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What is "Normal" anyway?

Posted by Alcomum • 6/13/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: alcohol, blog, depression, hospital, post, promotion, psychiatric, self-harm, Treatment

In light of recent experiences (including my unplanned sojourn in a psychiatric hospital), I think I am far from "normal". But then those-in-the-know say everything I am experiencing right now is perfectly "normal".

alcomum.blogspot.com/2009/06/another-day.html

That just ends up making me feel that, either:

a. I can't communicate for sh!t, or
b. people who are supposed to give a cr@p don't.

Confused. What is your take on "normal"?

User Comments

6/13/09

sisterofmercy

Normal is subjective and relative to the next person really.

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1. 6/13/09
  
  siralmo
  
  also to circumstance
6/13/09

HollytheHousewife

1 man's normalcy is another man's insanity. "HTHW" that was good wasn't it haha
No seriously, there is no such thing as normal. Everyone is different.

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6/13/09

Alcomum

I guess that through this illness I have always tried to settle for whatever is "normal for me in the circumstances", but now I find I don't like what appears to be normal for me in the circumstances e.g. exhaustion, taking lots of medication, serious mood instability etc. And I don't like people telling me this is all normal, when I feel completely divorced from the real world and as though I am living a few hundred miles south of normal.

Am ranting in big long paragraphs now. Sorry! Time for bed.

Nite all xox

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6/13/09

HollytheHousewife

Well this is what I do know. No med can make u "normal" unless u are truely a pschopath or scitzo, ! U are who u are and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't worry be happy......... and to all the haters just smile and say yea! (Enthusiastically)
It doesn't matter what anyone thinks as long as ur happy!

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6/13/09

acousticguitarist

there is no such thing as normal

I'm a vegetarian, have been for almost 40 years, that is normal for me, and most of my friends are also that sort of normal

Most of my friends have been to India, that's also normal

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6/13/09

FreakSmack

Normal's boring

[reply]
1. 6/14/09
  
  HollytheHousewife
  
  Don't just except it embrace it. I mean as long as you're not a serial killer or pschopath. As long as your not hurting anyone be who you are. If that means your a little manic then that's ok 2. 30 or 40 years ago they called it personality traits. Now they say something is wrong with u.
  Its called life. You have to live life and that means s**t happens. Horrible stuff happens all the time. Its ok to feel feelings. When my grandmother passed last year I was sooooo upset I couldn't stop crying,and one of my aunts spiked my tea with xanax. It knocked me on my ass for 2 days,I couldn't funtion or feel anything. It was horrible. I felt like my brain was paralized. its hard to go through life experiences but u have to. Its called life
6/14/09

Alcomum

I guess I just have to accept that unpredictability is normal for me right now

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6/14/09

boytrotters

I guess I don't believe that there's such a thing as normal. We all are who we are, which sounds profound but really isn't. I read about your experiences, Alcomum, and I feel not one ounce of pity for you, or any judgement. Rather, I just imagine a person, like me, like any of us, who's just trying to get by in life. In a strange kind of way, this makes me smile.

Yeah, I'm weird. I know.

[reply]
1. 6/14/09
  
  boytrotters
  
  By the way, I'm not smiling because I take some sick pleasure in your suffering, but because it's heartening to see others not simply laying down and dying because of their hardships... that's what I mean! It makes me think that anything just might be possible for me...
  
  Just thought I should clarify that.
2. 6/14/09
  
  Alcomum
  
  @boytrotters - thank you
6/14/09

Ress

normal? just forget it

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6/14/09

burmesedays

"To be normal is the ideal aim of the unsuccessful."

Mr Jung rests his case.

[reply]
1. 6/14/09
  
  Alcomum
  
  ooooh, I like that
6/14/09

alexfreshalex

IF normal means 9-5 job, middle aged, planned yearly trips, listening to commercial radio in the car then COUNT ME OUT

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6/14/09

wagerwitch

I think there is NO SUCH THING as normal.

There is the preconceived notion that there is a middle line that everyone falls on.

We don't.

I think everyone bounces up and down on that line - in big sweeping patterns.

I think what you're going through is PROBABLY "normal" for the situation that you are in.

You have just quit drinking. You are facing everything in your life that you believe is wrong. You are dealing with so many things at once, that it is within parameters that other people who have gone through similar things - would go through.

I highly doubt that the people who are saying that what you are going thru is normal are uncaring people. What I think is that (A) they may not know what to say in your circumstance (B) they want you to know that they care.

You are a strong woman - remember that.

You will find your path and your way.

Is what you are NORMAL?

Is what you are going thru NORMAL?

I don't know.

How do you feel about it? If you were someone else looking at you - would you find yourself to be normal - in your set of circumstances?

Or are you demanding yourself to be something that it might not be possible to be during the time phase that you are in right now?

I am thinking about you daily and hope that you can find yourself comfortably.

[reply]
1. 6/14/09
  
  Alcomum
  
  @WW - food for thought as ever. I actually felt VERY not normal all morning - barely functioning. Had a sleep for 2 hours, and do feel a bit better now. Have to accept that being fatigued is certainly to be expected at the min.
  
  And I agree - the key is probably in my own expectations
  
  xox
2. 6/14/09
  
  HollytheHousewife
  
  @ alcomum. Hey, I just replied to ur response of accepting your def of normal, but I put it in the wrong spot so look above. I have such a bad habit of that. Just too long to edit
6/14/09

someoneelseisnew

i certainly don't know... lmao

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6/14/09

Rivy

While I was in a psych ward for alcoholism a staff mental health doctor talked to the group about normality and how we might define "normal".

I jotted down a quick commentary:

Everyone is a little abnormal. So being abnormal is normal.

No one is totally "normal". So being normal is abnormal.

Passed it to him. He chuckled. So did the staff. Didn't end the discussion. But gave us all a break.

[reply]
1. 6/14/09
  
  Alcomum
  
  I like this Rivy!
2. 6/15/09
  
  wagerwitch
  
  I like "THIS" Rivy TOO... *grin*
6/14/09

nothingprofound

If you can function, that's what matters. Words like abnormal, failure, neurotic, describe social prejudices. They're non-sequiturs. They don't mean anything.

[reply]
1. 6/14/09
  
  Alcomum
  
  seems that my understanding and expectation of what it means to "function normally" is the problem.
  
  So am trying to stick to the basics:
  children are fed
  children are clean (enough)
  children turn up where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there
  children are happy and love mummy
  I am no longer in a psychiatric hospital - yay
  I will be tired and have to sleep a lot for the next while
  
  These seem to be my "normals". Or the normals I should be aiming for anyway.
6/14/09

amrhima

Being normal is defined by each society, but why should we care what society thinks? just define your own goal in life and work on it, forget about how everyone would think or judge you.

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6/14/09

curlydesigh

Everyone one creates their own normalcy. Having said that, I enjoying rattling the status quo...it is the only way to instill change.

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6/14/09

dosox

Normal is your lowest ability to hang on & the highest ability that rises from zero or null. Normality is not(never) in the middle. So being normal is not good

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6/14/09

MadAboutGifts

For most people, 'normal' is what they have noticed the most since childhood. Water falling down is normal for us. People walking forward is normal. Sun rising in the east is normal....

Imagine, if you had seen water falling upwards, people walking backwards and sun rising in south... then, that would have been 'normal' to us... Isn't it?

[reply]
1. 6/14/09
  
  Alcomum
  
  You are probably right. It seems to be all about expectations and they are derived I guess from repeatedly reinforced patterns.
2. 6/15/09
  
  wagerwitch
  
  Exactly - see - check it out.
  
  You have been taught that "THIS" is normal.
  
  Because you see everyone else trying to imitate it - so you do the same, regardless of how you feel inside, etc.
  
  Yet - when you start to stray from "THIS" your preconceived notions of what "NORMAL" is become something as WRONG.
  
  And you belittle yourself for being "wrong".
  
  Hang in there kiddo - you can do it.
6/14/09

Agit8r

If you think Dick Cheney is evil... then you're "normal"

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6/14/09

JamCan

There is no normal life.....there's just life.

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6/14/09

Alcomum

@jamcan probably very true.

@Agiit8r there may be hope for me yet!!!

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6/14/09

jyotishman

When They Told, Counting Stars At Night Is Not An Issue, I Sighed.

When I Told, I Find Ten Stars In My Ten Fingers During Day, They Moaned.

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6/14/09

davedol

Normal is having the ability to love people. And accept being loved back by others. When we lack the ability to love anymore...we lose our "normal".

[reply]
1. 6/14/09
  
  Alcomum
  
  Thanks for all your comments on this so far.
  
  @davedol I understand that in part. I love my children completely, and can accept their love in return without question.
  
  BUT love involves trust. And I am somehwere way past paranoid when it comes to being able to love/trust others - even people close to me.
  
  So that brings me back to "I am probably normal after all. Partly. Sort of..."
6/14/09

davedol

Alcomum, love and trust are different things. Trust is not given, it is earned. We have to be stingy with our trust. Careful to give it out. I learned that myself in life.

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6/14/09

HollytheHousewife

that is true, but sometimes you do just have to take a chance on people and hope they do right by u. Now I can say that 9 out of 10 times they won't,but there is always that chance that giving your trust to someone will pay off.

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6/15/09

Alcomum

@ davedol + HTH - true. Trust is to be handled with care. Will stick with my boys for now. and when they grow up and leave me, I'll have to get a dog.

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