Discussions

Playing Favorites with Kids

Posted by JanelleV • 7/29/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic

My boyfriend and I have a close friend who is a father of three. He's good with his kids ((I'm not saying he's a bad parent or anything)) -- but I have started to notice that he plays favorites. It's fairly obvious too.

He gives almost all of his attention to his youngest son & one of the twins. The more time we spend with them, the more I notice he barely speaks to one of his sons.. The little boy practically avoids him. It's as if he just knows that he's not the favorite son and it's pretty sad. I wouldn't dare say anything to our friend because it is really none of my business.

I know you're not supposed to play favorites with children & sometimes it can be difficult for some adults to realize what they may be doing. I guess it is just different from the outside looking in -- maybe?

Does anyone here know anyone or have family members that play favorites with their children? What kind of toll do you think that would have on a child?

User Comments

7/29/08

ThriftShopRomantic

That's a really sad thing to see happen. I almost would consider saying something, if I were you. There has to be a way to bring it up without causing huge issues.

[reply]
1. 7/29/08
  
  JanelleV
  
  Yea - it is a sad situation. I've thought about saying something before but how in the world do you talk about something like that? It's a tough topic to discuss, especially with someone that's not a family member.
  
  I've actually talked about it with my boyfriend. He's best friends with the father. He said he has mentioned something to our friend and his friend has openly admitted to playing favorites. We still don't quite understand why he continues to do this.
2. 7/29/08
  
  ThriftShopRomantic
  
  Well, it's good your boyfriend talked to him about it, and he's aware of the issue. But what a thing to witness. I guess the best thing you can do is try to do right by the kid yourself when you can.
7/29/08

offendedblogger

Oh how awful, I have made it a conscious effort NOT to play favorites with my three because I know how that can affect a kid for the rest of their life.

I agree, there is no easy way to talk about it but hopefully you will think of a way to broach the subject somehow.

[reply]
7/29/08

CreativeJunkie

Unfortunately, we've experienced that with some members of my husband's family, with regard to other children being favored over ours.

It is very hurtful and I've tried to protect my kids as much as I can from it. I don't even know if my kids are actually aware it's happening.

[reply]
1. 7/29/08
  
  JanelleV
  
  It is hurtful -- I think it's great that you try to protect your children! A lot of parents won't speak up.
7/29/08

MidwestMom

In my own family -- I'm one of six -- there was one child who had an extraordinary talent. As a result, she got resources of time, money, and attention to do things we wouldn't dream of even asking for. I know it's not the same thing -- but it still felt pretty sh*tty.

As for my 3, they are each so special in totally different ways. I know my relationship takes different forms with each of them. By way of benefit-of-the-doubt, is it possible that your friend just has a quieter relationship with the one? If not, it is so sad for that child (and that Dad). There is nothing kids want more than to be seen and valued by their parents -- especially when they're young.

[reply]
1. 7/29/08
  
  JanelleV
  
  Well said.
7/29/08

curlydesigh

Wow, good job for saying something. Don't have kids yet but I would not play favorites. If it is anywhere kids should feel happy and loved it is at home.

[reply]
7/29/08

Sookie

Wow... this actually came to realization not to long ago with my own husband (stepfather to my children). He plays favorite to my daughter and my son (13yr) can do no right. It's starting to take a toll on our marriage. Trying to deal. Any clue? And yes, we talked about this sort of thing about 2 months ago. It's not changing (unfortunately). It's a big factor. Would you hang in there?

[reply]
7/29/08

MadameX

I just happen to have been talking with my daughter about this last night. My husband very obviously favors her over his two children by his first marriage. It is very disheartening for her brother, who badly wants his father's attention, but something many might not think to take into account is that it is very hard on the favorite as well (at least, in our family) because she feels responsible for the fact that her brother feels ignored. Ironically, although her brother and sister are not my biological children, she has told me more than once that she wishes her father would "like us all the same like you do".

[reply]
1/20/09

machopapa69

i don't have kids yet, but I really play favorites when it comes to my cute little cousins, nephews and nieces. but usually cute lil boys are my favorites.

[reply]