Discussions
Where has everyone's manners gone?
Posted by Rory • 7/08/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: courtesy, etiquette, manners, rude
I've really seen an alarming trend (okay I've noticed it for almost 25 years now) that proper etiquette, simple courtesy, and manners are disappearing.
- Gone are the days where (usually) a man would open, and hold open, a door for a lady and others.
- Gone are the days where if a door was held open for a person, that person would say "Thank you."
- Gone are the days where a man or young adult would give up their seat on a bus/train (whatever) for an older individual.
- Gone are the days where other people's children called friends of their parents "Mr. Smith" or "Mrs. Wallace", etc. Today, it's Jim and Susan.
There are tons more. Who's to blame?
Do you actively correct offenders? Or, are you one of those offenders yourself?
User Comments
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*burp*
Sorry.-
LOL ... but, you displayed excellent manners - you apologized for your burp.
I forgive you!
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No, but seriously, I always say excuse me and give up my seat for the elderly. Am polite on the train and the bus. Call my elders Mr. or Mrs. I say sir and ma'am. If someone holds the door open for me, I say thank you.
Though I will say this, men who open car doors for me weird me out a little. It's so gracious and unexpected. I don't know how to react. So, I stammer out a thank you and feel vaguely unsettled by it. -
Sometimes I feel like I should have grown up in the 1940's. That era holds all the social elegance and etiquette that was instilled in me by my parents.
Hell, my Dad would cuff the back of my head if I didn't run ahead of my Mom to open the door for her. I NEVER begrudged that ... EVER!
To get in return that which you respect and deserve, so should you provide in kind to others.
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I always hold the door open, and say thank you when it's held for me. I've never been on a train/bus so no comment. Most people call me Mr. Bowles. Throughout highschool all the teachers would call me Mr. Bowles. I don't even know if they knew my first name.
I don't correct offenders. I blame the parents for not teaching the kids how to act.-
Huh? never been on a bus or train ever? -
Only bus is a school bus.
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I forget what your public transport system is like, nearly everyone uses buses and trains quite frequently over here.
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It really depends on where you are from in the country. Big cities like NYC and Chicago have big public transportation systems.
I don't own a car and get around just fine. -
We have a decent system, but I don't live in the city. So it would be a huge PITA to take a bus.
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parents are to blame for not teaching their children manners and not showing them how manners are used.
lately I'm glad to say I've noticed more young people with manners than I have in the past. I applaud their parents.-
I fully agree. And if the children WERE taught manners, I feel it's the parent's place to stay on them.
As for me, I correct children if they don't show proper manners regardless if I "offend" the parent ... it not being "my" place to correct their child, etc. -
I always thought my kids weren't paying attention when I taught them manners because they sure didn't use them at home. Then one day I watched them in public and realized they learned and used them.
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My wife and I have some close friends who were both from Louisianna. They had an excellent solution to having their children call adults by their first name ...
I was Mr. Rory. That, to me, was fully acceptable. It was familiar without being familiar. The "Mr." part still showed respect for the adults. -
I just want to say that your animal avatar freaks me out!
I'm sorry--was that bad manners of me?
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Absolutely not ... I LOVE this avatar. LOLOLOL.
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Is that a cat? It is one creepy looking cat! (sorry!).
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Ya, it's a siamese licking it's upper lip! LOL
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Weird! I love cats! But that is a spooky one!
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I must need new glasses...I thought it was a chihuahua! -
Ha ha ha, SV! That totally cracked me up for some reason.
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I'm a Nazi for correcting my kids, my daughter with her manners and covering her mouth when coughing and sneezing, and the two step kids to speak proper english and use proper grammar.
I blame parenting and the parenting of parents - because if you don't know, you wont teach / enforce.
Granted I didnt get along with my father growing up because he was quite strict, but I understand him now and am a better person for it.-
Excellent!
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I have always said please and thank you
I hold doors open when necessary
I give up my seat when necessary
I call people whatever they introduce themselves as.
I am guilty of muttering under my breath 'rude bastards' if someone just walks past you after you have held open the door.-
If that happens to me I always say "Your Welcome" in a loud voice.
If they confront me on that (has never happened by the way) then they will be admitting they never said thank you.
I am always ready with "oh really, I could have sworn I heard you say thank you" -
Funny, I just mentioned that myself below!!
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I blame the media for this. I also blame the parents for exposing the kids to too much rude behavior.-
Course the media is to blame for everything these days!! And rightly so. LOL.
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I believe worrying about others manners is totally irrelevant; you're not going to be able to change the world by chiding others. That's rude.
Try and be an exemplar of good manners. If others follow the example, great. If not, well, there's always going to be some who resist the idea.
Sometimes having an idea yourself and living it is more important than whether someone else does the same.-
You'll only be able to be that noble for so long.
Sometimes nothing makes me more happy than to say to a person "You're welcome." when they didn't provide it themselves when they should have. A lot of these people are startled by what I've said and immediately provide an apology and a "Thank you."
I bet next time they'll give it freely. -
I've been doing this for quite some time, and have no intent of slowing down.
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People always say thank you to me if I hold the door open for them and people are always offering their seats to older people or pregnant women when I go on buses or trains.
As for the others...I don't want men holding doors open for me just because I'm female and I don't see the need to call adults 'Mr Smith' etc. unless they imply that that's what they want to be called.-
but that is the UK...
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2 years olds call me by my first name..................drives me crazy! Why don't the parents correct them?
I correct the kids but they never stick to it!
You never hear Mr. or Mrs. anymore!-
Actually, that bugs me as well. My friends' children call me by my first name and I would really prefer Miss Last Name.
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Actually, I don't even care about that--but that's just me. I teach at a university and ask my students to call me, "Melinda" but still most of them call me Dr.__________ or Professor __________. They have wonderful manners--truly. I would prefer they call me Melinda, though!
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It's truly a form of showing respect. You deserve your titles, you've earned them!!
Regardless of comfort, if I was your student, I'd call you Professor as well. -
@MT
I'm an egalitarian, so that's how I am too -
I was never comfortable calling my professors by their first names. I felt more comfortable calling them Professor.
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@Agit8r - To me, that's not acceptable. The President of the US is not my equal and as such, I would not call him Barrack ... even if he asked me to.
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Of course he is. Just another civilian, but with an important profession.
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Don't go in the military then ...
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I was deemed medically unfit
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Height problem?!!
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I doubt that even Rahm Emanuel calls the president Barack anymore.
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tiny gnome hands
no, seriously? I had Osgood Schlatters disease as a teen, which left little lumps between my kneecaps and shin. This caused minimal problems in everyday life (painfull to kneel, etc), but during the Military physical exam they want you to slam yourself down on a hard tile floor on your knees. After doing so a couple of times, the "meat inspector" asked why I was falling on them gingerly. I explained as best I could (though I couldn't recall the name Osgood Schlatters). Then meat inspector guy says "I notice that while we've been doing this your feet have flattened out." With all the other drama I had forgotten to hold up my fallen arches.
Talk abou getting caught flat footed! -
Barry and George W. got pretty chummy during the transition. Wonder if Bushy came up with one of his famous denigrating nicknames?
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I always called my professors by their first names--but then I started college when I was in my 30's.
@Agit8r--I am with you on that--I NEVER refer to myself as "Dr." and always tend to look around when others address me that way, "Who's this Dr._________?" I'm thinking--oh, yeah--it's ME!
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Look at movies, TV, read contemporary novels-who's the hero of our contemporary culture? The Smartass-the one who's cool and treats everybody as if they're stupid and has a sarcastic wisecrack for every situation. Good manners just doesn't enter into the picture.-
Excellent statement. It's true. Gone are the days of Doris Day and Rock Hudson.
Today it's the "anti-hero" and the "social misfit" - see Pineapple Express, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, etc. -
In every kid's film there are several, burping (farting... eating other singing squirrels poop) gags to keep their jaded attention
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I do have to wonder what one might expect from a film entitled "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" o_0
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I always hold the door for a lady... then you can check out her @$$ as she goes by
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I ain't no dummy!! There's madness to my logic.
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I like it when the call me Mr followed by my last name. And yeah I always open the door for ladies or elderly ladies. Not to men They do that for me...kidding.
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I think people these days are just too self-absorbed to be bothered with manners.-
That's sad.
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Manners have historical roots. When they are out of that context, they can only be kept alive by conditioning
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Or a swift kick to the a$$ !!
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kicks in the backside can be a form of conditioning
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Absolutely!! Sometimes they're the best kind!
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If one is TRULY committed to good manners, a$$kicking must give way to the Code Duello. 0_o
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I'm not bothered by the title thing, infact I prefer not to be called by my last name as there are so many of us with that last name. It gets too confusing especially when with family of the same name.
However I agree that it is good manners to be taught to use titles unless requested not too.
End of the day - anything is better than being referred to as "hey you!" -
My kids use MR. & Mrs, Miss when referring to the elderly. People my age though not so much. Please, thank you, no/ yes sir, no/yes mam all that. I'm happy if they can open doors for themselves at this point. School doors are pretty heavy. -
I don't bother with Mr. or Mrs. I just say "sir" or "miss" thats it. Older women like being called miss anyways, something about being old.-
It kind of freaks me out when sales people my brother's age (early twenties) call me Ma'am. I know they're being polite, but calling i am too young for Ma'am.
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saying sir and ma'am is kind of weird for me - ma'am in particular is something that No-one really says here, to me its more of an American term. As for Sir, the meaning to me is more of a title thats earnt through Knighthood (eg SIR Paul Mcartney, SIR Edmund Hillary etc etc - the female equivalent being "Dame").
However for lack of a better term to use when in a business or formal situation I'm stuck with having to use Sir or Madam purely because there really isnt any alternative.
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I hate when my daughter's friends call me Sir or Mr. It makes me feel like an antique. When I coached gymnastics all the kids called me by my first name. I never noticed any lack of respect or bad manners because of it.
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I sold my manners on Ebay.
Heh.
I still have manners, but I do not by any means associate patriarchal etiquette with manners. Everyone is fully capable of holding a door open for another person, or giving up their bus seat to those who need it most regardless of age or gender.
Please and thank-you are absolutely required in my house (as are "excuse me's and "bless me's").
The addressing of adults/strangers has a hierarchy in my house. Adults who are very close all have special names (grandma, grandpa, nana, popop, oma, opi, zeo etc). Non relative adults also have special names - most of them who are close enough to be family but aren't turn into aunts or uncles - so auntie or uncle with the person's first name is used. Adults not that close, but still close enough become Mr or Mrs (or Ms) plus the first name, if the adult agrees to such a name. Strangers are formal names only.-
Oh yeah, I can vouch for the mini anok being the politest child ever in regards to manners
I loved being Miss Claire -
I remember you going from Ms Claire to Auntie CLaire rather quickly too - something to do with a bowl of crisps?
But thanks, Punky's manners have been duly noted at summer camp, as well. I'm a proud mama -
I think it was after she told me how much you loved me.... heh
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Shhhhhhhhhhh
Gosh! -
Just admit it, heh.
Anyways you are right to be a proud mama, keep up the good work. It was truly nice meeting such a lovely mannered kid that wasn't obnoxious with it -
Thank you!
But i have to share something funny - lately Punky has been into pointing (at things, people) but if that's n ot rude enough, Punky always uses the middle finger to do it *slaps head*.
So now my kid is not just pointing, but also flipping the bird -
And who does she get that off?
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Mr Anok
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That I can believe, that young man needs the naughty step.
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You aint lyin' but that's why I married him
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I don't actively correct offenders.. i just make sure i'm not one of them! -
I tend to swear lots but I remember at least to say thank you etc. I guess I know my bad manner limits?
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