User Comments

1. 

   12/10/08

   Anok

   I think having a forum to help people through the process is a wonderful thing to do.
   
   However I am happy to say I can't contribute - as I'm not currently seeking a divorce

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   1. 

      12/10/08

      MadameX

      Thanks, Anok (and I, too, am glad that you have no experience to contribute!)
      
      This might not apply to you, either, but we've actually had some great participation in the past on threads relating to helping kids deal with divorce from adults who were children of divorce themselves and can speak to what did/didn't help make them more comfortable (or made things worse for them)
   2. 

      12/16/08

      Anok

      Oh, I could contribute to that aspect....maybe I'll stop by.
2. 

   12/10/08

   CreativeJunkie

   My ex and I have a pretty good relationship and one thing we did right in our divorce was to put our daughter first.
   
   This means that we change our schedules whenever necessary in order to make it easier for my eldest daughter. My ex is more than willing to pick up late or early or on completely different days if our daughter has somewhere she needs to be. The same goes for me. We swap weekends, if need be. She is free to call either one of us whenever she's at the other's house.
   
   We both attend all of her school functions and sport games and activities.
   
   When she goes out to dinner with her dad, her little sister (my daughter with my second husband) goes along as well - this was my ex's idea and they've been doing this for years now. In fact, she tags along on sleepovers some weekends as well.
   
   We separated when she was three so my eldest really doesn't remember what life used to be like ... she handles this situation just fine simply because it's all she knows. There is no "mom's house" and "dad's house" kind of thing, she just has two houses that she calls home.
   
   Nevertheless, because she spend the majority of her time here and we have more rules and chores, it's inevitable that Daddy's becomes Disneyland and being here is sometimes drudgery.
   
   Her being a teenager now doesn't help much either.

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   1. 

      12/10/08

      MadameX

      It's really refreshing and encouraging to hear a story like yours, CJ. As a former divorce attorney, I can tell you it's all too rare. Many otherwise good and loving parents lose sight of the toll it takes on their children when they struggle with one another over every little detail and decision, and many even intentionally use children as weapons, bait, and in a host of other ways that are incredibly destructive. Anger is unfortunately a powerful thing.
3. 

   12/16/08

   lordiwanttobewhole

   When one partner is uncooperative, it makes life very difficult for all involved. Both parents need to be able to think of the childrens best interests. It is so challenging when one parent puts down or tells outrageous lies about the other parent. Its a very sad situation.

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4. 

   12/16/08

   kdawg68

   I have a friend that could really use your guidance on this issue- I'll pass the link along.

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5. 

   9/19/09

   theAWWWBUTmum

   I have been a single Mum for over 5 years now - which means there is also a single Dad! And four children of various ages and needs..I think the penny dropped for me about three years in when I realised that the MY kids HIS kids thing had to stop - we created them together - they will always be OURS - and even more important they were GODs first and always - accepting that each parent can only do the best they can in the circumstances - your best may differ from thiers BUT give praise and credit for all the efforts made and things will get better - it is a constant choice and effort BUT looking at my children now it is so worth it!

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