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Why do men dump women?

Posted by ModelElaine • 6/29/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: date, Dating, MEN, relationships, women

I am doing a survey for my new blog post on my dating blog internet-dating-guru.blogspot.com/
I would like to know some of the reasons men dump women in relationships. As far as I can remember I have never been dumped, so I personally lack such experience and would like to get some outside opinions about some of the reasons that would make a man dump a woman. Please, help me out

User Comments

6/29/08

DrowseyMonkey

Maybe he's just not that into her ... as they say.

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6/29/08

TheMrs

Normally people "dump" other people because they can't see a future with them? Just my guess there... I guess the reality is, people date and break up all the time. Some people say break up, some people say dump. *shrug*

He/She is too clingy, whiney, materialistic, snotty, anal retentive, sad, angry, irresponsible, possessive, jealous, he/she wants kids - I don't, I don't want marriage - he/she does, etc...

[reply]
1. 6/29/08
  
  ModelElaine
  
  Basically what you are saying is different goals in life. Got it.
6/29/08

bkerensa

Perhaps the Greener Pasture theory?

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1. 6/29/08
  
  ModelElaine
  
  I confess, I am guilty of that
6/29/08

laughoutloudadmin

You are lucky to lack of experience in this thing

I think the reason why men dump women should be around the same as why women dump men Most probably, one of the partner did not give any freedom to the other partner.. control too much of the action and movement.. also maybe its becos of communication problem..

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6/29/08

CrotchetyOldMan

I "dumped" the first Mrs. Crotchety because living with her sucked the life out of me.

One day she shrieked, "Do you wish I would die?"

I said, "I just hope one of us does." That's when I knew it was time to leave. That and when she tried to stab me with scissors, but I probably deserved it.

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1. 6/29/08
  
  ModelElaine
  
  ok, so she turned out crazy. Got it
2. 6/29/08
  
  thefly
  
  Crotchety, you remind of the poet Charles Bukowski. With the whole crazy relationships and being a CrotchetyOldMan. Buzz Buzz.
6/29/08

acousticguitarist

it's when they are irrational and no amount of reasoning will work...

you asked at a very relavent moment

[reply]
1. 6/29/08
  
  acousticguitarist
  
  within the next hour I'll probably give you a few more reasons, this is happening in real time
6/29/08

Norski

Looks like you're actually interested in answers.

I don't have that much personal experience to use: I was generally the dumpee, not the dumper.

The one time I was definitely the dumper was when I realized that the only, or about 99 percent of the reason that I was interested in her was a physical attraction. That's unacceptable for me, so I backpedaled, fast.

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6/29/08

DeadRooster

Too much noise.

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6/29/08

morgantj

It's a rather broad question. There are a host of reasons. Where to start?

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1. 6/29/08
  
  ModelElaine
  
  start from the beginning
2. 6/29/08
  
  morgantj
  
  I would if I knew what the beginning was. I don't think anyone has ever been able to pinpoint the beginning. What was before the big bang?
6/29/08

earthlingorgeous

Different reasons but mostly different goals in the relationship.

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6/29/08

Arcticulates

hmmmm, maybe for the exact opposite that women dump men! lol

Just kidding

I think sometimes it has to do with: that is what they think they are suppose to do, because of peer pressure, etc. or what they constantly hear from the media.. not to blame everything on the media, but face it most of the shows you see on tv nobody ever sticks it out with one person anymore. Kinda sad

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6/29/08

gosmelltheflowers

It can be as simple as the pursuit has ended!

Reel the lady in, catch, put back**

**This is one reason - not the views of us flowers

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1. 6/29/08
  
  ModelElaine
  
  I agree with you. I think I am sorta the same way. Once the guy says he loves me, I am no longer interested and want to move on to next pursuit.
6/29/08

baderjundi

why women turn down 99% of the men who ask them out, why men have to pay for drinks and diners, why men have to propose and make the first moves?
why if a woman get rapped they take her seriously but if man goes down to the police station to report getting rapped they laugh their ass off looooooool...
if you believe that we are all equal then stop taking advantage of us.

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1. 6/29/08
  
  acousticguitarist
  
  Well someone has a bad life.
  
  I can't recall being knocked back on a date; you'd be pretty cheap if you wouldn't take a woman out for dinner, well drinks...I don't drink; as for the second part, if I was the victim I'd probably die laughing and would have difficulty taking it seriously.
6/29/08

roentarre

I think women dump men more often until reaching the age of 35

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6/29/08

achuna

May be she have given all she got too soon LOL

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6/29/08

voodooKobra

In most cases, they just don't think they could live together in the long-term and-- to put it bluntly, people get sick of eachother's shit.

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1. 6/29/08
  
  timethief
  
  What voodoo has said reflects what I have seen in my life. To begin with people often make the wrong selections when it comes to choosing a partner. When this is the case, once the infatuation and lust wear off the differences become more apparent and with the passage of time these differences become less tolerable so the desire to quit the relationship grows.
  
  In a nutshell, transformation is what relationships are all about. We remain in relationships while the going is good, but often break out of the relationship if the person we love turns out differently than our initial estimation of them. We break out of the relationship because we feel they led us to believe something about their character that was not true, or, that we simply can not trust our judgment.
  
  Our needs get us into most relationship problems. We seek out people, consciously or unconsciously, that fulfill our needs, rather than filling our needs ourselves. Whenever we obsess about someone, feeling that we can not live without them, we should examine what it is that is missing in us very carefully, what we feel others are “giving” us, and why we feel that we need them for our very survival. This element is being shown to us through the relationship, the obsession, the need, the desire to control and possess. If we could only become aware of this, we might still suffer, but we would have finally found the real road to freedom from this kind of dependent need.
  
  (1) Women and men of low self esteem, who believe they are not complete and whole in and of themselves and, who therefore believe that they need their partners and or children to complete them are at high risk for being dumped.
  
  (2) Women and men of low self esteem, who seek to control or change their partners through either overt or covert means are at high risk for being dumped.
  
  In successful relationships, couples learn to adapt and change together. They accept that change is an inevitable part of human life and support each other. Change can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy, but it can also be painful. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life. It may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe.
  
  Four types of love:
  Childish Love - Needy, selfish, dependent, immature, demanding, irresponsible, possessive and jealous, approval-seeking, moody, impulsive, scared of being alone, scared of rejection, often testing boundaries, feeling inferior, feeling powerless, sulky, loyal, reverent.
  
  (3) When immature women and men behave like dependent "cling-on" children within a relationship the men whom they are in relationship with will eventually dump them.
  
  Advice: If you have lots of Childish Love in you - ditch it! Your partner is NOT your parent.
  
  Parental Love - Non-sexual, very responsible, serious, dependable, predictable, mature, occasionally resentful, selfless, reliable, risk-averse, stoic, protective, authoritative, superior, judgmental - perhaps even prejudiced at times, controlling.
  
  (4) When immature women and men behave like dependent parents or bosses within a relationship the men whom they are in relationship with will eventually dump them.
  
  If you have lots of Parental Love in you - Channel it! You are NOT his or her mother/father or the boss of him (her), you’re his lover!
  
  Infatuated - Heady, illogical, passionate, butterflies-in-the-stomach, can act in foolish ways, highly motivated to be with the object of desire, spontaneous, wild, adventurous, caring, considerate, having strong sexual attraction, blind to faults, optimistic.
  
  Infatuation is intoxicating, and it is often evocative of those dreamy days of teenage romances. But it can give you a nasty hangover too if you avoid dealing with the complications of an adult reality.
  
  (5) If you have lots of infatuation - wake up! and get with the program because you are NOT going to remain the object of infatuation forever.
  
  In Love - Independent, responsible, decisive, reliable, trustworthy, mature, trusting, truthful, empowered to do the right thing, vulnerable and courageous, feels free to flow with heart’s desires, both selfless and selfish, spontaneous and thoughtful, sexually motivated, caring, considerate, wild, passionate, adventurous, adorable.
  
  These characteristics are highly desirable in adult relationships, and if you relate strongly to many of them then you’re almost certainly in a pretty good place right now and not likely to be dumped.
2. 6/29/08
  
  ModelElaine
  
  timethief
  
  well said. Do you mind if I quote some of your words in my post?
3. 6/29/08
  
  timethief
  
  Yes and these are the relevant blog posts that you can link back to:
  Am I In Love? thistimethisspace.com/2007/09/24/313/
  Relationships: Good Ingredients thistimethisspace.com/2007/09/15/relationships-good-ingredients/
  Relationships: Transformation and Commitment
  thistimethisspace.com/2007/08/21/relationships-transformation-and-commitmen...
  
  Also not that I made a mistake. The word "dependent" should have been "demanding" here:
  "(4) When immature women and men behave like dependent [error: replace with demanding] parents or bosses within a relationship the partner whom they are in relationship with will eventually dump them."
4. 6/29/08
  
  harleyblues
  
  thats right or one of them cheat~
  hb~
6/29/08

achuna

He need a love Guru

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6/29/08

satijournal

I once broke up with a woman because she looked kind of like my mother. I couldn't help thinking about my mother when we'd have sex. That was too f*ckin' weird.

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6/29/08

barryfromtexas

I haven't dumped many women - one was when I was in high school, she was really hot, and I liked her, but I just could not keep up with her - she was wild and we were drinking every night - nearly killed me abck in high school

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6/29/08

cooper

It's all about timing.

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6/29/08

lettershome

@ModelElaine:

You might want to checkout narcissistic / histrionic personality disorder at psychforums.com

Not saying you have either, but one of the major red flags is:

Once the guy says he loves me, I am no longer interested and want to move on to next pursuit.

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6/29/08

Anok

Hmmm, Elaine I am with you, I can't remember the last time I was dumped

That said, I know why I have dumped men - and like voodoo said up above, people living in close quarters and always in each other's faces, and always having to check in and whatever with another person can get really, really frustrating.

Particularly if you've hooked up with a nag

In other words, most of us act as if we've failed sandbox

[reply]
1. 6/29/08
  
  aningeniousname
  
  I can't believe you haven't been dumped, surely you are just repressing the painful memories.
2. 6/29/08
  
  Anok
  
  I said I can't remember the last time I was dumped because it was that long ago
  
  Seriously!
  
  Let's see, married and together with Mr Anok for five years, prior to that the last boyfriend was dumped by me for Mr Anok, I was with him for five years, I dumped the boyfriend before him and I was with him for three years, and before that was a high school sweetheart, whom I was with for, um, two years (I dumped him - long distance relationships suck)....and - I can't remember much before that.
  
  Yeah, that's going back 15 years, no dumpee for me
3. 6/29/08
  
  aningeniousname
  
  Strange, I would have thought loads of blokes would have dumped you.
6/30/08

looseink

Men dump women? Man, have I been out of the loop.

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6/30/08

drdental

I'm with you looseink. I've been on the receiving end of the dumpage more than I care to remember. I finally found a good one, and married her before she could do away with me

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6/30/08

4Freedoms

Some just want sex and not a long term relationship.

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6/30/08

riverstyxxx

I've dumped as many women as have dumped me. Just my two cents. I've been single for a few years now, I'm very very lonely. Ahem.

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6/30/08

jackpayne

Sometimes the squeaky wheel gets replaced.

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1. 6/30/08
  
  Anok
  
  Put ever so eloquently
7/01/08

mykeymyke

i'm going to read that blog when its done...
i think that men dump women simply because they have sighted a greener pasture something like men could only understand, i guess....

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7/01/08

mitch972

It could be relationship A.D.D. Just simply saw something more appealing.

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7/16/08

mizhelena

guys want to have their cake and eat it too.. i was involved with a much older guy some time ago who left his wife of 18 years so easily to come be with me.. i felt so guilty but any guilt i felt was washed away by his indifference.. he was 30 years my senior and his excuse was she went off sex for years.. so i have always agreed lack of/better sex are very powerful reasons a man will dump a gf or wife.. cheers everyone

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7/16/08

junbitoy

It's the way things are like the changing seasons - Leaves cling in Summer and fall in Autumn. Until you settle down, it's an endless cycle.

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7/16/08

mitch972

I have 3 reasons why I dump women...

1. something she does is going to irritate me.
2. she's to high maintainence and not worth the bother
3. i meet someone that's better.

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7/16/08

cranelegs

most people end relationships because someone (or both) lose interest. one can lose interest for a lot of reasons. so i have to assume "dumping" is some other process, one i'd have little interest in understanding: male or female.

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7/16/08

kdawg68

Honest answers here. Looking back on my previous breakups, I can boil it down to 2 reasons.

1. High maintenance. I subscribe to the belief that two high maintenance people don't jive. I"m not a true definition 'high maintenance' guy - but I do need a good deal of lovin' and am a tad selfish (at least I can admit it, right?). The women I've matched best with are low maintenance types. They don't need a lot of bling nor a lot of pampering - which is good because I'm a penny pincher and I'm lazy.

2.In my youth I seem to have had a defense mechanism that caused me to break up with folks the moment I felt "vulnterable" to being hurt by them. I wouldn't wait for that eventuality and would self-destruct the relationship before it reached that point. Thankfully I resolved this vicious cycle when I met my wife.

[reply]
1. 7/17/08
  
  sulz
  
  how did you resolve that cycle?