Blog Catalog Discussion: SAVING OUR MARRIAGE

ArsenicCookies on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

ArsenicCookies — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 15:52:22 -0600

we did this before we married, but I am sure that is can be useful afterwards as well as long as it does not become a finger pointing match

srnityblu on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

srnityblu — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 15:49:58 -0600

I would have to say number one on the list would have to be understanding, and lots of it. Compromise would be number two, and number three... pour on more love. ( Not in the form of just physical, but through patience and putting the other person first. )

couples these days rush in and have a self centered attitude through money and finances. I cannot tell you how many people, young and old divorce over money matters because one or both aren't willing to use restraint and look at the needs of the family first. We are too focused on looks, and things these days, and in the end, they don't buy happiness with the one you love .

In the realm of understanding, one has to lend themselves to help and give hope and support, and in the realm of compromise, one has to lend themselves to patience, One doesn't always have to be right and win an argument, sometimes silence speaks volumes and actually listening to what the other person is saying behind heated words.
In the realm of love, loving someone the best you can as often as you can can be in the way of placing your hand on their back as you both stand in a check out line. It's the little things that matter most, and often they get neglected. Love can be romantic, and it can be joyful, just by taking a silent walk, or pushing your mate on a swing, learn to laugh with eachother and cry and perhaps sing ( okay for those of us who can't... hummmm) look into your partners eyes and just try with your eyes to convey the love you feel for them if in that moment, or a special moment... love doesn't have to be just the words " I love you" but it is something you have to be willing to explore togther.

Hugs, Shannon

voodooKobra on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

voodooKobra — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 00:05:45 -0600

Anok on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

Anok — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:54:36 -0600

Oh, I wasn't trying to imply that one should never divorce.

God no...

I was just giving advice for how to fight a healthy fight in a marriage you want to keep :D

Lemme know when that post is up, I'm interested to read it.

werelax on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

werelax — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:35:29 -0600

@ prince I like your post; you are right! It is all the woman's fault ;-)

jasonthebaldguy on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

jasonthebaldguy — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:55:28 -0600

There are no pat answers to this question, but all the answers do involve both individuals...

see my post on this subject

http://jasonthebaldguy.blogspot.com/2009/01/living-death.html

TheBlackCritic on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

TheBlackCritic — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:46:35 -0600

Anok, you know I love your take on things, your perspective...but to be honest, doesn't the very foundation of this question miss out on a lot of the data and evidence that history has given us? Hasn't the evidence shown for years now that a dysfunctional marriage where the couples practically hate each other and "stay together for the kids" are actually worse than divorce. The whole question: "Has [divorce] ever helped society in anyway" seems flawed as it depends on which parts of society--and based on what time frame--you are looking at. I think divorce certainly helps women who get bashed upside their heads by some abusive man with misogynistic issues. Lest we forget--a century ago, when society frowned on divorce and communities punished women who got divorces, far too many women ended up staying in abusive, unhealthy, and emotionally crippling marriages that destroyed them from the inside and outside.

Is divorce "wrong?" Well, depends on the situation and circumstance of the divorce, all divorces aren't equal. Is it "bad" for society? Well, depends on what "society" you use as your base comparison on.

I'm actually working on a post on this subject, because there are just too many myths out here.

In my humble opinion, having read several historical comparisons, it's possibly just the price of progress. Divorce is more rampant now not because modern day society is more corrupt--human beings have always been evil bastards lol--but because women are less repressed. Females don't have to put up with the B.S. married men dish out anymore for fear of a community retaliation. In past generations, the husbands could beat women, cheat on women, and even get away with incest, and the repressive nature of the community and society would shun her completely if she got a divorce. Many women felt obligated to "stay married," no matter how horrible their husbands treated them, because the consequences of getting a divorce seemed far worse. Today, the consequences are not the same as they were in the past, and women have the option of "walking away" from unhappiness without the added barriers.

I'm not sure this makes divorce "right or wrong" actually. I just know that posing the question without all the evidence and information the way the author of this discussion does, as though it's a simple black and white, cut and dry issue, is very misleading.

Just my perspective.

sensico on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

sensico — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:37:47 -0600

1. Must have a job
2. Must have good sex
3. Must love each other

Either that or just do what Omar said do.

princebiocas on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

princebiocas — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:34:49 -0600

WHAT DOES DRUG HAS TO DO WITH MARRRIAGE?,FRIEND.HOW MANY HAS DOING DRUG HELPED ANYWAY?

princebiocas on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

princebiocas — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:34:36 -0600

WHAT DOES DRUG HAS TO DO WITH MARRRIAGE,FRIEND.HOW MANY HAS DOING DRUG HELPED ANYWAY?

Anok on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

Anok — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:19:07 -0600

Argue on paper. That way you have time to cool down, and carefully think about what you have to say, and how you plan to say it - avoiding those nasty little comments that creep into heated arguments, that seem to last forever in your spouses memory.

You also then have a written record of what was said, promised, agreed upon, or not said for future reference. Keeps you honest :P

riverstyxxx on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

riverstyxxx — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:05:47 -0600

I still say drugs are the easiest marriage saver.

princebiocas on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

princebiocas — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:01:25 -0600

I really want to agree with you.Thanks for the comments.We human beings are not perfect that is why we need each other to help each other to climb to perfection.Our problems are not solved my running away from it,or finding someone to blame,but by admitting it,and readiness to solve it.Our marriages can work!THANKS.

sjay on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

sjay — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 16:57:26 -0600

Personally I think
1. Good understanding
2. Trust Each Other
3. Both should sacrifices something for the partner. I can be likes and dislikes.

timethief on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

timethief — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 17:04:35 -0600

If you select carefully in the first place the relationship is less likely to be require "saving". Those who believe they are incomplete and must marry legally or have a religious service to be complete and happy are misguided. Also those couples who insist that they are incomplete and must have children to be happy are likewise misguided.

These are the basic ingredients required for a happy, healthy and enduring relationship.
(1) Becoming legally married is not a requirement for a happy, healthy and enduring relationship. Happiness comes from within. You do have to be mature enough to be able to love yourself before you are capable of giving anything at all to another in a relationship.

(2) Respect and trust are fundamental to commitment to the relationship whether or not a legal formality has taken place. For without our inherent respect for and trust of each other, we will be unable to grant freedom, to treat each other with respect and equality, and to be supportive.

(3) Granting another person the freedom to be themselves, to stretch and grow or to wither and stagnate, is the ultimate result of love–unconditional love. It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them for reassurance, but the stronger you are as an individual, the stronger and more equal your relationship will be. When you feel confident and secure within yourself, you can enjoy being with your partner for the joy they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them to survive to bring in an income or to parent.

(4) It may be more romantic to talk about love, but it’s important to remember that love is an emotion that waxes and wanes. Healthy relationships happen between two people who really like each other ie. mutual affection and intimacy . When affection is mutual and intimacy is established they endure. If you genuinely like each other, enjoy being together, and share the same dreams in life, then loving will never be far away.

(5) Agreement to a healthy conflict resolution process is required from the outset of any relationship because arguments are a normal part of a relationship. A good argument is an opportunity to share your feelings and strengthen your bond by reaching a decision you’re both happy with. It can be an experience that leaves you both feeling more confident about your relationship and brings you closer together.

(6) Change can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy, but it can also be painful. In successful relationships, resilient couples learn to adapt and change together. They accept that change is an inevitable part of human life and they support each other through life's ups and downs.

(7) t takes time to form and assess whether or not the basic ingredients for a long term or lifetime commitment exist within in a relationship, and that’s what co-habitation is for. If it does exist then I believe it’s advisable to attend premarital counseling, and to formalize that relationship by creating a prenuptial contract before marrying.

voodooKobra on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

voodooKobra — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 16:50:26 -0600

You win. Thread over.

ArsenicCookies on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

ArsenicCookies — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 16:50:20 -0600

my hubby and I wrote out a list of our strengths and weaknesses, then five about the other person. In doing that we divided marital duties to coincide with our strengths, and the other partner picked up the slack on where he/I was weak. It was like marriage for dummies, but it's working

Friday13 on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

Friday13 — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 16:51:16 -0600

The three things are:

Just go to File >> Save Marriage ...
Use the CTRL-S hotkey for a quick marriage save
Close the marriage window and a window will pop up asking whether you want to save it or not. Click on Yes.

MadameX on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

MadameX — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 16:48:22 -0600

Go into marriage with realistic expectations and a commitment that it's going to be permanent no matter what happens...just like the vows say.

riverstyxxx on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

riverstyxxx — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 16:46:04 -0600

Drugs?

princebiocas on 'SAVING OUR MARRIAGE'

princebiocas — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 15:52:22 -0600

DIVORCE IS A NORMAL THING TO MANY ALL OVER THE WORLD.BUT HAS IT EVER HELPED THE SOCIETY IN ANYWAY?INSTEAD IT HAS RUINED THE LIFE OF MANY,EXPECIALLY CHILDREN-[THE INNOCENT ONES]
WHAT ARE 3 THINGS ONE CAN DO TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE?
www.savingmymarriagenow.blogspot.com