Discussions
Should you spy on your kids?
Posted by fearless21 • 3/02/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: children, online predators, Parents, spying
As a mother of 2 young girls who are beginning to use the computer, I am constantly thinking about the line between privacy and safety.
I have a friend who will let her daughter do just about anything on the computer as long as she hands over her passwords to her mother. And my friend periodically checks all her daughter's accounts.
Do children have a right to privacy as far as the internet is concerned?
User Comments
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Yes! Absolutely spy on your kids. It's for their own safety. Think about that girl who committed suicide as a result of cyber bullying by that insane woman. Had her parent monitored the actual content of her emails rather than just the amount of time she spent online, they could have protected her.
Children have no expectation of privacy as far as the internet is concerned. -
I think to some degree you should, but they should be allowed some privacy. I think knowing what websites they visit is important when they are younger but I don't think you should read their emails or anything like that.-
I disagree. You should read their emails. How else can you know what is really going on and not just what they tell you? That girl who committed suicide was getting bullied by email, text message and social networking sites. The more troubled they are, the more important it is to monitor their communications.
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@Bonnielicious,
Would it ever be acceptable to read your child's e-mail or at least see who your child is talking to online? -
You can't protect your children from everything, they can get bullied at school without you even knowing, you need to teach your children to respect you enough to tell you when things are wrong and trust them to be able to make the right decisions.
I'm fine with you monitoring who they talk to on social networking sites, just not what they are saying to people -
@Bonnie
If I don't monitor what they are saying on these social networking sites or what people are saying to them, how am I protecting them from predators?
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Privacy and kids online are concepts that are not compatible. My daughter is strictly restricted on what sites she can visit. There are just too many weird people out there to not keep an eye on what she's doing. -
I agree totally with stillthinking. Cat Stevens summed it up years ago:
Hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware
Learn how things work. Learn how to check history and caches. Learn how to prevent malicious downloads. And for god's sake have a decent virus checker set on autocheck.-
Learn how to check history and caches, and your child will learn how to clear them. -
@GabrielGadfly,
If that is the case, should parents invest in a monitoring software to keep tabs on their kids without their kid's knowledge? -
@fearless21
Only if you're fond of ridiculous arms-races. You find a monitoring software, they find a proxy to avoid your software, or they just use the net at a friend's house, an internet cafe, or a library, where you can't monitor them.
Better solution: talk to your kid. -
@gabrielgadfly If you are using a wireless router, you should have a password protected log. Windows Vista (and I suspect XP) allows you to set permissions on your child's account (which should not be the same as yours) so that a log is made of every site visits. They need to know that you are smarter than they are when it comes to this stuff. Yes, they will do what they will do but why make it easy?
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@windroot
And the first time you call them on it, and they realize that their internet use at home is logged, they'll just find elsewhere to use the net. Further, you'll alienate the child and prevent them from ever wanting to tell you about what they're doing. -
@gabrielgadfly I really don't disagree with your basic position. Communicate your standards clearly and let them know what is off-limits. Let them know you know the obvious but keep a few tricks up your sleeve.
If nothing else you need to to protect yourself from the potential consequences of your child's actions. They are after all children and may do dumb things on what is after all your computer. You are ultimately responsible so why not be able to reconstruct what has happened.
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Of course they have a right to privacy.
Will they see things you don't want them to? Yes.
Will it ruin their lives? Not likely.
My parents tried to keep tabs on what I did online. I just found better ways to cover my tracks. If they'd asked me what I was browsing, I would have told them. They would not have always liked what they heard.
Did I talk to people they wouldn't have liked me to? Yes.
But my parents instilled in me very early on the idea that I should trust my gut instinct. If someone made me uncomfortable, I blocked them.
Can the Internet be a dangerous place? Yes. So can your front yard or your child's bedroom.
If you want a safe child, raise one that trusts you enough to tell you what they're doing and with whom. Spying on them does exactly the opposite of that.-
I agree completely. You put it well better than I could
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@GabrielGadfly,
I do agree with the you point about the open lines of communications with your kids, however, I would never let a 12 year old girl sit alone and chat with a 40 year old stranger at a McDonalds especially without being present. Why would I agree that same scenario would be acceptable in an internet chat room? I have a responsibility to keep my children safe and while spying may not be the answer, I don't think a hands off approach is either.
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I hate to say it, but the kids most likely to lie and keep secrets from their parents are the ones who need the most help. Clearly, your parents and you didn't have that kind of relationship. Kids who are vulnerable to being preyed upon online already have trouble discerning friend from foe.
If as a parent you don't take the extra step of monitoring their online activities closely, you are neglecting them.
Internet predators aren't weirdos on street corners in trench coats. They're the woman down the block with a daughter the same age. They're the boy in the tenth grade talking to a girl in the fourth.
Better safe than sorry.-
If the child is already prone to lying and keeping secrets from their parents, no amount of monitoring or spying is going to help. The child can and will find better methods of sneaking past the monitoring efforts.
Assuming they're guilty isn't going to make them trust you.
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Teach the kids about all the warning signs of sexual predators and how to react to cyber-bullying. There are tons of resources to use on line with a simple Google search. Talk to them and train them, same as you would with strangers in person. Only let young children access child-friendly social networks, and never-ever places that adults frequent. Maybe even set up the home computer in a public place in the house and make the kids understand it's not all right to do Internet time in their rooms or alone in an office. I don't think it's wrong to use Internet filters and to block certain sites, not to mention setting up a "computer-time" allowance so that the kids will keep things in balance. Depending on your comfort zone, you might even insist that you be in the room while the kids are on the computer. Above all, ask questions. Tell them secret friends are not okay. These aren't fail safes, but they could prevent unhealthy relationships or burdensome secrets from plaguing your child.-
Now that's good advice. I agree completely.
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No, treat them with honesty and respect and require them to do the same.
My son told us everything going on in his life by doing this, leave no subject out of bounds and pay attention to what is being said. -
No. Denial. -
You have to protect them even from themselves. I'm looking foward to GPS break throughs. -
I'm unmarried yet but I think you must watch ,and protect them. -
If they are above 18 the answer is "NO". Only those below 18 needs PG and James Bond sort of things... -
Before my children left home, they were 100% our responsibility. We the parents knew about the dangers out there, but the boys did not. How could they?
So we didn't make rules about hair, food, language, music, manners, cleanliness or anything "personal", but we made strict rules about potentially dangerous behaviours: drinking, drugs, driving, internet usage, violence etc.
And would I have spied on them to back up the rules? 100% ... without a single moment's doubt! Too many adolescents die or have their lives blighted because their parents don't care enough to intervene. If anything, the world is _more_ dangerous now than it was 20 years ago when my boys first got computers.-
Is the world really more dangerous? How?
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I think the best approach is to raise kids who will actually come to YOU with any problems and concerns. Instead of spying on your kids, be open with them and let them see you as someone they can trust, instead of someone they need to hide from.
At some point your daughters will start dating and will consider having sex and at some point they actually will. It may not be in the next few years and it may not even be before they are 18, but when they need someone to talk to you should be the one they feel comfortable enough to come to. If they know you don't trust them already, they will probably not confide in you, and no amount of spying will stop kids from doing what they want. Be open with them and talk about things before they become issues, rather than waiting until you find out that they are already getting themselves into trouble.
If you spy on your children they WILL eventually find out. Maybe not right away, but kids are smarter than their parents often give them credit for, and nothing promotes lying and sneaking around like knowing you are already being watched. Letting your kids do whatever they want is not the way to go about things either....just talk to them...often. Trust goes a long way. -
My kids, oldest being 13 have no internet privacy at all period. The computers are in the main living room and I check what they view. They have to ask premission before they view sites they have not previously viewed. It's not spying on them, it's very open in my house that they are young and there is content on the internet that is not appropiate for children and as a parent it is my responsibility to ensure their safty. -
It depends on the age of the child, and the behavior/character of the child.
Young and very young children should have no privacy on a computer. Heck, very young children shouldn't even be using a computer. They need to go outside and play with real friends.
The school aged child (maybe 8-13) should not have free rein of the internet, the phone, or the house. That doesn't mean they shouldn't have some privacy - but moderation and supervision are key at these points in children's lives. They don't need email accounts, facebook accounts, myspace accounts or anything else. They have friends, two legs, two arms, and the ability to go outside and play or be engaged in sports/activities with real people. The computer should be used for homework, research, and learning programs.
After that age - kids have the right to use the computer (again, the focus should be for school use - what reason do they have to have a myspace account when they see their friends everyday?) I still say supervision is key. There are parental locks and controls to prevent kids from viewing certain websites or even from getting on the computer when you are not home.
The computer should be in a a centrally located area of the house - so that there is no surfing the 'net till all hours of night, or secret communications.
I find the right to privacy with regards to computers, phones, and cell phones to be a bit ironic. The technology they are using does not belong to them. They are not paying the bill to use the products. Why do they deserve privacy for non essential items when the items they are using don't belong to them?
My computer, my rules.-
@Anok
I agree with your post completely. There has to be a balance between privacy and protection, because children are never "alone" on the internet.
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I am with KiefersCorner on this one as he said
"No, treat them with honesty and respect and require them to do the same."
My daughter comes to me with everything, she is open and honest with me and I am the same to her, a parent that listens can see when something is wrong. -
Insert a tracking chip in your child, the globalists will be happy. -
Don't read their emails. Reading someone emails is like reading someone's diary. I'm not saying don't monitor your children but they have some right to privacy.
The thing is to set limits and rules. I was online at 12, but i had to have my mothers permission to get on the computer, which was in the kitchen so anyone could walk by at any moment. And i was only allowed on until bedtime, which at 12 was 9 o'clock. The big thing is first to raise your kid with some common sense. At 12 years old i knew meeting an unknown person from the internet was a bad idea. The second is to have faith that you raised your kid to do the right thing.
The internet is the least of your worries. The worst things that can happen to them can happen without a computer. Children are more likely to get abducted walking to school by a stranger, then they are from some crazy guy on the internet. Children get bullied everyday in school. They have access to drugs and alcohol, for those who think their 10-year-olds couldn't possibly have access to that, I knew kids at 12 who were doing drugs and getting into fights. Now with kids bringing guns to school and all that, I would say the internet is the least of the things to be concerned about.-
At the risk of sounding old...
We didn't have e mail when I was a kid. We didn't have the internet when I was a kid. So....
What possible reason is there for a child to have a private e mail account? I'm not trying to be snide - I'm being honest. I don't see what possible purpose it could serve? They have friends that they see everyday, they are in school all day, doing homework after school, and hopefully either out with friends or in extra curricular activities when school is out. I just don't see the sense or use? -
because writing letters is fun.
Why do kids pass notes back and forth in school, when they can wait 20 minutes and talk in person? Because it's enjoyable. Because that's what kids and adults do. Why do millions of people write text messages to each other during work, when they see the people they are messaging each day? Because it's fun...because humans are hard-wired to want to communicate with the people whose company they enjoy. Why do new couples who see each other still write love letters? Because it's fun.
Most forms of communication aren't used because of necessity, but simply because of convenience and enjoyment.
Email is no different. Does a 5 year old need email? No. Does a young teen? Maybe...developing strong bonds with friends is certainly a VERY important part of growing up. Just like older women (and men) have support systems of friends they can trust, so do younger women and men. -
Actually writing a letter at least takes some skill
However I'm not exactly sure why children have enough free time to spend sitting in front of a computer - enough to warrant an e mail account?
Adults do it because - like me - many of their friends have moved far away, or we don't see each other but once a month. We often already work at/on computers, and so it's there for communication.
Children write notes in class so they can "talk" without "talking" and get into trouble by the teacher. Children do not write letters to each other via snailmail. (We didn't even do that prior to the invention of e mail). -
I'd have to disagree, based on my experience as a teacher and as a former kid. Kids definitely write notes and even long letters to each other, and not only out of a necessity to stay quiet. A lot of kids write them in between classes and at lunch. I still have a bunch of such letters from when I was 14...somewhere.
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We didn't write notes to each other instead of hanging out after school. We just...went out and played or hung out with each other.
That's what I don't get. Why are they sitting at home writing e mails instead of going out and playing? -
I was a military brat and my friends move all the time. So it was an easy way to keep in touch with them. Most of my emails were to my grandparents/ other family that lived far away.
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Step back I initially thought you said 12 kids, I was reading wrong. On to the question without a doubt spy on your kids. Personally I don't call it spying as much as it is good parenting. There are too many crazy birds out there to just let your kids go out all willy nilly into cyberspace.
I totally understand the concept of trusting your children, that is well and good but we all know that kids by nature of being young and lacking experience don't always make the best decisions. This is why parents are so necessary.-
Well said, I agree. Communication between you and your children is vital.
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Teach them about the dangers, talk to them about what is appropriate -- and check up on what they're doing constantly. I call it parenting. -
I'd also like to say that supervision of your child's (internet or cell phone) media usage goes beyond just safety from possible predators.
I'll address the safety issues first:
Before the advent of instant, quiet communication kid's had to talk on the phone, talk in class, or pass notes in order to organize parties and get together that adults would like to prevent. Adults only had to be within earshot or confiscate the notes and other "covert" forms of communication to be made aware of what the kids were up to.
Now all they need to do is go into the bathroom, and text everyone en masse. With text speak and quiet instant communication the adults are left out in the cold about their kid's intentions.
Also, the danger of online communication is that of giving out too much personal information. From addresses to whetehr or not the parents are home, to posting and spreading damaging photos for all to see - it has far reaching ramifications. (There have been more than few incidents where photos have circulated causing serious problems for teens). It also allows criminals to easily case your house. Just because they say they're thousands of miles away doesn't actually mean that they are. If they know your address and your schedule courtesy of a well meaning child - you could easily be robbed.
Other reasons monitoring your child's usage should occur:
You need to make sure that if your child is using the internet for academic research they are aware of what is, and isn't a reputable source. You need to teach them and guide them as to how to cross reference, cite, and use online and offline educational materials for the sake of their education. For older students this is easy - but for the younger ones guidance and supervision is a must.
Also - kids may end up viewing websites that are totally inappropriate for their age. While that may or may not occur from other sources, you should still be vigilant about what you child views online, too. The fact that it can happen elsewhere doesn't mean that it's OK to let your child loose on the internet. -
spy, spy, spy...but tell the deal...do not sneak and do it. Until they are 18 they have no expectation of privacy; except private time on the phone during appropriate hours. -
All these people who say you have to trust your kids, that's nice in theory. Of course you have to have open communication with your children, but really, the kids at most risk are not the ones who have wonderful communication with their parents. In that instance, how do you protect them?
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I think you can still supervise your kids and trust them at the same time - it just depends on the kid and the age.
If you have a child who is headstrong, defiant, seriously extroverted and argumentative - more supervision will be necessary then a child who is a quiet, honest bookworm. And contrary to popular parenting myths - you can be the best parent in the world and still wind up with a wild child. It's genetic!
In all seriousness though - I think trust is wonderful, communication is key and supervision is a must. You may trust your child but you don't want to make overly easy for them to get away with stuff, either.
So long as you are open and direct in communication (teaching them as well as making sure they understand the boundaries and consequences and expectations) and consistent then trust will come. But if you wait and don't supervise your child until they've already begun getting into things they shouldn't - you've waited too long and any attempt to supervise or step in will end badly. -
I agree with both of you.
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YES YES!
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The internet is evil. keep your eye on them. -
only spy if they are idiots
if you trust them, dont
if they have given multiple reasons to doubt their judgment, spy to hopefully save them a few negative experiences -
First it's not "spying" when your child hands over their password to you, knowing full well that the reason mom wants this info is so she can check out the stuff.
My kids are young, almost 8 and 7, so they are TOO YOUNG for emails, or social sites, so I don't have much to worry about right now. That doesen't mean that they haven't IM people. They (using my screen name and only with my permission) will IM their grandparents, aunts, uncles, my DH while he's at work (NOT a lot), and some of their friends. (Those friends that I happen to be friends with the other mom).
With that said: Our PC is in a 'public' room, the kitchen. This is so I can ALWAYS see what they are up too at any given point. They will never have a PC in their bedroom. As for cellphones....right now they don't have one, there is NO need for them to have one. I'm not sure how to "protect" them with cell phone and the internet use there. It's horrific what teens text each other.....-
First it's not "spying" when your child hands over their password to you, knowing full well that the reason mom wants this info is so she can check out the stuff.
Good point - it's not spying if the rules are loud and clear, and followed through with publicly.
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All I can say is...no matter how restrictive your rules, no matter how much you spy and pry....if your kids WANT to do something, they will....and chances are...they won't get caught. Think of how many things YOU got away with as a child and teen.
Don't let your kids run-a-muck, but also don't make the naive mistake of thinking that if you watch them with eagle eyes they will never manage to get into trouble.
When I was young and growing up, it was always the honor-roll kids trying coke and smoking pot...the kids with the very strict parents who thought they knew what their kids were doing but obviously had no idea. Of course the kids who weren't on the honor roll were doing this too....my point is just that if your kids have it in their mind do something...they probably will find a way. Talk to your kids.-
Amen...intarso! "Talk with your kids" -
Yes - your kids will get away with something once in a while.
That doesn't mean you should make it easy for them to get away things. It's a lot harder for them to get into trouble (or to do something against the rules and not get caught and properly disciplined) if you provide supervision, and clear cut rules.
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I am at odds with the notion of trust, spying, and children's rights ESPECIALLY COMING FROM A PARENT. Heck, make that from an Uncle, Auntie, Godparent, or any adult you'd have in your home or around your girls.
We did an awlful lot of discussion regarding this issue in graduate school. And as sure as anything, every parent in the program stated "Hell yes!" meaning of course, they believed not only did they have a right to do it, moreover, they felt it was good ol' fashioned parenting.
I agree with them. Kids are always going to try and go one step farther than their parents will allow (don't kid yourself now). Our mission as parents is to bring our children into the world properly and in doing so, we hope that we will equip them to be contributing members of society. CHEERS, sydlights-
Well - your house, your rules. That makes it your right. If your kid is living on their own - no, you have no right, but if their living with you - you bet you have a right.
That goes, by the way, for some things with regards to adults, too. If you have a house guest - you might not go through their things or ask for their passwords - but it isn't likely you'll just let them do whatever they want, either. You don't need kiddie porn showing up on your hard drive, or drugs in your guest bedroom.
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I mentioned this earlier in the dicussion but, I would never let a 12 year old girl sit alone and chat with a 40 year old stranger at a McDonalds especially without being present. Why would I agree that same scenario would be acceptable in an internet chat room? I have a responsibility to keep my children safe and while spying may not be the answer, I don't think a hands off approach is either.
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Oooh good way to put it. Can I steal that from you if the need arises?
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Steal away Anok...this would also make a good post on your blog.
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I actually have a thing about Anarchism, kids, and discipline. Not quite the same topic, but pretty close.
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I grew up with the saying 'while you live in my house you have NO privacy.' It's a good one, and I never had a problem with it (all kids need to be spied on as they are EVIL ). -
I think its more a matter of good parenting than spying. There are 6 kids in my family and not all of us were "good children" but we all had enough common sense to not meet strangers off the internet. Our parents never had to read our emails to figure out what we were doing.
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That I can understand - thanks for answering.
Can you imagine a need for non military children? -
sorry, that was posted in the wrong section. But i'll reply here anyways.
It's the same idea for family that doesn't live close by. I mean not everyone's grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins live in a 30 mile radius. Even now that i'm an adult most of my emails go to family. -
Yup - family I can understand - but that doesn't mean the kid needs their own private e mail. Why can't they just use mom or dad's or the "family" e mail account?
I mean - kids don't have their own personal telephone to call grandma do they?
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Now my 8 year old...soon to be 9 year old just informed me that many of the kids in her class have cellphones...WTH are these other parent thinking!
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I don't get that either. I wasn't even allowed to have a phone in my room never mind a personal private line! (cell phones didn't really exist then like they do now).
Although I DO like the little "cell phones" for kids - it's called firefly, and they are pin protected, programmed by parents:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firefly_(mobile_phone)
There are five keys on this phone
* A "Begin Call" button (visualized by a green phone)
* An "End Call" button (visualized by a red phone)
* An "Address book" button (visualized by a blue open book)
* A "Call Mom" button (visualized by a blue woman-in-dress icon)
* A "Call Dad" button (visualized by a blue man icon)
* An emergency 9-1-1 button (visualized by small button with cross) (right side button)
* Two buttons to control the volume (visualized by two arrows) (left side button)
* An animation button which will display the animation set in the menu (left side button between the volume buttons)
The address book button has up to 20 phone numbers in it. These are to be programmed in by the guardian/parent, who knows a PIN which is intended to keep the child from changing the numbers. In this way, parents control who their kids are calling. The phone also offers a call screening option which, when activated only allows the numbers that are in the phones memory to call that phone.
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YES YES YES spy on your kids!!!! Trust me, my son is 17 now and if I hadn't known what was going on with him all this time he'd probably be dead!!! -
Yes. It's the only way to know what they are REALLY doing. They might get mad, but one day they will forgive you. My daughter is 18 now and our relationship is very good. Not so when she was a young teen! I never thought we'd get through it. But alas, we did.
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Amen to that one LOL! I thought it would never end.
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Spy away! There is no such line as "privacy and safety." If you teach them well... they will choose as adults how to use that wisdom. -
I think we, as parents, are supposed to "mold" our children into good people and productive citizens. Part of the "molding" is to correct them when they go astray. Our children can have their 100% privacy when they move out on their own. -
I've thought about this issue a lot. Especially after one day I was sitting with my niece while she visited a popular chat area for children and she was trying to hunt and peck to tell them that she was a 9 yr old Christian all the while I was watching some of the most crude and vulgar language you've ever seen fly across the screen. Thank goodness she was too busy looking at the keyboard to read. I told her she needed to log off and THEN told her why.
I'm not going to spy on my kids, I'm going to tell them up front what they can and can't do AND that I will be monitoring them closely for their own safety. That's not spying, that's parenting. -
If you spy on your kids they won't trust you. You can put safety locks on the computer, and have them use the computer while you're in the room, but if you violate their privacy and show you don't trust them they won't trust you.
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@fearless21 and @Anouk and et. al,..
Most of the time these days I wholeheartedly feel that parents are literally trying to live their lives through their children's lives. It's ugly and bent. Yet, being a native west coast person it seems like the more parents I come into contact with and whilst listening to their decision-making for their children, it does appear that most adults want to be friends with their kids and not parents.
Anok, great, GREAT, post...the last one vis-a-vie the simplified cell phone. Now, I must get to that link to see who to invest with! That kind of technology appears harmless to everyone who comes into contact with it.
About the 'private line' I'm still laughing!!!!!!-
LOL - it's true! Do you remember when they came out with the second line for teens? It was the same phone line and phone, but it had a different number, and the phone would have a different ring. All of my girlfriends had their own line when it came out.
And I remember thinking I was totally cool when I got to use the family "car phone" when that came out. My mother used to make me take it with me if I was driving up to my brother's house or long distances just in case. It came complete with the huge carrying case but it was, you know, state of the art!
I think the firefly thing is a great idea for little kids.
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no no no no what ever happened to having boundaries to making sure your kids had the information they needed to make informed decisions and open communication. If your children arent talking to you about their lives maybe thats the first clue as to the problem may not lie with them-
Who said there's no boundaries? The boundaries would include - nor privacy on the interwebz, no cell phone, and supervision.
It doesn't mean you're spying on them while they're on the toilet or having a private moment.
Kids don't tell you everything - particularly not if they've gotten mixed up in the wrong crowd. Take it from a girl who went from telling mommy everything to keeping everything a secret after certain traumatic events. I got mixed up with people who did drugs and I knew I wasn't allowed to do drugs.
Do you think I was going to tell my mommy that? Hell no!
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As a young person who has gone through this within the past 7 or so years, I guess I have a few questions that might help you.
Can you trust your children? What kind of people are they? If they haven't really done anything large to break your trust, then I think it would be a breach of trust and your relationship to spy on them.
My parents were really good. When I was younger, they had certain blocks on the internet, and actually talked to me about why they were doing it, and about the different dangers out there. They understood I was getting older, and needed to branch out a bit.
I was actually talking to them a few days ago, looking back as to why they were so relaxed with me as I got older, and they simply said, that they had no reason to mistrust me. We really aren't all rebellious and crazy. Open communication is a HUGE thing, and just discussing things with your kids and telling them why, just so they understand. I am not saying have no boundaries at all, but going as far as reading e-mails just shows you have no respect for them. Sure, we don't tell parents everything, but we are more likely to behave if you trust us.
Look up parenting styles, in psychology, democratic/authoritative parenting is the best approach.
Hope that helps-
@makeshiftspaces,
Those were some really good points to consider. My concern is not my kids' behavior, but the behaviors of strangers they may encounter. I have 2 great kids and while I may trust them implicitly, I don't trust strangers. They haven't learned to tell the difference yet between nice people and people who seem nice but they have bad intentions.
Over the next few years, that is what I have to work on so that they can prepare themselves to distinguish and avoid potentially dangerous situations on the internet and elsewhere.
Thanks for you input. -
That works really well with some kids. Because some kids are just that laid back.
Kids like me on the other hand.....I gave my mother every reason to not trust me. I was willful, defiant, manipulative, sneaky....and overall a really bad kid. My oldest brother on the other hand was just the opposite.
You have to do what's best for your child.
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Agreed. Children are so different, therefore parenting strategies are different
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@fearless21 AND @Anok and the lot:
Hey fearless21, I know you are a great parent it is so evident in your writing. Your girls are lucky to have you.
May I make just one tiny suggestion? Never, ever trust anyone, not even your own... We all have our beliefs and I respect those of others; however, my boss tells me 'not to trust in humankind, because he knew the thoughts of men.'
Moreover, it's those 'trusting implicitly' parents that take it the hardest.
@Anok,
Bustin' me up here! Sure I remember the telephone scam of putting in a different line and ringer...but it was the same phone! Who'd they think they were kidding.
You've got a super cool Mom! After what you've put her through and you got the big, bodacious, car phone to boot! God love her! I remember those first rounds of car phones. Darn near as big as the one's they used in WWII!!
And you're right! They were the state-of-the-art for then... -
"Spy" implies something secret. Until my daughter turned 13, she wasn't allowed online unless I was in the room with her--there wasn't anything covert about it. For her thirteenth birthday, I bought her a laptop--and told her that it came with the same kind of tracking software they employ in her school lab. She said that program was cool, and told me a story about something very ugly that had been discovered when one of her classmates tried to circumvent the software. She knows what's out there in the world, and that she might not yet have all the skills and knowledge to recognize it and deal with it. She also knows that I have no interest in scrutinizing her emails or IMs with known friends her own age--this is for her protection. Perhaps when she gets a little older it will meet with objection, and we'll have to reassess whether or not she's ready to fly solo out there, but thus far, she's entirely comfortable with the safety net.-
Sounds like you had a great way of handling what could be a tough situation with your daughter. Kudos to you for your parenting style. You have given me food for thought.
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