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Why do women test men
Posted by crazyTsu • 10/10/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: relationships
It's like hurling a rock at the moon and observing what shoots forth..
Women test us in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. They pretend to be offended, or sometimes they are but pretend not to me. They say things just for the heck of it. Sometimes throw a tantrum..
Why can't they be "normal" for a bit? Is it too boring?
User Comments
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Why do men test women?-
exactly...a more appropriate question would be why do people test people. -
Do men throw tantrums? Do they pretend? Do they lie to get the "truth" where there is none to be discovered?
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Sounds like Tsu is having some problems at home...
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Ha! what problems can I have with myself?
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maybe that is the problem!
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Ya, anything about me is the problem!
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That's not a male/female thing. Insecure, immature people and people who have been so damaged by past experience that they're not ready for healthy relationships play these games with partners and potential partners--whether they are male or female. Normal, healthy people do not--whether they are male or female.-
I'm not totally sure that's true. I think we're all a little bit damaged, and that, in fact, if you weren't you would be very unusual and special but also perhaps also very frail, like an early teenager, and unable to face the first true test that does come your way. May I remind you that Adam & Eve had no real strength to resist even the slightest, most superficial of temptations. -
@ CT: Do men throw tantrums? Do they pretend? Do they lie to get the "truth" where there is none to be discovered? Yes yes and yes?? I've experienced plenty of men in all phases of age and relationship who do all three of those.
@ Madame - I disagree - I don't think testing someone is based on if you've had an unhealthy relationship in the past or can't function well in a relationship now - I think it's just like a puppy - gotta test the boundaries, see what makes someone tick - or tick them off - to feel out the relationship. Blatant game playing - that's irritating and I bolt real fast from that crap. But I think some testing is healthy and "normal."
That being said - throwing tantrums? Yea, hand 'em a diaper and a pacifier and tell them to call you when they grow up. If you're over 18, it's time to handle things like an adult. -
@sjtavo
your reply to madamex is exactly the kind of testing I had in mind
Can you elaborate what the "healthy testing" is and how it's supposed to work? -
let's see...."healthy" testing.....ok, to determine the amount of texting you "should" do with your partner.... say he's making comments that you text him too much.... so text him once in the morning and don't reply to his texts the rest of the day..... he gets annoyed because he hasn't heard from you all day - it sort of forces a conversation of setting limits with each other...
i think that's what all testing is - setting the boundaries or limits. I think it's also a way to see if the person has a sense of integrity - sort of like "how much shit will she take before she tells me to change my ways or we're done..." you want to be with someone who will stand up for themselves, convey their opinion, etc... rather than let you walk all over them... does that make any sense?
like i said - there's good and bad testing. bad testing: cheating, acting like an ass in front of family, picking unnecessary fights, throwing a tantrum over doing the laundry.... good testing: figuring out how to communicate effectively, how important am i to this person.... i really don't like games so i'm pretty upfront immediately about my needs, my expectations, etc... so we can avoid the early relationship dance and just settle on into it. -
I nominate this as the post of the day. Thanks very much. All you say makes sense to me!
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Wow madame....just where are all these normal couples who have never had a problem....I wonder....do u consider yourself one of those "normal" single mothers
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There's a big difference between "never having a problem" and creating problems by playing games and manipulating one another.
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We could assume that the majority of humanity is not insecure or immature. Are “Normal” and “Healthy” people really the majority? I don’t think so. The normal and healthy people are the few, the abnormal. I count myself in the true majority…the insecure, immature and unhealthy. And proudly so! I celebrate my insecurity. It is counter intuitive, but insecurity is actually a sign of strength. It means we understand reality.-
I value these views..
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I suppose whether or not it is a strength depends on how you handle it. If it leads you to be dishonest and manipulative with people you care about and create cracks in your own relationships, that doesn't sound much like a strength to me.
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Yea
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Guess this thread is dunzo
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Its not so much about dishonesty than it is about how they approach things. If they want to know something, one way might be to ask. But something makes them to adopt other means
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It's probably because men are not very communicative and we just want to get a rise out of them. I think everyone does it or has done it at one point or another. -
I am the Devil’s Advocate. So I embrace Dishonest Manipulation. Who does not try to manipulate other people to get what we want? All manipulation is dishonest. Example, I'd like to watch football on a Sunday afternoon instead of visiting the zoo. What to do? Anything to avoid the zoo.
A disclaimer, I love zoos and would prefer a visit to the zoo over watching another football game, but somebody does not like zoos. I want to go to the zoo! Instead I am doing nothing Sunday. Since I want to maintain domestic harmony I comply. Am I being manipulated, or am I in control?-
But on the flip side, davedol, dishonest manipulation builds up a lot of anger, anger that can translate in to divorce, physical violence and petty fights. It also involves looking at people like objects, which is antithetical to love and corrupts your own heart.
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Exactly
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what's dunzo
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Done over duhhhhh
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Some times abnormalism is normal. -
Sho nuff
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I prefer their litmus test!-
Ya easy to fool them that way
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I am completely abnormal and brain damaged and when in an argument I tend to display emotions like anger, sadness, defensiveness et cetera et cetera. I think I need help because I'm supposed to be happy and mild-mannered 24/7. -
So long as men and women think they "need" each other they're going to manipulate to get what they want. Self-sufficiency is the only way out of this labyrinth.-
That and honor and stronger individuals, which is connected.
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Stronger in this case would call for a suppression of emotion, which isn't necessarily very healthy
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I don't think it's really fair to make a blanket statement that all women test men. I agree with MadameX that men can play the same games as women. 'Testing' is immature, no matter who's doing it. If I'm upset with my husband, I tell him so and why. Ditto for him with me. Probably why we've had a rock-solid relationship for 16 years. My unsolicited advice: If she's playing games, ditch the bitch. -
Pride.
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