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Women! Beware of the warning signs about men...
Posted by Melissa73 • 2/11/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: courting
Tell me of your opinion.
You can tell the character of a guy within the first few minutes of knowing him, here are some of the signs to look out for.
1. A good, caring heart. Watch how he treats his friends and those around him. Do the "waiter test". If your date is polite and kind to the waiter, chances are you have a good catch.
2. Beware of men who are always leaning on things. They are generally lazy. It may be just a perception, but it sends a message.
3. You can tell the type of person a man is by the tone of his voice. Be very cautious of a hot-tempered man. If you think he will change, you are just fooling yourself.
4. If a guy looks at his reflection in the mirror more times than you, you might want to reconsider. Women are said to look at their reflection in windows and mirrors 55 times a day.
5. If there are any elements of chauvinism, stay away. Women want to be equal in society, but we still want to be treated like a lady. Pulling out your chair, opening the door and carrying your bag are signs of a good man.
6. Habits usually get worse with time. If he is already burping and farting in front of you, it will get worse. It's important that both parties maintain the chemistry.
7. When it comes to paying, the man should always pay for the first date even if it was the girls who invited him. That concept will never die with time.
8. When walking along the street, watch what he does. If he lets you walk on the outside, not bothering about your safety, he may not be marriage material.
-NST.
User Comments
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1. Waiter Test... How ridiculous...
2. Men who lean are lazy - so men who stand up straight are go-getters? -- see # 1
3. Hmmm - need more details but this too seems like a ridiculous statement
4. You do realize that a woman who is busy looking at herself - may not be marriage material either!
5. Or a man who is trying harder than another to get in your pants...
6. Worse than burping and farting? Come now...
7. I tend to agree - but that may be the chauvinist or the male ego. If she wants to pay - I really do not see an issue...
8. see number #1 - this makes little to no sense...
thanks for the list and the laughs...-
Yeah, thanks to you too. Your replies make me laugh out real hard. How can a man get so offensive with a general statement like that... lol...
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4. If a guy looks in the mirror and has no reflection run away!-
again... same goes for the woman you are dating:)
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Ha very true.
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Lol crpitt, I did a similar post to these tips except from the point of view on how to know when a relationship is at an end -
www.buyers-web.com/how-to-know-when-to-end-a-relationship/ -
The waiter test is not crazy. Interesting how anyone would take offense to that.-
So - if he was "less than polite" - He is a terrible guy?
I have had bad waiters - bad days - and I guess I am a bad guy! -
My opinion is, maybe I have offended him personally. That's what I've been thinking. Sorry pal, but this is just a general statement and nothing to do with YOU. If you are so offended by it, sorry...
(lol)... Empath, let him be. I agree with you - the waiter test is not crazy. I Greenberg had misunderstood the whole thing. It is an issue of being polite to the waiter, not about a waiter being impolite with him. If the waiter was impolite to him, it is another story altogether.
lol... -
I totally agree with the waiter - or any service person test.
If a person can be kind or at least polite even on their worst days to those society typically allows to be kicked repeatedly, you have, at the very least, a refined person with a good set of manners.
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7. When it comes to paying, the man should always pay for the first date even if it was the girls who invited him. That concept will never die with time.
I think you might find more than just a few women who would disagree with this, and who might even go so far as to state that they are perfectly capable of being financially independent and not reliant on a man to buy them things.
Nothing wrong with a guy paying for a girl...but then again, there's nothing wrong with a girl paying for a guy either. Plenty of girls propose marriage to the guys these days too.-
You have a point there. This is a modern world. But in the future (let say... after 5 years of being married to the same person), I (personally) wish that my husband would pay for everything, because there is a lot to pay in life. House, car and food is the basic - everything else that comes after that has a long list to scroll down. So basically if a man pays on his very first date, it gives a hint to me that he's willing to take the responsibility (most of the responsibility is associated with money).
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In a marriage, why should the man be responsible for all the financial matters either? Women are just as capable of contributing to the family income. Plenty of women prefer not to be reliant on someone else to survive, even in a happy marriage.
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That's the way how an irresponsible man speaks. Or it is the way he is brought up. Man should be responsible for the financial in the family. Just think why men are created differently from women physically and emotionally? Because men are supposed to carry the burden of providing aid for the continual of the family.
If a man is equal to woman, than I suggest this. Get pregnant, give birth, feed the babies and let the woman take charge of providing the finances. That would be fair.
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This is a very one-sided double-standard kind of a post. I would advise everyone to just ignore it.-
Oh, come on...
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Answer to 1. Most of the time, that would be accurate.
Answer to 2. This really depends, it could mean that he's burnt out, tired emotionally or he's just exhausted.
Answer to 3. Not always true. Action speaks louder than words at times too.
Answer to 4. I don't see how that is undesirable in my limited experience, so i can't say anything about it.
Answer to 5. Yes, every woman wants to be treated like a lady. But being treated as an equal means that you would be needed to take on more responsibilities and challenges with your partner.
Answer to 6. Definitely, habits usually get worse with time. Though some people get annoyed by it, and some couples see it as endearing.
Answer to 7. This is a tricky one, its really situational. I would offer to pay the whole bill if i could click well with a girl, it'll make her feel special. But at the same time, i've to keep reading her and if i know that she's an independent lady, i'd have to decide which course of action to take.
Answer to 8. I would say that really isn't an issue to get bothered over, it is good to be observant but not judgmental at first impressions. Some men may not be mindful of their actions but would still act the best way they can. I can be like that sometimes.
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A good idea.
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1. Men! Beware of women making lists about men!-
ha ha ha... thanks for making me laugh... lol...
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Good luck to all the women. I wish you well.
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Thanks, you're so sweet.
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I dunno-- I wouldn't expect a guy to pay for a date I'd asked him on...
And couple of other points in the list seem like it depends on a particular type of girl in order for them to be useful with a particular type of guy.-
Is it? Hmmm.... let me think..
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My Mom has always said to watch how a man treats his mother and you can see how you will be treated in 20 years.
She also said that it is the quiet ones that you have to watch out for-
The quiet ones that you should look out for ? Why is that ?
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Yes! You're right! Definitely have to keep an eye and see how he treats my momma.
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I don't think one needs a list for that. Depending on our personalities/needs and interests shapes our responses to how others behave.
How my husband treated others was an important part of why I liked him, but there were other things too that are not on your list
ps. going dutch as they called it back in the day in England in the 70's was par for the course. So add me to the list of women who didn't expect men to pay for the first date.-
Okay....
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Interesting Very Interesting! -
Men - Be aware.
Women who post / adhere to lists like this are high maintenance.
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I tend to agree with ya there.
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I think anybody who bases their dating preferences on lists, male or female is problematic. I do think there are warning signs, but most often people choose to ignore them anyway.
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lol.... now you are scaring me. Really! Where did you get the idea from? lol...
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This list is pretty much ridiculous. Here's a thought: how about women learn to be independent and walk beside the road on their own haha-
okay. let's start it with you, and do it for the rest of your lives. I bet it would be really fun.
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[Women want to be equal in society, but we still want to be treated like a lady.]
Tough shit! You're not superior to men, so pick one: Equality or chivalry. You can't have both.
[When it comes to paying, the man should always pay for the first date even if it was the girls who invited him. That concept will never die with time.]
Enjoy dying single, lonely, and bitter.
[When walking along the street, watch what he does. If he lets you walk on the outside, not bothering about your safety, he may not be marriage material.]
Or maybe he doesn't want to insult your intelligence by treating you like a child? Maybe he thinks an adult can beware of her own safety?
Talk about a half-assed list. Let me give you a protip: If you want to find a good man (e.g. me), stop being so mentally shallow. Study philosophy if you have to.-
whooaa..
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Don't be blown away. If you actually try to stand tall against my criticism, you're on the way to being independent.
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I am not blown away. I am just surprised to see how annoyed you are with my post. The way you say it, you know? Are you angry?
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Nope.
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Good boy.
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Having been a waitress, i watch very carefully how guys treat other waitresses. It might seem silly but if i guy can't be polite enough to treat a complete stranger with a little respect and compassion, why would he treat me with any. I'm not saying they have to be overtly friendly to a waitress or if the waitress is rude they have to put up with it. But how hard is it to say thank you when someone refills your drink?-
Totally agree with you.
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2. LOL. I've never noticed if my dates lean on things or don't.
3. So if I met Ted Bundy, I'd totally know he was a serial killer by the tone of his voice?
5. Men should carry my bag? What bag? My handbag? I prefer to carry my own. If it's a heavy grocery bag, sure that's nice. I don't think those things necessarily make him a good man; he can be a gentleman and a complete asshole. On the other hand he can be a bit clueless when it comes to social graces and the nicest guy in the world. But nice manners a plus.
7. LOL. No. Whoever asks does the paying. I'm not looking for a meal ticket.
8. What?? Seriously?? I can get mugged on the inside just as easily as on the outside.-
I am happy if you are happy with what you have now. But I will never know what's deep in your heart. I guess you are a very easily satisfied woman. I respect you for that.
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Not at all. I have very high standards for myself; they just make more sense than yours.
I don't judge a man on the tone of his voice, or whether he pays on the first date or whether he walks on the outside of the sidewalk. I judge a man for who he is, how he treats me as a human being, not a china doll or a delicate flower who needs to be catered to.
I'm interested in a mutually respectful relationship. Not being put on some pedestal. -
If that is good for you, it's up to you. But it is better to take into consideration small things which many people regard as "not important". Body language always speaks the truth. What makes you think I don't take into considerations on other bigger issues? This post is only a fragment of it. It is impossible to jot down everything here, don't you think?
Being ignorant or acting cool on simple faults is okay. But after 10 years of marriage, those little small faults would eat you up back. If you are fortunate, nothing will happen. If you are not? I always believe prevention is better than cure.
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Still trying, but never suceeding. You (women) will never completely figure us out. We all (humans) are like an onion. Tons of layers.-
true!
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But the layers differ based on the level of individual sincerity towards oneself.
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Ola!
estes mesmos sinais servem para o homem conhecer a mulher.-
or in english...
these same signals serve it man to know the woman.
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This doesnt make sense =>
"When it comes to paying, the man should always pay for the first date even if it was the girls who invited him. That concept will never die with time."-
At this modern time and age i say: When it comes to paying it really depends on the kind of woman you're going out with.
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yes, THAT makes sense...
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It's all up to you. By the way, you have a nice smile. You will pass the waiter test with flying colors. (I'm kidding, okay?)
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Cute.
As if females had a conscious understanding of what they are sexually, intimately attracted to.
I'll pick on these pieces, because I'm feeling generous.
"When it comes to paying, the man should always pay for the first date even if it was the girls who invited him. That concept will never die with time."
You want to know the truth?
The truth is that a female will find the assertive male, that makes her pay, irresistible, on an instinctual, subconscious level. Consciously, she will think he's a "jerk", or "asshole", or whatever. But that doesn't change how wet her panties get.
"When walking along the street, watch what he does. If he lets you walk on the outside, not bothering about your safety, he may not be marriage material."
Ah, perfect description. "Marriage material." The submissive nice guy that the female steals resources and long-term intimacy from, when she grows older and compromises, based on social pressure and pragmatic considerations, like her diminishing physical beauty, but not the male she is sexually, instinctively attracted to, based on genetic inclinations rooted in a Paleolithic environment.-
You must be kidding, pal! Honestly, a person who asked me to pay on our first date really put me off. And I felt nothing underneath, no wet panties at all. All I felt was just disappointment towards how nowadays men are taking advantage of women because women are so obsessed in proving that they are capable of doing everything on their own. This situation resulted in the men becoming more and more irresponsible, careless and leaving everything to the woman because "the woman can handle everything".
If women are too independent, they will eventually feel that all the burden is going to be put on them. Why would you want to prove yourself so much? Are women weak if they don't provide financial to the family? No! Women are strong, we are able to do anything we want but we have the right to be loved and served by the men, not the other way around. We pamper the men too much, and now many of them are taking advantage of us. You have to realize this. -
"You must be kidding, pal! Honestly, a person who asked me to pay on our first date really put me off."
Rationally, yes. But subconsciously, on a primal level? No.
The older women get, the more pragmatic they become, with regards to the mate they choose.
On a primal level, such a male would attract you, but now, as your libido wanes, and sexuality becomes less important, you move beyond pure reptilian desire and so consider the economic and social factors of your mate, begin placing more emphasis on his submission to cultural rules and economic systems, like his manners, his career, etc., and settle for the socially acceptable male.
"And I felt nothing underneath, no wet panties at all."
Nothing you were consciously aware of.
The point is that assertiveness, a male that can show he is dominant, and not afraid of a female, or what she thinks, will be viewed as attractive. It is the root of what women call "confidence". The word "confidence" is basically their way of labeling assertive, dominant, alpha male behavior in an indirect, socially acceptable way (like females usually do).
Women are generally attracted to strength, and power, and also common desirability. Indifference to any particular female's opinion, indicates not only personal strength, and social power, but also that he has his pick of females (and so can afford to be rude or uncaring to particular, individual ones).
"All I felt was just disappointment towards how nowadays men are taking advantage of women because women are so obsessed in proving that they are capable of doing everything on their own. This situation resulted in the men becoming more and more irresponsible, careless and leaving everything to the woman because "the woman can handle everything. If women are too independent, they will eventually feel that all the burden is going to be put on them."
Women are no more independent now, than they were hundreds of years ago. They have simply submitted to a different masculine authority: the system.
"Why would you want to prove yourself so much?"
Women are inherently preoccupied with social image and visibility. This is what compels them to prove themselves. This is why they wear makeup.
"Are women weak if they don't provide financial to the family? No! Women are strong, we are able to do anything we want"
Nobody is able to do, literally, anything they want. Actuality is limited by pre-existing potential, and males and females have differing average potentials. Female potential is better for survival in social environments, while male potential is superior for solitary, wilderness survival.
"not the other way around. We pamper the men too much, and now many of them are taking advantage of us. You have to realize this."
To men, women are a means to an end, just as, to women, men are a means to an end. In every intimate relationship, there is some usage, some exploitation of the other, by both sides. -
"Rationally, yes. But subconsciously, on a primal level? No." To be honest with you, there is no line between rationality and subconsciousness. Both must be equally agreeing the same thing. Mind and the body, it goes hand in hand. From the mind, the body reacts. It is ridiculous to imagine when the mind thinks about hating someone, suddenly the body reacts differently. How could the body betray the mind? Is the individual going crazy? I can't accept this concept. Not yet but if you can prove to me, when mind sincerely thinking about hating someone, then the body reacts differently. I really want to know more about this.
"The point is that assertiveness, a male that can show he is dominant, and not afraid of a female, or what she thinks, will be viewed as attractive. It is the root of what women call "confidence"." Yes, dear. Confidence, is always an attraction to women. But confidence must be shown in a right way to earn the title and status of confidence itself. For example, a man who confidently breaks into a stranger's house and stole his car. He is still confident, but can the women accept this type of confidence? No. In fact, this type of confidence is disgusting.
"Women are no more independent now, than they were hundreds of years ago. They have simply submitted to a different masculine authority: the system." Yes, I agree. Women are not independent, and so are men. We are created by God to play our own roles, and not to overpower the other gender. Men can't live on their own. Women too, but nowadays more and more women have to live without men due to the rate of men's irresponsibility towards the family. And it is proven that women can cope in the hardest situation compared to men because they are gifted with more social ability which is crucially needed in these days.
"To men, women are a means to an end, just as, to women, men are a means to an end. In every intimate relationship, there is some usage, some exploitation of the other, by both sides." I agree. You are right. We are not perfect and we can never be perfect. But it is always wise to strive for the best, so that it would be beneficial not only individually, but wholly.
Thanks for your contribution in this discussion. You provided useful info which can be referred to by many others.
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If were trying to be equal and all then shouldn't we be paying for dinner in equal measure?-
That's what I am trying to make you understand. Why must everything be equal? Women and men are different, and both sexes are stronger in different aspects of life. Men and women have different responsibilities and we should carry out the responsibilities well enough - that's called equal. Paying is the men's job, not women. If the men is paying, that would be equal because men do not give birth. That's the women's responsibility. Do you see that?
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[Why must everything be equal?]
I hereby revoke your right to vote. -
Why must everything be equal? Um...because we want to be treated as equals? That's just me being crazy.
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"That's what I am trying to make you understand. Why must everything be equal? Women and men are different, and both sexes are stronger in different aspects of life."
Finally. Someone with a rational view on gender. -
Equality is not the same as homogenization.
Men and women are equal in valuable contributions to society - as are people of differing races, ages, backgrounds etc...
Equality must come as a form of equal access to opportunities for every individual regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation etc... -
That's why men should pay on a first date. Men... have more survival skills than women? Remember?
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I fit them all... :-) Can't wait to tell my girlfriend about this.. :-)-
Glad you like this discussion..
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/vomits
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I believe you have some sort of social etiquette? Would you mind going to the toilet bowl, please..?
Thank you!
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If your date makes out with the waiter, is that a bad sign? -
"If your date makes out with the waiter, is that a bad sign?"
As women have stronger intuition than men, we rely more on that. No, I do not say it would be a 100% bad sign, but it is better to be cautious than reckless. Choosing someone to marry is not a matter of choosing a costume for a wedding. This is something huge. It involves the rest of the future and I personally hopes that my marriage will last till the last breath.
Don't you?
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This post reminds me of an old saying that you can't judge a book by its cover LOL-
Lol
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Melissa, I think you're mostly right on with your list. You can SO tell how a guy will treat you by how he treats other people. The waiter test is a biggie for me.
I once dated a guy for a while who didn't walk me to my car when we left a restaurant late at night. I ended up walking quite a way, even down an alley in the dark to my car. That was the end of that relationship.
My boyfriend now is the best boyfriend in the world. He always opens the car door for me when I get in. He's terrific to waiters and everyone else. Everyone loves him because he's so nice to everyone. He's definitely not vain-he is adorably self deprecating. He will not let me pay for anything when I'm with him, even if we're clothes shopping.
About the burping and farting you mentioned-I don't care if I've been married to a guy for 30 years, he'd better not be farting and burping in front of me. That is disgusting and so NOT classy.-
Yes, you are definitely true! Thank you very much for taking a side with me. It seems like almost nobody agrees up to now. I don't understand why many of them are so upset when what we want is just some respect and attention from the men. Is that so difficult to give? Isn't that some sort of selfishness?
And yes... the burping and farting is so NOT classy. If some people can tolerate burping and farting in public or even in front of the spouse, it shows how low their self appreciation is.
Again, thanks for your contribution. Have a nice day and you are very lucky to have the nicest boyfriend in the world.
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