Discussions

No is No!

Posted by veryheaven • 8/15/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: ethics, friendship, life, love, marriage, philosophy, veryheaven

if anyoone says - no matter after what period of time or any kind of engagement - i want to go - let him or her go. s/he is old enough to decide. if the leaving person is healthy and in good psychic shape i would recommend the soon being free woman/man to chill, lay back and say: okay darling, it didn´t work, enjoy your new life, get out of mine - with respect, dignity and very fast.

a man, married 12 weeks ago, after being five years engaged. a few days ago, he wants to divorce. He was wrong. He is sorry, but not willing to stay any longer. It´s hard, it´s dumm, it´s foolish, it´s painful and everything bad else. in former days the leaving person needed to look for a fitting substitute for him/her, so that the left person or family will be protected and is able to survive and continue their way of living without a single loss. standard and status had to be guranteed. e.g. another family member or a good friend would take care the left alones until .....you know, love and happiness comes in again.

this unreliable persons needs to think about the broken heart he has produced and is leaving now for good. at least he should show his respect to his wife by

a) spending and sending her on an 8 week wellness holiday-trip in a 5* star resort on barbados (or elsewhere funky) and
b) pay her a monthly divorce and betrayal fee of 1500 euros for the next twelve months.

she will need it, if she wants to get coached out of the drama and soulpain by a professional soulhealer.

What´s your opinion?
Share your insights for a very heavenly living and life.

User Comments

8/15/08

veryheaven

hi all,
this is a difficult topic, i believe. but there are solutions to solve situations like this and help! so please, share your ideas, stories, anything your intuition or heart or logical brain has to say ;-)

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8/15/08

mberry

It sounds to me like the guy got scared and ran. If, after a 5 year engagement, he hasn't figured out if this is for him or not, he should have said something before the big day! What I suspect actually happened was that once the vows were spoken, he realized that his escape route had been closed off. he was thinking "me", not "us", and thereby denying himself the opportunity to grow as an individual as well as a couple.

So when he got married, in his mind it was "the ball and chain" rather than "wedded bliss". he completely failed to understand the whole point of marriage. My heart goes out to the bride, I can't even begin to imagine what she must be feeling right now. he should by all means strive to support her in some fashion, with the understanding that the money won't help the pain to go away.

If he ever goes for marriage again, the wise bride will insist on good pre-marriage counseling before they get anywhere near the altar.

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8/15/08

amitchopra22

what i dont understand that when man will understand the feelings of a woman, although he acts in a good manner before marriage and later all his behaviour changes suddenly. i am man too but want to put a question here, a man always thinks about girls, women, etc. or in another sense thinks about lady but when comes on understanding and being with her, he ignores, doesn't stay onhis vows. why.

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8/15/08

vogueidea

comment removed by the community.

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8/15/08

ryam

It's sad how some people just can't stay committed. I am pretty sure they were very happy with each other during their 5 years of engagement... and then everything just started falling apart when they got married.

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8/15/08

blogonsmog

It's not all that uncommon. I knew someone who lived with his girlfriend for 10 years before getting married. She asked for a divorce 3 months later

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1. 8/15/08
  
  ryam
  
  A friend says that marriage sometimes ruins the best relationships...
  
  Makes you wonder how real and deep these relationships are in the first place.
8/15/08

Theresa111

Maybe he is really playing for the other team. Perhaps he was forced into getting married, for family or whatever reasons and he couldn't face the reality of marriage with the opposite sex. He should, in all decency, be truthful with the marriage partner and do what he can to ease her sorrow. She didn't ask for this situation. And I am not saying this is the reason, but perhaps it could be the reason this happened.

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1. 8/15/08
  
  ryam
  
  Yes Yes Yes!!! I had a male colleague who was married with two children and ended up splitting because he found a boyfriend in the office!
8/15/08

pamelabaker

It sounds like to me, that if he was committed to her in the first place, he would never have drug on the relationship for 5 years unmarried. Some men like the advantages of a committed relationship in an uncommitted one!!
I believe the term for it is selfish.( all gain; run out rather than work out any pain.)

It will be a bitter pill to swallow for your friend to realize that she gave that much time to one who cared more for himself than for her, but she will be better off finding someone who does care enough to be in a mature committed relationship.

The one who needs counseling is the man; he is relationship challenged.

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