Discussions

Sex without love, Love without sex

Posted by bloggernoob • 1/05/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: married life

They say that you can have sex without love, but you can't have love without sex. I like this little play on words, but i beg to differ.

I know that we are all sexual being, but sex seems to die out with marriage.

Would you guys agree, or do i have serious issues with my marriage? Cause my sex life after marriage has dropped dramatically.

User Comments

1/05/09

tjefferson85

Sex doesn't have to die with marriage, sex is a healthy part of marriage. Sex helps the couple explore their emotions more and gives them another way to connect. It's should be a connection that only the two of you share and that's what makes it special. If you are having sexual problems in your marriage you should discuss what could be causing it and ways to bring it back in full effect in your relationship. If all else fails seek a marriage counseler or sex therapist!

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1/05/09

timethief

Cause my sex life after marriage has dropped dramatically.

Well mine hasn't and I've been married for a long time. The impetus for sex after marriage maybe lust when it's a new marriage and having sex may also be lust driven from time to time thereafter, but if you have not established intimacy then you will experience problems. The meaning of intimacy varies from relationship to relationship, and within a given relationship. Intimacy has more to do with an affection connection than it does with lust. Intimacy requires empathy - the ability to stand in another's shoes.

Since physical intimacy is a mutual activity, both partners are responsible if happening, though the level of responsibility could be different. While both men and women think of intimacy, they do not always create the right environment and take initiative to make it happen. It takes two to create intimacy and to sustain it over the long term.

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1. 1/05/09
  
  bloggernoob
  
  i understand what you're saying, but the act of sex has a physical base. Even if one thinks that it is an emotional and spiritual experince. For men, u need to get physically(rhymes with smorny) to do the deed.
2. 1/05/09
  
  acousticguitarist
  
  TT... we're really happy for you
1/05/09

bloggernoob

i've talked to some of my friends about this. It seems like my single friends don't understand me at all, but my married friends do. I do realize that the sex issue might be an indicator that something is a miss in our relationship. (probably stress) but i am not so comfortable about marriage counselors. maybe get like a tantra book at barnes and nobles or border? maybe get some adult videos.

I am not saying that my sexual desire as died out. i still get(rhymes with smorny)

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1/05/09

Arnous81

You can have sex without love, love without sex, none, and both.

You might have sex with a new partner 3 times a day.After marriage it becomes 3 times a week.If thats what you call dying out then sure.I wouldnt call it dying out, unless it becomes something very infrequent and/or done without passion.

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1. 1/05/09
  
  bloggernoob
  
  3 times a week would be awesome! im talking like 3 times a year
1/05/09

bloggernoob

no i kid, more like once every month?

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1. 1/05/09
  
  timethief
  
  I don't thin a forum is the right place to discuss this. I think the discussion that has to take place is between you and your wife. I don't know if this link will help or not but here it is www.coping.org/relations/intimacy.htm
2. 1/06/09
  
  Arnous81
  
  timetheif, i dont see why not.General discussion can include anything.
3. 1/06/09
  
  timethief
  
  @Arnous81
  From the point of view of a wife I would be unhappy if my husband chose to discuss our sex life in an online forum rather than with me. We have been best friends for decades. We married very young and we are still hot for each other. I stand by what I said. I do not think that online forums are the places to discuss personal matters. I think they should be discussed face to face and heart to heart between the two people involved.
4. 1/06/09
  
  Arnous81
  
  Timetheif, I kind of agree with you.But no one really knows who bloggernoob is.His relationship with his wife may not be the same kind of relationship you have you your spouse.In your case, you wouldnt need to discuss such an issue online because you and hubby are on good terms.In bloggernoob's case, things might be different.So, I guess there's no general rule for these things.
1/05/09

bloggernoob

i don't think its that serious. its probably just stress and laziness. thanks for the link tho time

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1/06/09

MadameX

When you're not married and don't live with someone, you have to make a point to see one another--which means that when you're spending time together, spending time together is what you're doing. Once people move in together or get married,it's all too easy to lose that--you're in the house together, but you no longer have to make a point of being together, and so while you're physically together, you might both be focused on other things. That's not nearly so conducive to intimacy as those times when you had one another's full attention for hours on end. Making as much of a point of creating that in your married life as you did when you had to plan to be together can make a big difference.

[reply]
1. 1/06/09
  
  bloggernoob
  
  totally agree. the hard part is getting creative and not being so lazy about creating moments like that when you live together.
2. 1/06/09
  
  Sebastyne
  
  Very well said. I think this is just the issue.
1/06/09

KittyKat53

Yes sometimes it is laziness. You don't even want to make the effort to get turned on cause you know what you have to do to get to the good part. You need to compromise/communicate though or it won't get better.

sexforblondes.blogspot.com/search/label/Orgasm%20How%20to%20Be%20a%20Better...

DVDs help and toys (less effort) sexforblondes.blogspot.com/search/label/The%20Pocket%20Rocket

My bro's been married 12 years w/2 8 year olds and my sister-in-law told me she gets it once a quarter. Maybe its when his company has a good quarterly statement.

[reply]
1. 1/06/09
  
  bloggernoob
  
  once a quarter. it sounds bad, but im sure there are others like that. i think marriage killed the hunt. it kinda killed the foreplay.
  
  i see it as a natural progression. i think that romantic relationships mature into friendships...family. Can you imagine humping like rabbits with your wife or husband after 40 years? that can't be healthy either.
2. 10/14/09
  
  prav
  
  comment removed by the community.
1/06/09

vijayanths

I strongly agree to that point, that you can have sex with out love, but cannot love a person with out sex.

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1/06/09

voodooKobra

I don't have either.

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1/06/09

chrisdowsett

bloggernoob - I'm not married so I'm not going to presume to think I can offer any sort of helpful advice.

But I will say, from my intimate knowledge of movies, that the advertised way is to get all risque and rip each others clothes off at work or something.

Good luck buddy!

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1. 1/06/09
  
  bloggernoob
  
  thanks for the advice. i've tried that as well. only works the first time around. it's not worth doing the second tiem around. and with the current economy, we can't afford to rip up perfectly useful pieces of clothing.
1/06/09

ModelElaine

You have serious issues with your marriage. Go to counseling. Seriously. Or try talking to her.

[reply]
1. 1/06/09
  
  bloggernoob
  
  i don't think it's that bad. we actually have a good marriage. just the sex part has slowed down a bit.
1/07/09

KittyKat53

sexforblondes.blogspot.com/2009/01/what-is-your-sex-type.html

You inspired me to put something together about sex types.

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1/07/09

LynneaUrania

I blogged about a case of love without sex. I had an intense platonic relationship with a woman years ago. She died in 2000 and said goodbye to me in a dream. Her love was the best I had ever known among humankind.

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1/07/09

princebiocas

SEX IS A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF MARRIAGE.IT ADDS FUN TO MARRIAGE.IT BRINGS COUPLES TOGETHER IN A WAY NO ONE CAN EXPLAIN.THE NO OF TIME DEPEND ON COUPLES.BUT WE SHOULD NOT DENY OUR SPOUSE OF SEX.GOD HAS A REASON FOR SEX!WE ALL CAN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT BCOS OF ITS IMPORTANCE.

[reply]
1. 1/07/09
  
  timethief
  
  @princenioca
  In cyberspace typing in all capital letters is considered to be equivalent to SHOUTING! into the faces of others. I'd like to encourage you to set your caps lock key to the "off" position, as it's very hard to take what people who are shouting are saying at us into account.
  
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  Your assertion that we cannot deny our spouse sex based on your belief in a god whose existence has never been proven is not convincing. I rejected the dogma and doctrine of Christianity years ago. IMO it's a delusional and dangerous belief system invented by mankind that has led to subjugation of women and children, annihilation of indigenous cultures, crusades, witch burnings, murder, torture and war in god's name, and I'll have nothing to do with any part of it.
  
  I own my body and my husband owns his. I may choose to say either "yes" or "no" to sex, and he may choose to say either "yes" or "no" to sex. The right of choice is ours.
1/07/09

princebiocas

Thanks timethief.Ididn't mean what it implies.hope am pardorned?

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1. 1/07/09
  
  timethief
  
  Everybody has to learn some time and from someone. Most people don't bother to share knowledge. I do.
1/07/09

princebiocas

What am talking about here is intentionally denying your spouse without a jjust reason.When u are married you don't owe your body.it is for both of you.If you keep denying your husband for no just cause, you are telling him to get it elsewhere and the purpose of marriage is defeated there. The 2 are meant to be one body,not 2!

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1/07/09

princebiocas

Nobody is an islaand of knowledge.am always happy to learn.Thanks!

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1. 10/14/09
  
  prav
  
  comment removed by the community.
1/22/09

bloggernoob

what people do not understand is that, we are living in the age of porn. Never had porn been so instant and easy to obtain. i think that this changes the sex game up.

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1/22/09

inbusiness

I think that people under estimate the importance of sex in a relationship, unless you are a nun or a munk! So if you want some advice on this bloggernoob, there is an underlying reason for the lack of sex, which could be the stress. Stress is a good killer for sex and especially for men, but this could just be an excuse. You might be better of going to speak with a councellor yourself - one to one to see whether there are any issues at play here.

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4/21/09

mpreviews

comment removed by the community.

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4/21/09

ThePureBed

comment removed by the community.

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4/21/09

fruitcake

sex without love = fuc...g (you know)
love without sex = mutual understanding

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4/21/09

Sam1982

Oh man!

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4/23/09

salamsonybd

comment removed by the community.

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10/14/09

prav

comment removed by the community.

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10/14/09

sorcerer

Ouch!

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10/14/09

lotusb

Well I'm not married (thank GOD) but I agree with the statement. I have had sex w/o love but if love didn't have sex, I would leave or consider leaving.

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10/14/09

sjtavo

I think a happy marriage and a healthy sex life most definitely go hand in hand. In all of my relationships, our sex life was one of the most important aspects. My parents have been married for almost 45 years, are approaching 70 and still have a healthy sex life - I think that's one of the things that has kept them going - plus they are always honest with each other, respect each other and on occasion take separate vacations =)

[reply]
1. 10/18/09
  
  sorcerer
  
  honesty is the key!
10/18/09

jeremyjanson

Sexuality can deepen love, and if there was no love there to begin with, there is nothing to deepen.

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10/18/09

Onchong

Sex without love is lust.

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10/18/09

ChampDog

Sex is subset of love. So, you can have sex without love but not the other way round.

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10/18/09

bringbackpluto

You never mention if it's you or your wife who's not as much into the sex.

Or if it's just life intervening. Kids, etc.??

If you and your wife are both committed to more "frequency" it's likely you can come up with some creative ways to make it happen.

But if it's only one person working at it, that could be more challenging.

Good luck!!

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10/18/09

brooklynposh

just like trust and communication are essential parts to marriage intimacy is as well. It does not mean that you are not intimate with your partner because you don't sex as often as you used to. think of and find more creative and inventive ways to work love making into your schedule!

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10/19/09

lnclark1950

I have been married for 23 years and I have more and better quality sex today than earlier in my marriage. I believe it has to do with me changing my view on sex and romance. I recommend "Simply Romantic Evenings" for those of you who are suffering in your sex life.

[reply]
1. 3 days ago
  
  bloggernoob
  
  i heard that this happens to some people late in the marriage. i hope that is the case with me
10/19/09

poppawasapimp

This thread seriously has me considering never getting married...ever!

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3 days ago

AnastasiaFB

I wouldn't know. I've never been married. :-))

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