Discussions

Would You Sue?

Posted by ArsenicCookies • 6/14/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: negligence, pregnancy

Okay so both myself and my friend are pregnant. Both of us had tubal ligations at the same hospital. Hers was the cut method, mine was the clip method. Realistically I had a higher chance for failure since the clip method is reversable, however since we are both expecting and saw the same doctor, at the same hospital within a year of eachother we are starting to think negligence may be a more realistic and statistically probable cause.

She wants to sue. I do not. She says they deserve to pay, I feel as though yes money is a good thing but worry about how my child will feel once it discovers that mommy sued the doctor because he/she was conceived. Besides I don't need the money and am actually excited about the baby even though it is one more than I wanted

She says that is a nonsense argument, I say it is a best interest of the child's self esteem argument. So again, we bring it to you all.

To sue or not to sue?

Is my argument more emotion based than logical?

User Comments

6/14/09

timethief

Questions
To sue or not to sue?
Is my argument more emotion based than logical?

Answer:
No I would not sue. What's the point? If you do sue the vast and overwhelming majority of the pregnancy, and the time following the birth of the baby and their toddlerhood will be focused on a court battle and away from creating a happy and healthy home. Cases like these take years to clear the courts and that means years of court appearances, lawyers, appointments and negativity. Moreover, in cases like these it's extremely difficult to prove negligence beyond a reasonable doubt. In the end it's unlikely that you would "win" and what does ""winning" amount to? If your friend thinks she will gain a monetary award then I'm lol ... even if negligence is proven, and IMO it won't be, the vast majority of any court award would go to the lawyers.

[reply]
1. 6/14/09
  
  ArsenicCookies
  
  I concur. I did infact try to point out to her that she'd be missing the best months/years in court and she told me that I was just "too damn maternal to see clearly"... however since someone as logical and fact based as you pointed that out as well, I feel better about my position
2. 6/14/09
  
  timethief
  
  worry about how my child will feel once it discovers that mommy sued the doctor because he/she was conceived
  
  I hate to imagine being a child who grew up in an environment affected by a lengthy court battle and later discover that they were not wanted, and that their mom was paid off to keep them. IMO it's not a pretty picture that will culminate in high self esteem for the child, and continued affection for the mom when the child is mature enough to understand what went down.
  
  The logical and fact based always annoy the emotionally driven. If we wish to preserve our friendship with an overly emotional person, it's sometimes advisable to take mini "holidays". This may allow one to reestablish one's sense of balance and make choosing to be happy and positively focused much easier.
  
  The bottom line is in so far as possible, both baby and mom ought to experience pregnancy and birth as a positive and joyful experience, and only the mom who can make it so. I say: Choose to make it so.
3. 6/14/09
  
  ArsenicCookies
  
  here here! I am so ridiculously excited, as are my boys (the 4 year old keeps telling the belly stories even though they are way to early to be heard.. he even told 'her' how to sneak cookies and told baby not to tell me). Hopefully when she reads this she will be as well. It took me a week or so to get here, but I am glad I am
4. 6/14/09
  
  amrhima
  
  I'm sorry but there's no such a thing as a logically sound ethical argument, logic does not tell us what to do, and it is all about our emotions, whether you care more about the child's feelings or the money is what determines your outcome, they are both emotional in two different ways, so just do what it feels like.
5. 6/14/09
  
  timethief
  
  Above I said this and the last part was wrong:
  I hate to imagine being a child who grew up in an environment affected by a lengthy court battle and later discover that they were not wanted, and that their mom was paid off to keep them.
  
  It would have been better if I had said: ... and that their mom was paid off because they were "extra baggage" that their mom had tried to prevent from coming into being.
6/14/09

cookingasshole

I don't think you should sue at all for aformentioned reasons.

[reply]
6/14/09

ThriftShopRomantic

I agree with TimeThief's sentiments on this. You're happy about the baby (by the way, congrats!) and it's a lot of time-and-money consuming effort to sue for something that hasn't affected you negatively.

[reply]
1. 6/14/09
  
  ArsenicCookies
  
  Thanks She is so mad because she had a tummy tuck... that seems to be her cheif complaint so she wants the hospital to cover cosmetic surgery.....
2. 6/14/09
  
  ThriftShopRomantic
  
  Oh boy.
3. 6/14/09
  
  timethief
  
  I'm wondering how close this friend is to you, and I'm feeling that you may be better off distancing yourself from such vain and shallow people.
6/14/09

MadameX

Not only is it not a "nonsense argument", it's one that's long been recognized by the courts. Although I do not know the current state of law on this issue, I know that the first "wrongful birth" claims filed in the 70s and 80s were roundly rejected by the courts for precisely the reasons you suggest--the public policy interest in not classifying a child as a "damage" parents deserved to be compensated for.

[reply]
1. 6/14/09
  
  ArsenicCookies
  
  thank you. I am glad there is a legal presidence that I can try to show her. I know it's none of my business, I just want her to be a little happier with it. Negativity is bad for the bug
2. 6/14/09
  
  MadameX
  
  It appears that states are currently split on this. Are you sure that it's even an option in yours?
3. 6/14/09
  
  timethief
  
  I wouldn't devote any time to being your friend's "caretaker". Happiness is a decision made between the ears and you can't give her a "transplant".
  
  Also, I'm interested in hearing the answer to MadameX's question: It appears that states are currently split on this. Are you sure that it's even an option in yours?
4. 6/14/09
  
  ArsenicCookies
  
  it is. She has checked into it and said that her case had more merit if I joined her, thats where the argument started because I do not agree with it.
  
  @tt- truth be told I worry more about her baby than her, even if that sounds a little mean.
5. 6/14/09
  
  timethief
  
  I say: let it go! Worrying about other people's embryos is not a good indication of balance or a noble occupation of your time and energy. It can even be an indication of a "caretaker" personality disorder. When "care taking" is a patterned behavior, people who take it upon themselves to be "caretakers", by habitually being focused on solving everyone's else's problems for them, tend to crash and burn, usually in their late thirties. You are twenty five and single with a third child on the way. I say: Focus on your own life and let your friend sort her own affairs.
6. 6/14/09
  
  ArsenicCookies
  
  true enough. I just know that from being in foster care people who do not want their children do some sick things to them. I assure you though I am quite stable, bright shiney military psychological pre and post combat evaluations (as is customary). On another note to clarify, I was married for my sons and am not single. Phrasing it the other way seems to infer po white trash (at least that is what I think of when I hear of woman with two or more childrens fathers who have never been married)
7. 6/14/09
  
  timethief
  
  I didn't mean to convey any negativity towards you. I have witnessed first hand 4 very intelligent and well educated caretakers (an architect, a teacher, a librarian, and an engineer) who all crashed and burned.
  
  Also I am not into any trash phraseology when applied to people. I don't hear it where I live and I assume it's an American phrase, although I'm not sure about that. It's just not in my vocabulary.
  
  I know that you were married and that you are now divorced. That's makes you a person who will be single parenting at least for some time to come. What I was trying to convey is that IMO the last thing you need is to be focused on a friend, who is unhappy about her tummy tuck and her pregnancy, because you have a lot on your plate as it is.
8. 6/14/09
  
  ArsenicCookies
  
  ah, got it now. Sorry TT, hormones hit really hard this time around.... more than likely due to the solo thing. I am even crying whilst watching Fever Pitch... lol
9. 6/14/09
  
  timethief
  
  I wished you congratulations in the announcement thread and I do so again. All my best to you and yours. Don't let anyone else's negativity drain you. Even through tears - it's your joy that counts for you and for your children - so, hang onto it, girl.
10. 6/14/09
  
  ArsenicCookies
  
  awwww Thank you, m'am, it is really appreciated
11. 6/14/09
  
  timethief
  
  So now let's talk about names. I have a Celtic name prejudice. I like Brett for a boy and Tegan for a girl. How about you?
12. 6/15/09
  
  ArsenicCookies
  
  hmm names I have sort of backed myself into a corner since each of my children have 3 middle names : Anthony Damon Thaddeus and Nicholas Aiden Alexander, so I sort of feel obligated to give this one the same.
  
  I am leaning towards Katherine Hailley Cadence or Joseph Adam Gabriel
  not really a fan of Katherine, the boys just randomly started calling my belly Hailley and Cadence I just like but couldn't imagine it at a first.
  
  I wanted something that meant like Sailor or something nautical but I was unable to find anything besides Marina. I do like Tegan though, I will run it by daddy.