Discussions
The lack of sexual appetite, and the denial of lack of sexual appetite
Posted by RoscoeAntHillz • 8/18/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: divorce, friends, gratification, marriage, married life, mistress
I often wonder about some women who can go 2 3 6 months without having a single sexual encounter but claims "i like sex, when it happens, i just dont NEED it like you do"...(i guess this statement is meant to put off my questions)
Is that possible?
I have a friend who has gone 6 months without it, without so much as a self gratifying act to hold her over but claims that she is not one of those women who dont really enjoy the act.
I find it quite ridiculous that she can actually enjoy it but refrains from it as if its cigarettes she is trying to quit...
Will she become one of these married women who go months and even years without participating in acts of carnal pleasure with thier husbands? Then become indignant and shocked when a mistress suddenly pops up on the front door step with 2 kids and a hand out for shhh money?
User Comments
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imo unless u r sick, if you stay 6 months in a relationship without putting out, the other has the right to cheat. you want to starve your penis/vagina go for it, just don't make me fast alongside you.
i enjoy sex, i love sex and lately, i have noticed that with my libido going up and me shedding my "barriers" i need it too and it feels great and life is wonderful!-
Here here Lolita! -
ditto!!! im sick of feeling like some sex maniac freak when i talk to her....
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Lol..well my cuz (u know the one) told me the other day that she didn't understand dominate/submissive roles in the bedroom...
I said...wow...then I must be a total wacko freak to you cause I love that! -
Roscoe, my husband used to feel this way because he was horny everyday and i was too tired to care or think about sex. after reading a blog by a man in a sexless relationship, i woke up and realized that i had a good man who stayed faithful to me even though i always turned him down for sex. i realized that i was not keeping pleasure away from him but myself. we used to fight over sex, he felt like a maniac and i felt like a sperm toilet, lol!
but now, sex is natural, not an issue and we get to fight over other stuff.
if your wife/gf doesn't have a high sex drive, it could be due to hormones and other emotional issues, talk to her calmly and you two should go see her doc for alternatives.
i also wrote a post (from my experience) about how to get laid by your wife. maybe you'd like to have a look. it's no therapy, but it worked for my husband (now he has to take me off of him, lol!)
for you: sexingrock.blogspot.com/2009/05/10-steps-away-from-getting-laid.html
for her: sexingrock.blogspot.com/2009/06/just-fuck-him-girl.html -
just realized Roscoe is a girl, lol!!! ignore what i said last above (too late to correct it)
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Confusion understood...the name is a throw-off..
She's ALL woman. -
haha Lolita,
i just realized u thought i was a guy!!! hehe
i know the roscoe thing can be a little deceiving, its my nick name
and anthillz is a ref to my fiance
dont worry, we get it on WELL in the sack, but i can def forward those links to people in need
thanks!
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Some people simply view sex as something that belongs in committed relationships. Maybe your friend wouldn't enjoy "it" standing alone, but enjoys it as part of a deeper relationship and not merely an act of physical maintenance.-
Makes sense, madame.
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this isnt about being in a relationship or not.. this is strictly about the enjoyment of sex. Either you love it, like it or can do without it...
your stance doesnt change just because you are single, in a relationship or married.
Either you love it, like it or can do without it...
of course each partner is different, so you might say "i loved it with him, i can do without it with him"
but at the core, we all have a certain inclination towards sex...
Either we love it, like it or can do without it... -
I am SO gonna have that phrase in my head all day now...
"love it like it cant do without it"
My new mantra.
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She probably has had a lot of bad sex-
Or enough good, meaningful sex that she's not interested in cheap substitutes.
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im assuming that is true and she has prob never had an orgasm or had a man who wasnt totally selfish or not up to the task of ultimate pleasure...we have even had convos where she shudders at the antics me and fiance partake in to keep the bedroom steamy (and its never anything too crazy or off the wall) so this leads me to believe that she doesnt really know what its like to spice it up and get it on...i think she sees sex as something we humans should do for all practical purposes but not as something people truly enjoy....
but i think she is too ashamed to admit that...maybe she feels left out on something everyone else knows... -
Petty procreation?? HAW HAW HAW!!!
This is not what love making is for!! -
Wow--you people are jumping to a lot of conclusions about someone whose views you haven't even heard from her own mouth.
I'm more inclined to question the person who decided to start a public discussion about her friend's sex life than I am someone who hasn't had sex for a few months. -
She did NOT start a discussion about her friend's sex life...she brought up a topic and used her friend as an example.
So what? -
Lotus, I disagree about the focus of the initial post. 2/3 of the text is about the friend, and the last paragraph asks complete strangers to make predictions about the future of her friend's sex life and relationships.
Honestly, the whole thing strikes me as rude, intrusive and judgmental--just one more in the long line of "this person thinks differently than I do so there must be something wrong with her and she's missing something" threads that are so very tiresome. Maybe it's just a difference in perspective that comes with age. -
I don't know madame. She's not attacking her friend. I know Roscoe personally and she's the the least judgemental person I've ever met in my life. I think your seeing it wrong, although you can have your own opinion. I see it as her using a friend as an example of women who have a similar mind state. She didn't say, "My friend is an idiot...she hates sex...do you think my friend is an idiot..."
She just used this anonymous person as an example. It's been done a thousand times in discussions and no one got offended. -
Well, she did say that her friend claimed to like sex but she chose to believe otherwise...and she did speculate that her friend would not engage in normal sexual relations with her future partner, thus "driving" him to take a mistress...that sounds pretty negative to me.
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Dude...whatever.
It's not that serious...I don't have energy to actually comment on that assumption.
Moving on.
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If not in a relationship I can go however long I want. I don't like random sleeping around, kinda slutty. And stupid....IMO.
However, on the flipside....when in a relationship I REQUIRE IT at least 1-2 times a day.-
I'm glad you said "IMO"...cause calling sleeping around slutty and stupid seems a bit harsh.
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Yep that's right....its only my opinion. I already raised one child on my own, learned my lesson early.
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Absolutely...being careful for one's health and well being is one thing, but you can have sexual partners without commitment and still make sure to stay clean and responsible.
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Accidents happen.
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Well Roscoe, you know how I feel about this topic...I think going long periods of time without having sex while in a relationship is a sign that something is missing from that relationship... If your single and not having it then MAYBE you have a low sex drive, or for women....maybe they haven't actually had an orgasm yet? Some women go their hole (pun intended) lives without having an O...
Tragic!!!-
tragic indeed. with me sex is not over til i get at least one and if your friend is out of commission, your hand can sub
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@ RoscoeAntHillz
I'm wondering why I am reading about your friend's private business on this forum. I'm wondering if she gave you permission to mind her business for her and broadcast it throughout cyberspace. I'm also wondering if anything we members say here can possibly be as valuable as information she could receive from a doctor. I'm wondering where your compassion, empathy and discretion are. I'm wondering about your maturity level and your ability to actually be a friend who can keep a confidence.
IMO you appear to have posted this thread only to gain support for your own opinions (assuaging your own ego) and you really don't appear to give a damn about your friend. IMO you appear to just be seeking to gain feedback from BC members that makes you feel justified about the position(s) you have taken.
Bottom line: If I was your "friend" and I shared my personal business with you confidence and then saw it plastered on a public I would dump you on your head.-
Geez, seriously?
She didn't name names...I think that's thinking way too much about the way she stated the question.
And TT..."dump you on your head"
Is it that serious...why get hostle?? -
I am expressing exactly the course of action I would take if I were the "friend" who shared a confidence and found it broadcast on the internet on a "social" forum. You may disagree with my position. That's your prerogative. You may label it as being "hostile" and "harsh". But I stand on what I have said.
I repeat: If I was your "friend" and I shared my personal business with you confidence and then saw it plastered on a public forum I would dump you on your head. -
Ok...
but she didn't name names...it's not like using someone you know as an example of somthing you want to talk about is totally unheard of.
I just think that's a little harsh, TT...
Maybe I'm being overly touchy because Roscoe IS my BFF in real life...I just think it's a slight over reaction. But ok...each his own.
I'm pretty sure I wouldn't give a sht.. -
ok im going to clear this up (im taking the liberty of pretending that i owe you an explaination)
This woman I speak of is NOT a close confidant of mine or really someone I would call a "friend". She is an associate of mine and we freely have conversations on various topics.
But for the sack of being brief and to the point, I used the word friend.
We both are very open with our views and beliefs and we are also open to hearing others...
I am HARDLY EVER one to pass judgement or frown upon views that dont coincide with my own... I AM MERELY CURIOUS AS TO WHERE OTHER VIEWS LEAD PEOPLE IN THIER LIVES (naturally u should be curious about things you dont know directly about)
and anyway, its not like i said " jane doe believes this, she lives at 435 hoedown lane, please send her hate mail on my behalf"
SO CHILLAX and enjoy a healthy convo on the the various ways people lead thier lives.... -
Hee hee...you said "Chilax"
*pinch cheeks*
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You know what's funny, I'm a guy and me and my ex would go weeks to months without having sex. At first we were all over eachother, but then it we came to a point where most of the time one of us just wasn't feeling it. Either one of us was tired or busy or just didn't really feel like doing it. It seemed as if we had to schedule appointments, but truthfully, it didn't bother me one bit.-
did either one of you ever cheat?
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Nope.
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I think it would bother me...although everyone is different. Now the person I am dating and I have sex every time we're together. Even if it's really late and we're tired. But then our relationship is barely 2 months old.
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Not necessarily. I could live w/o sex for the rest of my life, too (although I'm not fighting against it in any way. It's just a non-issue for me.) However, I have no problem taking care of my husband's needs & when he wants to reciprocate, I'm not against it.
Recently some people of this ilk have taken to referring to themselves as "asexual." You can google it--I know there are groups out there.-
some people love it/need it, some people dont...
thats life....
its ok both ways as long as you are with someone who is compatible to you in that area....
you would never want to leave your partner "wanting" -
So you've never had a drive for sex?
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is it something you really get into? or u just give it up to shut up your husband?
not to be rude, im just trying to understand the dynamic of being able to live without it, but being with someone who wants it... -
Roscoe; I can get into it, I just don't need it. Just like I don't need a chocolate sundae, but I can get into that, too. *L*
lotusb; I had crazy drives during the hormonal changes of "becoming a woman," but past that...meh.
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but my initial issue was with the conflicting ideas that this person presented to me.
on one hand, she says she enjoys it just as much as i do (thats subjective of course)
but on the other hand, she says she goes really long stretches without it and doesnt even yearn for it during those stretches...
so my confusion was how could someone claim to be really into it, but doesnt care if it never happens again?
my only guess is that her idea of "enjoying" is based on very limited encounters that were probably "fun" because it was sex and not "mind blowing" like sex can be...
I just think some people go through life not really knowing that the possibilities are endless and that sex is not just a guy on top of you pumping away...
so when they say they enjoy it, it is probably comparable to enjoying a show on tv once, but never feeling like u need to catch every episode.
A
of course im no expert, just giving my opinion.... -
Hmm sex = Recent Readers Deck full! -
hormone problem...a good deal of women who like sex but don't feel the need for it have a hormone problem. men can have this problem as well. low testosterone (as well as estrogen for women) levels in both men and women can contribute to a lack of "need". the woman may need a visit to the doctor. i haven't read all the responses here, so i don't know if anyone mentioned this, but it could also be a symptom of menopause. she could also be lying to save her pride and she may not actually enjoy sex. some women have uterine problems that prevent them from enjoying sex (such as painful fibroids, tipped uterus, ovarian cysts, or even undetected cancers). and then there is always the possibility she just doesn't like doing it because it's not her thing. there's countless reasons ranging from emotional to physical as to why someone might not want to do it but to make any assumptions without her going to a doctor (or psychologist) isn't the right thing to do.
oh, and there's also the fear of reproducing, which can really put a damper on feeling the need to screw.
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