Resolving Child Abuse

User Comments

1. 

   5/02/08

   Shiley

   Child abuse is hereditary I firmly believe this. My grandpa's mom used to chase him and his siblings with iron skillets and crack them on the head with it. My great uncle was abusive, My great aunt went to an asylum, and my other great uncle had mental retardation. My grandpa met my grandmother, a woman with little self-esteem and they had five children together. He had other children outside of the relationship. My mom tells me she doesn't know when the abuse began. She was suicidal and ready to take drastic measures to stop the abuse she had been facing, she was 14 then. She just found out she was pregnant with me. She no longer thought of suicide. I had given my mother the last glimmer of hope to go on. She felt that finally someone who would love her as much as she loves them. She was told not to tell. How can you hide a baby? My grandpa is my dad. It's sick and preverse but not my fault not my moms fault we were innocent of the crime committed against us. At a young age my mom began protecting me as much as she could. I was never left alone with my dad. My mom told me about the birds and the bees long before I ever had a chance to ask. I recall my dad pulling my mom onto his lap and thinking this was normal. Sure it's normal if your dad isn't suppose to be your grandpa! We moved from the city to the country. We had an outhouse and no running water. Baths were done in a metal tub. My uncle was to visit us and my dad said I needed a bath. I remember that day like a nightmare. He said I wasn't clean enough and proceeded to "bathe" me. I said "no." he wouldn't stop. Thank God it didn't lead to rape. Thank God my uncles vehicle showed up when it did. I guess that's like being saved by the bell. I began taking my moms make up to school and my dad found out about it and a string of "You look like a slut I guess we know what you're going to be when you grow up." At this point it didn't hit me that the things he was doing to my family were wrong. You were supposed to love your parents weren't you? I grew up in a church, even became a Sunday School Teacher, so respecting my elders played a big role in my life. I told a guidencwe counselor about the name calling incident. She told me to talk it over with him it will be alright. I told her "No, it won't." There needs to be some point in time when adults listen to children because the guidence counselor was no help.
   I was right the beatings on my brother (same dad) began. Shoe, belts, books, switches, you name it my brother got it. I recall feeling helpless for my little brother. When angry my dad was unstoppable. How can someone do this to a 12 year old boy? My mom sent my brother to karate class and he got really good at it the last time that nasty old man tried to beat my brother he punched him in the family jewels and the old man never touched him again. Seven to eight years ago, other than the births of my children, was the happiest day of my life. I thought the day would never come. He died of a heart attack. He was in pain and afraid when he died that karma thing will get you every time. My family had a party cake, ice cream, and potato chips. I'm ok with it because I've always known. My mom made it a point to make sure I knew it's not my fault he was the sicko.
   
   
   
   
   This is my story I posted here: riverstyxxx.blogspot.com/2008/03/child-abuse-youre-not-alone.html
   
   
   
   Let me start you off with my childhood. I recall being very small and pretending to be a weather forecaster. To this day it has always been my goal to be in the field of journalism. I was like any girl I wore dresses and played with Barbie. I could have been like any boy too. I climbed trees, and have the scars to prove it, and played with Tonka trucks.
   
   
   
   When I was age 0-9 we had nine people in the household my mom, my brother, and myself, two aunts, two uncles, my gram, and grandpa. Going to the bathroom was a lot like going to the mall or a concert. There was always a line to the bathroom especially first thing in the morning.
   
   
   
   My mom taught me the birds and the bees at the age of six. When she had me she was only 15. She did this to try and protect me. She did not want me to be raped by my father/ grandfather. I was NEVER left home alone with him.
   
   
   
   My "dad" hid behind the guise of religion. He knew the Bible forward, backward, and inside out. He tried to pretend everything was ok and normal by using Lot as an example. For those who don't know Lot and his family lived in either Sodom of Gomorrah can't remember which God said he would destroy the 2 cities for their sins. Lot's family was the only honest family. God told them to leave and never look back. Lots wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt. Lot had 2 daughters and they knew their father had no sons they made their father drunk and forced themselves on their father. Somehow this story made it ok for my dad to rape his 3 daughters (my 2 aunts and my mom).
   
   
   
   I think if they were ever to find my site I would never hear the end of it. They want every thing tucked away in a closet like it never happened and that's not going to make the problem go away. I don't think anyone can keep something like this to themselves in order to heal. It's not our fault. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Shame only means my dad won I've become a victim and that is one thing I refuse to be.
   
   
   
   My mom did the best she could under the circumstances. Every weekend we visited the Cleveland Museum of Art, The Cleveland Metropolitan Zoo, The Natural History Museum, or went to Parma mall to see a movie. She helped to nurture my love of art. I'm not an artist but I could stare endlessly at a Warhol or Picasso and wonder what they were thinking when they did their pieces.
   
   
   
   We moved to West Virginia to get away and it didn't work. I never will forget how my mom finally stood up for herself. The old man tried to pull her onto his lap and she screamed at him "Leave me alone you __(illegitimate child)!" It was a great moment it taught me that it was ok to fight for self preservation and fight I did until I moved out at the age of 18.
   
   
   
   I went to college for broadcast journalism I had a 3.6 GPA until I started working. I wanted so much to get my degree. Journalism was and still is my dream. My grades dropped to a 1.0 and I had to just give up. My full time job gave me very little sleep and I stopped feeling prepared. I had hoped for support from my aunt but she was the one who pushed me into that full time job. She told me to live in the real world. I guess she was upset that I could get good grades when she didn't have grades that were so great. I've seen her report card. She's only 10 years older than me. I think they view me as a little sister and that's not how I view them. I view them as someone I'm supposed to be able to look up to.
   
   
   
   I joined a program called City Year that taught me about other people. My aunt resented me even more. "That's what my tax dollars go for." "I don't want to fund that." "I don't have kids." Well, who do you think is going to run the country when you're 70 and can barely get around? Who do you think is going to give you a triple bypass from cheeseburger overkill? The kids these programs are made for. With out City Year some of those kids wouldn't have people to go to to talk. The child abuse stories I've heard could fill a novel.
   
   
   
   This is also why I vote democratic. I used to be a republican until I realized that the money gets pulled from programs like headstart and City Year when a republican is in office. I sadly admit that the first time I voted I wasn't smart about it. My choices were Bill Clinton and George Bush Sr. I didn't like either of the candidates. I wrote in Kevin Costner. My best friend says it made Jay Leno. It made the front page of the local newspaper too.
   
   I believe children should have a chance and if we as a society don't give that chance where will be headed? Children are our future and we need to start treating them that way. Our lives and livelihood depends on our kids.
   
   
   and this is found on my site: mythoughts-ssb.blogspot.com/2008/04/who-am-i.html

   [reply]
2. 

   5/08/08

   TheMrs

   I just wanted to say thanks for inviting me to this group.
   
   I just recently started speaking publicly about the abuse myself and my siblings suffered at the hands of my father, while my mother stood by idly and allowed it to continue.
   
   I started off chronicling all the incidents in what I'd hoped would be chronological order, but once I started purging myself of all the crud, I found that memories started flooding back and they didn't flood my memory in order.
   
   So I normally post whatever hits me, when it hits me.
   
   After years of professional "therapy" and being medicated on just about everything one could imagine, I'm unmedicated and not seeing a conventional therapist. I've found that putting these memories out there has a sort of healing effect in that they are no longer banging around inside my head - at least not like they used to.
   
   I was diagnosed with PTSD and chronic depression a few years ago. I have two children and I've been married 20 years this coming October. We've sought marriage counseling a couple of times and I strive to give my kids the childhood I never had. I also just recently joined a volunteer group that advocates for children that find themselves at the mercy of the court system due to their parents abuse, neglect or irresponsibility.
   
   My blog is: themrsdirtylaundry.blogspot.com and I hope to be able to share experiences here and learn along the way.
   
   -Peace to all

   [reply]
   1. 

      5/08/08

      Shiley

      Congradulations on your marriage! I feel the same way. By keeping things to myself it's not taking care of the problem but talking about it makes me feel better and maybe it can help someone along the way.