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Would You Sleep With Your Best Friends Guy/Girl Behind Their Back?

Posted by mizhelena • 7/21/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: betrayal, friends, lovers, MEN, relationships, women

Some ppl can be sneaky.. and downrite disrespectful.. i was put in a spot once where my best friends guy was hitting on me.. and i refused to tell my gf for fear of

a) she would get upset
b) she wouldnt believe me
c) she would think i was jealous
d) it would put our friendship at risk

although nuthing happened between her bf and me.. because of my secrecy.. he gained the upper hand and continued with his taunts.. and knew i would keep quiet about it.. the more time that passed.. the harder it got for me to be open with her.. eventually.. she caught him spying on me thru the keyhole one morning while i was in the shower when i stayed over their place.. and didnt tell me until that evening.. this confession became my window of opportunity to tell her whats been going on.. and of how i felt and my reasons for not telling her sooner.. and she praised me for being truthful with her.. i was so relieved that it was finally over and it lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.. she has since left him and met a wonderful guy and we have become closer than ever..

does anyone here have that much loyalty to their friends? or would you take the risk and sleep with their bf/gf?.. mmmm i feel another interesting discussion comin on...

User Comments

7/21/08

inmyredhead

I'm not sure, but I detect two entriely different things here. 1: The Q of if you would tell your friend hurtful information and 2: Are you the kind of person who would sleep with your bf's guy...period. But if you are afraid to tell them hurtful information... then you PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH THEIR GUY EITHER, lol.

You shouldn't even WANT to sleep with your bf's guy. It shouldn't even be a Q actually. IMHO.

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7/21/08

mizhelena

have i touched too deep?

[reply]
1. 7/21/08
  
  inmyredhead
  
  No, lol. It's just that i'm lost as to where the question of morals doesn't automatically beat out the question of loyalty and common decency. Meaning, it isn't really a one or the other kind of scenario. Whether you think you should tell your bf that her guy is coming onto you or not, is entirely a different Q as to if you would sleep with him.
  Not sure that made sense, but hey- I tried.
2. 7/21/08
  
  mizhelena
  
  i think i get you.. i feel i was opening up both sides.. the loyalty and the disloyalty.. and get ppl to respond accordingly if that makes sense.. lol
7/21/08

acousticguitarist

I'm thinking Dave Hughes here...ask Hughesy...but this response is too sensible for him

The best solution would be, talk to the guy and tell him he needs to sort out a few things with his girlfriend and get his head together if he wants a genuine relationship with her. If he wants another lover go try someone else because your friendship means much more than what he has to offer. And, if he ever comes onto you again you'll willngly pay to have his testicles removed by a microsurgeon when he's asleep.

[reply]
1. 7/21/08
  
  mizhelena
  
  sum guys do not know the meaning of NO.. NO.. NO.. doesnt matter how many times you keep saying it..
2. 7/21/08
  
  acousticguitarist
  
  Takes a long time for men to get that one
7/21/08

lettershome

Ah, but then where would all that lovely attention come from? :-)

[reply]
1. 7/21/08
  
  mizhelena
  
  what are you implying letter?
7/21/08

inmyredhead

Maybe he's referring to the judgement exercised when deciding it would be a good idea to stay over night at their place, despite what ought to be an uncomfortable situation to be generally avoided.

Jes sayin'.

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7/21/08

mizhelena

lets not forget the culprit in this situation is him.. not me.. i did nuthing to ask for his behaviour.. and if i spent the night at their place was it reason enuff for him to act that way?.. (i was with my bf at that time too and he still had the nerve to act like an asshole).. he was a parasite of the worst kind.. sad it is..

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1. 7/21/08
  
  inmyredhead
  
  Ok- reason for staying over aside- I'm just playing devil's advocate when I say, you are right... you did nothing. And that in turn gave him a twisted kind of 'permission' to continue. There is a theory out there that says we teach others how to treat us. So by not doing anything to stop it, you actually encourage it. Make sense? Obviously the guy is a snake. The kind that take an inch and stretch it a mile. But you also have to take an ACTIVE role in your own stance against it.
7/21/08

mizhelena

what more could i have done but say NO??.. i know i was totally wrong from keeping that from my gf.. i guess i had sum unconscious guilt too that went with it sumhow.. i dont no why..

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7/21/08

inmyredhead

Not trying to be pushy or anything...I'm only re'ing because you directly asked the question...'what more could you have done?' That I don't know as I only know what little of the situation you've shared. But I do know that if you say 'No' with a smile on your face and giggle in your voice, it's not very convincing. Not saying you did- not at all. It's just a theory. Please don't hate me for being honest... but in your original Q you ask if you should have just slept with him. This to me says...'At at least one point, I did consider it.' a.k.a "A little part of me would have liked to." And IF this was true, and he caught onto it... of course he would never have stopped trying. And there in lies -perhaps- your unconcious guilt? So I can only answer the question of what else could you have done, based on the assumption that maybe a part of you appreciated the attention. In which case, there really isn't anything you could have done. Aside from just not actually wanting it. It really does take two to tango.

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7/21/08

mizhelena

ok let me clear up a few points here.. i do appreciate your honesty.. thank you so much.. and im not trying to be defensive here.. plss dont get me wrong.. but i do think im a lil misunderstood.. ok let me try to explain.. i opened up my original question by saying sum ppl are sneaky and disrespectful.. that was meant to explain him and all others who are just like him.. then i went on and explained my story...and why i couldnt tell my gf.. then closing i asked if their are others that are loyal like me or if there are ppl who arent basically.. leaving the debate open on both sides.. i never said that i encouraged him or even liked it.. the guilt i felt was mainly comin from the fact that i was keepin it from her i think.. and in a way it twisted and distorted the truth.. i couldnt stand to be left alone with the guy yet couldnt tell my gf 'dont leave me alone with him'.. it left me quite confused and unable to do much except say no and keep outta his way... one time he even crept up behind me during a party at my place and lifted up my dress from behind.. everyone else was outside when that happened.. i got the shock of my life.. and turned around an slapped him hard .. do you know what the cretin did?.. just laugh.. go figure what a true c**t he was..

[reply]
7/21/08

inmyredhead

Ok, I hear ya. And my apologies if i've assumed anything.
Perhaps you were being 'tongue-in-cheek' when you said '...or would you take the risk and sleep with their bf/gf?.. ' It sounds very much like you are asking, seriously, if you should have personally. And one would only ask that generally if they weren't sure themselves. As in leaning both ways... thus showing abiguity... etc etc etc, lol.
Slapping was a good place to start! Good on ya.

[reply]
1. 7/21/08
  
  mizhelena
  
  yes i read that.. my apologies everyone .. i should have worded that better..
7/21/08

amzzack

comment removed by the community.

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7/21/08

amzzack

comment removed by the community.

[reply]
1. 7/21/08
  
  mizhelena
  
  hey dickhead.. youve been reported ok.. your blogs are irrelevant to my discussions.. your sorry ass is gone buddy.. thats what happens when you spam..
2. 7/21/08
  
  acousticguitarist
  
  hilarious
7/21/08

calais50

I hate cheaters. I would never cheat or be the "other woman" either. I would tell my friend if she were a close friend. I don't think anyone would ever try this with me because I think I give off a no BS vibe.

[reply]
1. 7/21/08
  
  mizhelena
  
  sum guys just cant no for an answer ..
7/21/08

dlowe

I wouldn't want to sleep with anyone else but my wife. I tend to take up lots of room on the bed and I snore. She is the only person legally bound to deal with it.

I did fall asleep next to a perfect stranger on an jet once. I found it uncomfortable.

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