE your kids a lot AND have a lot of money. The two are mutually exclusive. At least for us. So I see my kids a lot, since I'm home three days a week with them. And I wouldn't trade that time for anything. -
I have two sons, ages 3 and 6. I love being a mother. It is my greatest accomplishment thus far. It definitely outshines all my other accomplishments including graduating from college and having a career. -
I have one son and he is my heart, but I am still unsure if I want any more. I think 1 is enough for me -
Kids? Definitely want them, so does my other half. We're both excited for when we do. Sure its a lot of work and patience, but I think it all pays off in the end. The joy of having that addition to your life :). Procreation dude! -
got 2, that's about it...
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I have five kids--two from my first marriage, and three more I picked up when I married my second. They're fodder for some of my favorite stories--and, as crazy as they can make me at times (we're talking full-on meshugganah here), they also give me a lot of joy. Does anyone have a spare tissue? I'm getting misty. -
I'm 42, never wanted or had kids & never regretted my decision. I don't know why I never wanted them--I just didn't.
Dang...another necropost. A thousand apologies.
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