Discussions
Should Single Mothers Receive Financial Assistance???
Posted by lotusb • 5/04/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: single mothers, teen pregnancy
On One Hand:
1) Single mothers face a hardship that 2-parent homes do not. Financially they are faced with a much harder deal.
2) Single mothers are sometimes the product of divorce in a home where they may not have had a career or any means of making a living without their husband’s income.
On the Other Hand:
1) In most circumstances the financial aspect of parenthood should be a factor before a woman of ANY age lies down and has sex.
2) While giving single-mothers a helping had to get back on their feet might be necessary in some case...prolonged support is not.
3) Single mothers are given FAR more opportunities to advance their careers, pay for college and obtain financial support than hard working students who have chosen to be more responsible.
4) These programs are a strain on the economy.
5) Financial support through the state can be, and very often IS a reason to get pregnant for many women.
Where do you stand on this issue?
lotusb.blogspot.com/2009/05/how-to-prevent-teen-pregnancy.html
User Comments
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*rolls eyes*
As the product of a single parent home, I can tell you my mother didn't get aid of any kind from the government or from my dad.-
As the product of a single parent home (rolls eys back) I an tell you mine didn't either..
But that's not represetitive of the majority .... -
Where do you get the numbers for this "majority?"
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Well, all over really... About 40% of single parents (male or female) are unemployed and living in poverty...50% of AA females become pregnant before the age of 20...so on..
Here is just one of the links that summerizes:
singleparents.about.com/od/legalissues/p/portrait.htm
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What about single fathers? Sometimes it's men that are left with the kids!-
That's true. Equally good point. Single fathers are a minority...but the same questions apply.
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The male equivalent of 'Single Mother' is 'Dead Beat Dad'. By default, single mothers are able to garner more sympathy. And as a part-time/former single Dad, I know what it's like.
Again, sad but true. And it's the majority spoiling it for the rest of us. -
Um...a dead beat dad is someone who is NOT caring for his kids....a single mother is someone who is..
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maybe... less fortunate people should have more in the eyes of the law :-) -
Well there are some more enlightened societies that believe the child is more important than the circumstances of the parents and it needs to be supported in whatever way will result in a successful, functioning member of society.
Making single Moms struggle to raise their children does not achieve this. I know plenty who are working hard and are run ragged trying to do it all without any support.
What does that teach the kids? How to bang their heads against a brick wall and be the object of prejudice all their lives?-
True...but I think there is a difference between assistance and life support. Some single mothers have no job skills...typing, computer skills..etc. They should make it a requirement that you go through a job skill program in order to continue receiving benefits beyond a certain amount of time. I know a lot of mothers who have been getting welfare for years and aren't working or in school...I think it's sad because I know they could be accomplishing so much more.
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It's hardly the kids fault the parents have been through hard times. For the sake of the children, society (ie the government) should kick in. 'It takes a village...'
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Thats true...not the kids fault. But it's cause and effect. That system and logic is clearly being taken for a ride...
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I think single mothers should get support IF and only IF they are making an effort to get off of support. I agree that women have babies to get assistance. Single mothers who are in school or ones that are only able to bring in very little income deserve support. I think if they're looking for work they should receive it temporarily.-
I agree. TEMPORARY. 6-12 months and on evaluation of funds and such.
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Six to twelve months?! Do you live in the same world as I do?
People who are on the wrong side of the economy need a helluva lot longer than that to get back on their feet. I should know, we've been struggling for FIVE YEARS to get back on our feet and there's still no light at the end of the tunnel.
And yes, you have to reapply/interview two- three times a year for any support program. -
The screening process for receiving welfare is loose. And yes i live in the same economy. My life wasn't always a bed of roses. At one point my mother sis and I were completely homelss, so I'd say my perspective is balenced. In some cases it shoud be extended. I just think throwing money at a problem is not always the best solution.
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No, the screening process is not loose LOL. You have to provide documentation of all of your assets, your bank account statements, your check stubs, your paperwork regarding employment or attempt to gain employment, you have to prove that you are actively looking for work if you're unemployed, and depending on what kind of aid you get, federal workers come and inspect your home, potential home, and you have to attend a separate interview at least once a year. (Separate from your submission of documents which you have to do two to three times a year depending on what kind of aid you get.) Depending on what kind of aid you get you also may be required to attend classes, seminars, and employment fairs/conventions.
And "throwing money at the problem" is the solution, because lack of money is the problem.
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A temporary safty net for the truly needed is important.
I don't want to fund someone's life for bad decisions they have made.-
thats a good Hayekian (F.A. Hayek) arguement. -
Not really because I do believe in a safty net. I just don't believe that people should be allowed to linger forever in the safty net because of their bad decisions.
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I know! let's ask Bristol Palin!
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Anyone who is in a situation who needs support (financial, emotional, counseling etc) should receive support.
Why is this even a question? Who cares if the mother is single? Who cares if she got pregnant early, late, or didn't have a proper education? Pointing out all of the things she did wrong up until this point isn't going to feed the child, or enable her to use a day care so she can hold down a job, regardless of how meager, or keep a roof over her child's head.
Prevention is awesome, but in many cases there is no prevention (death of a spouse, terminal illness leaving the family bankrupt, escaping abuse whatever) and other times prevention is a day late and a dollar short.
Don't judge people because they're in a bad situation. Help them. Maybe if more people helped and stopped judging, fewer people would be in such bad situations.
It's like that cartoon from years ago, where you have a bunch of people all standing around a piece of litter talking about how bad it is that someone littered and someone oughtta do something about it, and how could people be so rude and lazy and blah blah blah....and finally someone walks up, picks up he litter, and throws it away. Problem freaking solved.
Talk less, help more.-
our clearly taking this thread wrong. I don't mean to offend you or anyone. This is not meant to bash or judge anyone. It's simply a discussion about alternate ideas and perspectives. It's clear what yours is.
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I'm sorry, how else should I interpret "Should single mother's receive assistance?" when the list of pro's and con's you give indicates that they are, in your opinion, milking the system because they "get far more opportunities"? (Which is false, by the way, single mothers are often turned down for many jobs because not only are they women, but because the threat of being called out of work to take care of children who are ill etc...is too great. Not to mention that women are still paid proportionately less than men).
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The problem isn't lack of money, it's lack of ability. Give a man a fish or teach a man to fish....
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There's also lack of availability. Availability of decent paying jobs, availability of decent, affordable child care, availability of affordable housing, medical insurance, affordable food and house hold needs....
My husband and I are both perfectly "able", unfortunately there aren't enough jobs, and the available ones don't pay well, and child care is too expensive for both of us to have multiple jobs etc and so forth.
I couldn't imagine how hard it is for single mothers or fathers facing the same economy as us. At least I can provide 24 hour child care, while my husband pays the bills. Single parents don't have that luxury.
There are only so many good paying jobs out there, someone has to work the low wage jobs. Unfortunately, the people who have to work them also tend to be the ones who have no other choices, or don't get hired because the companies feel that they won't be dedicated employees because they are the only care provider for their child(ren).
I know everyone believes that just as soon as you can get an education you'll be hired off the bat, get decent pay, and all will be right with the world. But that's just not true. -
That's a very good point, Anok. I have many friends with graduate degrees who have been involuntarily unemployed for long periods of time, and that was before the economy took this most recent turn for the worse. -
I learned that the hard way
Even changing my area of expertise, going back to school, and obtaining licensing for various industries haven't proved helpful.
Then again, this area started hurting before the rest of country imploded...so...you know. When you have 60+ people of all ages and backgrounds fighting for one minimum wage sales floor job at the local Target, you know there's a problem. -
Anok, as a total aside, I think that you could make worthwhile money freelancing if you made that your focus.
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The problem isn't lack of money, it's lack of ability.
I'm sorry. Did you just say that? Seriously?
While I understand that there are some single parents who may lack what you term "skills", there are also plenty of married people and single people lacking the same.
I would *love* to see some documentation for what you're talking about.
... because the single parents I know are busting their cookies to hold things together for their kids & make their kids' lives better in all sorts of ways. -
Yes, you're right Tiffany. I fell off that wagon for a little while, hopefully I can get back on track. I'm back on my hormone helpers which helps me a GREAT deal. Otherwise I forget what day it is, can't meet deadlines etc and so forth.
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Wow, this thread took on a life...huh? I have said that the welfare programs should make more of an effort to provide assistance beyond just financial. I have said that the screening process is loose (if it weren't my Aunt wouldn't be getting food stamps AND driving a Benz). I did say that some people take advantage. I did say that there are people who don't have children who can't get assistance for what they need because they aren't "single parents" I did say there are plenty of sound reasons for people to get assistance from the governement.
I have NOT said a lot of what some people are assuming I've said here. I'm not against, nor have I once stated that I am against there being welfare programs in the US. There will never be change in this country until people stop getting so damn defensive and just respect the fact that people with different opinions and experiances do exsist. -
So your Aunt is gaming the system, and you haven't done anything about it?
Yes, the system can be gamed, no, the requirements are not "loose". They do credit checks, so I'm thinking that Benz isn't in her name, regardless if she drives it.
And no, I haven't seen you insist that the programs give more than welfare, I have seen you state that it's a drain on society.
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They sure should. The cost of assistance is nothing compared to the cost of having a child who probably won't be able to be part of the future of your country. -
It takes 2 people to make a child, regardless of whether you are the dad or the mom. Instead of asking the parent who has sole responsibility for that child, should receive assistance, why are we not figuring out ways to track down the fleeing parent. Why do we accept parents who abandon their children.-
Indeed. But does it mean you should leave the child without assistance before you find the missing parent?
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wrong spot
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That's hard to do if the parent has died, is in jail for abuse or drugs, or has restraining orders against them etc and so forth.
Child support is certainly great, and the responsible thing for both parents to do, but unfortunately it doesn't always work out so well. And, sometimes even with support, it isn't enough to get by, anyway. -
It's hard to do even if those things aren't going on. There are literally millions of non-custodial parents in this country job-hopping, working for cash, even relocating out of state at intervals for the specific purpose of avoiding child support. And although it usually catches up with them eventually, "eventually" is of little use to the child who needs shoes today.
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I'm very curious about why you're focusing on single mothers. Shouldn't any assistance offered be offered based on actual need and not the gender or marital status of the person in question?
I'm a single mother, and I don't get child support. My income is roughly double that of my single-father ex-husband, and I provide some financial support to his adult daughter (my ex-stepdaughter) who is raising her child in a two-parent household and having trouble making ends meet. To me, my ex-stepdaughter, who has a young child to care for and is just starting out and working (as is the child's father) for low wages is the one who should be getting a leg up here, if anyone is going to. What does marital status have to do with anything?-
Good points.
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Well, wrong spot. I do not really think Lotusb cares much about single mothers, or children with single mothers actually. Trying to sell something, maybe...
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I feel the same way. Anyone who needs assistance should be able to receive it. Of course, many single parents are put into a prickly situation because of the cost of child care on a single income. If they have a good job, great. If they don't, they'll be in deep trouble.
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You're right, Anok. I'm in a unique situation because I am able to work full-time from home; when I was paying $200/week for child care things were much tighter, even as a professional. But if we're looking at a straight needs analysis, that will be addressed without any need to make that distinction, right?
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I would think so, yes. Although there are distinctions made in needs based on grouping. Dependents versus no dependents, number of dependents, number of income earners, ability to work, disabilities cost of living etc and so forth.
I do believe that the threshold is lower for single parents than for dual parent homes...and in a way, rightfully so. You have double the oportunity to earn income with a dual household, independent situations varying, of course. -
That's the point I'm making. Yes assistance should go to those in need. When I was coming out of an abusive relationship, unemployed, emotionally and financially broken, I was forced to drop out of school. I had lost my child because of abuse during pregnancy. I was told there was nothing anyone could do. My parents made too much money, and I was no longer qualified for any help.
Explain how this system is fair?? -
Ahh...see no one has a response to that do they?
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Good to see that you waited eleven minutes before concluding that no one could come up with a response. That probably allowed one or two people to actually see your post.
I doubt very much that anyone here would suggest that there is adequate help available for everyone who needs it--or at least, not those that you're currently debating with. There are, of course, many people who believe that no one should get any help.
I'm not sure why you weren't able to go home to your family, or to a shelter during that time, and I'm sorry that you went through that. But your own story really illustrates the difference. Perhaps you don't see it now, but trust me when I tell you that having to drop out of school doesn't even register on the radar when compared with being unable to feed your child. It's a set-back, but one that can be overcome in time, and that's exactly the reason that there is more assistance available to people with children (whether or not they are single). -
Look, obviously my views are being blow out of proportion. That's something that comes with BC forums. I'm going to just bow out now, before I piss anyone else off. I'm not a selfish or unreasonable person, I've dedicated my time and money to helping support causes for women who need more than jusy money to get by, with or with out children. I put a lot of effort into supporting programs that aren't even on most people's radar let a lone the governments. I'm not some ignorant person spouting remarks and trying to bring down the low income community or women with children. As I stated above, my mother was a single mother as was my grams.
So before this becomes too personal, I'm out. I do appriciate all the input, you guys enjoy the thread.
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"Single mothers are given FAR more opportunities to advance their careers, pay for college and obtain financial support than hard working students who have chosen to be more responsible."
So you're saying that this is an unfair trade-off for an 18 year sentence of hardship?-
Wow, what a horrible way to look at parenting.
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Thats exactly what I'm saying. Just because you have a child dosen't mean your a priority over people who are stuggling as much as you are.
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Lotus, I'd suggest that it's impossible for someone without a child to be "struggling just as much as you are" if you have a child and are in similar circumstances. People without children have the flexibility to make short-term changes that people with children do not; they can go out and pick up any work they find that is available to them on a moment's notice without having to worry about child care; they don't have another (entirely helpless) human being depending on them to keep them alive. That's just for starters. Everything about your obligations and needs changes when you have a child to provide for.
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I just don't think that's true. I've been in helpless situations and I know others who have as well, and had no way of getting help...fell through the cracks.
Maybe you can read my comment above, and tell me how I'm seeing this wrong... -
Lotus, you're still here, moving forward with your life. You didn't starve to death during that hard time, nor apparently sustain any long-term health damage that you'll struggle with for the rest of your life. Why? I don't know, but I suspect that it's at least in part because you simply got up and did what you had to do. And I'll bet that if you think about it, you will realize that whatever it is that you did to get yourself out of that situation would have been impossible if you'd had a young child at your side.
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Lotus, having a child during hard times is like trying to wade through mud with a 30 pound anchor tied to your back.
You have no clue what you're talking about if you honestly believe it's just as hard when you're single and childless as it is when you're single with one or more children to provide for.
As a single childless person, when I hit rough times, I could camp out in the woods if I had to. I could survive on ramen noodles, or food taken form the trash. Having a child now, I fully understand that kind of survival technique is NOT possible (not if I want my child to live, be nourished, or remain in custody of my child, anyway).
I now know that I can't work unless someone can take care of my child, because it's dangerous to leave them alone for 8-10 hours a day. When I was single, I could work three jobs without hesitation. -
Very well said, Anok...with one qualification. The anchor is the most important thing in your life, and its breakable.
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Good point : )
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I was raised by a single mother who got no child support
& we lived off of Denny's tips. (My father was abusive and refused to sign my birth certificate-my mother didn't want him to have any rights; it worked out well),
She did not get help from the government, not even free school lunches. (She packed mine).
This did make me more aware of her responsibilities, and my husband and I were together 7 years before having our first child.
I feel that single mothers should be able to get assistance as long as they are pursuing an education. At least 2 years, but up to 4- pending their grades. In that time you can get a nursing or teaching degree, but you should be able to show that you are going and passing.
That money they earn later will bring their whole family up to have a better life. -
I was going to reply earlier but walked away to cool off. I haven't read the replies so if I repeat someone's comments...sorry.
I have a major issue with # 3.
"3) Single mothers are given FAR more opportunities to advance their careers, pay for college and obtain financial support than hard working students who have chosen to be more responsible."
why would someone assume that a solo mother(because mothers seem to be the target in this) chose to be a solo parent and/or is not hard working or responsible?
I have other comments but that was my first and it really bothered me. -
This is a good question but it's too broad I think .. at least it seems that way to me .. I do my best to decide on an answer or opinion based on the individual ..
Yes, there are women that stay pregnant on purpose
There are also women/men with no skills and/or a decent education
There are single parents in the system that have disabled children with no nursing and simply cannot just go off to work
There are so many different situations to consider here that I feel to just lump everyone together is unfair.. -
hmmm, now I have another comment too lol ..
"3) Single mothers are given FAR more opportunities to advance their careers, pay for college and obtain financial support than hard working students who have chosen to be more responsible."
I can tell you that here, in my little village of Canada .. it's nowhere near this easy. Yes you can be a single parent on assistance and choose to go to school. BUT ....You do NOT get full funding for this by any means .. You are expected to work part time to pay for your courses (by doing this you loose a huge portion of your check), if your really lucky, they might give you up to 500 for tuition & books .. , which is no where near enough to cover your educational needs.
This does not mean these parents should just give up trying but tell me how your suppose to work, go to school, pay for a sitter and still have time to spend with your kids? Yes, in the end you will get ahead but you will also incur a ton of debt trying ... Things are not as simple as you may think they are...
I think you should have started this thread based on a WIDE range of info instead of just voicing your opinion about something you are clearly uneducated on ..-
And in the US you don't even get that much. Although you can get grants, but applying for grants here is almost a full time job in and of itself. Wait, it IS a full time job, grant writer!
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exactly Anok ... once you scratch the surface alot of crap comes up doesn't it?
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Wow...As a single Mom I know what it is like. Nobody handed me all my money I worked very hard for it and now I am just working less but very smart for more money. However I agree with single parents getting assistance to get back on their feet. There are many single parents however who do use and abuse this right by staying on it for years and having more children. That is where I draw the line and say the state takes the children to a better home if the parent can't get out and work. The state offers free daycare to working Mom's who were on assistance so there really is no excuse. May sound harsh but I busted my tail end to make my house work out as well as it is now.-
"The state offers free daycare to working Mom's who were on assistance so there really is no excuse"
I don't know what state you're living in, but that's certainly not true in any of the three that I've lived in...perhaps all of the country's single mothers should move to your neighborhood. -
Trust me we have a very high tax rate, ya don't want to live here. Yes I transport many people like this. The state offers them to take their children to a particular daycare free of charge. This is as long as they continue working on getting a job or have a job. Now once they are making enough money it might change but I see the same people for about a year now. They also have a program through Norwescap that they help pay for your daycare if you are a working parent not on any TANF programs. Your daycare costs are anywhere from $10-$200 a week if your income in I think less then $700 a week you qualify for this assistance. This is cheap for us. I remember one of the daycares without assistance was at least $800 a month per child. No discounts if you had more then one.
You also have to realize though that this is an area where the average rent for a 1-2 bedroom apartment is $1000-$1600 and the property taxes are insane-my friend's taxes are $14,000 and that is cheap compared to some here. -
We have similar daycare programs here, it's like foodstamps or any other program though, you have to qualify. And if you qualify, then it's a good thing that program is there, and available. Otherwise you'd never get on your feet. (Our daycare costs and cost of living is similar here as well...very, very high).
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God bless all parents. Children are a gift and parents are the protectors and providers. When they need assistance they should be helped. -
If the husband is not supporting her and the children yes but...
The assistance should only last a short time for the purpose of helping her get the training to do a job so that she can support herself and her children. My daughter is 28, her husband helps some but it is not consistant. She works 25 hours per week and goes to school full-time. She gets medical assistance while she is in this transition.
If you want to read someone's life experience on how she moved from welfare to independence then go to www.urbancure.org/starparker.asp. Star is an example for other single mom's.
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