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The terrible things you tell your children...
Posted by Anok • 7/23/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: bug bars, farmer's markets, mean moms
I'm so not ashamed that I tell Punky al manner of terrible things - it's horrible.
For example, there was about a year where Punky wouldn't go to the farmer's market with me because I said that fresh little children were sold at the farmer's market for 50% off 
And lately - well you know how kids get all grabby-grabby with the candy at the checkout? I've begun telling Punky things like:
"Do you know what that's made of? Old shoe leather and dragon's boogers, that's what!"
Or
"Let me tell you how that's made. See, they grind up lady bugs and mix it with worm slime and top it off with a bit of whipped slug juice. Do you want to eat that?"
Or
"Pencil shavings! That stuff has pencil shavings and the oozy stuff hta comes out of frog's warts!"
Now, Punky's about 80% sure that I'm lying, but not quite sure enough to eat the candy bars....
My poor kid - Punky's gonna grow up with an abnormal fear of farmer's markets and candy bars LOLLOL
What terrible things have you told children?
User Comments
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I pay them good money if they will kick their parents in the shins.-
Hahahahahahaha
I mean... you're terrible!!! -
Careful. Punky's "contract money" is in the mail.
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Punky already kicks me in the shins as it is - so at least The kid will have some ice-cream money
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I'm not telling you where he's gonna kick you! Punky and I have an evil plan...
MWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HA! -
Ooh! You're mean!
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As long as you don't tell her that a 2000 year old philosopher was tacked up on a cross because SHE was bad...-
Oh no, I'll just tell her that mean little gnomes run work camps
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I'm watching Tim Minchin's stand-up on TV and he's just said that he said to his 18 month old daughter, when she had a coin in her mouth,
"Spit it out now, yukky. Your mouth isn't for coins, it's for food....and a bit later on, c*ck"
To which his wife said,
"Tim! You can't say that! She might like p*ssy..."-
Hahahaha. Tim Minchin is awesome. -
AAHAAhahahahahahaaaaaaahahahahahahaha
OMG that is so wrong on so many levels...but so,freaking,funny
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You're not mine, no matter what your slutty mother tells you!-
Oh! That's mean!!!
I'm gonna beat you down with a bowl full of alligator snot for that one! -
Well since I dont have kids, that will be whats said
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(It's what his dad told him) -
I just assumed that's what you told random children on the street
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Hahahahahahah LOLLOL *snort*
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Carpet- my dad died when I was 3...
Agi- I tell them to ask their parents what a penis is, booty calls, ect. -
Oh
Sorry, Mr Bowles.
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"If you dont change your underwear your willy will drop off"
"but I dont need a willy anyway, its just a waste of skin"
Oh how innocent children can be-
OMG that's so freaking funny Hahahaha
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My daughter told me that she accidently swallowed a cherry pit, and I told her that a cherry tree would grow out of her stomach...
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OMG do you remember the rubber tree story your mom used to tell you? If you swallowed a piece of gum you'd grow a rubber tree in your stomach?
Or the watermelon one? LOL
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I lie to myself all the time, but I've never lied to my daughter. Besides, I've always let her do anything she wanted anyway.-
Yeah, but what's your wife tell her?
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My wife's stricter about rules, but she doesn't lie either.
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That's terrible, you guys are no fun!
We tease constantly in our family. (Of ocurse, I don't lie about anything important - just the fun stuff )
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I've never been as evil as you guys...but you're giving me ideas for the two new kids I get to mess up in a week!
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Hehehe.
I used to tell one the of kids I babysat that TV's didn't work after 9PM. And to back up my claim I would hold the remote and make it look lie I was pushing the buttons (or remove the batteries) so the TV wouldn't turn on, and the kid would go to bed without a fuss. COnsidering what a brat she was, it worked out nicely
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To save on power I told my youngest step son ( whom may have been afraid of the dark ) that leaving the light on while you sleep could result in electrocution while you sleep. You see leaving your light on at night attracts lightning, the lighting will hit the house, travel through the wiring of the house and come out through the light bulb and get him.
From that night onward the dark wasn't so scary after all-
Oh geez! The poor kid (I can't help it that I'm laughing though - because you know once the kid gets into a science class your f**ked )
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I can't think of anything right off. I lean toward the truth. I do remember my mom traumatizing me though. I had a loose tooth and she wanted to pull it and I wouldn't let her. She said "If I don't pull it you will turn into a witch with an ugly green nose with a wart on it." That freaked me out so bad I let her pull the stupid thing. She told me that happened to one of her friends until her tooth was pulled.-
Awww that's terrible!
Then again, I'm kinda sick and twisted and kind of like it... (Our family is very strange indeed....) -
Lol! I completely forgot about it until I read your thing at the top. I remember my bedroom too. My bedroom was creepy and on that night there was a full moon. I started watching vampire and warewolf movies... I believed these things existed.
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You mean they don't exist?
Lies! All the lies I've been told!!!! -
I guess we'll be seeing you on Dr. Phil.
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I'm tellin' you - just this year alone i've discovered that Santa, the Easter Bunny, Werewolves, Vampires, and fairies don't exist!
What's next? Sasquatch? Nessie? I can't take it anymore!!!!
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My friends mum used to tell them that Ice-cream was only invented in the Summer, so they wouldn't ask for it any other seasons.-
Hahahahahahaha That's clever, I never thought about it, but I rarely ever have/had ice cream in the other seasons either....
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My dad used to tell us that the ice cream van only played the chimes to let people know he had run out of ice cream and was going back to base for more.-
Hahahahaha OMG that's terrible!
Lollol -
He once made me cry for an hour when I was a kid. I had this gold fish I had won at the fair and I loved him more than I loved even my bike. So my dad cut a piece of carrot into the same shape as my gold fish and put my fish in cup of water and the carrot in its bowl.
So he shouts of me and says "I'm starving!" sticks his hand into the bowl and eats my "fish"
I was stood there in shock while he chewed on my "fish" and made mmmm noises. -
is there a cautionary tale in there for dads out there, perhaps?
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That's just mean! I wouldn't do that to a kid....
Although I do tease Punky by saying we're going to have kung pow kitty for supper...I'd never actually go that far with the joke!
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My mother frequently told me that if I didn't stop itching my eczema the doctors would put me in a strait-jacket. This genuinely traumatised me when I was a kid.
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Yeah that's a little bit much maybe....
Then again they would have bandaged you up, and it might have felt the same, anyway -
As I didn't know what a strait-jacket was at first, she did explain that it involved tying my arms across my chest and trapping my hands...absolutely terrifying...
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This thread has taken a rather depressing turn...
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Yeah a little bit.
I was told all kinds of funny things as a kid - like my dad tried to convince me that baby back ribs were made of real babies....
And my brother tries to trick Punky into believing he's some cartoon character (Mickey mouse or whatever) every time he calls the house It never ever works, but still, he tries
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