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Stand By Your Man
Posted by Tigress • 3/13/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: governor eliot spitzer, politics, relationships
I just did a post on my blog called Stand By Your Man. It stems from the fact that one of the biggest questions surrounding Gov. Eliot Spitzer's involvement with the prostitution ring is whether or not his wife should be standing by his side.
What do you think? I'm not sure men would agree with my opinion. Do men want and expect their wife to stand by their side after a stunt like that?
User Comments
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Nope. Nor would I stand by my wife in that situation.
In this case specifically, his actions goes well beyond infidelity and more toward gross hypocrisy and breach of public trust. It doesn't matter she stand by him or not, because he screwed the voters.-
Thanks for the reply. I know I'd like to bop whoever tells these women it is their duty as a politician's wife to be by their side. I think his actions make a whole lot of things null and void. He was a big hypocrite.
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Why would someone stay? They have an open ticket to say "good riddance". Now, for some, money, power and fame take precedence. For me, those reasons don't hold water. I'd be out faster than you can say "boo". Think of it, he has lied and lied MULTIPLE times, spent our tax dollars and made a spectacle of the law, his profession, his marriage and his character. Is there forgiveness? Yes, if he wants it; but, as with all stumbles, there is also a cost. This time it will cost him. -
Forgiveness depends on whether or not he wants it? -
No. We have the power to forgive and to ask forgiveness when we have hurt another. It is a beautiful experience when one seeks to be forgiven - it is freeing for the one who committed the offense. To the one who has been hurt, forgiveness is a gift to one's self because it sets one free from bitterness.
Forgiveness, when genuine, has been known to heal relationships and marriages in the most challenging of circumstances. -
We have no idea what's going on inside that marriage, and it's not really our place to judge Spitzer's wife.
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Hmmm...forgivness is a gift to the one who was hurt? Releases them from bitterness? I don't think so. You don't have to forgive someone who hurts you and by not forgiving them that doesn't set you up for bitterness ... it actually frees you from a cycle of abusive behaviour. Or at the very least, sets boundaries for yourself of what you'll tolerate from others. -
Drowsey, you can free yourself from an abusive situation physically, but if you don't engage in some act of forgiveness - of yourself, the other person, or a combination of both it could wind up being more harmful, because the anger may never go away. That of course, isn't true for everyone, but i know it is true for me. It took me a long time to come to terms with some traumatic experiences that required a lot of forgiveness, but the effects of not forgiving were destroying my life. And I didn't even realize it.
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Yep, I completely agree ... but it's not the only way. Sometimes forgiveness can actually keep you in a bad situation ... even if you've removed yourself from it physically. It can also have you repeating history and finding yourself right back in the situation again, only with different people. I'm just saying forgiveness isn't always necessary ... and by not forgiving you're not dooming yourself to bitterness and anger.
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I agree, I think it depends entirely on the situation too. While some situations can easily be repeated if you're not careful, others cannot, so forgiveness, particularly of yourself can be life saving.
Actually I would think forgiveness of yourself is a very good thing regardless of the situation....
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Poor woman looked like she was in shock ... they all do when they stand there like that. Not sure what I'd do in the exact situation, but it would be darn hard to do. I've done a couple of posts about it too...I think she needs to kick his butt outta there... It's all so sad really.
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DwoseyMonkey - Actually, a friend told me that he didn't tell her what he was going to say so she actually was in shock. She heard it for the first time standing there. How wrong is that?
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This thread reminded me of the Blues Brothers-
Why is that? :-)
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LOL! Okay, gotcha!
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Tigress, I referenced your blog post at Shakadoo.com. Here is the link www.loveshakbaby.com/2008/03/what-about-mrs.html
You are right, the Tammy Wynette song echoes in this sad situation.-
Thanks Kellybax. I'll check it out right now.
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Confucius say: Man who run in front of car get tired. Spitzer did even worse than that. He ran himself over. It's like the old joke about the lifeguard, "It was a great job, until some blue kid got me fired."
Who can blame his wife for storming out of the limousine after they got back to their condo from that ill-advised press announcement.-
Who could blame her indeed? I just have this problem with people expecting politicians and celebrities to behave on some higher standard than they would anyone else. They were people first, they'll be people after they step down from wherever they are.
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I actually saw an interview with a woman on TV who said it was the wife's fault for probably not giving her husband any attention.
But it is also the women who do this job fault, at least 50% of the blame since they are breaking up marriages and they don't seem to really care. If they worked 9-5 jobs, you would not have any men going to them.-
"Dr." Laura Schlessinger. I have a blog post in progress about her. Do you think it's defamatory to suggest that she's on crack?
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*snorts*
Isn't she?!
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I think that was wrong of her. No one knows what's really going on in their relationship. I heard someone suggest that as far as anyone knows, she approved of him going to a prostitute as long as it didn't come back to hit her in the face. We just don't know. I just can't see any woman, whether she was okay with it or not, wanting the public to know this is what was going on.
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I think that there is a difference between "standing by your man" or standing up for him when he has hurt you, and broken your trust - and staying with him, and trying to work through it.
The first phrase suggests that the woman will just allow the man to do anything, and get away with it, and/or that she is in denial. The second means that the problem has been addressed, acknowledged, and although perhaps forgiven (over time), not without a lot of trust work and emotional work between the couple - with a vow not to do it again, and mean it.-
I can agree with that. :-)
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"I actually saw an interview with a woman on TV who said it was the wife's fault for probably not giving her husband any attention."
Dr Laura?
lol
Absolutely not, how pathetic.-
Well, it was a stunningly credible piece of journalism all around...after Dr. Laura told us it was the wife's fault, Erica Jong came on and diagnosed Spitzer as a sex addict. What was especially disturbing was that I saw this in an airport, and was sitting near a grop of college students who weren't familiar with Jong; they assumed that she was a psychologist or something similar.
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Cooper - I don't like that any blame was placed because no one knows what their relationship was like. For all she knows the man was doing this since before they got married. Who knows?
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The only victim of that whole spectacle is his wife. I feel bad for her.-
What about their children? I feel sorry for the wife too.
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There's an interesting article in the NY Times about this scandal being an "aha" moment for women who thought we were entering an era of postfeminism. Seems there is something of a gender gap in reactions. The article also deals with some of the comments Clinton has had to put up with in her campaign recently. tinyurl.com/2xsk4p
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That was a well written article and interesting. Thanks for posting the link, Stoneman. -
Oops! I replied in the wrong place. See my reply below.
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I thought this was country music, I had just retuned to G tuning as was humming-
:-D
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Stoneman -
Interesting. I don't see that it boils down to anything other than that whether it was done by a man or a woman, marriage vows were broken, the law was broken and there was a lot of hypocrasy involved. Why the sexes see it differently is beyond me. -
Here's another interesting article, this time from the Washington Post. It starts from the point of view of fiction and what kind of characters we should use in it. Then it turns to the current subject, focusing on the husband, but also giving some attention to the wife: tinyurl.com/2hr6fc
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That was a great article and think more people should read it. People really do need to open their minds and consider possibilities, realize that they DON'T know someone, what they're going through, what they're thinking. We can't always just look at people and situations from a "what I would do" situation. We have to dare to think outside of the box.
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Exactly. I think by talking about it as a problem for a fiction writer, the author helps us to make those leaps of imagination.
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Maybe his wife was in on some of his "adventures" and knew about it? Maybe she liked to join in?-
That's a thought but based on the look on her face and practically avoiding his touch, I don't think so.
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Sounds more like Doug's fantasy than a reality.
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OMG,for heavens and any tigresse in a vvomans sake, if spitzers vvife got at least a little selfesteem - na, he must pay her 200.000 euros each year for the the next five to keep quiet if he vvants her to stand by him just for the time he is under pressure. hovv disgusting, the vvhole act is.
her reputation should not be valued in the public by her husbands foxtrott, but the boulevard press and the neighbours are just not friends vvith her because of her smile or vvhatever. its business, and therefore no personal or love principles rule. tse -
I think I see what you're saying. :-)
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