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What Makes Relationships Work??
Posted by faithsju243 • 6/25/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: Dating, love, men & women, relatonships
A friend of mine posted this on FB earlier and I wanted to get everyone else's thoughts on it.
What makes relationships work? Nothing...nothing makes them work. Nothing that we do as physical beings can effect a spiritual bond between two beings... if it is meant to be it will be, because it's all a part of a bigger plan.
I told him I am on the fence about this statement and have been pondering it all day...
User Comments
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It takes two to make a relationship work.
It only takes one to make a relationship fail.-
I tend to agree if both parties aren't putting in work to sustain the relationship it will not last.
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@faithsju243
nothing against your friend, but I think that is one of the silliest things I've heard.
Enter a relationship such as a marriage and do nothing to nurture it and see how long it lasts.
The working of a relationship is of course dependent upon the two persons involved.
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I am not sure about the "work" to "sustain" a relationship thing. I do agree, however, that it takes two to make it work and only one to make it fail.
Neither my husband nor I put work into sustaining our relationship. It has never been necessary to do so. I've been married before and, quite frankly, I've come to the conclusion that if you have to work at it, maybe you are in a relationship with the wrong person.
What I mean is, if the two people are not naturally oriented towards each other in such a way that "work" is unnecessary to sustain the relationship, maybe that is the problem.
Or maybe my husband and I are just unusually compatible.
I don't know.-
I absolutely agree with this statement.
In a compatible relationship the "work" that goes into the relationship shouldn't seem like "work". There should be a natural attraction and willingness (sort of flow) to the commitment that the effort put in sustaining the relationship wouldn't seem at all like a burden, but something totally natural.
Many relationships hang on only because of the fear of falling out. That's not the greatest motive for staying together, at least not in my mind. -
Your relationship may not require work, it may be easy because you are so compatible, but each of you have to put something into the relationship don't you?
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Naturally. You can't go looking for something without opening your eyes.
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Good communication and understanding -
my 3 Cs.
Commitment
Compassion
Compassion-
oh and loads of sex.
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I disagree with the "sex" part. In some relationships, one of the partners is unable...my late husband had serious blood pressure issues and the medication he had to take caused impotence. But the relationship was solid and loving and caring, and if he hadn't died, I would still be happily married to him...pretty much without sex.
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i was actually talking more for the fact that most (young) men, if not all who are married need the intimacy sex brings. personally, i could have lived like that on love only but (un?)fortunately, at my age it's not an option
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I understand what you are saying. Sex, however, is not the only way to achieve intimacy, even when you are young.
Sexual incapacity is not limited to older people. Young people who suffer accidents, psychological trauma, or develop certain illnesses (diabetes, for example) can find themselves unable to have sexual relations. If their only source of intimacy with their partner is through sex, there is a good chance the relationship will not survive.
There is a great deal more to intimacy than sex...and it is entirely possible to have sex with little or no intimacy. -
I have to agree with the sex thing.
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trust
commitment
communication
sex-
@self, is sex as important as trust and communication?
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The people involved. And I agree with SV, if a relationship is work, it ain't really working. -
Two things:
Physical attraction
space. -
Sex.
Unless you no longer have a sex drive at all, a relationship in which one of the partners does not want to have sex is doomed for failure.-
I disagree. Ending a relationship for no other reason that there is no sex in it seems awfully shallow and selfish to me. A truly deep and intimate relationship will survive that and worse.
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My thoughts and I've been giving this consideration all day...I don't think a relationship should be "work." At the same time I don't read "work" to mean similar to going to a 9-5....it is my impression that all relationships not just romantic require essentials. Let me make an analogy...if you purchase a car it will not run properly if not oiled and taken for yearly maintenance, the same goes for a relationship. There are things that are essential to sustaining a relationship with another person which include but are not limited to compromise, compassion, trust, communication etc etc etc.
Of course this shouldn't feel like slave labor but you can only get out what you put in. If you lay there like a bump on a log one can't expect a thriving relationship. It's not gonna just fall into your lap.
Others have mentioned sex....I don't think that is the glue that should hold any two people together. If the only thing two people have together is a physical compatibility what's left when all that libido fades???? -
Commitment
Passion (without passion, there's no love)
Understanding
Guess if you have these, it'll work for a while longer
Anyway, a lot of marriages (normal, non-abusive ones!) fail because we tend to focus too much on the small, nitty-gritty differences or the negatives to a character.
If we start looking at the better, more positive side of a person and forgive their idiosyncrasies, i suppose the world will be a better place to live in ;P -
From a certain Victor M. Parachin:
1. Apply the three C's : compliment, comment, congratulate.
2. Have a fair division of labor : household chores and home management
3. Extend/Show courtesy of patience : give him/her benefit of the doubt
4. Think before you speak : say words that inspire not injure, heal not hurt.
5. Listen with your heart : when he/she is upset, allow free expression of feelings. Don't refute his/her logic. Just listen
6. Routinely send love signals : small gestures open convey large meanings
7. Grant his/her wish : Be a genie and grant his/her wishes
8. Lighten and brighten life with laughter : how could we have happy and working marriage without laughing at each other's joke?-
All of this is exactly correct, but I would add one thing...don't get hung up on the blunders.
My husband just naturally behaves the way described here...#7, for example...a few days ago I suddenly said "Mmmm...I could go for some ginger snaps! I haven't had them in years!" Last night he came home from work with a bag of ginger snaps.
But nobody is perfect all the time. They make mistakes. They say hurtful things in a moment of anger, they forget things. Don't make mountains out of molehills. Allow them to be human and have flaws.
And don't try to change someone...if they aren't right the way they are, move on and find someone who is.
I have never thought a person should be perfect, just perfect for me!
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Great question - it starts with Commitment with a life-long dose of love and acceptance of each other. Singles - your life partner is waiting for you...join me and learn how to find them!
Thanks for posting! -
Relationships work best when both people are cheating on eachother with someone more interesting.
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