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What do you do when you loose your child, only to find out you can not try again.
Posted by MOTH09 • 8/12/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: child, getting, giving up, loss, pregnant
You go to the doctors and they tell you those beautiful words you are pregnant. With anticipation you tell your husband the good news. You go for every check up, hear the first sounds of his heart beating, experience him growing, and you getting fat and shapeless yet so proud about your figure and the way you look for inside you is a precious gift. But you do not get to see or hear the sound of his cry or look into his eyes. All you have to carry home is his clothes and finger prints. You begin to try again but no luck. How do you handle this situation best without getting depressed and giving up.
User Comments
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Hmmmmm - well...
I miscarried at 5 months in my first marriage. I was told - you'll never have another child, your ovaries are cyst-laden.
I also had adenmyosis.
I also had other complications.
I ended up getting pregnant almost a decade later - surprisingly.
I ended up getting a disease from products that I had to take in order to keep my baby daughter as I was Negative Blood type and spouse was positive - (she did not get it laterally) - and my entire health went downhill from there.
But I have a BEAUTIFUL 13 year old daughter (who - right now, acts like a demon... LOL!)
I say - NEVER give up.
I say - the moment you aren't expecting it - you're going to end up expecting - UNLESS there is something physically wrong.
Even when they say you can't - You sometimes can.
I say - deal with it as best you can - pull your bootstraps up and carry on.
Either way - having your own - or adopting - brings happiness that you would NOT believe.
Also brings pains and grumps... LOL!
Life is what you have on your hands - and this is the way it just goes.
You need to stop reciting the past - and look towards the future.
Don't give up on hope... instead - find a way around to what you want.
Keep trying - and check with the doctors to see if there is anything you can do to help speed up the process - or not.
Check fertility times - ovulation times, etc.
Stop being depressed - because depression is the FIRST point of SUPPRESSION.
OK?
Chin UP!-
Thank you very much. It is comforting when you know someone understands what one is going through. it gives hope. thanks for sharing.
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I hear and agree with what wager is saying here as far as positive advice goes, she is on the right track .. Never say never as many women have certaily become pregnant when they were told it would never happen ...
Also, remember to grieve the loss of your beautiful little baby, that is very important to do and anyone who tells you otherwise can stuff it. Maybe if you go through this process, it will help ease some of your pain..
I am a bereaved parent myself so I know what I'm talking about here ... our son was only 21 months old when we lost him and that was almost 18 months ago ... I think of him every day and some days cry as well .. But, I have learned how to live again and I know with the right support, you will too *big hugs to ya girl*
Bettie-
Sending you a hug too then. HUUUUUG!
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awwww thanks wager, your a sweetie * squishy hugs*
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Big hugs to both of you. wagerwitch and bettieblogger. And thanks i believe never say never and that is the best i can do now is not to give up.
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I will share my view on this thread cos I had a miscarriage when I was 4 months pregnant. It was very painful and knowing that it is not safe to have a pregnancy at my age now , it is even more hurting. I am happy that I have a son. He is my world now. -
Gosh, I am very sorry for your loss and can only imagine how you must feel. : (
I also believe that WagerWitch has great words of wisdom there for you.
Sending you many good and happy thoughts towards your way and wishing you lots of love.-
Thank you very much.
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I lost a child at 8 1/2 months, and the callous doctor did not bother to tell me for 12 hours. When he did, it was "oh, are you still here? That fetus died hours ago. Go home." He never let me see my daughter, much less hold her. To be honest, I have no memory of the year following his rude announcement.
I tell you this because you need to know you WILL get through this. Do not try to self-medicate the pain with alcohol, drugs or out-of-character behavior. Do not blame your partner. Do not take on guilt of the loss. All of those reactions will sabotage the healing process. Trust me.
Instead, I recommend keeping yourself busy, perhaps volunteer. Why volunteer? Because showing kindness to others will help ease the guilt that you are undoubtedly carrying.
Do a random act of kindness every day. For YOURSELF.
Make a list of where you want to be in six months, 12 months and 60 months. Do ONE thing toward one of those goals, every day. Make another list of 10 places you want to visit. Put it in your wallet. Refer to it often.
Above all else, give yourself time to heal. If you want to cry, go ahead. Tears induce endorphins, the 'feel good' brain chemical. There are other ways to release endorphins, too!
1. strenuous exercise that allows your body to go beyond physical pain and its limitations
2. soothing music (I recommend Liquid Mind, as well as Brule's first album 'We The People.')
3, spicy .. really spicy foods
4. sunlight
5. dark, luscious chocolate .. at least 80% carob
Feel free to write to me if you get too discouraged. Never give up.-
Thank you for your words of encouragement and good advice.
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Pray. And don't stop trying. I work with a guy who went through this. First time miscarried at 5 months, the second time she went full term and had a still birth! You'd think by that point one would not want to risk it again. 3rd time was the charm and they have a healthy baby.-
thank you JamCan will surely continue praying.
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Believe in miracles. Like WagerWitch, I had reason to believe that I could not have children. When I became pregnant with my daughter (also now 13) at 29, I was so certain it was impossible that I didn't take a pregnancy test until I was more than four months pregnant--I thought I was ill!
I'm not sure that I agree with the idea that you shouldn't stop trying, because I don't think that trying and waiting and watching for results is emotionally healthy and I know that stress makes it less likely that you'll become pregnant. But keep it in your heart that miracles happen, and that doctors certainly don't know everything--there are countless cases where they've told people they'd never walk again or that loved ones would never wake up from comas or any number of things and been proven wrong. Mourn your loss, live your life, embrace it as best you can, and wait to see what comes. It may surprise you, whether it's a baby or not.-
well said MadameX
ps: Moth, thanks for the add. -
dear madameX I hear you loud and clear. Because for sometime i was getting frustrated with trying and buying test kits just to get the negative while hopes where up. I let go and i fell better for the pressure i sless on me.
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