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Nice Guys dont get women?
Posted by Arnous81 • 1/11/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: dating guys women
Some of the "dating advice" that goes around is that women dont like "nice guys".Thats why you see alot of women with jerks.
Do you agree or disagree?
I think I have this figured out, but I wanna hear what everyone thinks first.
User Comments
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Wow, big generalisation that women don't like nice guys. I doubt many women actually like jerks. Maybe the guys started off nice and ended up as jerks.
If 'nice' equals kind, honest, caring, interesting, sensible then I'm sure that most women would prefer that.
If 'nice' equals boring, safe, dull, lacking opinion or spontaneity, then I guess that's more of a no no.
Am intersted to know what you have figured out. -
I think the problem is that a lot of times when someone says "nice guy" in that context, they really mean a guy who tries too hard.-
hahahaha where did you get that from??
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Bad boys are only good for raw passionate sex. I personally dont like guys that are too good, cause they try too hard to be romantic and Im not even that big into romance. Just an average guy who makes me feel safe, but is also sensible, funny, and has career goals are the "good guys" that I like. Theres other things, but then again sometimes I get really picky.-
Im not a bad boy.But when it comes to passionate sex.Well, lets just sat ive only gotten good feedback
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well too bad I cant confirm that
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Damn it!!!!
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Well, I'm in love with convicted wife killer, Scott Peterson. But I don't believe that necessarily makes him a "bad boy," just misunderstood:
dearscottpeterson.blogspot.com/-
You sure are creative at finding ways to spread this link around!
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Arnous81; Agreed.
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Women(on the whole) like stable men, responsible men, men with self control, hard workers, good listeners...these things herald longevity.
The problem arises because the more of the above you have...the less va-va-voom there is in the bedroom, nobody wants to shag a librarian schoolteacher.
Sadly..the badder the boy, and the better he is at being a bad boy..the less likely it is the relationship will last. So..mary the reliable upstanding dork, and knock off your gym instructor (providing he's not gay) -
I was always attracted to nice guys, who might not necessarily range so high on the looks meter. The nice guys are the keepers and potential soul mates. -
Women are *almost* never attracted to me. Does that mean I'm a nice guy?? -
based on your avatar, you arent ugly so I dont understand why girls wouldnt be attracted...you have that smart cute guy thing going on. Anyways non-attraction doesn't mean you're good guy though, you could just be an ass that thinks he knows everything, people dont like LOL
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I wasn't attracted to my hubby immediately. We got to know each other and went on fun dates as friends. The love part snuck in through the back door!
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How much do you earn?...they can be quite mercenary, if you don't have the beefcake on the body..show 'em you have it in your wallet..that should reel them in. But don't let them go to the gym.
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My husband's a nice guy. If he weren't, he wouldn't be my husband.
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100% nice..or can he be a bit of a rogue once in a while?
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wrong spot -
Well, everyone has their moments, of course, but he's definitely not the rogue type. He's respectful, helpful...just a very nice guy.
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Ok here's what I believe.
The "nice guy" girls dont like is the wussy, approval-seeking, no-personality type. These are the guys who are insecure so they do "nice things" to please everyone.So they also try really hard to get the girls approval by doing "nice things". I think girls can sense it when a guy does that.
So called "bad boys" however, are bold, strong (at least on the outside), non-approval seeking people.They know what they want and go for it.Women like that in a man.However, "bad boys" are trouble in a relationship.
The solution is for a man to be himself.Be confident.Have goals in life and go for them.Treat both men and women with respect.And be nice to both men and women.That way you'll be a nice guy, but a real man at the same time.-
My husband is bold, strong, non-approval seeking and is a very NICE guy. Why does it have to be either or?
Needy men or women are never attractive except to those who like to manipulate, use and abuse, or to others just as insecure. -
jafabrit: They dont have to be either or.Thats what I said in the last paragraph.
And yes, neediness is a turn-off. -
I would say this is an accurate statement, well put
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I agree with you entirely, Arnous. I think that the "nice guys" who have trouble are really for the most part pleasers, who don't ever show their actual personalities because they're trying to hard to guess what people want to see/hear. No one wants that.
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Yes, sorry Arnous I read to fast and didn't get the gist of it, which I agree with.
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Bang on....but if you follow that advice, you still don't really measure up to the bad boy thing. Throw in a tiny little dash of caveman..and bingo! you got the perfect mix.
I hate this whole 'Interrupt the flow' ability. -
looks like nice guys don't get women (I don't get any one lol)
Now serious, no I think nice guys WILL get women if they are able to make women understand they are nice. -
Jafabrit....I don't really agree with your theory. I'm attracted to so-called "bad boy" Scott Peterson, but don't consider myself needy at all. To prove it to you, before Scott I had a major crush on O.J. Simpson, and when he didn't answer any of the letters I sent him c/o that golf course in Florida, I was okay with it. Does that sound like a "needy" person to you?
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I dont get it.Who are you?
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alrighteeeeeeee then!
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She's just trying to promote her blog, Arnous.
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Any guy who would hurt or harm a woman or child is not a bad boy; they are spineless wimps in my book.
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Huh? I'm just a blogger sharing my thoughts on what makes healthy relationships. Who are YOU?
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And links. Don't forget sharing your links at every turn. That does rather lead to the impression that you want to promote your blog.
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Sometimes people confuse being assertive and asking for what you want with not being nice.
Being a wallflower, even a very nice wallflower isn't that attractive.-
Bingo!
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I think it's easy to over look a nice guy who is being polite as long as there is someone more aggressive around. I didn't say, Assertive, I said Aggressive.-
Yeah...you come in with all these irreverant and off-the-cuff comments, and the next thing you know, there are threads about your sleeping attire...that never happens to the guys who show some decorum...
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Great! Let's plant that seed again.
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Okay...glad to accomodate. We left off with the part where you don't wear pajamas, right?
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And we can leave off there again.
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No, you can't. I missed this the first time around. So, is this a "boxers or briefs" question, or are you already down to sheets?
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Nice guys are always taken for granted. And when the ladies come to realize what they are losing, they'll slowly go back to the nice guy and dump the so called bad guy. :-)
Fairy tale ending right there.. :-)-
I beg to differ. My nice guy & I both treat each other well & are genuinely happy in our relationship. Neither of us takes the other for granted.
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You need start asking out nice girls, and not users.
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Girls like it rough. Girls love to nag.
Plus that there is no nice guy in the world -
nonsense, I'm very nice and never have a problem -
Gee, that's a lot of confusing stuff. In my experience, nice guys may be too shy and not take the opportunity to approach me when it's given. They also may be a bit unsure as how to act and worried about crossing boundaries. The latter is a good thing per se, because we want to be respected. But don't let opportunities pass you by because you're too bashful. If men can relax and be themselves, and also give of themselves and show real profound interest without being obnoxious, there's a start. However a lot of nice guys turn out to be real bastards once they figure out that you're not a weak woman who will help them feel more manly. There's no turn-off as great as a wimpy man who thinks that a woman's vulnerability will give him more self-esteem. A man who sees the womans's strength and admires it is at ease with himself. THAT is attractive. To date I have never met one like that though. I'm a strong woman, how about asking why strong women who are also able to show their vulnerable side don't get nice men? This seems to me like it might be a phenomenon in today's world as well.-
I agree with you ! Spot on.
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I'm going to stand up for the nice guys. If you're nice and you genuinely care about people you'll find someone because there are plenty of women who appreciate kind hearted individuals. The key is to first be happy with who you are and then be confident that you kind heart will eventually lead you to your soulmate. -
The only guys I hear complaining about women not wanting nice guys are extremely deficient in some way-e.g. very unattractive, socially clueless, etc. Not being able to find a woman has nothing to do with their niceness.-
Well said.
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I'm not sure it has as much to do with "nice" guys as does with the guys who have no clue what they are doing. That's not a "nice" problem as much as it's an "experience" problem. -
i'd date nice guys. i'd stab bad guys.-
Let me move away from you then. Proud "bad" guy here. lol
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Nice guys gets nice girls. -
I can't resist this. Of course this girl isn't with a nice guy. That's why I keep my catwhip handy. -
both my male and female friends say i'm a nice guy, i'm with a girl which i consider really sweet and nice girl. i'm grateful for that. -
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I read Roissy. I think he's insane. Sick, and clinically insane. -
that is the stupidest thing
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It's interesting, but I've been thinking a lot lately on how the idea of being "nice" seems to have devolved into being considered uncool.
The trend lately seems toward being "edgy" or "raw" or "snarky." Thing is, if everyone's edgy, raw and snarky, it's bound to eventually lose its impact.
Might as well go for nice. Nice endures (and gives ya less pain in the long run!) -
Depends on the women you want. -
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Twat.
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I agree
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That depends on your definition of "nice".
I myself prefer someone who is honest yet respectful...IE the opposite of a panderer, enabler, or self centered jerk.
I prefer someone who is assertive and confident, the opposite of wishy-washy, needy, aggressive, or egotistical.
I prefer someone with a few opinions of his own, the ability to back those opinions up, and, overall, a backbone and some original thoughts.
To me, those qualities in a person are rather nice indeed. Anything more or less becomes either jerk-ish or wimp-ish, neither of which are attractive.
Try to remember that when we are choosing a mate, we are still inclined to look towards mates that espouse a strongest of the species type of behavior. That may be why many men perceive "nice guys" as being pushed aside. -
That depends on your definition of "nice".
I myself prefer someone who is honest yet respectful...IE the opposite of a panderer, enabler, or self centered jerk.
I prefer someone who is assertive and confident, the opposite of wishy-washy, needy, aggressive, or egotistical.
I prefer someone with a few opinions of his own, the ability to back those opinions up, and, overall, a backbone and some original thoughts.
To me, those qualities in a person are rather nice indeed. Anything more or less becomes either jerk-ish or wimp-ish, neither of which are attractive.
Try to remember that when we are choosing a mate, we are still inclined to look towards mates that espouse a strongest of the species type of behavior. That may be why many men perceive "nice guys" as being pushed aside.-
Ooops. Could someone delete that duplicate post?
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I read it twice not realizing it was a duplicate til you said so.
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Sad but a lot of women have issues and pick the wrong person.
You can't chose a good person until you are well and complete yourself.-
Im often surprised at some of the guys my girl friends go for.Guys can easily see through guys and can tell whose got issues and who doesnt.Girls dont see guys the way guys see guys, in that sense.
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I think I am a nice guy and I have been married for 23 years. Took me 36 years to figure out how to get a good woman. When I was a jerk I had women but no relationships.-
Do you mean a jerk like this guy?
roissy.wordpress.com/2009/01/12/a-hole-game-day-1/
I seriously think guys like that end up lonely in one-room apartments somewhere.
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blanket statements are silly
my boyfriend is the nicest person i have ever met let alone dated. i'm not letting him go -
My female pals often complain that all the nice guys get snapped up really fast...and they get the leftovers. No, I'm not being rude.
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