Planet Krapsody
all spam here
Posted by TheOverDrone • 7/14/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS]
Topics: a fortune!
thi is where all seo and spam posts should reside and I will start it iff;
Hi hello howdy are you also a sufferer from ingrown pubic hair like me? I was once a prince in my country but now thanks to communism I am a dirt farmer but don't worry my swiss bank account is untouched because i buried it o the palace grounds. now all I need is your check to purchase a shovel and a wheelbarrow and a topical disinfectant. k thnx bye!
User Comments
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BRILLIANT!
All spam here. All the time.
That's the spirit OverDrone..or if I may call you O.D., since that's what I want you and everyone to do with my discounted pharmaceuticals!
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6.Bank acct details
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Here is the latest spam i received. Below it is my return email to Miss Tina John.
Dearest One,
You will be surprise to receive this mail from a total stranger like
me,Anyway, i got your contact through internet and decided to approach you for assistance permit me to inform you about this proposal I am daughter of late Diamond dealers John in Abidjan Cote D 'Ivoire in west Africa he was also one of the paramont chiefs in my town before He was murdered in cold blood early last year alongside with my mother by the Rebels of R.U.F when they invaded the town.
Our late father John died and left us and our mother Gloria and my younger brother Frank John my name is Tina John. I am 21years old why my younger brother Frank is 18years old.Mylate father John owns many companies before he died which he left for my mother Mrs Gloria John. Within a year of my fathers death, my Mother Mrs. Gloria John was killed by Rebels of R.U.F, after my mother was killed my fathers lawyer called I and my younger brother and hand over my late fathers documents to us. after my fathers lawyer have handed over the documents to me, my uncle started demanding for the documents of my late fathers wealth.I now called my fathers lawyer, he came and told my uncle that my father made a will that all his properties belongs to his children. After my fathers lawyer have made that statement my uncle started fighting against us to an extend he went and arranged for hired killers to kill I and my
younger brother.
The first time they came to our home when I wasn't around, my younger brother Frank was shot and two of our security men was killed also before the police men came, they had escaped, that made us to park out of the compound we thought it will be over that way but it continue happening, that makes us to stop going to school and we movedout from our country to Burkina Faso.
Because we are afraid let something not happen to us in school premises, That is the reason why we contacted you as an honest person so that you can help us in transferring my late fathers money into your bank account.
The said fund is $20.5 Million Dollars been deposited into one of the banks in Burkina Faso west Africa. I will offer 20% of the total amount to you for your help in transferring of this fund successfully to your account, and after transferring the money we can come over to your country and continue our education i will give you more details if you wish to assist us.
Please do help us and God will bless You.
Thanks
Tina John.
POOR GIRL...BOO HOO...Here's my reply:
Dear Miss Tina John,
With hired killers after you and all, I am very surprised that you would cold call someone on just any old email. But i may have a solution.
The mafia has hitmen for hire as well, I am sure with the kind of money we're talking about that you could buy yourself a killer in 5 seconds.
What I would do if i were you is to go online for the New York phone book. Look up names like GOTTI, Di Miglia, FRANCO, SOPRANO and the like. Find their MySpace MOB pages or Face Book profiles. Once you locate one you like the sound of. EMAIL him in private. In fact, cut and paste your email to me in a message to him but change the name of course.
With the mob's connections, not only could they secretly help you get this money OUT OF AFRICA but also would be happy to provide you with security protection...especially if you are in your 20's with big boobs. But I warn you - Be prepared to deal with men who have names such as Fish Eye Lenny and One Thumb Dumb Burt.
Good Luck...I hope the people that want you dead aren't reading this...LL-
I see you have gone through some trouble in answering these vermin on more than one occasion. You are being waaaaay too helpful. I would have offered the following advice (in fact you can copy/paste the following and send this to Miss Tina John, in fact I keep a few of these copy/paste responses to send out to spuckers that show any potential of baiting):
Dear (insert spuckers name here) -->lol at your name!
I work for a company doing Nigerian 419 scams by email.
What is it you do again?
I'm sorry, that's right...you were trying to tell me to claim more money that isn't mine, nor is it yours.
Interesting how you have chosen your name. Are you really a (insert alleged occupation here)? You have (example: a Phd in the study of chiles? Are they hot or mild? Perhaps that is your country of origin then? I can make a mean chili, with beans & ground turkey meat with all kinds of spices & stuff...[you get the idea])
Anyway, for your convenience, I have forwarded your info to The Shady School of Scam Artistry, it will help you figure out how to make these letters ACTUALLY sound professional & believable.
Additionally, I have added my creative commentary to the doleful monologue you sent me & will forward it to you if you'd like after I post it up on my 'Nigerian 419 scams by email Blog'.
Which include such reknowned phrases as:
**"Really? No shit, I've heard this many a time. It must be true."
**"How on earth would I pull that off?"
**"Try another sucker.
However I don't recommend you use a blank_____, I live in a small town and even here there are multiple blanks_____. So like I say, you might be better off trying a different bunch of suckers, blank_____ is the German equivilent of John Smith."
**"Again, really thanks for the chuckles.
I will file this with the Department of Redundancy.
I was going to keep stringing you on forever but I'm afraid I actually WOULD feel bad about misleading you, even though that is what you are trying to do to me. And I also feel bad for not reporting you to law enforcement sooner. Next time you will probably email my grandmother and she is not saavy enough to know about Nigerian 419's, then just like Peter Parker (did you see Spiderman?) It will be all my fault for not stopping you sooner."
**"Sorry _____. It was fun for a couple of minutes but our 419 relationship is over. I think you might just have to find another blank_____ to claim the 20 million(ha ha!).
Nothing personal either ____. You're the friendliest Nigerian 419 scammer I ever attempted to correspond with (well actually the only one, I ignored ALL the others). But since I am no longer laughing at your greed and desperation for my bank numbers/phone calls/whatever I am blocking you. I assume you'll get a bounce message if you reply to this."
**"I receive hundreds of these very same emails every year whining about how they need help acquiring funds that aren't even theirs.
And I report every one of them to the US Marshalls field office & often to their local officials."
**"Looks like you better move out and hide if this is your real address; phone number; Good luck spucker!"
ETC.
(continue the conversation as if you are still oblivious to their intentions)
Feel free to write me back if you have any commentary or questions you'd like to add, (insert spucker name here).
Signed,
Mel Shota Blank
p.s. C'est merde tu buffon! (Nigerians and many Africans have a working knowledge of the French language, so this insult is quite appropriate).
VOILA! (oops, sorry..)
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I love it! In fact I will copy and paste it and use it..You're just so good at being cut throat...
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Like most sociopaths and serial killers..I'm a natural. =)
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So this is the problem with the "I wait in blog you here too?" sploggers (hey new term, i rock) - they all have ingrown pubes?
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If what you're implying is that Sploggers have ingrown pubes around their mouths, then yes. Yes, after years and years of tedious research, that appears to be true.
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I guess when Remington had that commerical that challenged them to "Shave THIS" it was with a splogger in mind?
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Possibly. But, I was thinking more along the lines of when they invented plastic explosives.
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Why are we here? God kills millions of people in Africa each day, but yet you still eat (McDonalds) and breathe (Menthol cigarettes). How will you repay him? Please visit www.bloody_anus_ville.gov
CREATED BY A NIGERIAN MILLIONAIRE.
Don't be coy. We know you want to visit "www.bloody_anus_ville.gov", especially it's sister site "www.bloody_anus_ville_child_rape_partII=Gr8Laughs.GovernmentOfNigeria"
AS SEEN ON THE HIT (Nigerian) TV SERIES "BABY POLICE"
www.wazobiaplanet.com/img/small/Baby%20police%20a.JPG -
Anything called with the word "anus" in it makes me bloody curious...
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Well then you should find the following interesting:
antoninianus en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antoninianus
antoninianuses (plural::see above)
manus en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manus
manuscript en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manuscript
pandanus en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pandanus
pandanuses (a pandemic of anuses::see above)
parabolanus en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parabolani (also the second single by the band Tool off their album “Lateralus”)
parabolanuses (multiple Tool band fans acquired by the song "Parabola")
Tamanus (the order of Tammy Faye)
tetanus en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetanus
totanus en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_Redshank (or Tringa totanus, a bird)
totanuses (the total number of bird butts you have inspected since this post)
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"Parabolani ", is ani plural for anus?
oh I forgot, all spam.
Is your penii suffering from an terrible series of unl-engthenings? My friend, than worry no more because I have the solution for your erectile problems.
Using advanced computer schematics technology and ancient secrets of witchcraft might seem like an impossible. And now the truth can be shared out like discipline from a goatherd's hands; that is to say, widely. Have you ever wondered if you could have the testicles which worked at 24 hours daily? I have and now friend I can share with you what my Father's Father taught him at the bedside eating table we shared as a family.
Just send three thousand us dollars$$$ or 15,476,390,004.77 Spanio-Cuberian zloteys (price may vary +/- 100,000 zloteys due to rate s of exchanged) by cash or certified camel driver to this following address which follows::
REDACTED
k, thnx, bye!
Jean Luc-Gruel Martinett
Minstrel of Health and Sexual Matters of the Genitals
Spanio-Cuberia (always never tiring of Spanio-Cuberia for she is to me like a mother and father both and vanquish the/our enemies!-S.C. national motto and identification tatto)-
Parabolani=multiple anuses
penii=multiple penises?
If you want penii and parabolani it's gonna cost you mucho zloteys.
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