Planet Krapsody
Introduce Yourself
Posted by Static • 6/08/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS]
Topics: blogging, crazy, entertainment, funny, groups, Hello, humor, humor blogs, humour, lols
This is a no-brainer. If you don't know how to introduce yourself, I suggest you immediately find the nearest self-help section of your local bookstore and beat yourself repeatedly on the head with SELF-HELP FOR DUMMIES or the first book you can find.
To start the rest of you off, if you can't think of anything, try to take your time and answer these questions. Sometimes creativity does pay - so be creative.
1) Tell us about your worst habit or quality?
2) What would be your first question to the people of Antarctica?
3) Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
4) If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
5) Why am I asking you these questions?
About me: tiny.cc/yzyQY
User Comments
-
hi everybody, my name is Rhett and im a alcoholic....no wait im not, im allergic to alcohol.
1. Worst habit is i like to pick my nose and flick the residue.
2. Do you get shrinkage?
3. The time it takes for me to do a poop.
4. I know i do. Anything that comes out of my butt i enjoy-i know that sounded very very gay.
5. You work for the fbi?-
Hi Rhett. Is your last name Butler?
1. Interesting. Have you heard of tissue, or the undersides of classroom desks?
2. The people of Antarctica thank you for noticing their shortcomings immediately with stunning accuracy and obviousness.
3. That's quite fast. I'd lay off the fiber for awhile.
4. Not any gayer than what Clay Aiken's answer was.
5. You mean the Spanish division (FBI) of The International Boxing Federation (IBF)? Yes, yes I do. I have a mean left hook...for a foot. It was on clearance, okay? They didn't have any prosthetics in my price range.
Welcome to the group. -
hi everybody, my name is Rusty and I'm a slut. I also take way too many ambien sometimes and enjoy spending my time perusing Craig's List for illicit gay hookups, ok, wait, no, just hookups, I don't care what orientation my hookups are as long as they have sexual organs.
1. My worst habit is popping my zits until I have large holes in my face.
2. Can I sleep over?
3. That kinda makes me want to make out. Wanna make out?
4. They might. It takes all kinds, believe me, I'm Rusty and I know.
5. You have an acute case of schizophrenia? -
@pinklatex - Oh, hai..
Hey everybody, it's Amy Winehouse!
Umm...but what do you think about refrigerators? Shouldn't they come with peep holes so you can stare inside without letting all the cold air out?
AND
How subtle is the b in subtle?
AND
Do you find persons with acute schizophrenia hawt?
-
-
I'm Gavin and I hate you. I have so much hate to give that it's practically impossible to restrict my deep rooted loathing and contempt to just one person. I'm an equal opportunity hater who believes strongly in belittling others for his own sick amusement.
P.S. You're gonna get raped.
+++ Gavin's Response To Above Questions +++
1. I have a nasty habit of upsetting people with frail emotions and no spine. It's not my fault they suck and can't take a joke.
2. With exception to those conducting research, here are no people of Antarctica. However, wildlife is in abundance. Too bad I'm going to bludgeon all the animals to death and wear their skin.
3. I'm too busy snorting coke off your mom's tits.
4. Your morbidly obese mom is the expert here, I feel.
5. Because you are insecure and need constant love and support. Sadly, I lack the emotional capacity to care and hope you contract AIDS from a diseased Thai lady boy.-
Oh...goodie!
LOL -
Double goodie! Thank you sir. May I have another?
p.s. I am a diseased Thai lady boy who mated with your mother (a giant beluga whale). You are the product of our unnatural union. Who's yo daddy?
-
-
I am the baddess, horniess and sexiest alien on the planet earth! Back up and bend over as I enter the room earthlings!-
Hello there "little one". Pleasure to see you here.
When we bend over, is it okay to ask if it's in yet?
-
-
Hello Static ..... I never do anything on Blogcatalog ...... but I thought I'd say hello. Any cakes or buns going begging?-
Well uh, Daddy P...erm, Mr. Papersurfer..you are missing out. Blog Catalog is the greatest place on the net...on the downside, it's not so much. Not unless you like being constantly harassed by SEO marketers, enjoy users coercing you to visit their irrelevant web links, and like to get black listed..by begging for cakes and buns.
-
-
maybe some cookies??!!-
How dare you read my mind, is there a camera in here??
Hold on..y'mean those tiny files sites like this one put on your hard drive when you aren't looking? Yep, I think that'll happen.
Welcome to the group Warren4321. I'm glad you climbed from underneath your rock and graced us with your presence. This place really does come into it's own when you're bored....really, really bored and have absolutely positively nothing else to do. This is only a step or two up from suicidal, it's that base.
Tell us a bit more about yourself...are you a professional pornography blog spammer? How long have you been at it? Does your job make you miserable like the rest of us? It's your turn to buy the next round btw.
-
-
Hi. I'm 5 foot 8 and hate long walks on the beach.
If we haven't had the surgery, aren't we all pre-op transsexuals? The potential is there, is it not?-
I'm 9 inches tall, I love long walks on dead and bloated beluga whale carcass covered beaches. We have so much in common, we should connect.
Funny you mention it..I am, in fact, a post-op tranny. I had the procedure done, TWICE.
Once to become what I thought I wanted, then again to reverse it..and I am planning to have it reversed yet again.
But when I call my doctor, I keep getting this automated message:
Please hang-up and try your call again.
Please hang-up and try your call again.
Please hang-up and try your call again.
Welcome to hell, Kathcom. =)
-
-
Static's secrets #1: Long ago I perfected the art of suggestive writing. You are all under my control via the power of suggestion and my skilled writing directing you to do the things I want you to do.
The next post you write is exactly what I commanded you to write.
This is certainly more entertaining than The Tony Awards.... -
Hi, I'm Dr. Dave (feedyouradhd), and I'm a doctor of bullshit, satirical bullshit, at that. I'm also an ass. Yeah, I'm a regular loon.
Looks like I joined the right group.-
Welcome Dr. Dave, and thanks for joining!
Good to see you here. It's too bad that you are only a doctor of satirical bullshit (hmm, engage in pretenses much?), because we were looking for a doctor skilled in gender reassignment surgery procedures just moments before you arrived.
But I suppose you'll do. Especially considering that you've confessed that you are an ass. Coincidentally, so am I. Welcome to Assville on Planet Assody. Enjoy your stay. -
I say welcome, too and enjoy the many carnal delights out in the main lobby.
-
-
Hi, I'm filled with 8 lbs of bean burritos. Naturally, I'm pretty stoked on the monster shit I'll be taking in a couple hours. I also enjoy long bean burritos on the beach. And Handi-capable pornography.-
Welcome Julio! Do you prefer convenience store burritos, or the Taco Bell variety? I hear they both do an excellent job of cleansing and purging the bowels. But then the Ebola virus, dysentery, and cholera do also. Perhaps you could give some pointers to Rhettlyle12, as he seems to share similar ssscentric interests with you.
-
*asscentric interests* is what I meant.
-
Or perhaps it's buttcentric, depending on which side of the equator you're on.
Look, we've had this discussion already, y'know!
-
-
I'm not sure what my name is but I do enjoy the gentle art of cat fisting and settling back in my greasy chair for a nice cup of tea now and then.
I do hope we can all be friendz and stuff, everyone.-
Welcome Heathen. Mi casa es su casa.
May I ask, why is your chair greasy?
Also, cat fisting is a relatively unknown hobby. Please describe it in more detail please.
-
-
Good questions, Mr.
My chair is greasy, of course, from....uh... this bucket of grease I happen to be carrying from the kitchen to my bedroom ceiling chair. You know, one of those swingset chairs that hang from the ceiling. Ah, everyone has one of them, you know. Anyway, she's squirming all around, causing the straps to loosen up and crap. And then she's kicks the bucket. The grease, I mean. It gets on the chair, her, the cat o' nine tails and the floor. Then she laughs and passes out while I'm trying to clean the floor. "Well," I say, to myself, "I should have just gone to work today, instead of taking the day off."
I wrote a book about the art of cat fisting a year or so ago. You can find it on Amazon.com and at Barnes & Nobles and most of your favorite retail stores. Here the Amazon link, in case you wish to purchase it for yourself or a loved one: www.amazon.com/Secret-Happy-Day--
Of course they were good questions. I asked 'em, remember? And it's Mister Sir, not just 'Mister', not 'Hey Bub', not 'Dilhole'. You shall address me as, Mister Sir.
Either you're an auto mechanic, or McDonald's employees sure do have some strange job descriptions nowadays.
I didn't quite get the link for your book on the not-so gentle art of cat fisting (giving new meaning to the phrase "no pain no gain.") If you feel like going through the trouble of posting that link again, I'm sure we'd be forever grateful.
-
-
I'm Lisa AKA Surveygirl46
I have so many bad habits I guess I am one
The first thing I'd ask people of Antartica: Are there any good beaches around here?
I don't even know how to turn ON a light; i could care less how it travels
4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea but it's usual verbal; the 5th one actually likes to poop runny - it gets him out of a lot of boring office christmas parties
You are asking me these questions so you can bag on my answers
-
Hi Lisa AKA Surveygirl46. Welcome to another bad habit then.
The people of Antarctica say, "No, do you see any beaches around this kraphole? Just ask any travel agent..wait, never mind."
Light? That makes to of us.
I once used diarrhea as an excuse to get out of an awful date. She said she wanted to come home with me anyway. ACK!
I can also bag my own vomit, but does that mean I'm going to? Yes, absolutely.
-
-
How can you STILL be single?
-
I'm not..I'm MARRIED!!!!!...(sobs farts sobs - insert additional diarrhea sounds here)
-
-
LOL
-
XD
-
-
Mister Sir Static, I'm terrificly eStatic that you asked about the linkage for my bestseller that was on the New York Times list for the last 6 months in a row. Sadly, I lost the post-it note that the link was on. I shall look for it when I've dried off my hand.
By profession, I'm a a butcher. And any meat will do for the cutting. heh.
You're married? Poor girl. If that's true, she must be as twisted as you to "tie the knot" (not the David Carradine type of knot around the genitals) with Mister Sir Static.-
What would you know about it? The knot tying I mean. I thought David Carradine, Michael Hutchence, and MYSELF were the only ones to perfect that "art".
Too bad about your bestseller, I think I had a copy, but I threw it on top of a pile of burning computers to heat up a can of pork 'n beans and to stay warm last night.
-
-
Pork and beans taste best when cooked over a burning computer. Thanks for buying the book. You'll have to agree... the book is certainly chock full of wisdom. I think it's required reading at Harvard or something.
Anyway.... as I always say... Why have genital worts when you can have genital knots. You are, indeed, an artist.-
That's what they say about anyone who's crazy and dead... and I'm not dead, yet.
-
-
1) Tell us about your worst habit or quality?
I love to dig my butt and smell it...sometimes I get a surprise :-(
2) What would be your first question to the people of Antarctica?
Hi, got ice?
3) Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t
zigzag?
No, I try to stay away from lightening
4) If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
No, the 5th one is the one that is comatose (he/she is the ace in the hole- no pun intended)
5) Why am I asking you these questions?
Cause your ass is nosey-
Welcome Survivor. Can you feel the warm reception in here? Erm, wait a sec..I'm sorry that's just a very warm breeze melting off our skin to remind us of global warming.
1.) The internet is all about freely sharing our personal moments. Isn't that great?
2.) Witty! They may toss you to the rabid seals for being a master of the obvious. =P
3.) If you don't like lightning (because of some unfortunate and shocking experiences), then you may also hate my question(s) about electric toasters.
4.) The 5th one got it first, and is merely dead.
5.) Yep! =)
-
-
1) Tell us about your worst habit or quality?
I eat way too much fast food.
2) What would be your first question to the people of Antarctica?
Why do you eat penguins???
3) Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
No.
4) If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
Maybe the 5th person is constipated.
5) Why am I asking you these questions?
I haven't the foggiest idea!-
Hello again, Officer onetime!
Long time no see. Although, I think that was you the other day, arresting that methadone patient that I treated for a heroin overdose. But do you really think the pistol whipping was necessary to revive them?
Those were all correct answers. Very good. Apparently, we think alike. Scary thought, isn't it?! =D -
Ah, the joys of being public safety personnel. It could never make the most optimistic of us bitter.
-
-
Hi, i am a moron who voted and fundraised for dukakis in 1988 and runs his campaign site to this day. i run a $47 million facility called his presidential library and am not proud of the world.
1) Tell us about your worst habit or quality?
I have business cards that say "chief administrator of michael stanley dukakis presidential library & i vote for him every election.
2) What would be your first question to the people of Antarctica?
why the hell are you in there. get out you morons
3) Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
0... read einsteins book and you'll know that too
4) If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
the 5th guy like trident
5) Why am I asking you these questions?
--why are we answering them?-
Welcome DB.
1.) You really are a moron. I believe Michael Dukakis is/has not been running for president since 1988 nor any upcoming election.
2.) It takes one to know one (some)?
3.) Wrong. The speed is immeasurable, especially if you're a quack like Einstein who thought the speed of light was 186,000 miles per second. So far that's the closest approximation that makes sense to the rest of us morons. It's just a theory. Not a fact.
4.) So the fifth guy likes diarrhea? He dines on it? Or he just likes diarrhea flavored Trident gum?
5.) Because you like to waste time on inane things anyway, and you also like being tortured. You masochists.
-
-
Hi I am Hannah
Thank you for your invitation-
Hi Hannah. Welcome.
I am:
Shazbot, nanu nanu.
-
-
Hi!..Me..je I am dyeve..so what? okieee..
1) Tell us about your worst habit or quality?
dyeve- when its too much of quantity
2) What would be your first question to the people of Antarctica?
dyeve- Im thirsty..do u have an cube of ice ?
3) Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
No, never..and I will not ever wonder..why?..she ever woder by me?
4) If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
dyeve- no just one..is a lier
5) Why am I asking you these questions?
dyeve - booring?..
PS -youre crezy man..I like youre crezy avatar..and each time when you apear you ae like a tornado..you give, you take, you screm, you go..first..:P
kudos..crezy I like youre avatar..nice hair..let me the number of your stylist..muwa-
Um...huh? lol wut? and stfu?
-
-
My story is a sad one.. but true. I was born a man in a woman's body..yes I know it is strange but it is true..I always had the desire to be a man and my one goal in life was to have the biggest balls of them all..I searched the world over until I located a pair that I was assured was the biggest balls of them all..I had the operation..then to my surprise and my frustration I found a man claiming to have the biggest balls of them all.. this man is you senor Krapsody..I have joined your little group to get close to you close enough to snip snip then truly... I will again have the biggest balls of them all..
My worst habit.. scratching my bog balls..Hey I spent a lot of money on these balls and I don't want to freeze them off so how do you keep them warm...Enough with the questions..Thanks for the invite and hand over them balls..-
LOL...welcome MegaMan!
FYI: I charge by the hour for teabagging sessions. And I charge extra per ball. Also, I charge double for using only the left one since it's a lil larger than the other(s)...So what'll it be? -
That's quite an extra weight your carrying with all those extra balls..You must have two entries in the Guinness book of records biggest and most balls..Walking must be difficult
-
Only when...I LAUGH! AHAHAHAHA..Ow! Shit!
-
-
What up, This is Crawlingsurface and this is my first response to a group. How does this work, am I posting in the right place, prob.not. In any case check out my Deathblog Headlining News/Death Cause Infinity! Later J.J-
Hello JJ.
Normally, I would smash you in the face with the BANHAMMER for attempting to spam the group in the Introductions area.
However, since you have pretty decent newsworthy sites on Atlantean rustic furniture and backfired enemas, I'll allow you to hang out for awhile. -
p.s. DYNOMITE!
-
-
Hi -
Hello.
Anything you'd care to add, or shall I make it all up for you? -
Since you have not replied, that's my cue!
Hi
i am Patco (a company that deploys spam on the internet)
i write blog where I place lots of stupid jokes i find while surfing internets due to fact i am unoriginal
i am also health guru blogger
[Я не могу верить этому! (i cannot believe this! -neither should you)]
please to come and buy my shitty products from former Soviet Union
where in Soviet Russia spam pwns you
please to visit Patco at patcosucksballs.com
kthxbai!
-
-
comment removed by administrator
-
No spamming. EFF YOU, SaNn!
-
AND if that wasn't clear enough for you, let me reiterate my point...
-
-
I'm just a crazy, fun-loving girl who sell sex-toys for a living (btw, did you mom like hers?)
1. Worst habit: I have no bad habits unless you count the bottle of Vodka I consume per day. I don't consider that a problem, however.
2. Antarctica: Where the fuck am I and how did I get here?
3. Lightening: Nope, never considered it, but I do wonder if you give a pig a pancake, would he reciprocate with a side of bacon?
4. Diarrhea: The 5th one is more concerned with his leaky boots.
5. Why?: You are easily entertained by all things inane.-
Great!
You win the Grand Prize!!
A stay at time share beach front property in Kuwait!!!!
Here's a view of the beautiful vacation spot
and a shot of the beach
Hurry up and pack, many many insurgents are EAGERLY awaiting your arrival!
-
-
Hey y'all, this is Derek @ AudibleUnderwear.com, a music humor site that does for bad music what MST3K did to bad movies. Now time for the Miss America Pageant Questions.
1) My worst habit is relying on short sentences. Like Cormac McCarthy.
2) So how do penguins taste?
3) Only every day.
4) I think the fifth one spends his time enjoying the OTHER 4 people having it.
5) Because you're trying to get into my pants. It will not work, sir I'm a classy girl. Um, guy.-
comment removed by administrator
-
Aww ffs! Anyway...
Hello audibleunderwear and welcome!
Nice site you have there (lucky for you since I generally shoot those on site for dropping their links without reading further)...but your site is totally cool, I like the videos. What platform do you do your edits on?
Also, just what kind of sounds do skid marks make? -
I edit on a Compaq PC running Vista (boo hiss, I know). I film on a pocket-sized Kodak Zi6 and use Magix Movie Studio because it was on sale.
Glad you like my videos! -
Hey whatever works man!
p.s. what noise do my skid marks make after I've eaten an order of extra hot buffalo wings?
-
-
I'm guessing if the underwear is audible the skid marks probably make a wet screeching noise like a 69 chevelle leaving the pavement in rainy weather. Hopefully it's not olfactory underwear as well.
-
Whenever fecal matter is involved, odor is always a given. It's unavoidable.
-
-
Whenever pit bulls are involved it's the exact same problem, without the underwear...
-
That's some powerful defecating.
-
-
1) Laughing like a horse
2) Am I allowed to make constant jokes about ice whilst im here?
3) Nope
4) 2 girls one cup exists for a reason
5) Because you want to steal my funniest lines perhaps?
I own www.thehumorblog.com/ a british comedy blog, just thought id squeeze that in whilst im here!-
Hello and welcome, Trigger!
I'd ask about Roy Rogers, but I remembered that he is still buried in my backyard, because he stole my best lines. So..never mind.
I just visited your page and it made me do a little wee. In fact I weed all over the funny videos...might want to spray that with some Resolve.
-
-
hi everyone,my name is busta...i bust people for the fun.
For you questions..
first of all who are you to be asking dumb questions,anyway i will answer them.
1.worse habbit...web addiction
2.how the hell do you guys do it in on ice..
3.speed of light...must be coldplay
4.maybe...what do you think
5.you aint gat nothing else to do
i run the funniest blog in Nigeria braggon.com ...and no ,this is not a scam....its all about laffs-
Well, slap me naked..a Nigerian comedian? I thought all Nigerians were comedians? You're certainly quite the comedian. Your blog ain't bad either. Are you sure you aren't a reformed 419 scammer?
And for your information, I'm the guy that runs this place. I believe this entitles me to ask dumb questions. At least you had the decency and common sense to answer them before you dropped your weblink. I'll let that one slide as long as you send me that $25M you said I inherited. Welcome, Dr. Oudougadugu! -
Nigerians are comedians, case in point:
-
-
1) sometimes i think i might be too awesome
2) where the weed at?
3) no i never took the brown acid
4) no
5) i wish you hadn't
Political humor and satire with a touch of sarcasm. selfdeprecate.com-
Hello, selfdeprecate.
1) Wait a second...your name is self deprecate, but you think you might be too awesome? Could you be any more contradictory? That sounds like sublimated narcissistic guilt...and the only cure is more cowbell. You're in luck, I am professional cow bell player and I only charge $190 per hour.
2) Well... "the weed", "the ganja", "the cannabis", "the chronic" - isn't here, nor is it in Antarctica. But they do have some mighty fine penguins for the huffing. Ever huff penguins, son?
3) Did you take the perma-fry? Are you SURE you aren't still tripping?? I would just like to add that Drugs Are Bad. As in No Good. You all reading this should stay away from drugs and stay in school.
4) I disagree, I thoroughly enjoyed last night's occurrence.
5) Wish away, my friend. It's always worked for guests on Fantasy Island.
Btw, top notch blog. =)
-
-
Shit that made me laugh reading through it...brilliant idea Static
1) Farting......a naughty happy pleasure only I seem to enjoy
2) Where all the black people at?
3) Often but I try not to show off my mass intellect
4) I think you can gurantee I do. Best diet aid in the world.
5) Because you are nuts and I mean the good dangly kind
oleuanna.blogspot.com/ It just about covers everything... enjoy people...-
Why thanks kindly, Miss Oleuanna...and welcome. Can't you just feel the warm reception in here? It's kind of like peeing your pants, but you don't stink afterwards.
1) That's hot. Next time you have a farting party send me an invite. I'll bring the eggs, gas masks, and snorkels.
2) The "southside"?
3) Could have fooled me and Emo Einstein
4) Please don't invite me to your laxative party..unless it involves tub girl.
5) They hang low, they wobble through the snow, I can tie 'em in a knot, I can tie 'em in a bow, I can throw 'em over my shoulder like a continental soldier...be sure to cup them with both hands, they get cold easily...unless your hands are chapped that is.
Your blog rocks! *Warning, it may make you think.
-
-
Hey there, Lizzy and Elle here, just stopping by for some...
We don't have bad habits, we like our habits, so we only have some good habits, you might be able to guess, what they might be.
Got Ice?
That's all we got for thinking today....see ya-
Hmm, no bad habits, you want ice, and no deep thoughts...
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you are (or both of you are) a well-known celebrity in Europe, you like scotch on the rocks, and you're in denial about your alcoholism.
After an evening of getting ridiculously wasted and eating a hamburger off the floor whilst expressing how depressed you are, this particular fiasco will be videotaped by a much younger relative (possibly your offspring) which will end up on the internet and several non-descript celebrity gossip television shows, forever a reminder of your bad habit.
OMG! Hello, David Hasselhoff!
Although..I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with that information.
-
-
Have you been watching us? Where is the camera? How do you know all this? Still that would make the habits bad, even if the habits I have, I like. My habits might be considered bad to some I do suppose.
-
Anything is possible. I used to think that a harmless habit like walking around in my underwear, talking to myself was okay (unless you answer yourself, and the underwear belongs to the opposite sex.)
Bottom line is, no matter how cute it appears to be, walking around in your underwear and talking to yourself makes you look like a crazy person. So I don't do that anymore. Doctor's orders.
-
-
I'm atomicred and I'm hard to explain.
1. I'm semi-narcisistic (not physical, idiot)
2. Does the piss freeze in midstream down there?
3. No, but I do now.
4. Yes, but he won't admit it.
5. Because, like me you are extremely curious.-
Hello and welcome, atomicred. You have had a long and arduous journey across the nets like a monkey plunging through infinite Euclidean free-fall, his scream slowly vanishing into oblivion. Only to land here...woe is you. Sucking, it seems, can be fun.
I, too, am hard to explain. Some people will tell you I am deeply superficial, an experiment in artificial stupidity, and rely on my personality for birth control.
Others might say that I am, simply put, a jerk.
And yet others may argue I am the epitome of awesomeness.
Frankly, I feel that it is best that I don't offer or reveal any explanation for myself. I tend not to, because I would rather let others make those determinations by themselves, and another reason is because I don't want to go to prison.
Have a great time, and remember...I know where you live.
-
Add Your Comment
Login to leave a message.
