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Why don't my parents trust me?

Posted by katrinawafs • 5/15/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic

TRUST is a lot like money. Earning it is hard, losing it is easy, and no matter how much you're given, it never seems to be enough. Whenever I want to go out, my parents bombard me with questions about where I'm going with, what I'll be doing, and when I'll be back. I know they're my parents, but it irritates me when they question me like that!

I'm 20 years old, and this is still an issue. My parents think that I wouldn't have the strength to walk away from a bad situation. I've tried telling them that I have already walked away from bad situations, but that's not good enough for them.

User Comments

5/15/08

OzScot

I'm 48 and it still happens And I live in Australia and my folks are in Scotland They just care, and I'm sure you'd rather that than they took no notice at all - they love you is all

Ben

[reply]
1. 5/15/08
  
  katrinawafs
  
  tnx for your advice..=)
5/15/08

Shiley

You should be happy they care so much. My mom would question me to this day even w/ kids of my own. My dad was abusive so I just think you're lucky. There are kids worse off than you. I hate saying this cause I'm repeating my mom. One day when you have kids you'll understand.

[reply]
1. 5/15/08
  
  ender
  
  my dad was abusive too - and he was WAAAAAY worse about giving me the third degree about where I was going and with whom than mom was. (and i thought mom was bad about it!!!)
5/15/08

ender

they pretty much never stop doing that.

two years after i moved out of the house and was completely financially independent from them, my mother was STILL calling me at 10 p.m. every night to make sure I was home. The business where I worked didn't close until 11 p.m. and after hours clean up meant that I rarely got home before midnight. inevitably there were a multitude of "Where are you" messages on my answering machine when i returned home.

for TWO YEARS she did this.

for a lot of parents i think it's not so much that they don't trust *you* (even tho that's how it feels and it's likely that's what they might say) - i think it's more that they don't know how else to reassure themselves that you're okay and safe. after all, they've had that habit for 20 years already - not an easy habit to break, particularly not when they care about you.

[reply]
1. 5/15/08
  
  werelax
  
  excellent explanation ender enough said. ME too but just a couple of times a week.
5/15/08

joni

Maybe it's not because your parents don't trust you, maybe they're afraid that something bad is going to happen and they aren't there to protect you. Most of the time, children don't understand why parents are so strict. If we become parents in the future, maybe that's the time that we can understand why they're acting that way.Or maybe you did something in the past that they don't like that's why they are becoming more strict than usual.

[reply]
1. 5/15/08
  
  jafabrit
  
  I was going to say the same. It is the parents fear speaking and frankly might be more to do with common courtesy to let people know (those you live with or married to) to give a general idea of where you are and what time you might be home.
  
  It took my daughter a while to understand that it was not a lack of trust but a safety issue and just a bit consideration and courtesy. The day she really got this is the day I didn't come home on time and she couldn't reach me and she was worried.
  
  So perhaps instead of letting it make you feel like a child, why not regard it as a courtesy to those who care about you and assure them you have your mobile phone and if you are going to be late you will let them know.
5/15/08

acousticguitarist

You've got it easy.

If I was your dad yu wouldn't get past the front door :-)

i left home pretty young.

Trust is something parents need to work on and it's really usually about the failure to have developed a deep relationship that has good comunication. I struggle with it all the time, it's more about me than them. I have two teenagers. Your mum and dad probably need to grow up and embrace who you are

[reply]
5/15/08

janeycatte

I'm 35 and my Mum's still the same.

It's taken until I became a Mum myself to understand why, and it's not that they don't trust you.

They're so used to knowing everything about us, taking care of us, being responsible for us, that it becomes a huge kind of habit.

A VERY hard habit to break.

You could try talking to one of your parents about it, at a time when you're both calm and happy.

Truthfully though, it will probably take years of those conversations for them to be able to let go a bit of "their baby".

Try and be patient with them. They love you very much.

[reply]
5/15/08

Anok

Yeah, I'm in my 30's too, and my mother still pulls motherhood things on me

In fact it gets even worse, because she also does the same thing with MY kid (through me). It never stops, I'm telling you!

One thing you need to do as a young woman (Aside from making sure you can defend yourself) - move away from your parents.

Like, now!

[reply]
1. 5/15/08
  
  janeycatte
  
  Worked for me
2. 5/15/08
  
  Anok
  
  Oh, it did for me too, till I got sucked back in.
  
  You know the Marie Barone character on that Raymond show?
  
  Yeah, thats my mom. Try getting away from THAT.