Discussions
Why People Get Sooo Defensive
Posted by Dukepro25 • 7/20/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Tags: life, politics, religion, Spirituality
Why is it that people get so darn defensive when a new idea is introduced to them that could possibly threaten their understanding of life, spirituality, religion, and/or politics?
Is it because they are afraid to explore the possibilities?
Why are people so attached to their “own” understanding?
What is it about “understanding” that makes people so defensive?
What reward is there for blind diligence?
Why are people so afraid to say, "Oh - I never thought of it that way before." or "I guess that's a possibility. I'll have to look in to it further."
What stops them from exploring the possibilities?
User Comments
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Another question I would ask too is if someone sees something wrong and you point it out to others, wouldn't it be in everyone's best interest to take a deep look at the problem and work to correct it?
Are we so afraid to face our demons?-
True
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Pride, arrogance, and delusion[s of grandeur].-
This would also be true.
This would be categorized as Ego.
If you believe in Ego that is.
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A belief is a feeling of certainty about what something means. If you are going to challenge someones political or religious beliefs expect for that person to defend his beliefs. I am not certain that you can conclude that they are afraid to look at things another way. They may have already done that. Why persist in trying to change someone else's beliefs when challenging their beliefs may make you look just as inflexible and stubborn as they may appear to you.-
A sound conclusion.
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@TonyB...Though I agree with what you are saying to a great extend
if someone points out that for instance the Church is harboring some say nasty "Cookie Monsters"
and there is huge evidence that everyone is missing their "Cookies", shouldn't they then pay attention
to the problem and find the "Cookie Monster" hiding within their mists as it presents a problem?-
@Jeunelle, yes, absolutely. I suppose the trouble with arguments about faith is it's pretty difficult to prove whether the cookie monster really is in the cupboard
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bc has some problems ... or more likely it's just me
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stuttering entry
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If the idea is valid, then it will stand firm against criticism. If not, it will crumble. I feel that we must continue to challenge existing ideas in order to grow and learn as a society.
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@TonyB...Well said
@voodooKobra...Yes especially if the accusation is a valid one. -
@TonyB, Voodoo, Jeunelle
We're getting some where.
Good points, all. -
Ahhh the culprit
www.youtube.com/watch?v=BovQyphS8kA -
lol
Hilarious! -
@Jeunelle - Regarding video:
**Giggle** Cookie starts with C & that is good enough for me! -
@Tony, the cookie monster is in the cupboard and I want a housecleaning now.
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I'm surprised nobody objected to my view that nothing is exempt from criticism. Perhaps the BC community is learning to pick their battles.
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Fear makes people get defensive, especially if insincerity is detected. Having many friends of different faiths, I ask questions, not to judge, but to know what and why they believe in what they do.
This is called intimacy.
IN-TO-ME-U-C.
I find it fascinating.-
Love Guru reference spotted!
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Yup, I'm a love machine.
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IMHO to answer the the thread question.
A lot of people are looking for certainty: whether by faith, reason or understanding.
Fore Many people: giving up that security is very difficult. Its difficult to say "oh I never thought that way before".-
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@dragonlayer, each and everyone of us has the need for certainty, in one form or another.
It seems somewhat common for people to conclude that others arent open to new ideas because they won't agree with the new ideas. I can have a strong faith in something, see things your way -- the other way, yet still not agree with you.
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War Against Immorality
Is this the kind of thing you want your kids to watch?
- www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWqCReOXjZM&feature=related
What is this world comming to?-
Ha ha!?!
No laughs? -
Haha.
Satisfied? I'm too busy wondering what kind of person posts this garbage on Youtube. -
lol
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I think you are asking the question in a very one-sided way. Think of it this way, people aren't getting defensive but rather challenging your view and opening it up to new ideas. You ask it like there is one side that is "more" correct than the other.
So Im gonna assume by defensive you mean angry. Well, its like telling them that they've been wrong or naive in believing what they believe. They view it like that and take it as a personal attack at their beliefs. Also, many people put their faith in ideas that have stood the test of time. Furthermore, a lot of people have found salvation in certain ideals and this feeling of redemption gives them a sense of loyalty to that belief. Its like criticizing a person that saved another person's life just because they arent like you.
anyway, those are my two cents. But Im keeping one because its only a penny for my thoughts.
buzz buzz-
Very good.
A sound explanation.
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FLY you hit the nail on the head, I am so tired of sharing my beliefs only to be viewed as naive, many people forget how to debate intelligently, telling someone they are stupid or naive is just immature, I am willing to listen to someone elses point of view, but in so many cases, they want you to listen and wont' do the same for you, just say you belive in fairy tales and throw insults, it's easy to become angry with that situation -
Thanks Kat, I agree totally.
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People are just stuck on being right,,,,,right? lol
hb~ -
People are generally selfish. Everything is me, me, me. -
I am not defensive, how dare you say that-
LOL!!!
Love it!
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Because their jerks.The premise of my whole blog is why do scumbags prosper and good people get treated the way they do.Why do people kiss up to people that treat them like nobody's and the people they should look out for they overlook.As far as defensive that's just fear,they got it all figured out.I rather have one good real friend.Everyone is looking for what is right there staring them in their face.You,that is the only thing that can make you happy.I roll with the punches and when I'm rich money wise I will remember who's who;)It's going to be a great Christmas that's all I can say.
Don't let suckers stop your flow.I would let people piss me off online and stop what I was doing as they smiled and walked away.
Look for that one good friend.It is shocking how people are today but like we say in Brooklyn You can't kill everybody;) meaning no one's perfect,including me.-
lol
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That's not what what my family told me lol
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There has to be a survival advantage, or this trait would not be universal.
I think the defensiveness is a kind of fear, alerting me to focus when threatened.
Maybe defensiveness is endemic today, because people are overwhelmingly threatened by our system of living. Not many of us are biologically adapted to life on Earth with 6 billion others. -
I hate to double dip but I will say this.
People may have money and skills as far as their online life.
But their people skills suck.I'll give you an example.If you read my post you'll see I mention some people etc I see they came by cause they get a google alert or whatever,they don't say anything or leave a comment which is stupid cause my blog is dofollow,well I would normally get all bent out of shape maybe even write them a FU letter a day or two later,now I just say who cares and do my thing.I'm looking for diamonds not cubic zarconias;)
If I got mad every time someone did something I didn't like or agree with my head would EXPLODE;) STRESS KILLS and I'm done dying. -
i thinks its the comfort zone.. we get so use to following a particular way or style that anything new is to be viewed as caution.. -
It's more fun being offensive then defensive, that's for sure. -
@Mizhelena: I agree
I was thinking, fear of change is a real biggie on causing people to get defensive or clam-up on some subjects.
Seems sometimes even if a person doesn't like where they're at, they will stay in that place because it's what they know, because the unknown (change) is just too scary. -
Ok, nice read so far. I don't have anything earth shattering to add exactly...
It's just that since I haven't been around for a while, I have to ask... where's Offended? I'd say this is her cue!
Wait... I do have something that will make your minds explode! (humor me)
Perhaps it's that if we accept that someone else's ideas/explanations are possible, then we also have to accept the fact that we are kind of dumb for thinking the way we have always thought. No?
If you are probably right... then I'm probably wrong. And gee isn't my face red. -
comment removed by the community.
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I'll make it simple...
You're all wrong. I alone am right. Case closed.
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By jove, I think you're right! -
You're right!
Hang on... you can't be right, and if you're not, then I'm really WRONG... and... and...
*Head explodes*
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@boytrotters....Lmao
That could very well be true...As a man thinketh, so is he. James Allen-
LOL I love that quote. Out of its actual context, you could take it a number of ways.
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@boytrotters...very true.
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I think that for a lot of people, their beliefs have, over the years, come to help them justify their actions - so to bring their beliefs into question you have just insulted their moral character, as it were.
It also forces people to see their flaws, and people don't like to see that.
Plus what Voodoo said way up there in the thread.-
I admit to being flawed. I will work harder on my true self. Thanks Anok!
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Hey I didn't do anything! It wasn't me!
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Actually, it was me. I know how to control minds.
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Beats me. Maybe, they are having their periods or something. -
Most of the time we are over-reacting when being criticized. It is actually the emotional part of ourselves taking over, an emotional response not a logical one. If we have more access to our thinking brain rather than being overcome by the emotional part, we have more choices of response to criticisms and events.-
@onchong
Very well said. Thanks for posting this comment.
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Because validating the new information means, to many of them, invalidating what they believe. And that means not only are they wrong, it means they have been wrong for their entire lives up to that point.
And some people, oddly enough, don't want to ever be wrong, so they reject, argue with, or become defensive about information that challenges their status quo.
This was explained to me a number of years ago by someone who actually refused to change a rather nasty bias on the basis that if he changed his belief on this subject, he would be admitting he had been wrong for the past 30 years and he wasn't going to do that. Really!
I eventually divorced the narrow-minded bigoted bastard. -
@sweetviolet
After i came to my senses and gave religion the boot, a year passed and then I banned all relatives and former friends from my home and from my life, who persisted in doing the following:
(1) evangelizing and professing that their belief system was the only "truth";
(2) telling me over and over that I would burn in the hell fires of damnation;
(3) making hateful statements about ethnic groups and other religions;
(4) making biogted statements;
(5) making racist statements;
(6) making hateful statements about those who choose to live together without being married;
(7) gay bashing;
(8)attempting to justify the use of violence; and
(9) war mongering.
It was one of the most courageous acts and liberating acts that I have ever undertaken. I am firmly convinced that I did the right thing by removing these poisonous people from my life. I don't miss them a whit and immediately after telling them where to go "get off my property and never return here again" I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Suffice to say that I do still have some family members and friends who are religious, but they respect my boundaries, and they never ever pull the despicable BULLSHITE behaviors on me that I listed above.
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