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What's the key to motivating a teen???

Posted by beckywhetstone • 3/18/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: discipline, motivating teens, motivation, raising children, teens, what works with teens

Lately I've dealt with quite a few parents of teens who haul in their son or daughter, then point and say, "Fix this person!!" Many times the teen absolutely refuses to do homework, and many times won't go to school ... and the question is, of course, what to do about it?

What works with teens???

All I know is that my intervention causes parents to bite their nails ... you can read about it at doctorbecky.livejournal.com/6175.html.

Let me know if you agree ... or not!!

User Comments

3/18/09

codesucker

Becky - Beating usually works.

I'll do your PR for you too. I know I have a way with words, your clients will love me.

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3/18/09

Financialnut

Tough question. Seriously- does anybody really know?

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3/18/09

LynneaUrania

Some want money. Some want companionship. Some want solitude. Like any salesman, you have to find those hot buttons yourself. If you ask them what they want they will probably say, "Stuff." So you have to spend a lot of time listening.

But most of all they want YOU to be there to listen to their dreams and direct them into the best direction to explore. But when they walk, they don't want you holding their hand.

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5/06/09

innovatoys

i think before you want to fix something, you need to find its reason caused that.
ofcourse you can not asking for answer
i used to be unmotivated, but i still kept studying.
my motivate to study is "scare".
I scare of wasting time and money.
but that was not all.
thing kept me back was "reason"
I couldn't understand why i have to study. Even my teachers gave me hundred of reasons.
I dropped off school to find a job. and I found my own reason, then i backed to school. and now i'm a programmer

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5/06/09

pinkmonkeychatter

Guilt always worked for me

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5/06/09

farangrakthai

I think when he/she is a teen, it is too late to "fix" them up. It should be a continuous process of communication, respect and love that starts when they're born, not when they're in their teenage years...

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5/06/09

jafabrit

cattle prod. okay joking!

I found using the same excuses for not doing things (like taking them to the mall which was a big bore and chore for ME) or not cooking dinner because I wasn't in the mood.

It wasn't overt, or blackmail, but I thought well what is good for the goose is good for the gander and it gave me a break from chores. When they got perturbed or upset about it I just shrugged and say, well now you know how I feel when you don't do your chores or your homework. Sucks eh!

As for the hardcore problem. I had to deal with that with my daughter who decided she wasn't going to school anymore. I was lucky in that the school worked with me on this one. My daughter was given choices, go to school, or stay home and be tutored and submit work to school and get a part time job coz she was not going to get a free ride at home. I told her she can quit school at 16 and go and work full time. She still had to see the school counselor once a week to touch base (and god bless her teachers who would call once a week to just chat with her) and slowly they got her to go to school once a week, until after three months she was going full time. By the time she turned 16 and had worked part time in a supermarket her attitude had changed. Took a lot of hard work, teamwork between us and the school. I think the big mistake many parents make is thinking it is their kids problem and they need to be fixed. It is a family problem and it requires everyone to make an effort, not just the kid.

I asked her not so long ago what made her change her mind. I wanted to cry when she said her teachers and the school counselor (who she hated at first) an us didn't give up on her and she realized she shouldn't give up on herself.

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5/06/09

mikemetalord

"listen"

it always work, not only with teens but with everyone.

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5/06/09

nothingprofound

I ignore my daughter and let her do whatever she wants. That solves the problem for me.

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5/06/09

lotusb

Teens are in a tender point of self discovery. They want to be their own person. The best way, that I personally have found to motivate teens is to help them find what they are good at, or what makes them special. Sports, arts, hobbies...things like this are important at that age. Most kids aren't motivated because they aren't challenged.

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