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When Did You Have The Talk?
Posted by faithsju243 • 10/07/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: General, kids, Parents, random, sex
When did you have the talk with your parents?
Was the talk productive?
Did it make you feel comfortable coming to your parents and discussing sex?
Were your parents awkward during the talk?
Did they tell you too much information or not enough?
My mother was one of those I need to prepare you for the real world kind of people, and didn't really hold anything back but because of her damn near embarassing me at 14ish I felt comfortable having sex conversations with her later in life.
User Comments
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Last week.
I had the talk with my daughter when she was 12. I think that was more productive. I didn't think it was awkward, my daughter and I talk about all kinds of stuff so sex was just another topic, no big deal.
Besides, we talked about sex in general and not specifically her having sex, that made it easier.-
@ekim, I always wonder about those father-daughter conversations. My dad was heavy on the don't do it or I will be very dis-apppointed in you thing. While my mom actually took the time to explain and allowed me to ask her questions.
You don't seem like the overbearing dad type but sometimes men get very over protective with their daughters. -
One of my female friends told me that her Dad used to tell her, "It's better to come home dead than pregnant" every time she went out.
This woman is in her forties and never had kids.
I took a more subtle approach and instilled my daughter with some self-esteem to make her own decisions. At the time, I was raising her on my own so the responsibility of "The talk" was on my shoulders. -
Sounds like your friend's dad was drinking the same punch as my dad.
OMG knowing that you're taking care of your daughter on your own is sexier than you wearing that backwards cap! -
That's cruel irony, raising a daughter on my own doesn't allow much time for dating.
She moved in with her Mom last year so now I have to rely on the hat to be sexy. -
Did she play along as if she knew nothing about it? (At least the minimum 'playground knowledge' aspect of it?)
Good on you, though. My parents never talked to me about it. I thought I broke something the first time white goo came out of it. -
Actually, she brought it up. They talked about it in school and she was laughing about how awkward the teacher was. She never denied any knowledge, I just felt like we should expand on what she was taught in school.
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I didn't have any such talk.
When I asked my Great Aunt at age 7 where babies came from, she proceeded to tell me they come from out your back.
Somehow, it just didn't make any sense to me so I went on a mission to find out.
I got a hold of my Uncle's Playboy and Penthouse magazines and did some reading.
I am not a very stupid child so while reading I kind of put two and two together and made a whole baby.-
Somehow I knew you would take the hands on approach.
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With my parents? Never. With my daughter? I talk to my daughter every day...about things as they arise in her life, around us, in books and movies, among our friends and family. I haven't--and don't plan to--make it a scheduled event.-
If only you had a backwards cap
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That would just be teasing, though--raising a daughter alone doesn't allow much time for dating.
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I've said that somewhere before
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@madamex...I like the as things come up approach, it makes it less like a planned event and more natural.
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ive never officially had the talk.. but my mom and sister and i are pretty open about things.. i don't tell my mom a lot of things.. but we talk about a majority of different topics and we are all super comfortable with talking about sex and other related topics -
Unfortunately, I had to have a talk with my daughter when she was six.
She had a friend over who had brought Barbie and Ken with her and I caught her friend using the dolls to simulate sex. I hate to say it, but my first thought was that this little girl had been sexually abused. I called her parents and her father answered and I told him what had happened and he apologized, saying that she (the daughter) had always been inquisitive, especially since her little brother had come along and they had explained the sex act to her and apparently, she was pretty eager to share her knowledge with all her friends.
Later, I had to have a talk with my daughter. First I had to figure out if she even understood what her friend had done. She hadn't but she had very simple questions (what is sex?, etc.) and I tried to use age appropriate explanations, giving her very basic information and as little information as possible. For instance, I just explained that sex was something that a mommy and daddy did, rather than getting into detail. She was fine with that.
Anyway, she promptly forget all about it and I didn't have another talk with her until several years afterwards. THAT was was pretty detailed and in depth.-
@creativejunkie...wow six, the only thing I remember from six is locking my cousin in the strawberry shortcake oven.
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I was raised in the country where observing animals breeding and delivering offspring was not unusual, and where every question we asked an adult about such behavior was answered honestly right on the spot. By the time I was nine years old I had seen a great deal of animal activity, as well as, the birth of a human baby. There was no mystery in my mind at all about where babies came from.
Where I lived it was rare for a woman to go to a hospital to give birth. In most cases midwives delivered babies and most mothers breastfed them. Only in cases when their breast milk was not nutritious enough to feed babies with was it supplemented with cow's milk. Fussy babies received goat's milk.
At the age of 11 our kid's club youth group leaders asked for and received written permission from some parents to provide some of us with small booklets that depicted the reproductive system of both sexes and to conduct a sex education class. We the booklets home and read them and then returned for 4 week (every Wednesday night - boys and girls in separate rooms) session at the youth group where a doctor and nurse answered our questions.
No trauma. No embarrassment. No big deal. And, not one teen pregnancy took place among those of us who were allowed to attend the sex education classes at the kid's club.-
@tt...sounds like very good how to condom instruction!?!?!
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The doctor explained that they prevented pregnancy and pulled one out of the package for us to see. Some girls asked questions. I wasn't in the boy's class but I do know that they did receive packets of condoms because I saw them in my brother's drawer. We girls received packages of sanitary pads.
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I learned everything from reading Penthouse Forum, which left me rather confused for much of my teenage years.... -
My parents didn't talk with me about sex, ever. Not even when I got pregnant at 17.
Fortunately, I lived in an enlightened place (San Diego has not always been politically conservative and ruled by the rightwing) and we had sex ed in school, starting with a class near the end of the sixth grade that explained the basics of conception, gestation and birth to us. The frogs and puppies class.
We had additional classes in high school as part of our PE curriculum. Boys and girls were separate in all of these classes.
Unfortunately, all the education in the world can't help prevent teen pregnancies if contraception is unavailable. At this time you had to be over 18 to purchase condoms and they were kept behind the pharmacy counter so you had to show ID. Oh...and if you were a girl, you couldn't purchase ANY contraception unless you were married. Reputable doctors would not prescribe it for unmarried females!
The sex ed classes in schools was very enlightened for the 50s and early 60s, but the contraception prohibitions were the norm of the time. -
all of the people who tried the talk sucked at it-
that's too bad, did they give you the impression it was some foreign concept they'd never heard about.
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My parents never mentioned it, save for one night my father got a little stewed and when I was on my way out for a date and walking to the car, he mumbled loudly ''Don't forget to wear a thing.'' I count that as my talk. I didn't acknowledge it, I just assumed that he assumed. I hadn't at that point yet...but you could assume that I felt really good that people were assuming. -
never had the talk, found out by myself and from school education. my school was great in sex ed. boys and girls all in the same class, questions asked left, right and centre, teachers where great, it is like the knew what they were talking about!!! though I worry for my daughter as they have nothing like that in schools over here.
she is only young and asks way to many questions when watching animal planet and national geographic -
Never really had the talk, but my mom did tell me once or twice what the Bible says about premarital sex. I was such a goody goody protestant book worm then, that I should have been the one giving the lecture, lol.-
I would have never pegged you as a bible toting do gooder, man I'm a bad judge of character...kidding!
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When I was 12, my parents rented and let me watch "Debbie Does Dallas" and "Deep Throat."
To this day, I can't have sex without playing cheesy music in the background. -
When I was six. My mom drew body part on a chalk board and got all technical on me. I grew up in domestic violence so it was for my safety that she sat me down. -
My parents never talk sex with me, I'm afraid I learn it all by nyself.
And I survived... -
@farangrakthai....well it's not like it rocket science.
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really that's pretty young to me but I guess you can never learn to early...I'm sure it was very basic age appropriate content?
Was there ever an updated convo when you were a teenager? -
nope, my parents were pretty blunt about. They believed that sugar coating it is what leads to problems. In all fairness though my mommy got married at 14. As soon as you go from looking like a child to being more mature it was their belief that you understood exactly where things went, why you shouldn't do it, the lines people would use try to talk you into, the consequences, where babies really come from, how they come (that sh*t kept me a virgin for a loooooooooooooooooooooongg time) lol and the importance of reputation. Later on I asked my dad, and he said parents never know when their kids first get exposed to sexuality, maybe people are under the illusion that children are children until they drive and that is just not the case. He said the best thing he could do was explain the act, and then that would go hand in hand with why I was not allowed to talk to strangers, what a pedaphile was and why they would want to hurt you, etc.
I am very thankful that they did that because at 9 my mother died and I was stuck into foster care, and sex came up a lot from the older foster siblings and at the first home some man wanted me to ride home with him since I was lost. I saw that he had his pants undone, remembered what my parents said screamed, ran and wrote remembered his tag number. If I had not had that talk, I would have gotten into the nice mans car.
I think the talk and the strangers talk go hand in hand -
that's a good combo conversation. I shutter to think what could have happened if you didn't have the talk with them before the car guy.
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I'm still waiting on it, although I would say I know more than my parents. We don't talk much about those things.-
@lexiteen why do you assume you know more than your parents?
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Ok, maybe I don't about real world stuff, but sex, I think the younger generation is more versed in things sooner. Especially with the internet.
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Which talk? The one about the stork?
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yup the stork and the santa claus and the tooth fairy!!!
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My mom died when I was 16, but she never gave the sex talk. We were not close. So, I swore that when I had kids, I would talk to them and that is exactly what we do. My kids & I are close. My daughter is my best girl friend. But a parent has to know when to be the friend, when to be the parent and to the know the difference. I was lucky, I did.
When my son came back from Afghanistan, he said, he was lucky to have a mom like me and I was the best mom a guy could ever ask for. That made me feel so good inside.
So with the sex talk, a child needs to also ask if the parent doesn't get to them first. Some kids are ready to talk in an earlier age than others. -
I never had the talk, i had it at school when i was 11, ive never needed the talk to be honest, -
Lol. Never had the talk. Though it almost happened. My mom asked me if I knew all about 'sex' and I replied "yh..." And that was over.
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