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Mom leaves 14 year old son and friend alone all night
Posted by Grammology • 7/28/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: babysitter, children, dads, Dating, moms, parenting
I wrote a post on my site grammology.com regarding a mom who left her son alone all night. When her son woke up he was panicked as to where mom was and called his dad who lived an hour away (they're divorced) do you think leaving a child at fourteen alone all night is alright. She also didn't answer her cell phone when he tried to call her it just kept ringing do you think she should have hired a babysitter?
User Comments
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- No I do not think that an average responsible 14 year old and his friend require babysitters. If the boy's allegation that his mother did not tell him she was going to be out all night is true then that was bad behavior on her part. However, there is no law requiring that we have to behave like Pavlovian dogs and answer cell phones whenever they ring, and no matter what we are doing. If the kid needed the police or an ambulance then he had the ability to contact them himself.
My sense of this story is that due to the fact the parents are separated and the mother was out all night the story has taken on a sensationalized tenor and tone.
BTW in Canada when you are 12 years old you can legally babysit younger children. It's interesting to note that the equivalent age for legal babysitting is for the American State this boy resides in is age 14.
BTW I tried to leave a comment on your blog and it did not go through. It was suspected to be spam. I'm now trying to leave a comment again.-
Yay! My second attempt to leave a comment succeeded.
Excerpt from my comment on your blog post:
"I work with youth and have done so for many years. I have witnessed teenagers, who are manipulative power and control freaks, who do not wish their custodial parent, be it a mom or a dad, to date or to find a new partner. I very much suspect that this boy may fall into that category."
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Shoot, I used to babysit kids for the weekend while their parents were out of town when I was 14. I do think that she should have kept her cell phone handy for emergencies (or at least checked her voice mail to make sure the house wasn't on fire or the ambulance hadn't been called), but the kid was old enough to stay home by himself for the night. Mom's lucky he didn't have friends over and raid the liquor cabinet! (And, yes, if she didn't tell him that she was going to be gone then that's an issue between them, but leaving him home alone wasn't neglectful in and of itself.) -
A babysitter for a 14 year old? Please. You have to be kidding, right? -
I would never have left my teens alone overnight.
I would, however, send them to a friend's house for a sleepover (after conferring with the respective parents, of course).-
agreed
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Geez, I was a babysitter by 14, responsible for a child of divorce with ADHD.
I had to deal with things like the boy's father randomly stopping by unannounced to take the kid for the evening with no idea who this strange man was who'd just let himself in.
I handled it. Having to use good judgement in these instances helps problem-solving later down the line. -
I was babysitting at age 12! My parents were leaving me home alone for even a week vacatoin when I was 14!-
Same here, I took care of a few of my younger cousins since I was 12, when our parents were out. I don't think it that the mom was irresponsible for leaving the boy alone for one night. I understand if he panicked because he didn't know she would be out all night but, still, she has all right to have some fun without checking in with her son every hour. -
I think the mom was only out of line for not communicating that the kid was going to be alone.
My parents left me alone all the time (although I doubt they would have if they knew what went on!).
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No I never leave my 13 year old at home for longer than 30 minuets. She doesnt like to stay home alone at all. If I run to the gas station that is the only time she is at home alone.-
Not to impose, of course that is your decision. But do you think that perhaps she's a little old not to like being left alone?
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WHAT?? So what!! At 14 you should be able to take care of yourself for more than a few days. When I was 14 I could cook my own meals, buy groceries for the house, clean up, go to bed at a reasonable hour and get up the next day and get to school by myself without an adult around. My grandmother worked graveyard and I only saw her once a day around 5pm for about an hour and a half. If a kid can't handle being alone one night at 14, he should just give up now!!
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14 is/almost in highschool age. Absolutely nothing wrong with leaving them by themselves. -
I can speak only for myself, but I think that leaving teenagers alone, without adult supervision, in a house by themselves, overnight or longer, is just ASKING for trouble.
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I don't really understand a boy needing a babysitter at that age, unless he is a child with special needs.-
Do kids have parties and get into mischief when their parents are absent for 24 hours or longer? They sure do where I come from!
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I fully intend to leave my kid(s) alone when they are of that age if neccesary. If they throw a party so be it... Its part of being a kid. Everyone does it. It dosen't mean it will be an American Pie blow out.
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Canadians dont get into any trouble. They are too busy saying eh and playing hockey.@ Lotus, they would be the s***t if they did though
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"Everyone" most certainly does not do it.
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I say, let teenagers be free. Let them do dumb things and make lots of mistakes. What good are rules anyway? They're just going to break them when you're not looking. Maybe this way at least they won't feel they have to hide what they're really doing. -
She probably should have left a note saying hey I'll be back later don't stay up too late. But when your around that age, and your parents aren't home don't they usually through parties and stuff? -
I started staying home alone in Grade 4, and was babysitting my nephews by the time I was 10. I begged my mother to let me stay home, and am now a very responsible person who lives primarily alone. I think that it depends on the child, but a 14yr old boy should have his act together. When I was 14 my Mom went to San Francisco for 3 weeks. I worked full time.
See my point?
I think the teenager is blowing this out of proportion.
I suspect he may still sleep in a crib, to be honest.-
agreed. -
I think the teenager is blowing this out of proportion.
I agree. I don't know any 12 year olds, who cannot be left alone overnight and trusted to act responsibly. Good grief! The ones I know here in the country can cook, clean, do laundry, vacuum, and do all the farm chores as well. (They aren't allowed to use farm machinery, without parental supervision.) If they experience problems their parents have the neighbors on standby so all the kids have to do is call them. They have the numbers for the vet and they can dial 911.
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I think it depends on the kid. It's not illegal; whether or not it's appropriate is a case-by-case question. However, I think it's absolutely unacceptable to leave a child of any age home alone without a reliable means to contact you, and without clear expectations as to when you'll be back. When my daughter is home alone I answer my cell phone no matter where I am or what I'm doing.
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I might leave a 14 year old home alone for a while, but not overnight. -
I live in the middfle of no where. We have had a lot of breakins around here and drug problems. She doent want to be at home alone and someone come in on her. They hit my neighbors a couple months ago and stole guns,money and anything else of value. We have meth and pot around here. While I am not worried about the pot I am the Meth because it messes you up when you are high and some people do not know what theyare capable of. I do not make her stay at home alone. She could if she wanted to she can cook, and do everything for herself.
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I don't think a parent should hire a babysitter to take care of their young teenaged child - I think the parent should either be at home for the night and watch their own damn kid, or arrange for the child to stay with another family member (grandparent, aunts/uncles) for the weekend getaway that you may have planned.
I do not understand why parents feel the need to take off for a night when they have children at home. Take a mini vacation? ABsolutely, but make it a vacation, and have arrangements planned in advance. (It would have been a great opportunity for the kid to have some dad time). But just take off? I see too many parents my age and slightly older doing this. Their plans and "adult activities" are more important than the responsibilities they chose to take on when they had a child.
Young teenaged kids may not need a babysitter styled supervisor on their asses all night, but an adult should be on the premises. -
I think this is about selfishness. People do things to get attention. If it is not rewarded they do something to get that even at the expense of blowing it out of proportion. I think that KID should know that his mom has a life of her own to live. He should understand that the world does not revolve soley on him.-
A child wanting their parents at home during the night is NOT selfish. It's called - being a child.
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I answered above but the more I thought about it, the more I had to say hehe. I see no issue with a 14 year old teenager spending the night alone. First off, it's not like she left in the after noon, he woke up and she was out. So it's not like it was a ridiculous amout of time. At 9, I was watching my brothers during mommy's binges. No problems. I could cook and clean, change diapers and bathe children. That is a full 5 years younger than this kid, and I turned out to be pretty darn responsible. In fact, if you look at a lot of the bloggers who said they too were baby sitting and/or being left alone that participated here, many of them turned out to be responsible individuals who have went on to lead extraordinary lives. At 14, a parent should be confident enough in how they have raised their children to go out for a few hours, hell even over night. Learning to be self sufficient is one of the best lessons a parent can teach their offspring.It is also one of the few lessons that is truly a trial by fire scenario. At a certain point, parents need to put more responsibility on their young, otherwise both parent and child will be in for a rude awakening.
Quite honestly, it seems that what is really going on with this story is that the teen is having a hard time coping with the divorce and pitting the parents against eachother. That is a totally separate issue that both parents need to address, and sadly one of the most common side effects of broken homes. Kid needs to stop and think, now he is going to be made fun of by peers whose behaviour is more age appropriate all due to this little bit of tattling. I know it sounds harsh, but it is reality.
Should mama have left a note, sure, but who is to say she didn't? In general, by this age (mostly around 12) there is nothing wrong with this provided that the child is mentally and physically on an average level. If there was an impairment or some sort of other issue, then it would need handled differently. Other than that, this boy is over reacting-
I think too many people are focused on trusting their child - which is generally not the issue. Many people trust that their kids are mature, responsible, and trustworthy.
The issue is trusting OTHER people, and trusting that your child can actually make the right decision, every time.
What would that mother have done if a home invasion had occurred and the child got hurt? What would she have told his friend's parents if his friend got bombed (with or without her child's involvement) and left the house drunk and was hurt (or hurt on the premise?), what would she have done had he decided to take off for the night, too and wound up getting hurt, robbed, hit by a drunk driver, went to a get together that turned out to be a party which was then raided and she had to pick him up at the police station, or worse yet, the hospital?
What if his friend decided to invite others over to the house without the kid's permission, it got out of control, and all hell broke lose? What if the kids got hurt?
Don't think it can happen? All of the things I named above happened with and to friends of mine between the ages of 13- 18 when left to their own devices. SOme because they were "bad kids" others because they wound up in the wrong place, at the wrong time.
My husband has his entire forearm reserved for the names of friends who were killed (when they were kids and young adults) because of the irresponsibility of others - many hit by drunk drivers while walking around in the wee hours of the night, and other by drug over doses.
Where were the parents?
How did they feel at their child's funeral? I don't think the night at the boyfriends seemed worth it to them then. -
Kind of extreme, but if I followed that, then my children would not be allowed to go to any school dances, since more often than not kids skip out. No football games or school sponsored events, again because most kids leave and go somewhere else to hang. No friends houses. No sleepovers. No prom. No going jogging in the wee hours of the morning. There is always a certain level of danger, it does not end at 18. Would a mother who lost a 21 year old who was celebrating their birthday at home feel any less grief? I'm not saying go to Mexico with the kid in bed, but down the block?
Sure some of it depends on the are you live and the knowledge you have of that area. If I lived in a town where there were a lot of drunks, I may feel differently. Currently though cops are every few blocks after 10pm. I also live caddy corner to a fire station and am friends with all of my neighbors, so if they were old enough, given my current location, the relationships I have in it and the proximity to police and fire stations, I would let MY children, not their friends, but my own children stay home for a bit.
I am on of the most over protective parents ther are, trust me, no one other than blood can watch them, I never went out until both were old enough to speak and tell if something happened while in the care of others, etc. On this particular issue though, I feel it is a disserevice to the children. It says "I don't trust you", and most of the wildest people I have met became that way due to rebelling. My craziest friends and my trashiest friends had parents who didn't let them out of their sight.. once 18 hit they went wild. A lot of them got hurt afterwards, but they would not have gone so crazy had they been introduced to freedom and independence gradually as opposed to hitting some magic number. Then again, in my stat on can marry at 15 with parental consent (thanks to the large amount of amish). So all over the world, people at this kids age can get married, have kids, get emancipated (some areas) but shouldn't be allowed home alone? -
lol apparently my "e" is sticking, so disregard my misspellings
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School dances, functions and sporting events have adult supervision present. You can call the school and check to see if your child is still there, and/or the kids are not allowed to leave without the parents being notified (depends on the school). What happens after that depends on the rules of the house and the parents.
Sleepovers do not need to be approved by you unless you know that parental supervision will be provided (I wouldn't let my kid sleepover somewhere where I didn't know or trust the parent(s) to provide adequate supervision).
Everything you described can be controlled by the parent - and short jaunts out of the house during daytime, or even a few hours for a dinner out at night for the teenager proves to be proportionately less dangerous then simply skipping out for a night or two.
Think about it - how raging of a party can you kid get into if you're only going to be gone between the hours of 5 and 7 or 7 and 9? 2 hours isn't exactly enough time for your kid or your kid's friends to throw a kegger. And if you are a fairly keen, strict parent the likely hood of your kid being able to get out of the house and do any serious damage.
Could there still be a home invasion? Absolutely and when a child is home alone is a key time for home invasions to happen (for obvious reasons). However again, fewer hours out = less opportunity for the crime to occur - although it still can.
But skipping out for the night entirely? If it's important enough for you to go out for the night, then it shouldn't be a big deal to make arrangements for your kid in advance. If it's not that important, then it's just not that important.
Once you have that kid - you've made an agreement to change your life accordingly. If people don't want to have to make those changes, if parents don't want to have to make appropriate arrangements for their kids, then they should have thought about that before having the child. -
We'll agree to disagree. I know for a fact, as the queen of ditching, that on can easily get out of dances, proms, games, etc without the parent being notified.
"Once you have that kid - you've made an agreement to change your life accordingly. If people don't want to have to make those changes, if parents don't want to have to make appropriate arrangements for their kids, then they should have thought about that before having the child." So many ways to take that... most of which can be construed as direct insults so I am not even going to touch that.
One question though, if having a relationship with your neighbors to where they will keep an ear out is not good enough, would you suggest a sitter?
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I remember being that age it wasn't that long ago it's probably not wise, and she should have let him know but 14 should be fine. I do think even at 14 depending on where you live - if out in the boonies - it can be scary alone.
We have a law in this state it's 13 to babysit, so I guess that is probably where the state stands on home alone. Illinois has a law that states a child under the age of 14 can't stay alone for an unreasonable period of time...who knows.
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