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Mongamy natural?

Posted by bloggernoob • 7/18/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Tags: monogamy

Are we like the only mammals that practice this religion? In evolutionary terms, it seems a bit unnatural to not spread our seed. This is a religiou, cultural belief system? Your thought?

I recently got married. I don't think i'll ever cheat on my wife, but i must admit that my eyes wander. I also do a lot of fantasizing. Just wanted to see if i was alone here.

User Comments

7/18/08

kdawg68

It's a fascinating thing to ponder. I'm certainly no expert, but don't chimps have heirarchies (complex ones) that often involve multiple partners?

I guess there's really a few options. Either we all bred with whoever we desired, we practiced some form of ritualized monogamy, or we lived in structures that permitted/allowed only a select few to breed.

Ultimately I'm guessing it's more of a "modern" concept (in terms of the entirety of human existence), but then again perhaps our own complex social structures dictated such "arrangements" from an early time.

Very interesting question.

[reply]
1. 7/22/08
  
  bloggernoob
  
  when i was younger, someone told me that penguins are monogamous. but i learned that they're only monogamous for one year. shoot, i can do one year easy. you look at all the history books, and most of the early civilizations practiced polygamy. Most of the great leaders from past generations had multiple wives or mistresses. the chinese emperors. king solomon. the tudor periods henry the 8th.
  
  i personally believe it's a matter of religious and consumer based support system. huge corporations rely on this concept. valentines day, the diamond industry. hollywood. all reinforce this ideology.
  
  I like to think that i'm open minded about things. but i too have been brain washed into thinking that having one wife and having sexual relations with only her is the right way to go.
  
  Thanks for your comment kdawg. this thread was something that made me go hummm. and it was nice to hear your take on it.
7/18/08

voodooKobra

The bonobos (our closest relative, if memory serves me right) are pansexual (which encompasses "bisexual"), while another of the great apes is strictly monogamous. Strangely (or rather, not at all), the bonobos are pacifist while the monogamous species is violent.

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7/18/08

pumpkinlights

I don't know, but I like the idea of monogamy.

I used to be really promiscuous when I was younger. I met my boyfriend 12 years ago and I've never cheated on him and don't plan on it. I also can honestly say I've never been tempted/

I'm not really the marrying type so the way I show my commitment is by having a monogamous relationship.

[reply]
7/22/08

Anniepooh

"Spread our seed" ??? Oye.

You know, even cardinals (the birds--please) are monogamous.

I dunno - with 7 kids my hubby spread his seed enough with just one woman!

[reply]
1. 7/22/08
  
  voodooKobra
  
  en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo
2. 7/22/08
  
  Anniepooh
  
  "Sexual intercourse plays a major role in Bonobo society, being used as a greeting, a means of conflict resolution and post-conflict reconciliation, and as favors traded by the females in exchange for food."
  
  That's what makes them animals.
3. 7/22/08
  
  dlowe
  
  "That's what makes them animals."
  
  There are those who believe animals are above humans and a good example for us.
4. 7/22/08
  
  Anniepooh
  
  Yeah, I'd trade sex for food ... that's a good example HOW?
5. 7/22/08
  
  bloggernoob
  
  7 kids? wow. that's not very common this day and age. my wife has 5 sisters and one brother. i wish had a large family. i bet you're like supermom. But moving on with the idea. is it natural to want to say with one sexual partner. As the most intelligent of all animals, we try to control our evolutionary urges to create structure, etc. I think monogamy is one of those lines that a few powerful people drew and somehow it became popular. Mostly because of religion.
  
  voodoo- thanks for the link. it was an interesting read. i think they should make a documentary about homosexual behaviors in the animal kingdom. that should be very interesting. It's also a good argument against people who believe that homosexual behavior is learned(cultural) instead of genetic.
6. 7/22/08
  
  voodooKobra
  
  I don't think it's necessarily genetic, but it's not unnatural.
7. 7/22/08
  
  Anniepooh
  
  @noob, it was an interesting link, especially the homosexual behaviors.
8. 7/31/08
  
  RTBjr73
  
  HA!! Hey Annie, don't blame EVERYthing on the hubby...you were the one who laid down and acted like your ankles hated each other...lol
7/22/08

kdawg68

Something I just thought of in regards to monogamy. If the theory (and hopefully one of our more scientifically knowledgable can chime in on this)of "mitochondrial eve" holds true - meaning that ostensibly one woman's mitochondrial DNA survived the "out of Africa" exodus that populated Eruope, Asia, the Americas and everything in between - would that possibly suggest that some form of monogamy was taking place? Or is that pure chance combined with famine, disease, and of course natural selection?

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7/22/08

Dovasary

Actually, it ranges from species to species. I spent a lot of time breeding budgies when I was younger, and noticed a distinct relationship pattern and read a lot about it. Budgies (along with many other birds) are monogamous. When they find a mate, it's their mate for life. If you take the male away and put him in another area with another female, he will sometimes "cheat" on his mate if his mate isn't around. But if you put his mate in a cage where they can see each other, they won't cheat.

When my male budgy's mate died, he died soon after from depression, even though I tried introducing a new female.

So we're not the only ones.

[reply]
1. 7/22/08
  
  kdawg68
  
  Fascinating. Especially that it seems to be so visually based.
2. 7/22/08
  
  bloggernoob
  
  that's amazing. thanks for sharing. very romantic and sad
3. 7/22/08
  
  Dovasary
  
  It is. I know that not animals are. But not all humans are, either. I'm sort of inbetween. I'm generally monogomous. I love my boyfriend a LOT. But every once in a while, when I see another hot guy, I have a strong temptation to jump his bones. But...well...I just don't.
4. 7/22/08
  
  kdawg68
  
  Hell, my wife will point out women that she thinks I'd like.
5. 7/22/08
  
  Dovasary
  
  Hell I point out women to my boyfriend that I would like lol.
7/22/08

bloggernoob

before my wife and i got married. we promised each other to be open about sex. We've had several conversations where we agreed to not let sexual infidelity get in between us. Of course words are just words. but still. i appreciated her openness and think communication makes monogamy tolerable even tho it's unnatural. if you don't open up. more likely to cheat. no?

[reply]
1. 7/23/08
  
  pumpkinlights
  
  "makes monogamy tolerable even tho it's unnatural"
  _________________________________
  
  I don't think I would want to be in a monogamous relationship with someone who just "tolerated" it.
7/23/08

calais50

I've never been promiscuous, to say the least, and have never cheated, but the thought of only being with one person for the rest of my life makes me very claustrophobic. Monogamy serves society by providing a stable home for children, though, I suppose.

[reply]
1. 7/23/08
  
  pumpkinlights
  
  "Monogamy serves society by providing a stable home for children, though, I suppose"
  ___________________________
  
  I think it's really a "to each, their own" situation.
  
  I don't think that is the only purpose of monogamy.
  
  You mentioned not being promiscuous, but having issues with only being with one person.
  
  I've found my experiences to be exactly the opposite. I went from being very promiscuous to being very content with just being with one person.
2. 7/23/08
  
  calais50
  
  Now that I think about it, I didn't start feeling claustrophobic until my marriage started going down the drain. Maybe if I found the right guy, I wouldn't feel claustrophobic. I have been dating a guy for a month now that I really like. Since my divorce, I have this fear that I will find a guy that I like and get caught up in the romance & get married again. I actually had a nightmare last night that I married my current b/f. If I do marry, I want to date the guy first for maybe 10 years. If after 10 years I still feel like i can't live without him, then I would get married. That probably sounds weird...
3. 7/23/08
  
  pumpkinlights
  
  Oh no it doesn't sound weird at all. I actually am not a marrying type. I've been with my boyfriend for 11 years, since I was 21, and while I am totally commited to him, I have no desire for marriage.
4. 7/23/08
  
  bloggernoob
  
  u know, i love my wife...we lived together for almost two years before getting married. but now that the label has been put on us, things are a bit different. Don't know why. im glad i got married, but at times, i feel like maybe it wasn't the best idea. Something that i can't really talk to anyone about, except random people on blog discussion threads.
5. 7/24/08
  
  pumpkinlights
  
  Well sometimes random people on blog discussion groups are the best to talk to.
7/23/08

pluralmom

I think monogamy is not really natural, but rather a social construct that can be useful in some societies.

I'm not in a monogamist marriage, but I think monogamy works well for most people.

[reply]
1. 7/30/08
  
  bloggernoob
  
  i think so too. it's a fairly recently social construct. i think religion plays a big part. i'm actually interested in your story. care to share?
2. 7/30/08
  
  pluralmom
  
  I'm writing a new (long) blog post now to explain how I came to be a plural wife. In the meantime, my blog is all about it.
  I certainly never thought I'd grow up to be a polygamist, that's for sure. I grew up in California, and never even heard of it until I was an adult.
3. 7/30/08
  
  bloggernoob
  
  that's amazing. always thought it was an interesting lifestyle. i take it that you're a morman. I will have a go thru on your blog. thanks for sharing.
4. 7/30/08
  
  LGramlich
  
  I agree (although I am in a monogamous--& happy--relationship.)
5. 7/31/08
  
  pluralmom
  
  I'm not mormon or muslim or any other religion.
6. 7/31/08
  
  pumpkinlights
  
  "it's a fairly recently social construct. i think religion plays a big part"
  ______________________________
  
  I think religion can be a reason, but not the only reason.
  
  I am in a totally monogamous relationship and I am agnostic, bordering on atheist.
7/23/08

robinj

to me it is simply a question of respect of my partner and self mastery but then in todays society the sacred has been taken out of sex so it has become an act of gratification instead of an act of gratitude

[reply]
1. 7/23/08
  
  werelax
  
  Act of Gratitude? Like thanks for dinner and a movie?
7/31/08

donkeySOUP

monogamy...takes different avatars based on ones conveniences. in humans, it is definitely not natural. i've seen people exhibiting different persona conveniently (one within 4 walls and a totally different one outside)

[reply]
7/31/08

poisonapplesauce

that is so odd I just wrote a blog on this not too long ago. I wont be all shamelessly promoting it, but here's the basic summation of my opinion "Monogamy is like the American dream, no matter how badly you want it, too many opportunities side track you and weigh you down ultimately causing you to fail. Monogamy is the blue house, white picket fence and reality is Water St Projects."

[reply]
7/31/08

latinocool79

............ " you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals... so let's do it like they do in the discovery channel"

Remember that song lol (if not google it)

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