Discussions

School... then and now

Posted by daniel23 • 4/25/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: education, funny, humour, school, the state

I was reading the "Backwoods Home Magazine" and the newest issue has this hilariously funny joke feature:

SSCHOOL 1958 VS. SCHOOL 2008

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

1958 - Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car, and gets his own shotgun to show Jack.

2008 - School goes into lockdown, the FBI is called, Jack is hauled off to jail, and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called in to assist traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1958 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2008 - Police are called, SWAT team arrives, and arrests Johnny and Mark. They are charged with assault and both are expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1958 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still, and does not disrupt class again.

2008 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra state funding because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1958 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2008 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1958 - Mark shares aspirin with the school principal out on the smoking dock.

2008 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1958 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2008 - Pedro's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. U.S. Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover Independence Day firecrackers, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, and blows up an anthill.

1958 - Ants die.

2008 - Homeland Security and the FBI are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him.

1958 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.

2008 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in federal prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.

www.backwoodshome.com/humor/jokes111.html

User Comments

4/25/08

ekim941

Scenario: Johnny forgets his back pack in the cafeteria.

1958- The backpack is turned in to "Lost and found"

2008- The bomb squad is called in for a "Suspicious Package", the school is evacuated and the backpack is blown to particles as a precaution.

[reply]
4/25/08

daniel23

Scenario: Johnny feels down because his dog died.

1958 - Eventually he gets over it and gets a new puppy.

2008 - School authorities are alerted, he's heavily medicated, sent to therapy, and ends up killing himself.

[reply]
4/25/08

ekim941

Strikes a bit of a nerve. My son was the class clown. The teacher insisted he be on Ritalin. The Ritalin made him sick and the doctor told us to stop giving it to him.
The teacher called CPS claiming that we were denying our child necessary medication.
It was total BS.

[reply]
1. 4/25/08
  
  daniel23
  
  yeah. it's totally bollocks. Ritalin is a NARCOTIC!
2. 4/25/08
  
  Donlewis
  
  Your Son was displaying dangerous levels of individualism. Intervention was absolutely necessary.
3. 4/25/08
  
  ekim941
  
  Conformity NOW!!!
4. 4/25/08
  
  cayasm
  
  The teacher insisted that he be on Ritalan, how bizzare was she also a qualified doctor?
5. 4/25/08
  
  Donlewis
  
  Now if we can just find a way to get the stuff in the Nation's water supply. Finally! The dream of a Worker's Paradise will be achieved!
6. 4/25/08
  
  ekim941
  
  Cayasm, That was my point EXACTLY. She insisted that we "Go and get him diagnosed with ADD". Honest, that was exactly what she wrote down.
  Of course the Health department Doctor said he was ADD and "our" family doctor said he wasn't.
7. 4/25/08
  
  daniel23
  
  Don Lewis - more like a paradise for capitalists and bankers, no?
8. 4/25/08
  
  cayasm
  
  I'm astounded, giving a child unecessary drugs on the say so of a Teacher, and why not reccommend going to your family doctor, Disgraceful, and while she's doing this, she is not educating children in her charge
9. 4/25/08
  
  daniel23
  
  its EXTREMELY common in the United States.
10. 4/25/08
  
  Donlewis
  
  90% of the World's Ritalin is prescribed right here in the good ol' USA (We proudly lead again!)
11. 4/25/08
  
  ekim941
  
  It was a case of a teacher looking for an easy way out. It's a lot easier to take charge of a classroom full of drooling junkies than individual that are full of life.
12. 4/25/08
  
  ender
  
  that's utter bollox for a teacher to "diagnose" with add. it's a symptom of a lazy teacher or an overcrowded classroom.
  
  true add testing is a time consuming process with a LOT of testing components and can only be done accurately by a psychologist. utter crap for a teacher to decide that was the issue.
  
  this is a hot button issue for me as well, because i get sick of people saying ADD doesn't exist. (dr. amen has done brain scans showing 5 or 6 different varieties of add - and a different regimen of diet, exercise and sometimes medication can do wonders for those who actually have the disorder)
13. 4/25/08
  
  daniel23
  
  I don't think ADD exists.
14. 4/25/08
  
  ekim941
  
  My favorite part was the note:
  
  "Go and get him diagnosed with ADD".
  
  CPS enjoyed reading it as well
15. 4/25/08
  
  ender
  
  that neither surprises me nor bothers me, daniel.
16. 4/25/08
  
  daniel23
  
  As un-unique as I may be, ADD is an example of treating social problems as individual medical conditions.
17. 5/01/08
  
  dotartdude
  
  I remember a administrative memo to faculty members reminding them that they are not doctors and for liability reasons they were forbidden from initiating the subject of medication for ADD or ADHD (h is for hyperactive).
4/25/08

jackpayne

1958--Kids taught creative thinking, rugged individualism.

2008--Kids taught to nod their heads and walk in a straight line.

[reply]
1. 4/25/08
  
  Donlewis
  
  "Straight" is a non-acceptable word Jack. Perhaps you need to have your Meds increased.
2. 4/25/08
  
  daniel23
  
  Yeah, it should be "diverse line".
4/25/08

timethief

@DonLewis
You mentioned water supply. Did you know this? Many are already drinking each other's drugs. A vast array of pharmaceuticals — including antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones — have been found in the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million Americans.
Here's an example of test results: Anti-epileptic and anti-anxiety medications were detected in a portion of the treated drinking water for 18.5 million people in Southern California.
news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080309/ap_on_re_us/pharmawater_i

[reply]
1. 4/25/08
  
  daniel23
  
  and don't forget the fluoride!
2. 4/25/08
  
  ekim941
  
  "including antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones"
  
  Perfect, I won't have to refill by prescriptions.
3. 5/01/08
  
  sherliez
  
  whats with the sex hormones? is it from too much or too little...?
4/25/08

Anok

Hahahahaha....ah, great thread....

[reply]
4/25/08

Anok

Jill brings a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to school.

1958 - Jill sits down at lunch, and eats the sandwich

2008 - Jill is patted down, sandwich is confiscated, Jill is suspended for carrying a dangerous substance.

[reply]
1. 4/25/08
  
  timethief
  
  Are the peanuts GMO (genetically modified organisms)? Most soy beans are you know.
  
  While we are at it: Can you name the corporations and their subsidiaries that own the patents for the seeds for the food that you eat?
  
  [She bangs her head on keyboard muttering.
  I will not take up environmental blogging again,
  I will not take up environmental blogging again,
  I will not take up environmental blogging again ...]
2. 4/25/08
  
  ekim941
  
  "WARNING May contain peanuts"
  
  I put that sign on my toilet
3. 4/25/08
  
  Anok
  
  I have no idea - what's GMO?
  
  All I know is that all the schools around these parts have banned anything with peanuts, and many classroom party treats such as cupcakes for fear that a child who is allergic to anything in them (peanuts, gluten, dairy) might get their hands on it and die.
  
  haha Mike - I think your whole house is a peanut gallery anyway
4. 4/25/08
  
  ender
  
  i'm allergic to soy.
  
  just a useless fact i thought i'd throw in there.
5. 4/25/08
  
  Anok
  
  I'm allergic to seafood
6. 4/25/08
  
  daniel23
  
  GMO - genetically modified organism.
7. 4/25/08
  
  ender
  
  i'm also allergic to green beans.
8. 4/25/08
  
  Anok
  
  Oh heh. Gotchya
  
  Remind me not to serve sot milk and green beans to Ender
9. 4/25/08
  
  ender
  
  i'll send you a list of allergies prior to our next meeting.
10. 4/25/08
  
  Anok
  
  That long, huh?
  
  I'll just cover everything in the house with plastic and duct tape, making sure to clean all usable stuff with baking soda - and only serve foods bought from a specialty store in sterile containers
4/25/08

timethief

@daniel
I don't have the time to dig up the fluoride and arsenic in drinking water stats. Also it's Friday so I don't feel inclined to dig out the what's in your meat, vegetables, fruits, nuts and cereal grains either. We are what we eat, drink and breathe.

[She bangs her head on keyboard muttering.
I will not take up environmental blogging again,
I will not take up environmental blogging again,
I will not take up environmental blogging again ...]

[reply]
1. 4/25/08
  
  ender
  
  meh. wrong bloody spot. oops
4/25/08

daniel23

Scenario: Johnny snogs Jill behind school

1958 - Aww, sweet.

2008 - They are suspended and their parents notified threateningly.

[reply]
1. 4/25/08
  
  Anok
  
  Don't forget the array of antibiotics for possible STD's thrown down their throats along with the morning after pill
2. 4/25/08
  
  daniel23
  
  and the miserable talk with the school counselor
3. 4/25/08
  
  timethief
  
  Jill is 2 years older than Johnny and has repeated a couple of grades. OMG she's an adult! Charges are laid against her by Johnny's parents for corrupting a minor.
  
  Salute to Anok - Jill is made to swallow antibiotics for possible STD's and so is Johnny. Jill is put on "the pill". They pee-pee into their toilets and the municipal water supply is now contaminated!
  
  Salute to ender. Statutory rape? Is there really still such a law down there? The age of sexual consent here is 14 years.
4. 4/25/08
  
  ender
  
  daniel - the talk where the student explains how things work to the counselor?
5. 4/25/08
  
  ender
  
  @TT
  worse, jill is 3 or 4 years older and charged with statutory rape.
6. 4/25/08
  
  daniel23
  
  and have to uncomfortably explain what a condom is
7. 4/25/08
  
  Anok
  
  Don't forget those parents who might send their kids away to "retraining camps" to get their kid's head on straight
8. 4/25/08
  
  ender
  
  you mean like when my mother thought sending me to a women's college would cure me of being gay?
  
  [EDIT]
  oh, and she wanted me to live on campus, too.
9. 4/25/08
  
  Anok
  
  Oh Ender - oh - thats funny. I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time - but....that's funny
  
  Yeah, those kinda camps
4/25/08

daniel23

Scenario: Johnny takes a puff of the Demon Reefer

1958 - What's that?

2008 - Johnny is expelled and his parents pack him off to a cult-like youth boot-camp in a desert in the American Southwest.

[reply]
1. 4/25/08
  
  timethief
  
  Hmmm ... American south west isn't that er, a "growing" area for the killer weed that purportedly causes REEFER MADNESS?
  
  @Daniel
  Shall we diverge into the birth of the FBI and the role played by their Director when it came to demonizing this medicinal drug, or not? I say "not". I have to go and work now.
  
  Best wishes to all of you crazies
2. 4/25/08
  
  daniel23
  
  i dunno. deserts or summat, i thought. buttes and such.
3. 4/25/08
  
  Anok
  
  Or the parents confiscate it, and smoke it themselves
4. 4/25/08
  
  daniel23
  
  thats just you. you responsible parent you.
5. 4/25/08
  
  Anok
  
  *sigh* it's true. Heh.
4/25/08

timethief

@ender
Or like when I was sent to Bible College for brainwashing because I begged to differ with fundamentalist Pastors, Elders and other insecure and paranoid autocrats about the historical role of women in the church starting with house churches, Lydia and the fact that there were no Christian marriages services at that point in time but, indeed there most certainly were "early followers of the Way" who had multiple wives.

[reply]
4/25/08

ender

@TT - yes, i believe all the states still have statutory rape laws. age of consent varies from state to state. 16-18 seems the common range, but some states have tacked on restrictions like a 20 year old having consensual sex with a 16 year old can be statutory rape - there's a 4 year age difference.

and oh my, but the bible college bit sounds familiar ...

[reply]
1. 4/25/08
  
  timethief
  
  @ender
  Believe me when I say I was their worst nightmare. I explained to all my classmates what levirate marriage was (Judah and Tamar).
  The idiots had to admit that there were female authors of the compilation of book referred to as the bible. Like Deborah the Judge, Ruth and well ... I could go on but won't.
  Edited for brevity sake.
4/25/08

earthandeconomy

Privilege today affords little Johnny to get away with 1958 activities in a 2008 setting...who does your family know and what do they contribute?

[reply]
4/30/08

daniel23

Scenario: Johnny brings a water-pistol to the play-ground.

1958: Some kids get wet, everybody has a fun time, the bell rings for class time again.

2008: The area is locked down and Johnny is shot in the head by an FBI sniper.

[reply]
5/01/08

acousticguitarist

I was at primary school in the 60's, the Christian brothers used to hit us with leather straps with coins in them, leather straps that were 3/4 of an inch thick and canes. Physical abuse was common. Whereas sexual abuse was common in the church but no-one spoke about it.

[reply]
5/01/08

acousticguitarist

double

[reply]
5/23/09

richel8

comment removed by the community.

[reply]