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Who Gave u Your Weight Issue?

Posted by lotusb • 9/12/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: weight

Or "What" for that matter. Was it an ex-boyfriend nagging you about love handles? Your mother poking at your stomach? Or classmates?

IF you have weight issues (not neccesarily meaning that your overweight, but that you worry or obsess about your weight) where do you think they come from?

User Comments

9/12/08

kikolani

Media was a stronger influence on my perception of weight than I thought... I realized when I stopped watching TV (except for sports events), stopped reading the fashion magazines & tabloids, I felt more comfortable being the size I am. But prior to that, I was somewhat overshadowed by the fact that I "should" be super skinny, even though that isn't healthy for everyone.

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9/12/08

lotusb

I agree with that, the media has a strong hold. For me personally my issue came directly from the source...my mom.. but the media didn't help much either.

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9/12/08

MadameX

My mother. I'm most comfortable 20-30 pounds overweight, and a psychologist I worked with once told me that she believed it was an act of rebellion against my mother, who is VERY appearance oriented and weighs 98 pounds. I get along great with my mother and we have very similar views on ethical issues, politics, child-rearing, etc., but I guess we all have to find SOMETHING of our parents to reject.

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1. 9/12/08
  
  lotusb
  
  I "blame" my Mom too. Not because she is thin, as we are about the same size but I'm more muscular from running. But because she puts so much focus on weight. I was NEVER discouraged from crash dieting, and I was advised that after eating too much to "relieve" myself as a way to feel comfortable not as a way to loose weight. It was implyed that "fat" people are lazy and over eating is a weakness. I carry this with me always. She has no clue that I paid that much attention I'm sure. But I love my mother very much despite.
2. 9/12/08
  
  ThriftShopRomantic
  
  My dad is very hard on people and perceived flaws in particular-- and being overweight for him is one of those things. I am not the size 4 I was, and I can absolutely see the disapproval on his face when he sees me.
  
  I don't blame him for my weight-- I blame that on ME working 9 1/2/ ten hour work days in an office and not wanting to work out at 5am, the only time I really have time.
  
  But how I feel when I see that look of disgusted, "Oh how embarrassing, my daughter is chunky...." on his face. Ugh. I don't wish that on anyone.
3. 9/12/08
  
  MadameX
  
  You should try the rebellion thing, Lotus. I'm perfectly happy as I am, and my mom has long since given up on trying to change it. (She did tell me when I was in my twenties and weighed 126 pounds that in a lot of ways those were the best years of my life and she thought that one day I would regret having wasted them not looking my best.)
  
  Jenn, I wouldn't use the word "blame" at all, but I do think there may be a causal connection, because I'm the only woman I've ever known who has no interest in losing weight. Sometimes I have to, because I have high blood pressure and if my weight starts to creep up it gets worse, so I occasionally lose ten pounds for health reasons, but other than that I just couldn't care less.
  
  Of course, it might have nothing to do with that and be more related to the fact that I've lived in my townhouse for 2.5 years and have yet to hang a single thing on the walls. I'm just not visual at all; I rarely think about how things look.
9/12/08

timethief

I've never had a weight problem but I emphasize with those who do. As children we often develop core beliefs about our "self" and our bodies that are negative. As adults when we recognize this we can change those core beliefs and that changing them will in turn enable us to develop healthy self esteem. When I was in my early thirties I uncovered some negative core beliefs and I replaced them with my own truths. thistimethisspace.com/2008/09/07/whats-at-your-core/

I do have girlfriends, who insist on complaining about media, their parents and partners, and cultural projections rather than acting to make the changes they need to make in their lives. They have been complaining for so many years that I no longer entertain their complaints.

It seems to me that every overweight woman I know is over filling herself with food because she feels emptiness in some part of her life. However, saying this made me unpopular so now I hold my tongue and change the subject anytime one of them begins to whine about her weight. Change comes from within.

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1. 9/12/08
  
  lotusb
  
  I agree. In the past I boardered on having some disorders, but now I use what I was taught coming up as motivation to get up in the morning and jog and to eat healthy and live healthy.
2. 9/12/08
  
  lotusb
  
  I agree with you, and I've said it to my freinds. Because of my mother and father I am VERY if not TOO honest about weight. If a friend is overweight and complains about it, I'm quick to tell them they should probably stop visiting McDonalds and start visiting the gym. There is nothing funny about obesity, and I think it might be taken to light hearted these days. But of course, I know my opinion is a bit warped.
3. 9/12/08
  
  MadameX
  
  Lotus, what you describe here doesn't seem like being "too honest" about WEIGHT at all. It seems like pointing out an inconsistency in a friend's professed priorities and actual behavior. It's no different from telling a friend who complains of being chronically tired but stays out all night that changing her patterns will likely change that.
9/12/08

aningeniousname

For me it was the day I got on a speak your weight machine and it said "One at a time please." I have never been the same since that electronic cruelness.

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1. 9/12/08
  
  lotusb
  
  LMAO!!! You never fail to make me crack up at work...
2. 9/12/08
  
  timethief
  
  lol
3. 9/12/08
  
  howisbradley
  
  LOL. Literally. Too funny.
4. 9/12/08
  
  aningeniousname
  
  That's not even the worst thing. My friend said it must be malfunctioning try it again so I stepped back on and it said "No coach parties!"
9/12/08

Theresa111

Myself.

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9/12/08

hiljohn

aningeniousname ... (and that it truly is!) I'm glad I swallowed my beer before reading your post!

As for other comments ... oh my goodness. I'm a mother. And yes, I do remind my daughter to be mindful of her weight. But it's because I do NOT want her to grow to adulthood with extra baggage since all the genes are stacked against her as it is. She's smack-dab in the middle of the crosshairs of diabetes from all sides.

As for my extra baggage ... I can only blame myself. And the beer I just swallowed.

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1. 9/12/08
  
  lotusb
  
  hiljohn: kind reminders are one thing; pinching your daughters tiny piece of fat in front of her friends while prom-dress shopping...that's another. Most of us who are "blaming" our mothers have been overly-reminded to the point where it was down right jugement.
9/12/08

fated82

I am quite underweight and I have to 'blame' it on my mum. There is nothing I can do to gain weight, but I realize I am quite comfortable being underweight. It doesn't bother me at all.

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9/12/08

asithi

I never had problems with my weight until I got into my car accident a few years ago. I spent one year eating to hide my pain. I spent another year getting back into exercising. But it is hard to lose the weight once you put your body through a new set point when you are working 9.5 hours at a desk.

First it started with my mom nagging me about the weight I gain. then it became my dad. Truthfully, compare to a lot of people I am not overweight, but not as slender as I used to be. I exercise every day and eat healthy. I feel pretty great about myself when I do not see them since I do not watch much TV or read magazines with celebrities. But when I do see them, it takes about a week to snap me out of the funk. I am not even sure they realize what their comments are doing to me.

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9/12/08

livefree

Cheese Fries

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1. 9/12/08
  
  ThomasCSlater
  
  emmm Cheese Fries (starts drooling)
9/12/08

ChicaX

I think everyone is responsible for their own weight issues, either being underweight or overweight. I know if listened to my gut I'd be a lot happier, despite negative insults outside myself. Parents could also be of some influence simply by genetics.

I know I'm responsible for my own overweight problem, I don't overeat, don't consume really a whole lot, but what I do, is "garbage" so it's just all bad calories, and I can't whip my taste buds back into shape. I'd like to lose about 30 pounds, but I'm actually quite content, and in no rebellion to anyone.

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1. 9/12/08
  
  MadameX
  
  "Weight issues" doesn't necessarily mean that you're either, Chica. I know many women with eating disorders who struggle to maintain a normal, healthy weight but are plagued by "weight issues".
2. 9/12/08
  
  Anok
  
  Yeah, the "issues" refers more towards the psychological aspect, not the actual weight in numbers.
9/12/08

Anok

An ex model for a mother + early childhood trauma = weight and self esteem/body appearance issues and eating disorders.

My mother once told me I had better lose 20 pounds because my fiancee was checking out skinnier women.

Ouch, that hurts

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9/12/08

melindaville

I have struggled with my weight since I became clean from heroin. In fact, when I was first in recovery, I used to eat frosting right out of the can (and lots of other sweets). I basically replaced heroin with food! And I gained SO MUCH WEIGHT. One day, about two years after I kicked heroin, I looked in the mirror and saw what I looked like. I had gained almost SEVENTY POUNDS!! Ugh.

When I started feeling better on the inside, I wanted to look better on the outside. So, I worked my butt off to lose all that weight--and I did. I have managed to stay within ten pounds of the weight I feel best at (which is not skinny--I am 5'9" and I weigh 150 lbs and I am totally comfortable at that weight).

I have to work at staying at that weight--mostly because Les is a fantastic cook and cooks me delectable meals every day (that he's not away on business). I work out, I do yoga, and I really watch snacks. My metabolism totally changed after I quit doing smack. I never had a weight problem as a junkie. I used to weight about 110 lbs (at 5'9"!).

God life is so good today. Those were some dark days!

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1. 9/12/08
  
  RTBjr73
  
  5'9" and 110 pounds? Now that sounds scary.
  
  5'9" and 150 pounds? Now that sounds healthy.
  
  Myself? Per the military weight chart, at my height (5'9') I should weight 175 pounds. I weight 245 pounds, which I would be considered obese. But my doctor says that given my body frame (thick German boy) that it would not be healthy to weight to go down to that weight. My doctor asked what size pants I wear, which is 38 waist 32 inch, and she didn't believe me...lol
2. 9/12/08
  
  melindaville
  
  Yes, 5'9" and 110 was really scary--but I would literally go for days without eating--anything. I mean, I would eat a snickers bar for the entire day. It has caused me some health problems. I have mostly dental implants in my mouth becasue I ruined my teeth and bones with drug use. I have 35,000 worth a dental work in my mouth and that is not an exaggeration. And my back has degenerative disc disease becasue of the lack of calcium for so long. I battle chronic pain because of it--and of course, I can take no strong painkillers.
  
  But life is still great! LOL! I still can't believe my great fortune in being alive right now.
9/12/08

blogonsmog

For me it is stress.

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9/12/08

drjay1966

Overall, I think there's an overemphasis on numerical weight as opposed to how a person feels. In the past year, I've gone down a few sizes in shirts and pants, have gotten to where I can bike 100 miles a week, and generally am feeling better physically than I have in years. And how much weight have I lost? None. Though I've lost a lot of fat, I've gained so much muscle that, in fact, I'm ten pounds heavier than I was.

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1. 9/12/08
  
  melindaville
  
  An excellent point, drjay1966.
9/12/08

hiteshrawat

well thank god i have never been through this cause i never had this kinda issue

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